That time I accidentally launched a thousand ships with my face during my sojourn in Troy

They looked kind of like this, only there were a fucking thousand of them.

Dude, that fucking fleet was huge. Like, WTF?

So there I was

camped out in the fucking Trojan palace, doing my Cleopatra thing with Paris and feeding him grapes, right? Like, seductress badass shit.

and this fucking wooden horse

bursts out from the shore, varnish all over the place, and sits in front of the gates, like "Hey, you want a big wooden horse?"

And I was like "Uh, no." But Hector was like "FUCK YES."

And then all these fucking Greeks jump out, and instead of going for me, they make a Greekline straight for Hector.

so one of them pulls out his

sword and cuts the shit out of him, and he drags his body around the city walls with a chariot! WTF?

He nearly got away with a major sinistral external abrasion and a severed brachialis radial. But he didn't. He was dead.

But, seriously. I accidentally launched those ships with my face.