Testicles
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Testicles are therapeutic devices designed to alleviate emotional stress and anxiety through the application of kinesthetic exercise. They are also known as stress-relief balls. balls OOhttp://www.hellblazer.com/media/big-balls.jpg
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[edit] Description
Attention customers: Testicles. That is all.
Two squeezable, oval-shaped balls are packaged in close proximity to one another inside a sack, known as the scrotum. Testicles come in a variety of colored pouches, including tan, bronze, chocolate, coffee, salmon, brown, black, magenta, ginger, cornsilk, yellow, burnt sienna, invisible, pink, red, and blue, but only when an admirer fails to relieve the testicles themselves.
[edit] Instructions for use
To alleviate stress and anxiety, the user manipulates the balls through the silky pouch, rolling them together or in opposite directions, kneading them lightly, or jiggling them. Manufacturers suggest that users resist the impulse to bounce the balls, because they are not made of rubber and could be damaged if too much force is applied to them. Plus you should place big tits on them daily.
[edit] Uses and benefits
Testicles are endorsed by many physicians, health organizations, and fitness centers as an ideal product for the release of stress, and users also express satisfaction with the item.
“They're great! I don't know how I ever got through the day without a pair of testicles to play with!”
“Rubbing my testicles makes me feel good all over my vagina.”
“Whenever I feel stressed out at work, I take a break, not for coffee, but for a testicles workout. Soon after, I feel like a million bucks.”
“I wish I had a pair to squeeze.”
“Mine are big and I love to rub them.”
“If Hillary's not at home, my scrotum makes a fine substitute.”
“ Testicles. That is all. ”
Doctors also say that testicles are effective in the treatment of arthritis, nerve-related diseases, gout, and depression. "Manipulating a pair of testicles generally has a pleasant, even a potentially euphoric effect, which can result in tranquil, relaxed feelings," Dr. Laura Schlessinger declares. "I play with a pair of them every day, after I get home from the office."
Many users also report finding relief from pain as a result of flexing the testicles between their thumbs and fingers. "A five-finger massage is generally the best approach," Dr. Schlessinger advises.
Some people can have testyicles in their chin. This is known as chinballitis
[edit] Cautions and Warnings
While there are a plethora of benefits associated with testicular manipulation, caution should be taken, as over manipulation can result in Testicular Torsion. Europeans may be more familiar with the name TLD (testicle looping disorder)
In 2004 the Scrotal Safety Commission was formed to educate the male populous on the dangers of over manipulation, however due to members of the group participating in “Research”, the commission was unable to fulfill its mandate. Late in 2007 their educational website was mothballed to the archives of the inter-web.
[edit] Games to Play with Testicles
Heres some fun games to play with testicles!
Game 1
Step 1: Get 10+ guys and find a dark area
Step 2: Get naked and put fluorescent paint on testicles
Step 3: Run around this dark area trying to maim other guys testicles while safeguarding your own
Tip: Bring a weapon (see below for best choices) just in case things get a bit rough.
Game 2
Step 1: Get a bucket of cold water
Step 2: Find a small box that you can stand on and a pole
Step 3: Saturate testicles in cold water
Step 4: Stand on box
Step 5: Make testicles contact pole (make sure they stick)
Step 6: Kick box underneath you
Tip: Bring friends who like to abuse you for hours of fun!
Game 3
Step 1: Get a chick
Step 2: Fuck her
Step 3: Fuck her some more
Step 4: Jizz
Game 4
Step 1: Put your testicles in meat sauce
Step 2: Now get your dog or cat and play keep away
Game 5
Step 1: Put your testicles in a blender
Step 2: Make a tasty milkshake
Step 3: Feed it to your best friends
Step 4: When they're in the hospital, laugh and tell them they ate testicles
Step 5: Hide in a sewer for 1 year before they rape you then kill you
Game 6
Step 1: Scratch your balls
Step 2: Feel the relief
Game 7
Step 1: Rent any Movie written by Jason Friedberg
Step 2: Buy alcohol
Step 3: Consume alcohol with friends/enemies/Sudanese government officials whenever a character gets hit in the testicular area
Step 4: Rinse testicles in luke warm water and repeat as necessary
Game 8
Step 1: Get 14 men
Step 2: Make 2 teams of 7
Step 3: Make them cut all their balls off
Step 4: Get a baseball field
Step 5: Get a bat
Step 6: Play baseball with their balls
Game 9
Step 1: Rip off own testicles (mop up any stray pus / blood)
Step 2: Juggle
Tip: DO NOT DROP YOUR TESTICLES, otherwise they will promptly explode and drench said surface with yellow ooze, which runs
Scissors Testicles Stone
[edit] Commonly known as
Testicles, Testicleeze (Greek name), testes, gonads, nads, nards, balls, meatballs, greaseballs, Atalanta's balls, sack, nuts, nutsack, sack o' nuts, coconuts, Brazil nuts, lug nuts, deez nuts, acorns, family jewels, eggs, plums, grapes, apricots, mah mangoes, oranges, kiwis, nectarines, tangerines, tangelos, cherries, berries, bad berries, bumberries, scrot, bollocks, luggage, goat hangers, bangers 'n' mash, janglies, danglers, knackers, bells, rocks, stones, berries, hairies, goobers, milk duds, raisinets, buncha crunch, babymakers, baby gravy steamers, biscuits and gravy, butter and jam, milk chugs, the bits, the bib, cunt glutters, the teabag, the fuckbag, the happy fun bag, the writhing pain bag, lice ice, the children, the grandchildren, the red-headed step children, the Little Rascals, chipmunk cheeks, ants in the pants, fuzzy-wuzzies, the boys, the girls, Santa's toy sack, bongos, Lucy's conga drums, the mummy-daddy button, peaches, leeches, little witnesses (Latin), James Westhall and Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, where the sidewalk ends, marbles, garglers, warblers, lube cubes, the basket of unborn Beethovens, pelvic cushions, me lucky charms, fruity pebbles, snozz wangers, vernicious kernids, twirly twirly twirlies, cumchucks, stress relief for women, Chinese massage orbs, the House of the Stork, my other adam's apple, Eve's apples, food, drink, protein shakers, salt and pepper, Ginger and Maryann, Gilligan and the Skipper, the Big and Little Dippers, emergency pancake syrup, the tossed salad dressers, the cause of the all the world's wars, baby bombs, Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Enola Gay and Bockscar, Fat Man and Little Boy, faggot nipples, man's udder, the goddamn soup scoops, Lunchables, Mr. Bucket (buckets of fun), the wankel rotary engine, Brothers of the Broth, what never to take into a women's prison, jacks, a bigger pair of aces, Les Miserables, infinity (think about it), diesel donks, the Devil's goatee, Phillies, Yankees, Yin and Yankee, Legion, grunties, the jubblies, boo nannies, jigglers, throat quackers, milady's eye patches, her other tonsils, Angelina's Jollies, the reason there are so damn many Korean grocers, chum chuggin' chums, the Hobbits, the Rohirrim, the marinators, the percolators, the turkey basters, the Crab Nebula, naughty naughty jungle of love, the vomitorium, a grown man's tear ducts, twister, the key to man's obedience (turn the key), jerries, my flask, the source of Chuck Norris's power, vulnerability defined, the Snows of Kilimanjaro, Dumb and Dumber, What Lies Beneath, the Kill Switch, Jeff Gordon's gay, yodelers, the Big Uvula, Mr. Jiggle Daddy's heinie chin, and the nutter butter sponge locket.
[edit] See Also
