The Country Formerly known as the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia

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[[el:Δημοκρατία της Μαλακίας]]
 
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[[zh:马其顿共和国]]

Latest revision as of 01:19, July 25, 2012

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Μακεδονια
The Country Formerly known as the Former Yugoslav Republic of Monkeydonia
Monkeydonia
Banderamacedonia Macedonianflag
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: MACEDONIA IS GREEK
Map of macedonia
Capital Thessaloniki, other capitals include Kavala and Pella
Largest city Gay town
Official language(s) Greek, Cypriot, English, Ridiculous Bulgarian, [1]
Government Mafia
White House
National Hero(es) Teddy Bear, Goran Pandev, George W. Bush
Currency Heroin
Religion Christian, Islam, Scientology
Population 423 (+3 million Albanians (and counting))
Area 3, 598, 120.093016 niggabytes
Internet TLD .gr

East Albania Southern Serbia Western Bulgaria Macedonia, dammit (pronounced "Make-It-Own-Ya!", Greek: Μακεδονια) is, as far as scholars can tell from the flag, a part of imperial Japan. This, however is not recognized by the world, because of the dispute with Faroe Islands.

The full name of this country is now TCFKATFYROM (The Country Formerly Known as the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia), a title it adopted after achieving independence from the United Nations in 1991, following the collapse of the vowel industry (voulkaputskij) in neighbouring Yugoslavia. Though this name may seem unwieldy to English speakers, in the local language it is represented by a single sound which may be transliterated into the Latin alphabet as "crzvpjt".

The residents of the country are known variously as Macedonians, East Albanians, Southern Serbs, Western Bulgarians, Skopjeans, or Vardaskans, depending on whether or not you want to be punched in the face by one.

edit History

From the first moment, just after the Big Bang or Noah's Ark or something of that nature, the name "Macedonia" has been disputed by the country formerly and presently known as Greece. Greece, recognized by itself as the Hellenic Republic, held the trademark on Macedonia since 4000 BC, but, to the Hellenic Republic's disappointment, lost its rights when the SWIPO ruled in favour of Tcfkatfyromians.


The history of Macedonia is quite simple. Originally, the tiny ancient kingdom of Macedonia considered themselves Greek while the rest of Greece rejected them as outsiders, even trying to stop Alexander 1 from competing in the Olympics in the 100 meter dash, and probably synchronized swimming too. Then Greece conveniently decided that Macedonians were Greek, shortly after being conquered by Macedonia and declared to be Macedonians. At the same time, a large number of Paeonians, Illyrians, and Dardanians all decided that they were Macedonian as well, after being likewise conquered.

This was fortunate for them, as Rome's conquest of the region declared them as Macedonians for the next half dozen centuries. However, after Rome collapsed, slavic "Sklavine" peoples migrated into the region, leaving the former Roman province with an intermarriage of Greek/Paeonian/Illyrian/Dardanian-Then-Macedonians and Sklavines, the former of wom who happily gave up their language in exchange for keeping their region name. But, under Byzantine rule, Macedonia magically moved east, with Bulgaria to its west! This left Greek/Paeonian/Illyrian/Dardanian-Then-Macedonians-Intermarried-With-Sklavines-Now-Bulgarians to the west, and Neo-Macedonians to the east in present-day Bulgaria. Then Macedonia moved south again, leaving Greek/Paeonian/Illyrian/Dardanian-Then-Macedonians-Intermarried-With-Sklavines-Now-Bulgarians to the west, Former-Thracians-Then-Macedonians-Now-Bulgarians, and former Thracians-Then-Macedonians-Then-Strymonians-Then-Macedonians-Again.

Now, it gets simpler. In the Ottoman era, Macedonia played a disappearing act. Hence, the Thracians-Then-Macedonians-Then-Strymonians-Then-Macedonians-Again became Thracians-Then-Macedonians-Then-Strymonians-Then-Macedonians-Again-Then-Bulgarians; they would later become Greeks, then Greek Macedonians again, but that's far in the future. The Greek/Paeonian/Illyrian/Dardanian-Then-Macedonians-Intermarried-With-Sklavines-Now-Bulgarians in the present day TCFKATFYROM were now declared as Serbian, and hence became Greek/Paeonian/Illyrian/Dardanian-Then-Macedonians-Intermarried-With-Sklavines-Then-Bulgarians-Then-Serbians.

Macedonia

Typical residents of Macedonia: two Albanians and a cop.

The history gets even simpler from here on. As the Ottoman Empire collapsed, the residents briefly became Greek/Paeonian/Illyrian/Dardanian-Then-Macedonians-Intermarried-With-Sklavines-Then-Bulgarians-Then-Serbians-Then-Bulgarians, before being captured by an independent Serbia and becoming Greek/Paeonian/Illyrian/Dardanian-Then-Macedonians-Intermarried-With-Sklavines-Then-Bulgarians-Then-Serbians-Then-Bulgarians-Then-Serbians-Again. During World War II, they became Greek/Paeonian/Illyrian/Dardanian-Then-Macedonians-Intermarried-With-Sklavines-Then-Bulgarians-Then-Serbians-Then-Bulgarians-Then-Serbians-Again-Then-Italian-Ruled-Albanians before Yugoslavia formed and Macedonia reappeared again, full of Greek/Paeonian/Illyrian/Dardanian-Then-Macedonians-Intermarried-With-Sklavines-Then-Bulgarians-Then-Serbians-Then-Bulgarians-Then-Serbians-Again-Then-Italian-Ruled-Albanians-Then-Macedonian-Yugoslavians, and ultimately, after the breakup of Yugoslavia, Greek/Paeonian/Illyrian/Dardanian-Then-Macedonians-Intermarried-With-Sklavines-Then-Bulgarians-Then-Serbians-Then-Bulgarians-Then-Serbians-Again-Then-Italian-Ruled-Albanians-Then-Macedonian-Yugoslavians-Then-Macedonians.

Today, the independent nation simply shortens this ethnic identity to "Macedonians". Sadly, this simple and uncomplicated history has somehow lead to an international identity controversy.

Macedonia represents the first virtual state in cyberspace as it was occupied by Nazi Germany for two more years before physical independence. Thus, the Internet was invented in Macedonia, by Macedonians and for Macedonians. Wireless was also invented in Macedonia many centuries ago, as recent excavations have found absolutely no wires.

edit Current Developments

Macedonia2

National cuisine of Macedonia. Don't ask. Not to be confused with the Greek national drink - spermicide.

In a recently proposed United Nations resolution it has been suggested that the name of the Country Formerly known as the Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia be changed to the "The Country Formerly known as the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia".

Greece has recently filed a petition with the UN requesting that no country be accepted with a name that includes "Macedonia", that mail addressed to "Macedonia" all be delivered to Greece, and that TCFKATFYROM citizens be denied visas, international phone service, and oxygen until they file an affadavit declaring themselves "Some sort of slavic people that has nothing to do with Macedonia".

TCFKATFYROM responded to the petition by announcing plans to rename Skopje "Alexander The Great City".

Greece also raised fears in an address to the UN security council that TCFKATFYROM is preparing military action to invade and conquer a "Greater Macedonia" with their fearsome army of phalanx troops armed with six meter sarissa spears and supported by several divisions of elite Thessalian cavalry.

edit Culture

Macetovo

Downtown Skopje, bustling with activity.

The Macedonian flag shows the letter which represents this sound in the Macedonian alphabet. A thrilling country indeed, the only country in the region that is still untouched by the threats of modern dentistry. Wild yet tamed, the people of Macedonia, though nationally challenged, are hospitable and they will not hesitate to provide you with the sexual services of any female -or indeed, both male and female- relative who might be handy at the moment for the fee of $50 per capita (which, quite ironically, is twice the GDP/capita in this virgin only in terms of modern industry and infrastructure country)!

edit Demographics

The majority of the population declares themselves as Macedonian, even while it's clear to all of its neighbors that all that exists is the truth. In general, when people say they are called something, what they declare to be is irrelevant. If you want to know what to call a people, it is best to listen to their neighbours. Neighbours know best who their neighbors really are.

  • Most of all there is NO Macedonian Former Nonexistent Population in Greece, NO, NONE, NOTHING THERE, don't you EVER think differently!
  • For Albanians, Macedonians have not yet understood that half of their country is actually Greater Albania.
  • For the Bulgarians, Macedonians have not yet understood that in fact they are Bulgarians.
  • For the Serbs, Macedonians have not yet understood that in fact they are "Little Serbs" (normally used for Montenegrians) or "South serbs" instead of "North Greeks", "West Bulgarians", "East Albanians" or "Central Balkan BadBoyz".
  • For Italians, that don't really care about Buddhist philosophy or proving that all infact are Ancient Romans, Macedonia is simply greek.

The Macedonian identity developed in the late XVIII century, although most historians today agree that Macedonians are just greeks with a heavy speech impediment (Srbi so teshkata govornata maanata), which is the PC term for Macedonian nationals. However, under hypnosis, most people worldwide will start speaking a traditional Macedonian dialect in that they will emit sounds like "grnche" or "shtipalkata", therefore proving, beyond any doubt, that humanity has its origins in the village of Jurumljare or Bulachani.

edit Famous People

Goran Pandev A sucker player from Lazio. He is one of the two famous people of Macedonia (well the only living one now). At least as long as he pays the mafia. But remember; there is no such thing as the mafia.

With reference to the other famous person that died, celebrity pop star and rocket engineer Tose Proeski, there are two major theories concerning his death, which was reported initially as a car accident. Theory A) states that Tose was taken by aliens who needed his divine voice, to save their dying Solar system from a destructive anomaly. Theory B) states that his manager drove the one side of the car under a track while Tose was asleep on the passenger seat, to collect the life insurance money, which would give him an easy life in the luxurious mud villages of Fyromsky Empire. The manager has vanished since then, but many witnesses place him in the area of Tibet, were he struggles for the Liberation of his fellow Fyromian - Buddhist Monks. In any case, Fyrom society found the loss of Tose Proeski, too heavy to bare, and so they are reading Greek books again, to steal a character or two as suited. Others have proposed, the injection of Fyrom dna in the body of Greek pop star, Eurovision tart and active priest Sakis, as a replacement of Tose.

edit Footnotes

  1. Not to be confused with the Slave language which is spoken, by contrast, on the tiny Polynesian island of Raiatea Tahaa Rangiroa Nuku Hiva.

edit See also

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