Terra Branford (Final Fantasy)
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“He's totally after me for having prettier hair than him.”
“I still don't get why that black Power Ranger stopped running at the end of the game?”
“When things fall, they fall!”
“Why does her nipples disappear when she morphs?”
Terra BrainFork (Also known as Celes, Aerith, Rosa, Lightning or Cloud) is a famous singer-songwriter, actress, model, stripper, president and a Final Fantasy character born from a gorilla and a prostitute. Terra is admired by a clown-like flamboyant make-up expert, two royal identical Twins, and treasure hunters trying to revive their dead girlfriend. Famous for being a rape-target by almost everyone, and for her unique talent of locating the most luxurious places for taking naps.
Terra is not the main character of the game, as the creator, Yoshimtits Basaboobs, said that he didn't plan on coining a main character in the game. Instead, She's the character you start the game with, and happens to have double the amount of playtime than the other characters. She also happens to be the only character in the box-art. And the title. 70% of the game also happens to be all about her. However, she isn't the main character.
In Final Fantasy 6, Terra has wavy green hair tied up in a pony tail, which matches her weirdly shaped shirt and gigantic shoulder pads. She also wears no pants, as panties were one of the most stylish trends in Narshe. In her Esper form, Terra transforms into a naked Pokemon with no mouth, she also gains the ability to fly to random places without saying anything (due to the fact that she has no mouth) and making everyone look for her for ages while she's taking a nap on top of a tower.
In Dissidia, Terra goes blonde, which leads to her becoming utterly stupid and having affairs with 12 years old kids named after vegetables. Her outfit consists of a wooden boot, a bed sheet worn as a cape, and stockings your grandma would usually wear.
Role in Game
Terra is the central character at the beginning of the game, however, after deciding to work as a part-time nanny, Celes steals the spotlight. Then Locke. Then Shadow. Terra meets Locke when he wakes her up from her underground cave nap and puts her in his bed. She is then allowed to escape from the back-door of the house. She then meets Edgar Figure Anus who also wants to rape- err, befriend her. And together with Locke they escape from Kefka. She then meets a couple hundred people who decide they want to help her take Kefka down for multiple reasons.
Throughout the game, Terra exploits her human side, as she was brainwashed all her life. She was supposed to die at the end, but Yoshimtits Basaboobs decided that letting her live would be more awesome, and continue her job as a part-time nanny, caring for children living in an underground cave.
At first, Terra is interested in a punk named Leo because of his fabulous mohawk, but then he dies. After mourning his death for two minutes, she moves on to her new love interest, Mog. However, she is later seen very interested in Sabin, the muscular twin brother of Edgar. Kefka also claims they were dating 5 years ago, but Terra didn't confirm that considering she was being controlled by him and wasn't even able to speak.
Relation with other Final Fantasy Character
Locke: Locke rescues Terra at the beginning of the game, and promises to always do, but he fails. Originally, Locke had a crush on Terra, but later moves on to Celes Share due to Terra fiercely ignoring him.
Kefka: Terra is enslaved by Kefka for 18 years before the game starts. Which is when she's born. Horny motherfucker much? After Terra is freed by Locke, Kefka chases after her again, wanting to use her powers for his own purposes.
Celes: Known as the "Stupid bitch who took my role" to Terra, is a sisterly figure to Terra. Or at least that's what she thinks. In reality, Terra hates her for having Goldilocks hair and stealing the spotlight in the second part of the game. Celes has also made it clear that she wants to put a strap-on dildo and rape Terra.
Edgar: Terra actually also hates him, but only tolerates him to get to his "sexy ass brother". She thinks he's a girl at first.
Sabin: Terra at first thinks he's a "bodybuilder who has strayed away from his gym". Which is her way of saying "That's one hawt dawg." It's unknown if she loves him or just wants to fuck him, but the higher chances it's the latter, because she still doesn't know what "love" is.
Onion Knight: Is an under-age boy and the only man-jailbait in existence whom Terra falls in love with because she was brainwashed. She snaps out of it and beats him up then runs away from him.
Vaan: Rescues her after being enslaved by Kefka. Again. He then hits on her numerous times to which Terra is totally oblivious of.
Fashion Line and Departure from Final Fantasy
Terra eventually left Final Fantasy, the reason for this was unknown. "They forced me to dye my hair," Terra stated, "but that's still not the real reason." Five years later, Terra appeared in a commercial on MTV, advertising her new fashion line, Not pants, boxers. The fashion line was heavily criticized by Christians, Muslims, and all other religions, because it encourages people to stop wearing pants. "EVERYBODY SHOULD KNOW HOW GOOD IT FEELS!" Terra commented, in a recent interview with her on Fried Chocobos Time!. There have since been numerous cases of lost genitals. The cases were horribly related to Terra's fashion line, which eventually led to it being shut down.