Tha Khaled III
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Tha Khaled III is the 29th studio album by DJ Khaled. The album was released on June 9th, 1969. It featured over an infinite number of guest rappers, a record. The album's length, clocking in at over 4 hours due to the amount of guest verses, is also a record for a rap album. The entire album was recorded in less than 2 hours. It was revolutionary, as it became the first rap album to have an Uncyclopedia article made after it.
After Khaled's previous album, "We Regional" was universally panned by critics, DJ Khaled went to seek help from Mickey Avalon, who wound up co-producing the album, along with having a child with Khaled. The original plan for the album was to have Khaled scream on every track nonstop until he ran out of things to say, which was basically what he had done for the previous 12 albums, but at the last minute the concept was changed to that of Khaled's earlier albums, which had him scream for a short portion at the beginning of the track and then have guest rappers (90% of them from Florida) spit wack verses over forgettable beats, accumulating sales of 60,000 copies on average.
After much hype, "Tha Khaled III" was officially released on June 9th, 1969, and had first day sales of 1,215. The album went on to sell over 900,000 copies in its first week, debuting at #185 on the Billboard 200.
edit Bono's Poo Incident
Originally, copies of the album were covered in U2 frontman Bono's steamy poo, a marketing technique created by Avalon to show people that the album was "the shit". When people thought it was supposed to mean the album was not THE shit, but just plain shit, future copies of the album were not covered in Bono's poo. Instead, Khaled provided the poo himself. After Khaled's poo was declared to be too hard for it to stick to the album case, the idea was dropped completely.
Khallipop was the first single released from the album. It was released in the summer of 1966, which would eventually be the longest period of time between the release of an album's first single and the actual album itself (3 years) until Lil Jon repeated this task 30 years later. The single peaked at #2 on the Billboard Not 100 (the song that was #1 at the time is unknown, but it has been generally assumed that the song was by Rihanna). It spent 95 weeks in the top 10; however, it fell well short of expectations. The music video was extremely controversial, as it featured Khaled having Blow Rida, Fat Chode, and many others taking turns licking his "Khallipop". The uncensored video is uploaded onto Youtube approximately 12,000 times a day, but is always taken down for its sexual content.
A Miami was the second single released from the album. The song was notable for having DJ Khaled scream "MIAMI!" repeatedly throughout the entire song (which lasts 43:12). Half of the rappers on the track could not be heard because of Khaled screaming too loud. It peaked at #6 on the chart. The music video was another controversial one, as it showed Khaled walking past a television store. The televisions in the store were on MTV, which was playing the uncensored "Khallipop" video at the time (back then, MTV still played music videos). Because the video featured Miami rappers, Fat Chode has an unneccessary cameo, even though he is not an artist in the song.Got That Hundred Million Dollar Money! was the third single released from the album. The song discusses how all rappers suffer from an addiction called "povertyphobia", which forces them to do whatever it takes to earn a profit. The song's single cover was controversial, as it featured Khaled, Blow Rida, Fat Chode, and Dick Ross eating babies (this is a common way for povertyphobia sufferers to help ease their addiction). When it was discovered that many people were offended by the image, it was covered in Bono's steamy poo to prevent people from seeing the actual cover. Khaled has stated in interviews that eating babies was the greatest thing he's ever done, and he is a frequent baby eater. The music video simply showed Khaled eating babies, apart from a cameo by Michael Vick, which showcases Vick eating dogs, and because the video featured a Miami rapper (Khaled), Fat Chode has an unneccessary cameo, even though he is not an artist in the song. The single was the 3rd top 10 single from the album, peaking at #10.
Mrs. Crossdresser was the fourth single released from the album. The single has peaked at #16, but it is on the rise and may peak higher. The video has been filmed but not released yet. A behind the scenes video shows Dick Ross in a schoolgirl outfit and many other rappers wearing the latest in fabulous female fashion. It has also been shown that at the end of "Mrs. Crossdresser", the camera moves under Khaled's mini skirt to reveal his delicious pink pussy, as the song "Cuntfortable" plays. Because the video featured Miami rappers, Fat Chode has an unneccessary cameo, even though he is not an artist in the song.
- 1. 3 Weeks - The opening track, where Khaled talks about how long his album will stay on the Billboard 200
- 2. Mr. Khaled - Khaled tells the world what to call him on a formal occasion
- 3. A Miami - Every Miami rapper has 3 verses each, and Dick Ross has 8. Longest track on the album, coming in at 43:12
- 4. Got That Hundred Million Dollar Money! - Khaled discusses povertyphobia, a disease suffered by rappers that causes them to do whatever it takes to stay rich. This explains why so many of them are in prison
- 5. Cuntfortable - Khaled talks about his pink, wrinkly vagina
- 6. Dr. Khaled - Khaled plays IMAGINATION, and becomes a doctor, or more specifically, the kind who give high school boys their physicals (ugh...)
- 7. Phone Gnome - What Khaled does every time he calls Lil Wayne
- 8. Touch My Hands - Another homosexual fantasy of Khaled's, which talks about his magical manly fingers
- 9. Mrs. Crossdresser - The Miami rapper's guilty pleasure of dressing in women's clothing is the focus of this song
- 10. Let the Skeet Build - Khaled demonstrates how to jerk off until you are about to sploosh, then hold it in at the last second to make your "happy time" last longer
- 11. Shit A Brick - Khaled shits a brick
- 12. Khallipop - Khaled talks about how all the rappers, especially from Miami, love to lick his self-dubbed "Khaliipop"
- 13. Ha Ha - Called the most annoying track on the album, Khaled laughs his ass off for 25 minutes straight while unexperienced rappers say retarded bullshit over a Fruity Loops beat
- 14. Playing With Faggots - Exactly what title suggests. I do not wish to go into detail
- 15. You Ain't Got Muffins - A special tribute to Khaled's best butt buddies, Dick Ross and Fat Chode, the fattest fucks on the planet
- 16. DontGetIt (MisunderHOOD!) - A 10 minute rant (and yet the shortest song on the album) where Khaled talks about Miami, why he disrespects women but has never touched one, why he is gay, why he is controversial (Khallipop music video, GTHMDM! cover), and how he once did it doggystyle with Al Sharpton
edit Critical Reception
The album received generally mixed reviews. All Music Guide gave the album 3.5/5, saying that "while the guests performed well for Miami rappers", Khaled's screams "were not what they used to be". Rolling Stoner also criticized Khaled's screams in their 1/5 rating, saying that they were "somewhat tolerable". Many fans were unimpressed with Khaled's screams as well. However, many critics actually liked the fact that the screams were toned down, such as LickThaRapper.com, who gave the album a score of 1.9/2, with the reviewer saying, "I didn't have to mute my MP3 player to enjoy Khaled's latest offering", saying that if it weren't the fact that most of the rappers were from (psssh) Miami, it probably would've received a perfect rating, which would've made it only the 2rd album to receive a perfect score on the site, along with Soulja Bitch's souljabitchtellem.cum. It currently has a Metacritic rating of 69.
In late 1976, DJ Khaled announced he would be rereleasing Tha Khaled III with all new tracks, while still keeping Tha Khaled III title. This was rumored to be because people thought the album was shit, but Khaled later announced that that was not the case, saying "It's gonna be called "Tha Khaled III: The Abortion". The abortion of everything I have done in the past, via suction-aspiration. FUCK REPUBLICANS! WE GLOBAL!" The album was expected to include tracks such as the discarded Load-of-Shit duet, entitled "Rape You Alive" and A Miami freestlyes from various pop rappers. However, since Gerald Ford, a Republican, was the President of the United States at the time and held anti-abortion views, he demanded Khaled change the name of the album. When Khaled was forced to change the name of the album, he was so upset he decided to cancel the project altogether (even after recording 20 tracks and spending over $4 million dollars on the album) and created a new album with numerous titles rumored to be the true title. Titles that were rumored to be used were "Tampon Trail", "Relactate", "Before I Suck DeCock", and "KhalE.N.D." Eventually, the album was titled "Rebirth of the Previously Aborted Baby" but that's for another article *hint* *nudge* *wink*
edit Tranny Award Nominations
Despite mixed reviews from press, many DJ Khaled dick riders (notably everyone who has ever been to Miami) forced the Tranny Orgynization to allow "Tha Khaled III" to be nominated in numerous categories. Tranny Award nominations are displayed below:
- Album of the Year Over 3 Hours - "Tha Khaled III" (this is the only album nominated in this category) - Won by default
- Most Annoying Song - A Miami - Lost to "That's Not My Name" by the Ting Tings
- Song Most Likely to Cause Orgasm - Playing With Faggots - Lost to a Justin Timberlake song, geez he had like, 4 songs nominated in this category
- Best Song to Have Cyber Sex To - Let The Skeet Build - Won
DJ Khaled was also named "Queer of the Year" by the Tranny Orgynization.
DJ Khaled performed live at the show, singing the annoying female voice in "Faggots Like Us". Surprisingly, Khaled's belly was enormous, and while many originally thought he had eaten many babies before the show (which, coincidentally ended up being quite true), Khaled revealed that he was expecting his first child with Dick Ross. Khaled was reportedly is not going to name the baby because he plans on eating the baby right after it has exited the womb; however Khaled has stated recently he will be naming the baby depending on the time of the day. Khaled stated, "If it is born in the morning, I will be naming him "Breakfast". If afternoon, "Lunch". It's not the most traditional of names, but if that fag from Coldplay can name his daughter "Apple" without getting shit from Steve Jobs, I think I can name my baby what I want without getting shit from anyone." Dick Ross reportedly is upset Khaled wishes to eat the baby, instead wishing to let it grow to a fine size before feasting. It is unknown at this time what they will decide to do.
After months of forgetting to update the article, the original author of this page returned to reveal that DJ Khaled had successfully given birth to a baby boy. The baby was born at 1:23 AM and was named "Fourthmeal". The newborn reportedly weighed 28 lbs., 4 oz.. The child was eaten at 2:18 AM by Khaled and Ross.