The Big O
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|WARNING. This Article makes no sense BECAUSE WE ALL EXPECT TO SEE ONE OF THOSE HERE Just like George Bush being president for eight years, Invisible Pink Unicorns, the fact Michael Jackson is a dancing zombie, reality TV, Flavor Flav, Aquaman, and the ending of Evangelion.|
The Big O (also known as The Big Orgasm) is an anime series created by J.J. Abrams. It is a historic milestone because it is one of few anime shows to be famous in America but not famous enough as to let the plot make any fucking sense. Except the person who wrote that last sentence clearly doesn't know what the phrase "EPISODIC SERIES" means, and they go masticate a dictionary for a while(not one of those wimpy school ones, they're too bland), then go watch the second series which is more awesome than laughing at a man masticating on a dictionary. Like the fact that there is no real ending and there never will be because the writers were busy huffing kittens when they were supposed to be finishing the show. (Once again look at every series before you huff your own kittens and get all huffy about it.)
The Big O takes place in Spare-a-Dime City, which is called such because the citizens of said city lost their memories forty years ago and have become lazy bums who insist upon asking for money, borrowing your car and eating your funyuns and then not buying anymore when you're out. Because of this attitude, there are a lot of fights - especially hobo fights over cheezburgers and sammiches.
Roger Smith is a negotiator in the city and by "negotiate", I mean "move the plot along". He is also happens to live in Batman's old mansion, which Batman lost prior to this in a bet to Superman and had to live in a dumpster with Aquaman. He also has Batman's butler, whom he calls Norman instead of Alfred. Oh. And he has a robot. Can't have an anime without a robot chick.
Oh. And there's also something about a robot. I don't know. I stopped paying attention when I realized that The Big O is Batman with very ugly robots. The story ends prematurely because The_CW_Television_Network decided that the show wasn't retarded enough for them to air, since the majority of the target audience consisted of children who watched Kids Next Door while Huffing kittens (also known as Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare fanboys, who have passed their idiocy onto their even dumber siblings). In short, it hurt their delicate smushy brains and Time Warner wouldn't have any of that, since they needed to keep the zombies alive enough to sell them Regular Show, Adventure Time, and loads of other trashy television shows designed for fuck-tards with the IQ Level of 12 (coincidentally, most of them are either constantly high from huffing kittens , hence they tend to have the collective maturity level of a 12 year old...on Drugs).
Roger Smith: Roger is Spare-a-Dime's top negotiator. He is also rich for some reason and owns a giant robot that NO ONE seems to really notice he owns, especially when its underneath his giant house. He owns a robot and is convinced that he is a tomato. This tomato belief stems from the fact the writers hate plots and fail at making metaphors. He is also obviously the great grand-father of Phoenix Wright. Also makes Batman look like a bitch with the amount of ass-kicking that he does (he actually KILLS villains for a change. Take some notes "Dark" Knight. You're obviously a White Knight). He likes wearing black Clothing , including a black bathrobe and a black tuxedo, which is strange since he seems to be amongst the richest members of Spare-a-Dime city, and yet he can only afford a limited/identical set of clothes, like a Communist , though he appears to be an Objectivist who constantly talks about "choice". Note that he also ticks off Angel's communists pimps who seem to have a tendency of naming their robots after French monarchs. He also pisses off Angel after picking Dorothy as his wifey (for obvious reasons, other than the fact that she saves his ass every 5 episodes, while Angel just seems to get him in trouble, being a stripper and all). There was something about him and Dorothy being robots and turning into humans after Angel goes on a butthurt rampage (her period + jealousy of Dorothy), but I kind of lost track after that.
Note: He is one of several characters to get Car Jacked. Carjacking is the underlying theme to this entire series. Next time, learn to park your Giant Robot where it won't get broken into (his car is safe from Carjacking, but his robot isn't). Also note that Roger's car has ARMOR that stops hobos from breaking into it (in hopes of finding his hidden batch of Apple-Tomatos obviously), which would make one wonder why he can't just do the same for his GIANT ROBOT (it's not a super weapon or anything).
R. Dorothy Wayneright: A robot who Roger owns despite the fact that people in Spare-A-Dime city don't even have Internet, let alone robots. Her main purpose is to save Roger's ass when he's (usually) getting it kicked by random hobos (who want his Tomato-Apple) and to provide fans who need someting to masturbate over while they watch the show in their mother's basement. Since the show ended, she now plays one of the useless robot extras on Futurama.
Alfred /Norman: Alfred is Roger's badass butler who Roger calls "Norman", despite the fact he constantly restates "I'm Alfred, Roger. ALFRED." every episode. He is also packin some serious heat and has l33t haxxorz skillz, or that's at least what he put on his myspace. He still isn't as good as Sebastian from Black_Butler ,though Sabastian often visits him in order to borrow some proper wardrobes.
Angel: Angel is the local stripper in Spare-a-Dime City. She often joins Roger on his quests to rid the city of evil, since giant robots and Batman wanna-bes make her wet. Oh yeah, and she's some robot or something. I don't know. I stopped paying attention during the last couple of episodes. She gets butthurt when Roger picks Dorothy over her in the end and goes on a Rampage, killing Alex Rosewater , while also killing the rest of the city with some major "Matrix" shit (she made the Architect from Matrix Reloaded look like a bitch) with her Chinese Knockoff of Big O that has a creepy smile (helllloo Anime smile also known as The_Joker!)and an inverted color scheme. Her Robot's name is Big Venus, but it sure as hell rhymes with something else that Angel is used to seeing, as well (and she wonders why Roger doesn't want to marry her).
HushSchwartzwald: Schwartzwald's name was originally Mickey Seebach. Mickey used to work at a company in Spare-a-Dime until everyone realized he was a complete douchebag and had him fired. This drove him mad and he joined the darkside. The darkside didn't want him because they too realizes he was a douchebag, so he wrapped himself up in bandages and huffs kittens. Oh yeah. And there's something about a robot too. He kills Alan Gabriel with Tentacle bondage after telling him to GTFO of his Robot/Ride.
Alex Rosewater: Alex is a greedy corporate ass-hole, which no show is complete without. He also has a robot for some reason that is never explained either. He's also an insecure prick who tries to kidnap Dorothy multiple times, going as far as to cloning her. Obvious beta-faggot whiteknight (he tries to "save" the city in a giant WHITE Robot) who is obviously jelly of Roger's Apple-Tomato and the fact that Dorothy saves Roger's ass and not his. Alex's "daddy" also farms Apple-Tomatos, so it is expected to see hobos trying to attack him over his near-infinite supply of Tomato-Apples that he receives from his father.
Alan Gabriel: Alan, like Dorothy, is a robot. Also like Dorothy, he is also used as something for fans to masturbate over, but this time it's lonely teenaged girls who cannot download their daily yaoi because their favorite site is down. Gets killed by Hush, I mean Schwartzwald, after jacking the brotha's ride and trying to use it to kill Roger, due to him being butthurt that Roger and Dorothy kicked his ass after he tried to RAPE Dorothy for reminding him of his mommy (see Freud). Yaoi fan-girls couldn't decide whether to cry , scream, or orgasm at his Hentai-Ridden death, involving Schwartzwald LITERALLY tentacle-raping/strangling Alan with his living-bandages.
Beck: Beck is the illegitimate son of the Pink Ranger and Jim Carrey. Once, he attempted to do stand up comedy in a robot. Bruce...er Roger Smith was offended greatly by Beck's use of dated material, most of it involving Chuck Norris, and so he had him arrested and sent to MTV. He is now the star of the hit series "BECK: Mongolian Chop Squad." He's supposed to be a parody of Lupin_III but comes off as a complete douchebag, until the end where he tells/teaches Dorothy how to help Rodger and Big O fire their "big gun" together (with Dorothy connecting directly to Roger and their Baby, Big O). Beck, at some point tries to kidnap Roger in order to express his homo-erotic feelings towards him (and also in order to make a sex-toy mannequine mold out of him to masturbate to later. Oh and he succeeds in Carjacking Big O using said sex-toy) and succeeds in doing so, only to get his ass kicked...again.