The Boring Years of American History
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“Wouldn't "The Exciting Years of American History" make for a more easily digestible article?”
American History is filled with memorable events, from the Throwing Tea into water Revolution to the Anti Square moustache War. In between that time, there are a number of really, really boring events that no one actually cares about. But since they happened, they have always been recorded in school textbooks in order to fill up pages between the good stuff.
[edit] Events (whether these count as "events" is in dispute)
- The Colonies, England finally found a place to hide all their tea and start a new world. This strange land was already occuppied but they bought it from them for about 5 bucks.
- People started to branch off from the religion they originally branched off from. Catholicism gives birth to protesantism wihich gives birth to methodism which rapes Baptism, thus creating Hindu.
- People grew bored during the long years between wars, when nothing ever happened. They then decided to throw all the British tea into the harbor, thus liberating America! The British had numbers but the Americans defended a narrow pass where their numbers count for nothing armed with only boots, capes and a musket.
- Old people wearing wigs made up hundreds of political parties that no one cared about or would ever care about, being so clever as to make up code words for their own parties that ultimately meant Republican.
- People debated over political issues that, in retrospect, weren't all that important.
- People come up with wacky inventions and medical solutions that turn out to do nothing. Like Proto Coca Cola, a supposed cure for AIDS.
Every thing below this line has been corrupted by wikipedia, proceed with caution....and take this kitten with you.
- The Victorian Period. All of it. Can't you people stay in England without infecting every country you step on?
- 1946 to the invention of Rock and Roll, a.k.a., The Great Post War Letdown. After asserting its authority as Leader of the Free World, nothing really happens in the U.S. as Americans are faced with six years of trying to recapture the energy and an excitement of the WWII era by dropping hemlines and moving to Suburbia. Nothing works - including the pithy Korean War, until the evening of the March 21, 1952 when the Moondog Coronation Ball is held in Cleveland Ohio. Rock and Roll is born at the event, and the ticking time bomb that is Bob Dylan's angst is lit.
- The 1910s. Though pretty, nothing actually happened in 1910.
- The 1950s. Stuff happened in the 1950's, but nobody wants to talk about it. There was nothing worth watching on television in those days. Not that there is now, but at least it's in color.
Some people place the Reformation in this time period. Others place their own state history in this era. Thoughout American History, if there is one single lesson to be learned from the past, it is that all the exciting stuff happens when people kill each other. Who the Hell wants to live peacefully and bicker about petty issues all day? Just fight it out like men. You wig-wearing pansies.
