The Game

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You just lost The Game

Don't worry, it's okay. If you hadn't won The Game already, then you wouldn't be here, would you?

If per chance you haven't actually won the game, then boo-fucking-hoo, you just lost. Read this article anyway.

Origins of The Game

While there is claimed to be an enormous amount of uncertainty surrounding the origins of The Game, with some claiming it to go as far back as 3rd Century B.C China, that's actually total bollocks.

The Game was invented by two British sound engineers, Dennis Begley and Gavin McDowall, in 1996. They were stuck on a platform in London, waiting for a train that was quoted to be hours late. The first one to think about the grim situation they were in, lost, and had to tell the other - thus making him lose as well. However, some asshat called Jaime Miller, also in London, claims to have invented The Game in it's modern form that very same year.

Internet reference to The Game in it's modern form arrived around 2002 spurring a long proliferation in e-mails. In 2005, Jonty Haywood created the website, which serves as a distraction from The Game.

How to Play The Game

First of all, you need to get into your head that you cannot 'not' play The Game. You were born to play, you always will play, and you will die playing. Everyone in the world is playing, and you do not need consent to play. Even from your parents/guardian.

The rules proliferated in the early 2000's have remained mostly unchanged and are as follows:

  • Everyone is playing.
  • Whenever you think about The Game, you lose.
  • Losses must be announced to another person.
  • A grace period of 30 minutes is given before another loss can be conceded.

However, there is an unwritten fifth rule, whereby The Game ends by the current Prime Minister of The United Kingdom announces publicly on television that "The Game is up".


The most obvious pointer, is that most of you reading this feel kinda bad. Not surprising, considering you just lost spectacularly.

The Game relies on a nasty piece of social engineering called "ironic processing", whereby attempts to suppress certain thoughts actually make them more persistent. That there is the reason why some people end up becoming total arseholes over the game. For these people, the concept of thinking about forgetting something is too much for their supreme lack of brains to handle.

These people employ a similar inane way of thinking applied to many other games, whereby they will actively try to make others around them lose The Game, on the principle that as long as everyone else is losing, they are actually ahead of the competition. This is an insane view on games in general, and anyone who does that needs a firm stab to the jugular to make them stop.

For many, the very idea of The Game infuriates them, due to their argument that games are meant to pose a challenge that's fun to play. At which point, I immediately snap back with "Cricket".

Finally, there's the crushing piece of information that I have in fact won The Game. I can't begin to describe the psychosocial impact that must have on you poor people.

How to Win The Game


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