The Duggar Family

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The Duggar Family is a close-knit, wholesome Christian family from Arkansas that is renowned for being composed of 19 20 immediately-related individuals.

That's right, they've got 17 18 children. We can only assume that the trend of one new child per year will continue until Michelle's ova finally run out.

[edit] Before Children

Jim Bob Duggar was a simple real estate agent when he met his future wife Michelle, who at the time was known around Las Vegas as Galaxia LaRue, whore extraordinaire. After a weekend whirlwind of drugs and sex, the two were married in a glorious $10 ceremony before all the gamblers and prostitutes that were sober enough to stand up unassisted.

The marriage was often tumultuous. Jim Bob would spend long hours at work and take frequent business trips, while Michelle would spend long hours on her back and take frequent acid trips. After weeks of going at it in such a manner, Michelle sobered up enough to begin to suspect that Jim Bob was cheating on her.

Following in the footsteps of every desperate woman in history, Michelle contrived to keep her man by saddling the both of them with a child and restrictive morality. And the couple simultaneously said hello to a new life while waving goodbye to something that was fun.

[edit] Turning to God

Following the birth of Jim Bob and Michelle's first child, the two attempted to resume using contraceptives. Alas, they learned that using birth control pills shortly after conceiving led to a miscarriage. Under their new Christian identity, this was unacceptable, and so the two turned to God.

God was not pleased. It wasn't as if there were world crises that needed His divine attention, oh no--instead, some idiot couple from Arkansas just had to keep asking Him for guidance after they failed to follow the instructions that came with the birth control pills.

And so God cursed the two (and Michelle in particular): The two would become a real-life version of Full House, complete with an ever-increasing number of annoying, needy, hyperactive children and fashion that would never escape the early 1990s.

Needless to say, the two were thrilled.

[edit] The Compound

The Duggars began to plan out their coming life. They knew that forsaking birth control while maintaining an extremely healthy sex life would give them all the children they ever desired, and probably a lot more than that; therefore, they would require a custom-made domicile in order to house their growing brood.

Believing themselves the "Adam" and "Eve" of the world, the two are determined to kill off all other bloodlines by amassing their own swarm of imps. Jim Bob began his journey to the center of Michelle's ovum, and away they went.

They settled for a project that would eventually culminate in 7000 square feet of space, with three massive bedrooms, multiple baths, a massive yard, and a kitchen equipped like a cafeteria (complete with soft drink dispensors, large deep fryers, and a pizza oven); additionally, a birthing center was installed just outside of the master bedroom. It was designed with the ability to easily expand in order to accomodate any future additions to the family.

A large series of tunnels, dungeons, and graves has been rumored to run underneath the compound, based largely upon the sudden disappearance and re-introduction of several of the younger members of the family, who often sport completely new appearances upon resurfacing in the public. Loud screams have often been heard at late hours of the night in conjunction with such strange "vacations," although Jim Bob and Michelle have denied all of it.

Jim Bob and Michelle decided all by themselves (pissing God off even more) to name all their spawn with "J-names," most of which are plagiarized from The Bible. They have not hit Jesus yet, but the general public agrees that this will most definitely bring the Gee-man's wrath upon them.

[edit] Meet the Kids

Below is a list of all children currently recognized by the Duggar family. It is organized by age, from oldest to youngest, and contains a neat little fact on each child.

Please note that all of them currently live at home except Joshua. All of the males share a bedroom; likewise do the females. How each one finds time for themselves is a mystery, since the older children are off taking care of the younger children while their parents go and create yet more.

[edit] Joshua James

Joshua, or "JJ the Jyster," as his close friends (otherwise known as his brothers), call him, has grown enough to escape the Hell known as his family. He is believed to have accomplished this otherwise impossible feat by finding a woman, known only by the name of "Anna," who is as completely and utterly crazy as himself. He also started his own sleazy business, a used-car dealership. This surprised most people who believed that Joshua was a good person, but some saw it coming (see Helen Keller). Anna, in an attempt to outdo her new husband in his "un-Christianity," decided to take a job as a whore in Atlantic City. After it fell through (she wasn't as good at it as Joshua told her she'd be), the two relocated to Australia to begin their own demonic hoard of spawn. Experts predict the two will end up with 800-900 children if they start soon enough.

[edit] Did You Know?

• Michelle hasn't had her period since Joshua was born.
• Some rumors say that the Duggars are actually aliens from a distant planet without birth control.
• Jinger is actually pronounced "Fruity"
• Jim Bob and Michelle don't actually want to have children; they just like to have sex.
• Both Jim Bob and Michelle disapprove of physical contact before marriage, and have the research data to prove it does nothing to foster any potential unhealthy behavior in such a relationship.
• Matching outfits never looked any worse.