That time I was nearly raped by a dinosaur during my sojourn in the Mesozoic

It looked kinda like this, but with more realistic colors.

Dude, that fucking thing was huge. Like, WTF?

So there I was

crawling out of my timemachine, doing my Nigel Marven thing with this Prehistoric shit and the reptile thingies, right? Like, timetraveler paleontologist shit.

and this fucking dinosaur

bursts out of the trees, terrible stench all over the place, and instead of going for these tiny reptiles, he makes a dinosaurline straight for me.

so I pulled out my

gun and start shooting like a madman, and it tries to mount me! WTF?

I barely got away with a major sinistral external abrasion and a severed brachialis radial.

No, seriously. It almost sucked me into its cloaca (kinda like a vagina).

See also

• That time I was nearly raped by a yak during my sojourn in Canada
• Dinosaurs
• Science Fiction