The Angry Video Game Nerd
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[edit] isnt this that irate gamer guy?
The Angry Video Game Nerd was born James N. Nerdswell, but says its James D. Rolfe, in Assington, New Jersey in a shithole of a hospital. He proved a difficult birth for his mother, who made repeated requests to "get this fucking clump of donkey shit out of me" while giving lewd gestures to the doctor, who succeeded in calming her by giving her two bottles of Rolling Rock through a beer bong. When James finally came sliding out of his mother's womb, his father is said to have exclaimed "Holy fuckwad!" in surprise, as baby James was actually born wearing his trademark glasses and pocket protector.
[edit] Infanthood
According to his mother, James' first word was "fuck-balls", his second was "ass-puke", and his third was "shit load of fuck". He proved a handful to his parents, often berating the food they served him as a "pile of diarrhea vomit coming out of a unicorn's dickhole" and refusing to eat it. The only think he seemed to accept was Rolling Rock beer, chilled and served in a baby bottle. His father recounts that baby James was strongly adverse to wearing soiled diapers, and would often call out "Is somebody gonna take off this sack of festering shit you strapped to my waist?" until someone would change him.
[edit] Youth and discovery of Nintendo
On Christmas of 1985, James received a Nintendo Entertainment System, and shouted hysterically "NINTENDO SIXTY-FOUR!!!!!!" as he removed the wrapping and discovered in fact it was not a Nintendo Sixty-Four, it was a Nintendo Entertainment System.
The next five years of his childhood were spent trying to land the plane in NES Top Gun. To this day he has never succeeded. Many sources claim to have seen video proof of James landing the Top Gun plane with the highly successful and completely reliable Nintendo Accessory "The Power Glove", but the video in question was found to be a complete forgery. Seriously, who the fuck can land the plane in Top Gun, let alone with the Power Glove?
[edit] School days
In junior high and high school, James would be sent to the principals office repeatedly for explicit criticism of his teachers ("Your teaching is total ass! I'd rather stick my face in a pile of elephant feces while having shit-aliens probe me up the ass than take your fucking classes!") and was suspended twice for possession and consumption of alcohol on the school premises. Yet, James excelled in all academic classes and was well on his way to becoming his class's valedictorian with a 4.0 GPA. However, his English class would prove to be his downfall, as his teacher would deduct points for every time he used the words "fuck", "shit", or "ass", often resulting in a negative score. James ended up graduating dead last with a -12.7 GPA.
James also went to college and graduated this time with a -4.0 GPA, but said he was going to drop-out, but graduated because he got his grades up.
Sometimes James has apparently been seen shoving his crappy Atari 5200 controllers up classmates arses in the bathroom, but this has yet to be confirmed.
[edit] AVGN today
Today James can be found on viral videos taking you back to the past while playing shitty games that suck ass while saying he'd rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in his ear or eat a rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk and down that with his favorite beer, rolling rock.
[edit] Games Shitloads and or pieces of fuck/shit he has reviewed
- Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest (NES)
- Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde (NES)
- Karate Kid (NES)
Who the Fuck Framed Roger Rabbit?Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (NES)- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES)
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (Movies)
- Back to the Future (NES)
- Also includes a review of Back to the Future 2 & 3 for NES.
- M.C. Kids (NES)
- Wally Bear and the NO! Gang (NES)
- Master Chu & the Drunkard Hu (NES)
- Top Gun (NES)
- Also includes a review of Top Gun: The Second Mission for NES.
- Double Dragon 3 (NES)
- Friday the 13th (NES)
Boo! Haunted House!A Nightmare on Elm Street (NES)- Nintendo Power Glove by Mattel
- Rocky (Sega Master System)
- A Bible Games holiday special with:
- Bible Adventures (NES)
- Bible Buffet (NES)
Super 3-D Fuck FartsSuper Noah's Ark 3-D (SNES)- Book of Genesis (Sega Genesis)
- King of Kings (NES)
- Atari 5200
- A 3-part Ghostbusters special with:
- Ghostbusters (NES, Atari 2600, & Sega Master System)
- Ghostbusters 2 (NES)
- Ghostbusters (Sega Genesis, different game than other Ghostbusters game)
- A Spider-Man special with:
- Spider-Man (Atari 2600)
- Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister
ShitSix (NES) - The Amazing Spider-Man (Game Boy)
- Spider-Man 2 (Game Boy Advance)
- Sega CD
- Sega 32X
- Silver Surfer (NES)
- Die Hard (NES)
- Independence Day (PS1)
- A Simpsons double feature with:
- The Simpsons: Bart vs. the Space Mutants (NES)
- The Simpsons: Bart vs. the World (NES)
- Home Alone (NES)
Bugs Bunny's Birthday BeatingBugs Bunny's Birthday Blow-out (NES)- Atari 2600 porno games(James' only positive review)
- Nintendo Power magazine retrospective
- Addams Family: Fester's Quest (NES)
- Also includes a review of Addams Family Values for Sega Genesis.
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Atari 2600)
- Friday the 13th COMMENTARY
- Halloween (Atari 2600)
- Also includes a review of Haunted House for Atari 2600.
- Frankenstein for Atari 2600.
- Dragon's Lair (NES)
- A 2-part Christmas Carol special with:
- Home Alone 2 (NES)
- Shaq Fu (SNES)
- Far Cry Vengeance( Wii)
- Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz (Wii)
- Boogie (Wii)
- Rambo (NES) and Sega Master System and other versions
- Virtual Boy
- The Wizard of Oz (SNES)
- A Double Vision special with 2 consoles:
- Intellivision
- Colecovision
- A Double Review that contains:
- The Wizard (Movies)
- Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES) which is made by Satan!!!!!
- NES Accessories (Most of them except that Robot).
- The Indiana Jones Trilogy (4 games in the one review)
- Star Trek (Live Long and Prosper)
- Superman (Atari and NES and Commondore 64)
- Superman 64 (the shittest of them all!)
- Batman
- Ricky 1 (A special video review for the Nostalgia
ShitCritic) - More Batman
- Deadly Towers (NES)
- Battletoads (NES)
- Dick Tracy (NES)
- Nothing (For a month) (Gizmondo)
- Dracula
- Frankenstein
- Michael Jackson's Moonwalker (Sega Genesis)
- Milon's
Shitty AssholeSecret Castle (NES) LET'S PLAY JAGUAR!Atari Jaguar- Metal Gear (NES)
- Odyssey
- X-Men
- Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day
- Transformers (NES/Fanicom (speled rong lol))
Luigi's Educational GameMario is Missing and Mario's Time Machine (SNES)- Plumbers
DODon't Wear Ties (3DO) Woody Woodpecker'sBugs Bunny's Crazy Castle- Super
PitifulPitfall (NES) - Godzilla
- Wayne's World
- Castlevania (ALL GAMES, INCLUDING CASTLEVANIA 2!!!!!!11111`````lol)
- Little Red
RidingHood - Wintah Gamez is L33T!
- Street Fighter 2010:End of the world!
- Hydelide
- Ninja Gaiden
