The 23 Enigma

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The formula proved to be successful, understandably igniting "[[Yellow fever|23 fever]]". This caused a mass panic in what most people thought was The End of Days. [[Jesus]] received much more attention, the [[Palpatine|Pope]] met with world leaders to discuss who was going to Hell first, and Pat Robertson's dick grew two inches. Most people thought the world would end at the stroke of midnight, January 1st 2000, and [[Apocalypse|Armageddon]] would come in the form of a [[Satan|Dark Lord]] that spewed seven swords of fire unto each continent and summoned the deadly beast within the bowels of [[Hell]]! It turns out that the only problem was that some computer clocks couldn't work. Which for some reason would result in the [[Apocalypse]]. After some local Nerds (with help from the west side Geeks, a rare event that had never occurred before - east side Nerds and west side Geeks working together) fixed the problem, everyone was back on the internet looking at [[porn]], with no more fear of their [[penis]] getting blown off on New Years Eve. No seriously, people believed this.[[Image:Image540926x.jpg|left|thumb|200px|See that finger? My dick is about that big!]]
 
The formula proved to be successful, understandably igniting "[[Yellow fever|23 fever]]". This caused a mass panic in what most people thought was The End of Days. [[Jesus]] received much more attention, the [[Palpatine|Pope]] met with world leaders to discuss who was going to Hell first, and Pat Robertson's dick grew two inches. Most people thought the world would end at the stroke of midnight, January 1st 2000, and [[Apocalypse|Armageddon]] would come in the form of a [[Satan|Dark Lord]] that spewed seven swords of fire unto each continent and summoned the deadly beast within the bowels of [[Hell]]! It turns out that the only problem was that some computer clocks couldn't work. Which for some reason would result in the [[Apocalypse]]. After some local Nerds (with help from the west side Geeks, a rare event that had never occurred before - east side Nerds and west side Geeks working together) fixed the problem, everyone was back on the internet looking at [[porn]], with no more fear of their [[penis]] getting blown off on New Years Eve. No seriously, people believed this.[[Image:Image540926x.jpg|left|thumb|200px|See that finger? My dick is about that big!]]
 
== ''The 23 Enigma'' (film) ==
 
''The 23 Enigma'' is the popular 2004 film directed by Oliver Stone and written by David Icke, starring [[Jim Carrey]], [[Nicholas Cage]], [[Tom Hanks|Tom Hanks' hair]], Nicolas Cage's hair, some [[Pubic hair|French chick]], [[Nose|Ray Romano]] (in a stunning [[rape|date rape]] scene), Queen Latifa, [[Jim Carrey|Jim Carrey's]] hair, [[Tom Hanks|Tom Hanks']] [[pubic hair]] (which is also awkwardly distasteful), and a brief cameo by [[shit|Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo]].[[Image:Tom-hanks-5.17.jpg|right|thumb|145px|What do you mean you don't like my hair?!]]
 
 
{{spoiler}}
 
 
The movie starts out in a library, with Walter Sparrow(Jim Carrey), an average middle-age man, going through shelves of books. He comes across a little [[Communist|red]] book, and looks inside. He discovers that the book is about [[Communist]] [[sex|sex positions]]. Then, he finds ''another'' little red book, which is about [[23 (number)|"The 23 Enigma"]]. He starts to become [[stalker|obsessed]] with the book, and soon discovers that everything in his life adds up to [[23 (number)|23]] - his [[FDR|social security]] number, his date of birth, his [[slavery|marriage]] day, his [[IQ]] - all [[23 (number)|23]]. His wife demands that he go see a [[Rapist|psychiatrist]] to cure his obsession (and [[Cocaine|dope]] him up real good). His [[Image:1172185856-number23.jpg|left|thumb|167px|Goddammit, did you guys write on my face again!?]]psychiatrist, Benjamin Gates (Nicolas Cage) studies the book and notices that several clues [[innuendo|insinuate]] an ancient [[treasure]], past down for thousands of years, which is now somewhere in the United States, and the location must have something to do with [[23 (number)|23]] ('cause that's what the movie's about, right?). So the psychiatrist decides to call up one of his comrades, Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks' hair), who might be able to help them. Robert says that a man was murdered in the Lourve museum in Paris and that that might be a clue. So Walter, Benjamin, and Robert head to Paris. When they arrive at the [[Lesbian|Lourve]], they find a museum curator brutally murdered. The clues that are etched into his body ("Da [[Gang|Cripz]] wuz herr" and "I did [[your mom]] last night") lead the three to believe that the treasure was buried somewhere in Washington D.C. When the get to Washington, they must steal the [[Big Brother|Declaration of Independence]]...for some reason. Anyway, after squeezing some lemons on it, they discovered a secret code: "'''Geekazoids report to the dancefloor'''". [[Image:Dec.JPG|right|thumb|121px|It also doubles as a color blind test.]]This puzzled the three, so Robert Langdon called up his old colleague, [[Oral sex|Sir Leigh Teabag]], a historian, oh yeah and he's [[gay]] too. I know, totally doesn't fit the [[stereotype|mold]]. Anyway, this [[old]] [[gay]] [[British]] dude helped decipher the code. He said that [[Benjamin Franklin]] was the [[butt]] of jokes in the group, and many times [[George Washington]] and the [[gang]] called him "Geekazoid". So it had to do with [[Benjamin Franklin]]. He then said that "dancefloor" either meant the [[Pedophilia|Old North Church]] or the [[New World Order|Vatican]]. Oh, thanks a lot, you [[Oral sex|tea-sipping flamer]]. So the group decides to go to the [[New World Order|Vatican]] first. There, they discover another code etched into an obelisk in the center of St. Peter's square: "'''THIS LOOKS LIKE A BIG PENIS, RIGHT?'''". Indeed it did. And then, it seemed as if all the [[sex|pieces fit together]] - [[23 (number)|23]], [[geek|geekazoids]], the [[The DaVinci Code|murder in the Lourve]], the [[Penis|obelisk]], the [[Penis|Washington monument]], they all had one thing in common - [[Penis|PENISES]]. And the [[Pedophilia|Old North Church]] looked like a big [[Penis|dick]] too! This was surely where the [[treasure]] was. They [[Snakes on a Plane|boarded a plane]] back to [[Oceania|the states]] and arrived at the [[Pedophilia|Old North Church]]. But trouble awaited them. A mysterious [[albino]] dude had been pursuing them the whole time, and now he was hot on their [[Ass|tails]]! [[The DaVinci Code|Silas]]!...no, wait, [[Albino|Edgar Winter]]. Wow, [[Albino|Edgar Winter]] is in [[Jesus|Opus Dei]]? Ha, I never knew that! Hey, you learn something new everyday. Anyway, [[Albino|Edgar Winter]] unleashed all of his shining [[albino]] power (I know, that's an [[oxymoron]]) unto the three and they were struck down in his awesome [[Wayne Brady|whiteness]]! But what's this? The clouds are fading, the sky is brightening...the [[sun]] is [[cum|coming]] out! [[Albino|Albinos]] are powerless under the sun! The three made a run for the [[New World Order|church]], and found a secret passage to the basement. They crawled down the dark stairs and found...THE [[Dildo|TREASURE]]! In all of its glory, a hidden treasure passed down for thousands of years![[Image:B0000024Z3.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg|left|thumb|197px|MY EYES!!!!!!! (that's Edgar Winter)]] Open it....open it! What?! ''This'' is the [[treasure]]?! Used [[Gold|syringes]] and [[Silver|birth control pills]]?! We came all this way for ''this''?! This isn't a treasure, it's more like [[Kate Moss]]' handbag! Oh and look, the [[Holy Grail]]. Ugh, it looks like someone already [[Germs|drank out of it]]. Well this is just great.[[Image:PdCUWTP0002.jpg|right|thumb|57px|The holy grail.]]
 

Latest revision as of 08:12, October 11, 2010


The 23 Enigma is a widely popular numerology superstition that everything goes back to the number 23, which is considered a very mystical number yet is also significantly feared. In 1999, a group of Harvard professors and doped-up stoners founded a theory, which claims to prove that everything in the universe traces back to 23:

	\cfrac{U + \cfrac{TS}{BG}}{PM} * 0 + 23 = 23

Where U = Universe; TS = Testicle Size; BG= Barry Gibb; and PM = Phase of moon.


The formula proved to be successful, understandably igniting "23 fever". This caused a mass panic in what most people thought was The End of Days. Jesus received much more attention, the Pope met with world leaders to discuss who was going to Hell first, and Pat Robertson's dick grew two inches. Most people thought the world would end at the stroke of midnight, January 1st 2000, and Armageddon would come in the form of a Dark Lord that spewed seven swords of fire unto each continent and summoned the deadly beast within the bowels of Hell! It turns out that the only problem was that some computer clocks couldn't work. Which for some reason would result in the Apocalypse. After some local Nerds (with help from the west side Geeks, a rare event that had never occurred before - east side Nerds and west side Geeks working together) fixed the problem, everyone was back on the internet looking at porn, with no more fear of their penis getting blown off on New Years Eve. No seriously, people believed this.
Image540926x

See that finger? My dick is about that big!

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