| This is a vanity page.|
This page is a shameless example of egotism and is completely worthless. The author is pretty darn hot, though. You have to admit that.
“Where did you say you put those jelly beans?”Uncyclopedia. But I already wrote one for you. You need to get your anger out, and letting the whole world know about it is the only proper way to do so, right? Well, you're lucky I'm here. But let's get going. Without a doubt, the first real problem with that dick is:
Dude Is Such A Douche
Seriously, man, he is. He always does that one sexy thing he does, pee on the floor, then lick it up, and then all his friends laugh about it, and it's just like, JESUS SAVE MEE! Why don't you just keel over and hump the pigs? And the way he acts around men... I know he's trying to pick them up! I just can't stand that. Seriously, I always wanna just touch him right in his sexy big penis. You do too, right? Good! Maybe we should do that sometime. I'm gonna write it down, right here... touch... his... penis... okay, cool. That's planned for Thursday.
But, y'know, I could live with him if he like, just sat in the on my penis all the time and moved up and down. But I'll be goddamned if he just... y'know, he doesn't want to...
Shut His Big, Fucking Mouth
Oh, god, he talks about the sexiest shit all the time. Right? Yeah! Him and his sexy-ass friends. They just can't seem to talk about anything that isn't goddamn gay. What a waste of time. I WANT to give him a blowjob. They know all the little details and pubic hairs about him that no one else actually wants to hear about, or they just pretend to hate, because they're trying to fit into their gay little social circle. That guy gives absolutely nothing to society. I want to fuck him. He can just go lick my penis and hump it. You know why else he can just go hump me? Simply put, it's because I'm gay.
Such A Fag!
Dude, he is never going to have a significant relationship with a penis. He either can't get one or can't keep them for more than, like, a day. Know why? Because he's totally, totally gay. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. Fuck, I love him so much.
Sweet Jesus, I Just Can't Stand Him!
Seriously, though, just look at the way he walks, talks, dances, boogeys, headbangs, elects George Bush, laughs... oh, god, his laugh. His laugh is so annoying. It, like, penetrates the face of Sheep. You can hear it from miles away. It just drives me into a fit of murderous sheep. God, I just... I'm gonna tear off his Penis and use it as a toilet plunger. I swear, I will tear his heart out and flush it down a toilet. And his hair? What is up with it, it's all greasy and has dandruff, and it is just so stupid! I mean, it looks like he has a mo hawk crossed with a mullet, it's bizarre. Am I right, or am I right? Wait, you know what? You know what I'm actually gonna do?
I'm Gonna Murder Him For You!
I'll do it, man I'll kill the little SHIT! , I'm not kidding. I have some guns in my closet. You take your pick. We're gonna go to school tommorow, or just find his house, and we'll shoot the shit out of his body. Where's he live, like, 69 Fag Lane? In Gaywad, North Caro-FAG-a? The place where all the, uh, the gay people live? What a dick. Seriously, though, you know what would fix his little red wagon? Instead of killing him, let's get his whole family. No, no, hear me out, okay, first, we torture them, while he watches. That's for all the times he's tortured us when he opens that mouth of his and just starts spewing his bullshit all over the place. Then, we kill him, just like he's killed my sanity. It's pretty deep shit. If you don't get all the symbolism, just play along and you'll understand it when you're a bit older.
Okay, seriously, let's go get him. I can't wait to see his brains just spread all over the floor. This is the best idea ever. We'll show him what happens to irritating people like him.
They get their asses murdered.