Devil

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The Devil

The Devil, when he was a child.

The Devil is a general purpose evil-doer, and all round dickweed with a killer mustache and three rabbits. The Devil was initially an angel or Walmart employee, (yeah thats right satanists, you actually worship a redneck) until the Devil decided to fuck the rules and worship his incredible good looks and badass attitude instead of God. This didn't go over well with God considering he is motherfucking God so he banished him and of his fan club which now compromised a third of the angels. The Devil decided to launch some holy war, "for control". God finally decided that this whole "War" thing was getting out of hand so he decided to stop watching Soap operas for ten minutes, dropped his Big Mac and locked up the Devil in his closet. Aka hell. Satan did the next logical to make him self feel like a total bad-ass again decided to fuck with all the humans instead (lowest thing on the packing order). Which God decided not to intervene with because our screams are rather amusing after a busy day at the office.

The devil, refers to a ruthless creature, or demon; relatively. Before and after Christ, many believers sought out the secrets of this powerful soul and creature. Modern themes include Satan, or a hoofed creature with two wicked sharp horns and a trident, used for prodding passerby, or sending his enemies to the depths.

edit The Devil's Music

The contest with Johnny proved to be a valuable experience. The Devil returned to Hell in the 1950s and launched a huge marketing campaign called "Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll." The original idea was to have the campaign called "Sex, Drugs, and Sex", emphasizing fornication among the other sins. However, propaganda mechanic Adolf Hitler advised otherwise. And with his experience of using infectious jazz rhythms to gain power in United States and almost take over Europe, who could argue? Thus, the term "Rock and Roll" was coined, inspired by the two drugs that led most often to fornication, crack cocaine and ecstasy.

The basic idea was to invent a new form of music using guitars, drums, keyboards, and suggestive hip motions. Johnny invented the guitar, but everyone at the time (the 1950's), knew that Asian people could only make PSP, a stereotype that wasn't yet ready to be destroyed. So the devil(Johnny Darce) went in search of a poster boy for his fornication machine. A cross country tour proved fruitless except for Albus Dumbledore's brother Elvis, who was in Tennessee at the time. Extensive makeover surgery, hair grease, and guitar training, however, made him well equipped to battle all that was moral. The Devil favorite prayer. "Its a man's obligation to stick his boneration into a woman separation this sort of penetration will increase the population of a future generation".

Christian groups at the time denounced rock as "The Devil's music", which wasn't altogether inaccurate. The Devil was not known for subtle advertising. It has actually been proven that the music of blues is the devils music, since he loves to whine and be emo.

edit Education

Robot Devil

Here we see the Devil doing a Dance though its his Rare Happy Dance.

After completing evil high school, the devil went on to the Underworld Institute of Science and Technology (and Evil). He took several courses including human psychology, geology, biology, chemistry, and arts & crafts. He earned top marks in all his classes except the latter. His art instructor commented that his work was always uninspired and vulgar. "For example, his self portrait featured him sticking out his tongue and picking his nose. Despicable..." Although his short stint as an artist was a failure, he excelled in the other fields, which he later used to his advantage to annoy the hell (pun intended, however bad it may be) out of God. He used his skills in geology and biology, for instance, to fabricate those atrocious lies known as "fossils." He made them appear to be millions of years old to make believers lose their path. I mean come on, dinosaurs? The world is obviously 6,000 years old, because the bible says it's true, and the bible says the bible is true, so done deal.

edit See also

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