That time I was nearly raped by a reindeer during my sojourn at the North Pole
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What's that? You've never heard this story? Well, pull up a fucking ice block and lend an ear.
edit So there I was
edit and this fucking reindeer
comes out of nowhere and shines a goddamn red light in my face. I shielded my eyes and saw the light was coming from his nose. It was pretty fucking shiney. I would even say it glowed.
Then the freak starts prancing towards me.
edit so I pulled out my
knife and tried to stab the motherfucker, but he leapt ten feet in the air. Then he sorta hovered for a few seconds. I shit you not.
But that isn't the weirdest part. Soon as he came down, he tried to hump me! WTF?
I barely got away with a major sinistral external abrasion and a severed brachialis radial.
No, seriously. I couldn't have been that high.