That time I nearly took a sojourn to Canada while I was being raped by a yak

They looked kinda like this, only printed at fucking 200 dpi.

Dude, I'm so bummed I didn't get to go to Canada. Like, WTF?

So there I was

lying on the fucking ground, doing my rape victim thing with the six-hundred pound yak and its fifteen-inch cock, right? Like, lumberjack Deliverance shit.

and these fucking travel brochures

blow out of the trees, mildew all over the place, and I was like "Hey, Canada! That sounds like a cool place to visit!"

so I pulled out my

cell phone and bought some plane tickets from my friendly travel agent Beth, and started to head off to the airport, when I realized I was still nailed to the ground by massive yak cock! WTF?

I barely got away with a preposterously distended anal sphincter and a severed brachialis radial.

No, seriously. I nearly went to Canada.