The Ghetto Gospel of Intelligent Design

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

edit Ghetto Gospel of Intelligent Design

edit The Controversy

To begin, it must be addressed that the subject of Intelligent Design is a hotly controversial topic. To dispense with objections would be heresy.


edit Intelligent Design's Rise From The Mean Streets of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

Recently, the redeemer of the faith, George W. Bush, declared an imminent emergency in the Scientific Education community of the United States, which has never been fully in the lead educationally with the rest of the world, for it's adherence to outmoded principles like the English Systems of Measurement and indifferent Racism through the Scopes Monkey Trial Controversy.

He has instead produced an interest in the profound leading edge Art Bell endorsed fundamentals that may one day lead us to the discovery of Atlantis and a realization that there is indeed an Area 51.


edit An important Aside

We have known for many years, due to hard physical evidence, and the FBI's crack team of X-Files experts led by David Duchovny, that Alien Intelligences do exist and that there is in fact "Truth" to be found in the IRC at #tinfoilhat, where the power in Crystals, and Aluminum can be witnessed.

edit The Controversy over Intelligent Design

The Forms, developed approximately 5000 years ago, by Plato, and set in stone, have a tremendous impact on our belief systems today. Would it be possible to mass produce a table without the "design" for a table?


edit The Egyptian Hookup

Many people throrize that the original forms for the advanced structures of The Pyramids long ruled over by the Pharohs of Egypt were handed down to us from Alien Intelligences. Evidence of this phenomena can be viewed in the historical documents surrounding Stargate SG-1 where MacGuyver reincarnated as Colnel Jack, is revived and often finds himself pitted against alien entities from this time frame through travels through the Symbolically Encircled Stargate.


edit Papyrus

The first evidences of this intelligence were recorded on paper made of reed material from the Nile River where Moses was in evidence carried to bring the plagues to Ramses Egypt as told of in the story of the Exodus of the Hebrews.


edit Intelligent Design in Film

The first recorded modern day occurrence of Intelligent Design appeared in the Film Wholly Moses where a mistaken Idol maker performed by Dudley Moore finds himself at odds with great obstacles of Biblical Proportions.


edit The Relationship of Intelligent Design to Scientology

Scientologists like Tom Cruise and John Travolta endorse Intelligent Design because it favors a scientific relationship with the creator. Their influence on the earth is evidenced in films like Minority Report, War of the Worlds, Battlefield Earth and Pulp Fiction.


edit The Controversy does Not End There

Opponents of Intelligent Design say that it is a manipulation of the truth and therefore an agency of The Devil.

While Proponents argue that "Church and State have never been separate" as evidenced by the printing on the Dollar Bill which is forever sealed with the inscriptions of the Illuminati whose viewpoints are in line with typical Capitalist rational thought.

edit Typical Capitalist Rational Thought

One is rational if he is earning money and spending money, or receiving money and spending money, or stealing money from the poor and spending money.


edit Intelligent Design's Viewpoint on The Sweatshop Industry

Sweatshops are purely legal entities, especially when more boots are produced than Chinese Binder Clips made by Chinese Prison Workers.

The Thrify 12 cents an hour made in Manhattan supplies the world's needs for clothing and famous footwear just fine. And the overseers are capitalists in the purest sense, garnering them attention on programs as global as Regis and Kathee Lee and the Martha Stewart Show (see also Living.


edit The Longheld Suffering of The Intelligent Design Community

For years many have put the struggle of the Intelligent Design Community into pigeon holes as narrow as "kookdom" but no more, with it's latest redeemer and nationally platformed spokesperson who so aptly handled the Katrina hurricane disaster according to such staunch scientific principles that it makes the head swim. "No pun intended."

Intelligent Design now has the momentum it needs to carry over into its appropriate place among the many Doctors associated with the National Science Foundation and The National Endowment for the Arts who have planned a new anti drug campaign.


edit The new Anti-Drug Campaign

Medicinal Use of Marijuana will be removed from the vocabulary of America through the forced prescriptive soma's of Prozac, Zoloft, and Depakote, each inhibiting the seratonin balances of the brain in its own fashion and highly touted by Pharmeceutical Conglomerates like Phizer , Smithkline-Beecham, and Merck, who will pave the way for the next generation of Viagara users as more and more Erectile Dysfunction grips the nation.


edit The Ghetto Gospel of ID : A Summary

Intelligent Design is a wholesome, American Made Prescription for Excellence in American Schools and will inspire more drug addled teens to argue and shoot each other over their belief systems. Re: Columbine.

These teens are not only mildly influenced by a complete lack of social structure, but moral fiber, due to their parent's lax standards in the 90's as they raved into disco ecstasy at the behest of their LSD induced parents of the Woodstock generation.


edit RotoSpam's Energy Equation for Intelligent Design

Intelligent Design can now be simply expressed as the equation E=Mc^Jesus where E is the constant Energy as expressed in terms of M - Mass - and the Speed of Light c - to the (countably infinite) power of Jesus. E' = McJesus = $1.95 for a limited time at McDonald's.

This equation was discovered through divine intervention during an internet relay conversation with many believers and non-believers in an epiphany brought on by meditation and a direct intervention from the development of the Word as God, who spoke through the keyboard.


Referrences

http://www.whitehouse.gov Press Releases

Personal tools
projects