The Aristocats

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This article has a good idea and concept, but isn't finished. You can do something about it. ''The Aristocats is a horror movie about the killing of James Bond from the frozen mind of Walt Disney. Everybody thinks it's about cats. Sometimes I sleep. But not always. But back to The Aristocats, it's a pun on a word, AristoCRAT. So if you think that's clever, bite me. This movie is the vehicle by which the most famous inside joke in the history feline animation is told. The Aristocats was remade by Columbia Pictures and Walt Disney Pictures into a live action movie distributed by Gaumont and starring Rita Hayworth and Carry Grant.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to The Aristocats.

The Aristocats is a horror movie about the killing of James Bond from the frozen mind of Walt Disney. Everybody thinks it's about cats. Sometimes I sleep. But not always. But back to The Aristocats, it's a pun on a word, AristoCRAT. So if you think that's clever, bite me.

This movie is the vehicle by which the most famous inside joke in the history feline animation is told. The Aristocats was remade by Columbia Pictures and Walt Disney Pictures into a live action movie distributed by Gaumont and starring Rita Hayworth and Carry Grant.

[edit] Plot

Puss in Boots Cat (voiced by Disney discovery Kurt Russell) and his wife (voiced by Zsa Zsa Gabor) have always wanted to break into the litter box business. They decide that they need a sales agent and go looking for one. At the first Agent’s (which is really that of a theatrical played by Honor Blackman, best known as Pussy Galore) office they slink by the secretary and through the door with their kittens (voiced ironically by Mouseketeers Tommy Kirk and Annette Funicello) and jump up on the agents desk.

The agent tries to shoo the cats, but is captivated by Mrs. Cat who is licking her kitty parts clean. When Mr. Cat starts his sales pitch, the agent is amazed, “you’re cats. Cats don’t talk.” “It’s a Disney Movie, everything talks,” responds Mr. Cat.

Mr. Cat starts to tell the Agent about how happy their litter box (which is infused with catnip) will make the average house cat. The agent protests stating that she has no interest in the litter box concept, but father cat insists that they family demonstrate the cat box.

First, father cat approaches the cat box and sprays urine and takes a dump. Them he starts to kick the litter with his hind legs which releases the catnip. He immediately overcome by its intoxicating effects and begins to wriggle about.

Then the mother cat approaches and is immediately overcome with writhing please. She too sprays urine, but instead of being offended by her husbands waste, she eats it. Overcome with a sense of good feeling, she presents herself to her mate and invites him to mount her through the release of hormones from her rear end. The father responds and the two intoxicated cats engage in coitus.

Made curious by their parents behavior, the two family cats too approach the litter box and come under the spell of the catnip. Because their genitalia have yet to mature, the litter mates are repulsed by each other. Backs arched, ears back, the two lunge for each other, claws swinging. Before long the brother cats bites his sister which sends her airborne with shock and rage. Unable to land without becoming enmeshed in her parents love making, the little pussy comes to rest on the face of the shocked agent, who despite her best attempts is unable to remove the pussy now covering her face.

Eventually all four calm down and the hissing and moans of cats in heat subside and the agent is finally able to remove the sister cat from his face.

“What the Hell was that about?” the agent asks.

“Do you want to know the name of our cat box” asks the father cat in between licking his paws.

“To hell with the damn litter box – I’m casting animated cats for a new film starring Dean Jones and Haley Mills. Interested?”

The mother cat takes a pause from licking her vulva clean and asks (in a husky Hungarian accent) “You mean those two humans from That Darned Cat? Feh. What is the name of this movie?”

“Are you ready for this,” the agent asks. “What do you think of The Aristocats!”

[edit] Reception

When it was released in 1970, The Aristocats was warmly received by Disney fans but was crucified by Pontius Pilate.

Upon actually viewing the film, however; it became immediately apparent that it was not suitable for children. The catchy show tunes and not-so-subtle sexual references led to the infamous French Revolution, where many of the Bourgeoisie Aristocats were beheaded and/or huffed. Also, The...Aristocats... is...one of... the... most... racist... Disney movies... EVER. EEEEVVVVVERRRRRR!!!!!!!!! (See picture).

Just one of the many supposed "stereotypes" of older Disney films. Psht. My goodness, I think this cat is a beatnik. Do you know what beatniks do? They sip coffee, listen to jazz, and smoke pot all day. Are these the values we should be presenting to our youth? I think not.

Animal rights group PETA claimed that twelve animators were brutally whipped in the making of movie. Disney rejected the claim, saying "it was more like 15" and "the incident was like a tickle fight when compared to our treatment of the cats". PETA would once again complain about the movie when one eagle-eyed viewer noticed that none of the cats were de-sexed.

[edit] What the hell is Walt Disney doing to that poor cat?

Relax, baby, it's just the show.

[edit] But won't somebody think of the children?

Yes. Pederasts.