Hey you! Do you recognize me? Of course, I'm Norman Cook ("Holy blacklisters Batman! Norman Cook!" I know), I created Fatboy Slim who was pioneer of the electronic dance genre about twelve years ago. I have come back to you now with a new project, the BPA! It is simply the Biggest Participatory Article ever created since the advent of the Internet. It will allow us to share our inspiration, have numerous meetings, and then add them to our accounts on MySpace!
But let's start with me, my name is Norman Cook...
Is this OK? Have you taken note? I will accept you in my friends list next time I connect to my incredibly incredible profile. Isn't that great? The BPA is or will certainly become the cornerstone of all the Uncylopedia. It will be the weapon of choice for young noobs to access celebrity, because all the writers on Uncyclopedia will eventually use and praise the BPA!During your visit to the BPA, you will see this information regularly appear on your screen:
This precious sesame will allow you to modify the paragraph in question by yourself and thus bring your stone to the edifice that will soon become the BPA. Be careful not to modify this preface, which will allow everyone to understand the function and intricacies of this new platform.
The concept of the BPA came to me in autumn 2004, when my previous project, Fatboy Slim, achieved considerable success in the UK charts. I said to myself, "Norman, making people dance all around the world is a good thing!"
Because today, people want more, they don't just want to listen to the music that's going out of my head through my profile on MySpace, they also want to check their own talent out now, right here! From all of this and based on my experience with Fatboy Slim, my previous project, I have decided to make available all the tools and advice necessary for the creation of a better living through exchange!
Then of course, you, simple internauts...
... are not all necessarily aware of the processes, the hard work and all the sacrifices that take place behind the BPA. I'm not angry with you for that, because that's what allows me, Norman Cook, creator of Fatboy Slim in 1997, to stay one step ahead on my competitors in terms of inspiration and revolutionary rhythms, which dictate the electronic scene of tomorrow and the electronic scene of tomorrow, is the BPA!
If Fatboy Slim has managed to win in the jungle of big beat music, then it is because of my impressive market feeling. Being on all fronts and in all heads, is the key to success! It's also very important for me to have top billing on the most popular profiles on Uncyclopedia, because it is thanks to them that I can capture the attention of crowds.
Of course, Uncyclopedia has its own codes and it's own policies, I will try to respect these as much as possible, at least until I take-over the site. But what I'm trying to create through the BPA, is an interface for exchanging, sharing and respect! I won't let the users get the BPA down. I want to break the usual shackles, this perpetual desire to do better than others who, in my mind, mess up the beauty and freedom of expression which will come about in the BPA.
This platform will be far more noble than anything you will have ever seen on this site, simply because we assume that Everyone is in everything. That humor, talent, laughter and glory will be our common goal. Together, we can be a Bigger Participatory Article!
The only shortcoming of the BPA, is that after tasting it, a few user's will be back on Uncyclopedia, because the jump between the two generations is obvious! I don't hide anything from you! You know the risks! You are free to get started or, conversely, not get started in this adventure!
I, Norman Cook, creator of Fatboy Slim, have the honour of declaring the Big Participatory Article, open!
The BPA Edit
Write me a biography Edit
|For the first rubric, I am going to provide you pictures and even a layout! You will not, therefore, have to write more than your own biography in accordance with the pictures offered. All in all, a perfect example of the Big Participatory Article||You will not even have to find a topic, it is already here: too easy! Let me reassure you nevertheless, that other rubrics shall offer more of a chalenge. Now, truce of chattering, take your feather and let yourself go...|
Draw me a cover Edit
|I see you had a good time yesterday evening! I hope that you too will become a great writer who will write us good articles! I offer you now a new, more exciting rubric! This time it concerns artists who ask only that we reveal their talent to the eyes of all! I will submit a series of charcoal sketches. It's up to you to make your own coverage here...|
Speak with me Edit
|Ah! Really! I like this article so much, this communion of minds, this orgy of senses! Let me give it to you straight, if you like Fatboy Slim, the following rubric is for you! Because I organized you an exclusive interview with Norman Cook! It's up to you to find the funniest and most appropriate questions which will fill up the spaces that, I, the creator of Fatboy Slim have chosen for you...|
— Yes, I am.
— Yes, in autumn 1997, don't you remember?
— Stop howling like a groupie please! It makes me uncomfortable with all these people around.
— But I am however there! I am also all yours.
— Oh! The greatest Man of the century I wouldn't say. Of the decade perhaps?
— That's true, but you know I haven't always been the best, because, like you, I was once nothing!
— When they have left me their bank details, it will not really be a problem anyway!
— A conundrum? Yes no problem, I'm listening.
— It may be because, unlike you, I'm good looking, rich and clever.
— I had heard it before, that's why I knew the answer.
— But let's talk about you now.
— Are you sure you've got nothing to say?
Join me Edit
|Astounding isn't it? Maybe not for you, but for me. Anyway I had a really good time on the BPA! Stay tuned, new rubrics will appear frequently. For me, the BPA is a service returned to the writers, one which I shall monitor in the long term! Unlike to all these Kleenex articles which, once finished, remain congealed, protected and inaccessible! But these practices are ancient history with the BPA!|
|Ready to get experienced? Do not hesitate any more, join the BPA now in the BPA community and, on top of that, it's free!|
- ↑ This is my name, you may have recognized me, I'm Norman Cook, the creator of Fatboy Slim!
- ↑ Anyway, they can!
- ↑ Join the BPA on Facebook!
Of failure Edit
There must be 4 days ago
This is strange, I started the Big Participatory Article only a few hours ago and there is still no membership, or modifications. I wonder if this is normal. Surely users connect automatically every day. Believe me, it will knock 'em out when they discover the BPA. I can wait no longer! Is it a holiday today?
What a pity, that would explain everything. But what can they all be doing? I am so excited to see the reaction of people, you have no idea! Would it upset you, to help me, at least at the beginning? I do not know if I can treat myself to all the applications for membership.
You're a love, I knew I could count on you. Well ... all seems ready, where is that old pair of jeans? Don't make fun of me! It is more important than you think, this is the first thing users are going to see ... once they decide to come that is. I better check my syntax again ... perfect! My pictures ... firmly in place! My humour ... I will laugh at it later... I am a little bit nervous at the moment! You think I worry too much? After all, Fatboy Slim, didn't immediately encounter success, finally ... Hello, you come to the BPA? Yes, it's a pleasure to count you among our new members, I hope you will enjoy participating ...
That must be three days ago, maybe four
It will now be one day that I've been on the BPA, and nothing, no sign of visit. I can't explain, I really thought I'd done enough. It may not work all the time, never mind! I really thought I could make a difference. Maybe I didn't choose the best approach, maybe people expected something else! Have I missed my target?
Stuck on my Big Participatory Article, desert, I am reduced to expect the accession of a hypothetical member or even just a visit. I'm bored, I feel alone! I had no choice, the BPA should get me out of the deadlock! With all the piracy and the fall in sales of albums... I was ruined, do you understand? Ruined!
I won't be able to buy shaving cream any more, or soap! How will I feed myself, whom will I talk to? Too many DJ's were harassing me on MySpace, the cost of success I suppose! I hope to be reborn on the BPA. I cut ties with my friends, I have no phone, I'm lost, alone, in the middle of the Internet bubble. I am waiting for a user to get me out of here, or at least keep me company.
That must be at least 48 hours
Thank you for supporting me blue-haired girl! But I'm afraid that you are just a projection of my mind! I wonder if I control all your statements, if I don't fully control you, if only you existed!
I am alone, really alone! Come back! I saw an IP today! This is the first time in 2 days. But he disappeared from the horizon due to one of those stupid administrators. Reverted! Reverted! they said! I hate these administrators! Norman needs a friend, do you understand? Let the writers come to him! The lack of food will get to me, I ate the last packet of powdered coconut today.
I wonder how I'll survive when I have nothing left to eat! Note, I may be crazy by then! I must find a way to get out of this hole , but I am alone, and nobody is in sight. What are my options? Create a site for fortune to start a migration of users from the Uncyclopedia? But will it hold long enough? That is perhaps her! But no matter, at least I'm no longer alone!
I made a new friend today! I wonder if she's real, if she's not a view of my mind? She really looks like the blue-haired girl! It may be her! Anyway, at least, I'm not alone anymore! Is this what they call paradise? A vast expanse of white on top of the world? Am I dead? What will happen to the BPA and Fatboy Slim if I am no longer there for them? Will people remember me?
The facts speak for themselves! Nobody pays attention to my VFH page, nobody wants to do me a pee review, even my VFD remains desperately empty! Do they ignore me? Does anybody pay attention? That's surely what's happening when you get banned! You can go anywhere you want, but you can't interact! I became a kind of ghost for them! Help! I'm losing myself, I'm drowning!
Another user seems to have participated in my article. But he has made no additional character. I can't explain, did he not see me, trapped in the depths of my BPA? Hey! I'm here! Write, participate, invest yourself, do something, get me out of here!
Today, and for the rest of eternity
I'm running out of time, the election for the Writer of the Month is getting closer and closer! I am afraid to remain in oblivion and mass for eternity, I doubt, I lost all the confidence gained with Fatboy Slim! I'm back as a musician lambda! My God, people will start laughing at me again! Nothing is left here for me, I'm empty and mostly alone! Alone... in the wild!
I lost 22 pounds, the owner has cut off the water, fortunately I still have enough power to write the article, but I don't know how long for. I'm beset by doubt, darkness took hold of me! Perhaps this is the end? The conclusion of my life, I lived, I tried the impossible and sometimes I succeeded, but the cruelty of life abruptly brought me back to reality! I'm going to end it all, if nobody participates...
Damn, no electricity, I'm on battery now. It's becoming more and more difficult to distinguish the buttons. I'm hungry! I'm thirsty! So many things to do, so little time! Since when didn't I eat bread? Bread is good for the memory! Or is it fish? I don't know! I don't even know who I am, Norman Cook? No, the Norman Cook I know died with the BPA! I can no longer breathe, I suffocate. One user, quickly, I just need one user, I must find a reason to live, a reason to survive! My fridge is empty, my apartment fills with water because of the icing ... Water! I see water! Why didn't I think of it before? I have to lick the ground again and again, don't lose a drop!
Still no user damn! Lights pass through the darkness of the room. Is it God who now comes looking for me? Is this a new day starting? A new day without any users? My battery is low now! One user, quickly! I walk towards the tunnel of light. And finally, if I didn't want to see this day, if it wasn't worth to be lived? (Someone's knocking at the door) No! There is nobody, I tell you! Nobody except an old fool! The blue haired girl left me! I'm alone now, there is nobody here! (Someone continues knocking at the door)
I lost all hope, I expect the death itself to get me out of this Big Participatory Article! Please don't forget me!
On October 9, 2018, Zoe Ball
Norman Quentin Cook
July 31, 1963 - September 16, 2018
Two weeks after Norman's death,
a user discovered his body in the BPA
(This self-portrait was found on the front page of his profile)
flew with the Chemical Brothers over the BPA
and scattered the ashes of her husband... across the Uncyclopedia.
- ↑ The Big Participatory Article!
- ↑ This is the motto of the Big Participatory Article!
- ↑ Someone may have cut off the air conditionning!
- ↑ Actually, I have a wireless keyboard!