That House

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that house.

Have you heard of that house? ...You know, that house! Wait, you seriously don't know? ...It's the house on the hill behind your house! Wow, you seriously have no idea what I'm talking about? Well, it appeared there five minutes ago..what? No, don't check! What, do you not trust me enough to beleive me? You asshole! Yeah, you better take my word for it..

edit Creation and Mystery of That House

Anyway, the house was built 45 years ago, and - what? No, I most certainly did NOT say it was made 5 minutes ago! Besides, that would be six minutes ago by now anyway! What? Are you calling me a liar?! I'm not a liar, you asshole! Would you stop interupting me, now? Thank you.

Anyway..it was built 45 years ago. No one knows who built said house, or how they erected a hill for it to sit upon. However, it was apparantly a bad thing to do, because moments after, according to the many people in the apartment room, that gave perfect view of that house, a figure of a human flew down the hill, with a rope on it's neck, and stopped half-way. It was for this reason that everyone assumed the house was haunted.

But, about 24 years ago, a- ..what? I don't know who it was that hung themselves, I told you, no one knows. No, nobody went up the hill to check them, the thing was HAUNTED, you asshole! Now quit interupting me, or I swear I'll - good, no more talking from you. Where was I...oh right. Everyone assumed it was haunted, but a little over 17 years ago, a man and a woman moved into the house. Again, no one ever saw them up close, or caught their names. But everyone assumed that they too would soon be killed in the same manner the first was. However, they not only lived, but six months later, seven children, all male, came from the woman. The odd thing was, she was supposedly not pregnant coming into the house, and the legend is that the husband yelled at the womb to hurry the hell up, and the womb, terrified, spat out not only their child, but six extra ones as well. They only had enough resources for one child, but somehow they EASILY where able to excellently raise all seven. And when I say they, I mean the man, because the seven sudden births put the woman in a mini-coma, and afterwards, she could barely move for the first few weeks. Oddly enough, her body was still in perfect condition, supposedly because the man had warned the womb not to screw up said woman's looks, lest it get some sort of spinning kick. This is of course, legend, but if you doubt it, you're an asshole.

edit The Seven Children from That House

Hangman10
Artist's rendition of the mysterious self-hanging.

The children where named Jake, Jerry, Leon, Chris, Craig, David and Bret. And they went on to - I'll tell you there last name's later. They went o- WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT INTERRUPTING ME? Ahem..anyway. They all went on to become amazing athletes, all of which in a different sport. Jake went with Football, Jerry with Baseball, Leon with Basketball, Chris with Pro Wrestling, Craig with Amateur wrestling, David with Hockey, and Bret with Soccer..Bret drew the short straw, but dominated the sport all the same, and even went so far as to re-name it to Football, and accusing Jake's version of stealing its name for use in america. He was able to cause everyone to believe this, including Americans, even those who watched the sports in the 1800's and have since died. Again, the reason and ability to this is completely unknown, so don't interrupt me again, asking how this is possible, because I don't know. No one does. Anyway, these brothers won the world titles of each sport, every year, in every division..except for a very unfortunate incident in the final game of Jake's 2nd High-School Season. Jake, the quarterback, had somehow found a way to throw the ball directly into the receiver's hands. However, he apparently threw it with such velocity, that the receiver's hands fell off. While Jake was still able to make the score, he was put to the sidelines for the rest of the game, and his team ended up losing. In an amazing rage, Jake flew to some country, and killed many within it, before planting many seeds of deadly diseases everywhere within said country. To this day, it's still trying, futily, to re-build.

edit Status of That House

Poodle
One of many guard dogs of That House. Very vicious.

Due to the multitude of guard dogs surrounding That House's area, few dare to approach it. But despite the fact that nobody has driven there for quite some time, it seems to have kept in perfect shape - it's lights on at all hours of the day, and at times, a Plasma Screen TV has been spotted through windows, which seemingly plays nothing but Talledega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby. How they were to get a Plasma Screen without leaving the house, when the house was made years before a Plasma Screen was even thought of, and how in the world they acquired an awesome movie made in 2006 without ever leaving, EVER, just adds to the mistique of That House.

..Wait, what did you just say? You've never heard of Talledega Nights? ..Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?! I mean, for the love of all that's pure and holy, how could you not..never mind, just never mind. You're clearly an asshole, so let's just get this page over with, before I am forced to eat your children..

edit Ending of this page

Chuck Norris
Let's be honest..you saw this coming.

In any case, the only thing really known about That House is the full names of all of it's children. And that surname I was telling you about? Why, that surname is..

..Norris.

And that my friends, is all we know ab- hey, where the hell are you going?! What do you mean you saw that coming a mile away?! Ugh! You are such an asshole! And you know what else? You know what else?! J-..uh..dr-dracula called, and he's coming tonight!

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