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The initial pre-alpha version of Terraria.

“They didn't bribe us enough!”
~ IGN on the developers' overconfidence.

Terraria is a prequel to the unsuccessful indie-game Minecraft (which only sold 8 copies), set in 1977 AD when all games were rendered using one dimension. This, and the speculated Merchant NPCs' Nazi alignment, raised some controversy, as the game was actually a 2D version of Minecraft.

edit Gameplay

The gamer plays as a sexually confused leper, customized using an annoying RGB hexidecimal luminosity bar-graph slider, against enemies known as numbers. The main objective of the game is to collect as many ridiculously overpowered weapons as possible. The multiplayer mode follows a different storyline, in which you must face the horrors of having to input server IPs without the ability to copy and paste.

Along your journey, you are assisted by side-characters such as a re-incarnation of Jimmy Savile, who calls himself the Guide. Some bosses in the game include a giant demonic dildo, a misplaced eyeball belonging to a large mythical sea creature with gastroenteritis, and your mother. This game consists of virtually beating dirt to the ground.

edit History


The merchant becomes hostile if you let him get killed by zombies too many times.

Terarria was inspired by Microsoft Paint, a sandbox game rendered in 4D. Originally, it was planned that Terraria would be the sequel to Minecraft, but then the developer accidentally dropped two dimensions down the back of the sofa. At that point, he decided that it must be a prequel. This was before the 3D Revolution of the universe, an event that changed how games worked for about a month before AAA titles copied indie game developers.

Later, the game’s main developer abandoned the game and developed a patch called Starbound on the Playstation 360, instead of adding to the Linux version (as this was programmed Scratch). The game’s graphic designer quit for a while, but then used coding magic to make a version called 1.2.

“*Changed version number*”
~ The graphic designer for terraria on the 1.2 patch notes.

The same graphic designer, annoyed at the new Playstation 360 version of the game, decided to make Terraria 2.0. The projected release date for this is “After Half Life 3 comes out."

edit Lawsuits

In 2005, during alpha testing, Blizzard sued the monkeys making Terraria for use of their trademarked work “Craft”. The developer challenged the entire Blizzard team to a Starcraft tournament to settle the case, but lost when he realised that Blizzard made that game too.

This meant that the developer had to put all his funding into Microsoft, but when he realised they made Windows 8, he cancelled the Terraria project.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Terraria.

Terraria’s involvement with the Playstation 360 (and its later iteration, Vita One) to collect data for the NSA was designed to avoid a lawsuit, but Bethesda thought it would be funny to threaten them with one anyway.

edit Development process

A forerunner to Terraria was programmed in 1935 in Game Maker's D&D scripting language. Reverse Engineering determined that all the music was bootleg copies of Skrillex albums, but like the older stuff that you totally wouldn't have heard of, bro.

The developer hired a rogue from a rival company known as Zynga Studios, who worked on porting the game to MS DOS for the developer’s late grandfather, who didn’t know how to use these newfangled thingummies, like the “iTouch - Kids Edition." The MS DOS version was, unsurprisingly, more popular than the currently top-ranking text-based adventure game, Angry Birds, on the Windows Phone.

Pretty much, if you're mentally challenged, the game won't care, cause it's a motherfucking game you moron.

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