That time I was plundered in the ass by a Viking during my voyage to a retirement villa

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If you love it, fix it up or move it to your userspace. Just be sure to list the redirect on QVFD.

He looked kinda like this, only fucking psycho.

Dude, that thing was fucking Scandinavian. Like, WTF?

So there I was

doing my whole checking out retirement villas in Florida pretending for the umpteenth time that I was going to retire from football, right? Like, Brett Favre "Ouch! I got a splinter so I can't play, but you're still going to pay me!" crybaby shit.

And this fucking Viking

bursts out of the palm trees, musks all over the place, and instead of going after a quarterback with talent, he makes a Vikingline straight for me.

So I pulled down

my pants and said, "Give it to me, John Madden! God you're such a big daddy!" It hurt so good.

I barely got away with hundreds of angry football fanatics and a new multi-million dollar contract that pays out even if I spend every game benched because I'm faking some sort of traumatic thumb injury.

No seriously

I let my anus get plundered by a Viking!

Next time

I'll tell you about that time I sat on my ass and still made millions and how I caused the biggest catastrophe in American history.

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