The African Superman

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Afro super

Freakin' Posers! This wasn't the intended example! Anyway, back to the article...

The African Superman or Afrikan Übermensh (Homo Sapiens Africanus Superius in Latin) is an odd and most certainly unnecessary ideal model of a typical African dude. It's debut into written literature was in Robert Mugabe's politico-ideological manifesto titled (in Zimbabwean) "Ba Basoeu Ha Ba Tsoe" which translates to Mein Kampf in German. Like all other superman concepts, it too seeks to portray a perfect people who defy all limits of the common man right in complete contradiction to the fact that it's pathetic. And more importantly, this entity known as The African Superman is also more ferociously presented by losers in denial of their own short-comings than people who actually fit the description of the model. I mean, we all know (Okay, not all of us) how some dark haired, average-height loser couldn't tire of emphasizing the tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed features of the Aryan Superman; it's exactly the same with the African Superman - the losers always yell the most about belong to his race!

edit Origins

As is apparent to anyone who has a brain, most trends that originate in Europe (crappy ones included) almost always find their way into other cultures. So as a result of White Supremacy, a new movement (A fucking joke if you ask me.) called Black Supremacy emerged and hence the birth of the African Superman. But it was Robert Mugabe who extensively spoke of him the most. In his expulsion of the "white colonist" from Zimbabwean farms he was in fact "creating lebensraum for the master race" of his Zimbabwean supermen.

edit Classifications and characteristics


A Nilotic Superman dominating his field.

The African supermen have several classifications based on penis length, degree of fear of water, tendency to start wars hunger-ravaged countries, and (formerly) on preference as slaves! There are other minor characteristics that African (self-acclaimed) anthropologists use to classify them such as physical traits (excluding penis length), language and region of Africa in which they live.

edit Nilotes

The Nilotes (as opposed to Nordics) are regarded as the true master race of Africa - Das Übermenschen von Afrika (if my German is not too crappy). This in not only due to the fact that they are the tallest and darkest (blackness is highly regarded in African cultures) but also because because a dude from there can live on a diet of boiled tree leaves in a war-torn country and still manage to grow to a height of 7ft 7in. and thus, find his way into the history books of the NBA as one of the tallest players in the league. Over and above that they have a long, standing tradition in which young men just stand balanced on one leg for whole days at a time (you just try it and see how long you'll last!)

edit West Africans

West Africans are notorious for being shipped off as slaves. Though slavery is a not an appropriate term to apply to a superman, these dudes have claimed that it was the only way they could think of crossing the vast ocean prior to their imminent worldl domination. They have triumphed in several ways particularly in the 1936 when Jesse Owens discredited the Aryan Supremacist theories by winning the gold medal in some race but, that is not in the least surprising as (it should be noted) competitive sports (excluding swimming) are so far, the only domain known to be conquered by Africans (or at least where they're good for something). The modern-day African American is now considered one of the most successful breed of the African supermen. The west Africans are also notorious for inventing and widely practicing the notorious art of voodoo. It is believed by many that all the shit happening in Africa may in fact be simply the result of some voodoo ritual gone wrong. Others believe that it was in fact a deliberate curse, nobody knows. Friendly warning though, fuck with them and they'll have a voodoo doll made of you and stick pins in it while you scream in pain such that your only hope in life will be to commit suicide.

edit Trials Of The African Superman


Such are the extremes that some guys went to in order to escape "race cleansing" genocides in Africa. It's actually like a game there.

edit Genocide

The average African Superman has several run-ins with genocide in his lifetime, both as perpetrator and target (don't ask me, that's the way it is!). In one turn he may be the dude with the machete who wants to "kill the cockroaches" and then he may be the cockroach. This is an African pastime, in lieu of video games and home theater systems.

Sometimes this game of genocide is played during a civil war that tears the African country in question apart. Most African supermen like to play it then because it reduces foreign intervention, which is like having your mom cut in while you were playing a really fun game.

edit AIDS


A lucky child enlisted for Al Quaeda.

The tragic AIDS epidemic on the continent is, to the African Superman, just another test on the way to becoming the Overman. The Superman believes that having sex with a baby girl is not only a certain cure but also added proof that he is not "restricted by slave morale."

edit See also

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