Thanksgiving (Nicole Westbrook song)

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Nicole, trying to seduce you with a turkey leg. I guess.

Thanksgiving is the worst song ever featuring the little-known twelve-year-old attention whore Nicole Westbrook. She has been placed on the FBI's Top Ten Most Wanted list and is currently being hunted down for ruining a perfectly good holiday with her shitty music. Better alive than else, the reward for her capture is one dollar and twenty-five cents, which is all the FBI could cough up after paying off those hookers.

The song

"Thanksgiving" was written and staged by the already well-known "music" pioneer and prominent she-male Patrice Wilson and his ARK Music Factory (the same people who blessed us with the now-critically acclaimed best-selling Friday by Rebecca Black, an equally shitty music artist). The song's powerful message is as follows:

“Oh oh oh Oh oh oh Oh oh oh, oh yeah Oh oh oh Oh oh oh Alright

Come on”

These words describe the passionate, deep orgasms Thanksgiving traditions of the Westbrook family. Many of the viewers of the video on YouTube expressed their love for Nicole's meaningful lyrics:

“I love this song so much, it makes me want to cry. You go Nicole!”
~ Nicole's mother on "Thanksgiving"
“This is teh best song evarr!!!1!1!!!1111!!”
~ Rebbeca Black on "Thanksgiving"

Nicole earlier released a video in 2011 claiming that her father had died of asbestos from the 9/11 attacks, we now know this is not true, as her father's death certificate stated "death by smelling Eau de Pato, also known as mustard gas." One might think this would have prevented Mr. Westbrook from commenting on his daughter's new video, yet he did anyway:

“I'm burning in Hell right now for creating you, and now that you produced this sh*t, you're coming with me!”
~ Mr. Westrook on his daughter's flaming pile of shit.

The video

The official music video for "Thanksgiving" features Nicole going through the motions of a boring and drab Thanksgiving holiday. NAW! Just kiddin'. That would be too good of a video. Let's see what really happened:

The beginning of the video starts with a sliding view of a November 2013 calendar (even though this video was released 15 days before Thanksgiving 2012). Nicole than picks up a Sharpie and crosses out the date for Thanksgiving 2013, which is odd, because unless she can time-travel... Moving along. Nicole than has several repeated mini-seizures or quick orgasms with no stimulation, as she continually utters "oh oh oh" for approximately 10 seconds. A wide awake Nicole says "I'm wide awake" and than utters some placeholder lines that rhyme with the first line as to create a good run-up to the chorus. One might also note that Nicole's face looks like a mirror coated in Canola oil for the duration of these lines.

The chorus is a lyrically retarded run-over of a select few holidays (only the Christian and American ones). This transitions to a scene where Nicole, un-supervised, makes her own mashed potatoes, stuffing, and bakes her own turkey (on an unrelated note, the head of the FDA resigned shortly after "Thanksgiving" was released), which is a great way to shove children's integrity back in the world's face. This scene's lyrics are repeated fifteen times until Nicole passed out while shooting the video. Next scene.

Nicole reminds us that her favorite holiday is _____, at which point Pato (Patrice's catchy nickname) dives in just and cuts her off with the chorus. Nicole begins spazzing out (in this case referred to as "rapping") after a prayer at the Thanksgiving table, and proudly proclaims that she has mutha-fuckin' MASHED POTATOES on her TABLE! The shit, man!

Then the song ends, and the person listening either immediately shakes their head in disgust or dies. There is no positive reaction to this masterpiece of despise. Just sorrow and mourning for the death of our good music industry since the early 2000s. RIP, good music, RIP...From the beginning of time-2000. RIP...

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