Terri Schiavo

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Saint Theresa of Schiavo (December 3, 1963 – February 25, 1990 - March 31, 2005) is a saint of the Roman Catholic Church.


Theresa is often described as having been in a persistent vegetative state. Others protest, stating that beans are properly legumes, and the tomato is a fruit.


Schiavo, a martyr, was beatified for the miracle of distracting the American public long enough that God's will could be codified as law without anyone raising a fuss about it. Devotees of the sainted Theresa express their devotion by emulating the mortification of the flesh that brought their idol closer to the Lord by placing two fingers down their throats and regurgitating. In this way do they rid themselves of the uncleanness just as Terri did in order to receive the visions of Christ.

The canonization of Terri of Schiavo is disputed, as it is argued that she is the only one who failed to suffer throughout her earthly trials. Some consider her the first vegetable Popess of the Roman Catholic Church.

Schiavo's last words were reported to be in the form of a redondilla, or Spanish quatrain:

muuuu nuhhadsdf durrr jkaaagh
wooee rhruihyo dhidoh waaaaaagh
waaaaa naaaaaa vaaa voooom
baaaa baaa baaaaaaaa booooom

Hail Terri

Devout Catholics may perform the Hail Terri by laying completely prostrate in bed, articulating AHHHHHHH and then virtually screaming WAAAAAAAA. The Hail Terri is often prescribed to atone for the sin of gluttony.

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