That time I was nearly raped by Ham after my sojourn through the deluge

It looked kinda like this, only fucking psycho.

Verily, that fucking thing was huge. Like, WTF?

So there I was

tabernacling in the fucking wilderness, doing my Noah thing with the postdiluvian shit and two of every animal, right? Like, biblical badass shit.

and my fucking youngest son Ham

bursteth out of the tent, musketh all over the place, and instead of going for the sheep, he looketh upon my nakedness.

so I pulled out my

staff and curse the shit out of him and his descendants to be the slaves of Shem and Japeth, and he tryeth to mount me! WTF?

I barely got away with a major sinistral external abrasion and a severed brachialis radial.

No, seriously. He nearly raped me.

See Also

• Noah's Ark
• Noah's flood
• Curse of Ham