The Baby-Sitters Club
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The Baby-Sitters Club is a book series for teeny boppers. It is all about spies, traitors, mad-scientist experiments, and genetic engineering. The main girls are Kristy the Freedom Fighter, Claudia the Sidekick, Stacey the Alien Hybrid Offspring, and Mary Anne the Double Agent. They work together to rid the world of the deplorable exploitation of freaks...or rather special humanoid individuals! (And they get paid to watch children that are soon to be the subjects of government testing)
edit Main Characters
- Kristy the Freedom Fighter - Kristy created the baby-sitters club because she is secretly investigating certain members of her town. She invites those who she believes to be altered by genetic experimenting, brain-washing, or are a product of a plain old nature-fuck up.
- Claudia the Sidekick- Claudia is Kristy's partner in the quest to liberate unfortunate freaks! She acts dumb to throw the others off, but is actually a junior genius and oscar-worthy actress.
- Stacey the Alien Hybrid Offspring- Stacy is a test-tube baby. She was created with DNA taken from an alien captured in Area 51 and a human employee there. The government tried to contain her and use her in experiments, but Kristy saved her. She is currently hiding in Connecticut because she lives of the flavor of nutmeg. Her strange genetics have given her Vampire Disease and so she avoids the sun or her skin will crinkle.
- Mary Anne the Double Agent- Mary Anne was originally comissioned by the CIA to investigate Kristy and her club. But when she joined and learned of the heroic efforts to save the oppressed freaks, she was enlightened of the error of her ways! She joined the club, and tries to not call to attention the fact that she is actually 24 years old. She has a star-shaped freckle.
edit Other characters
- Dawn the Spy- She joins the Baby-Sitters Club after she moved from California because her father tried to eat her. Her brother moves back to California because he is planning an attack against their father with the CIA. She then decides to move back to California to stalk her father with her brother and the CIA.
- Mallory the Mad Scientist- Mallory likes writing, playing with horses with Jessi, and infecting children with rabies. She hates everything else. She is posing as a teeny bopper in a boarding school because she was nearly caught experimenting with cat fish and cyanide.
- Jessi the Coroner- Jessi wants to grow up and be a coroner. She is friends with Mallory because she gets to practice her Coroner skills whenever one of Mallory's experiments goes wrong. She likes playing with horses too. She is the subject of Mallory's newest experiment.
- Abby the Sadist Clown- When Abby was young she had the life-altering experience of watching the movie IT. Since then, she has become obsessed with being a clown sadist. She is held back by her bad case of Jumping Frenchman Disorder that causes her to flail randomly.
- Logan the Artist- Logan wishes he could be a Renaissance artist. He can't.
- Alan the Cyborg- Alan was a part of a rogue experiment from the moment of his birth. Scientists attempted to make a more durable and aesthetically pleasing humanoid. They failed.
Of course the series was perfectly set up to be a movie. Based of a popular book series? Check. Aimed at teeny bopper girls? Check. Something for the teeny boppers to squeal at (Children)? Check. Drama? Check. CIA? Check. Slimey, rabid children plotting to kill the protagonists? Check.
Main Plot Points:
- Claudia discovers that someone (Mallory) has infected all the children with a glue allergy. Mallory tries to cover up her mistake by burning down the local summer camp, where pre-pubescents go to glue crap together.
- Not to be deterred, Kristy convinces the town to move the camp to a new location and hopes to cure the children. She thinks it will be easier to give them all the cure if they are stuck in the same one-mile radius.
- But OH NO! The camp supervisor wants the children to make macaroni art! What will happen if these children are exposed the the allergen? What will the glue do to them?!
- Meanwhile, Stacy's disease is acting up. Mary Anne hasn't been able to sneak the medecine she needs from the CIA for a while. How could Stacy save the children if she can't even go outside?! Luckily she now has free time to try to create a cure for the children while in her basement laboratory.
- Unfortunately, Haberman, an old lady who genetically engineers flowers that contain venemous pollen, has also discovered the childrens' ailment. But she plans to use it to stop the children from ruining her poisonous flowers! (That oddly don't affect them) She intends to feed them glue!
- After trying every way possible, short of pouring the glue down the kid's throats, Haberman realizes that her plan is more difficult than anticipated. She instead befriends Stacy, who is lonely without being able to go outside without turning into a crisp of carbon.
- When Stacy creates a capsule filled with the cure, Haberman injects them with...dun Dun-Dun DUN...GLUE!
- The gates of hell open and all the children start acting rabid: biting, scratching, and foaming. They ooze acidic slime and begin to eat Haberman's flowers.
- In an attempt to stop them, Haberman jumps into the rapid mosh pit of slime-oozers and is quickly eaten / disintegrated.
- The venom in Haberman's flowers cures the children and they all pass out on the ground.
- They wake up 5 hours later, not remembering a thing.
- They baby-sitters club eats ice cream and smiles as the camera fades