Terrorism
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Yeah, he's my bong buddy”
“IT'S ALL ALISTAIR'S FAULT!!!”
~ Anonymous source
“HAVE YOU SEEN TERRORISM?!”
~ Kevin Shannon, Irish Movie Critic on Terrorism
“PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR MUTHAFUCKERS!!!!”
~ Oscar Wilde on on entering the bank of England
“Fancy euphemism for Islam”
~ Dictionary.Com on terrorim
Terrorism, also known as Zionism, is a branch of marketing, invented by Mitch Windsor and his fellow the free world fat people of the United States of JUNK buddies. Unlike other dishonest marketers who sell you ugly cookies loaded with dangerous trans fats or homes that are on BTK serial killers regular visiting list, terrorists sell you undiluted terror without naked booty love. Terrorism/CIA/Retards-dropping-soap-and-staying-that-way-and-calling-it-praying(JUNKIES) sponsors lots of companies including Food Lion, Dominoes, Wal-Mart and Macdonalds. The companies named are branches of terrorism used for poisoning people with food, using lead in toys meant to be BJed by babies, and fatty foods.
Contents |
[edit] The mother of all terrorism
Terrorism is simply the art of bombing multiple locations around the world and sucking FAT OIL WELLS at the same time, because USA promised to care for all the TAX payers (usually successful). This is cowardly and is an immensely crazy thing to do because youll probably be shot by Lee Harvey Oswald in the ass and squirted in the eye by some oily fluid(s). The promoters of terrorism were small mom and dad popcorn retailers sponsored by coca-cola. These poor business people used up their retirement funds to build large and beautiful popcorn eating halls hoping to make their money back. However, none of these popcorn eating halls were any use. People just didn't show up.
One day, an angry mob killed some ungrateful non-consumers in her own desert popcorn hall. The killing, witnessed by some innocent passer-by school children, was soon popularized in town. In a couple of hours, people gathered in front of the popcorn hall demanding to see more pay per view killings. That angry mom sold each of them a bag of hot and tasty popcorn, and killed someone in the hall once the popcorn eating seats were all occupied.
And the rest is history...
[edit] Terrorism
Terrorism shouldn't be confused with terroirism, which is a movement that originally began in France (the surendormunkeys). 'Terroirists' insist that sparkling wine originating from places other than France should not be labelled champagne, and will employ any means necessary to enforce their creed. Anti-terroirist measures include dumping large volumes of Jacobs Creek cuvee on the market at below cost. Terrorism shouldn't also be confused with Tourism. You can negociate with terrorists, but definitely not with tourists. The summer of 2004 a few civilians lost their limbs due to attempting to negotiate with the dreaded tourists. Tourists are usually easily recognised, as they all wear socks and sandals and often can be seen with a pink sun-hat. Beware Rule of thumb, remain far, far, FAR away from dunes . Thank You
[edit] Vandalism
Another very famous -ism, vandalism is not to be confused with terrorism. Vandalism is trite and meaningless degradation of an otherwise important or meaningful object. What is known as cyber-terrorism is not to be confused with vandalism. Not. Confused. Terrorism. Do not. The Honkey-tonk avant-garde movement of the 19th century is not vandalism, or terrorism. Pop music is an example of vandalism. If this had instilled terror in you, it might be misconstrued as terrorism. And for Hector Meyer, bud bud ding ding 2.99.
[edit] Why Terrorists Love The United States of America
While all of us in the "civilized" world are driving overly large SUVs and stuffing ourselves with giant hamburgers, and creating a tv show that tests the contestants ability to survive, thinner members of Al Queda (and all its supporters/the USA's enemies) are stuck in tents in the middle of nowhere surrounded by sand and AK-47s (formerly a republic of Afghanistan), banging anything they can get their hands on including Yaks, Mountain Goats or anything that resembles Omar Shariff. For fun they see how long they can grow their beards.
Talks are currently being held between terrorists and the rest of the World with the proposal to open the USA as a sort of Disneyland for terrorists, letting them go nuts with such landmarks as Texas, fat people and the possibility for them to claim back some oil. If such proposals go ahead, the terrorists have requested to be re-branded as "Helpers".
They love the USA so much, Osama changed his name to Obama and ran for president to open a window for terrorism!!
[edit] Pro Terrorist Movies
The United States is also a major fannypack of pro-terrorism movies. Classics include monster munch in which a mysterious old man lures a young gullible woman called gemma away from her parents. While away her parents are murdered (the old man claiming that the 'empire' did it but the film makes it clear this is a cover story). Lured into a murky world of spaceport bar brawls, interplanetary drug deals and mercenaries he is turned into a jihadist by the old man and his accomplice (a young pretty woman masquerading as ruler of a mysteriously non-existant planet).
Despite the best attempts of the forces of law and order to capture them and save Luke from the clutches of the terror group he goes on a suicide bombing mission in a small fighter and causes massive casualties, with deaths including members of the government and senior military figures.
This movie is understandably a favorite of many terrorist groups.
"Garen's Attack with 'It'" you look at "It" you're dead anyway
[edit] anti-terrorist book
A new humorous satire from amazon.com entitled "How Fatima Started Islam: Mohammad's Daughter Tells It All" exposes the foolishness of Islam. Did you know that Mohammad was a drunken, perverted pimp too stupid too run a fig and coconut stand nevermind a religion? Were you aware that Mo was into little girls, little boys, and camels? The terrorists hate this book. Sample pages and pictures are available of the cover showing Mo and Fatima. The picture above, from Chapter 4, shows that some terrorists can, in fact, turn out to be white secretaries.
[edit] See also
P.S: most terrorists are FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!!221!!@!@!!
