That time I wasn't raped by anything during my sojourn to a soda machine

It looked kinda like this, only fucking delicious and it had a 7 instead of a 1.

Dude, that fucking thing was huge. Like, WTF?

So there I was

pushing a fucking button on a soda machine, doing my drinking thing with the 7up shit and the coke, right? Like, Pepsi, root beer shit.

and this fucking soda

bursts out of the machine, sprays all over the place, and instead of going for the trashcans, it makes a sodaline straight for my mouth.

so I pulled out my

straw and drank the shit out of the thing, and it tries to do nothing! WTF?

I barely got away with a major Dizziness and $20 poorer.

No, seriously. It didn't fucking rape me.

See also

• That time I nearly took a sojourn to Canada while I was being raped by a yak
• Shynneker
• Bob Dole