From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
edit Copyright, Patent and Trademark Protection
edit Use of and Downloading Materials
If you (or a legal entity you control) own and operate a Web site or engage in other Internet activity, such as electronic commerce, communication, publishing and transmission, and want to download, post, publish, or use Materials for any such Web site or Internet activity, you will need permission from Uncyclopedia, even though your Web site or Internet activity is free of charge. For that matter, you should check with Uncyclopedia for permission before you even think about going near a computer, or any building that looks like it might have a computer in it. And don't even think about touching a Radio Shack catalogue without checking in with us first. Unless you are a student, or your use of the Materials is short term and minimal, your use of the Materials may be subject to copyright and other legal restrictions.
Requests regarding the use of the Materials for any purpose other than educational, personal and occasional and minimal non-commercial use should be directed to Uncyclopedia Site Administrators, whose sole discretion holds supreme jurisdiction over the decision.
edit Your Communications
You may use language or engage in any activity that is threatening, abusive, vulgar, discourteous, and unlawful on this Site, unless directed at the Site Administrators. Uncyclopedia reserves the right to remove or edit messages or material submitted by users. You may not use this Site for sale, trade, or other commercial purposes.
You are responsible for your own communications and are responsible for the consequences of their posting. You must not do any of the following things unless you really think you can get away from it:
- post information or material that is copyrighted, unless you are the copyright owner or have the permission of the copyright owner to post such information or materials;
- post information or material that contains a virus or other harmful component;
- post information or material that reveals trade secrets, unless you own them and are stupid enough to post them or have the permission of the owner who is stupid enough to give permission;
- post information or materials to this Site that violate the rights of any third party, including, without limitation, information or material that infringes on any intellectual property rights of others or on the privacy or publicity rights of others, unless it's funny;
- post information or material that is obscene, defamatory, libelous, threatening, harassing, abusive, hateful, or embarrassing to any other person or entity, unless it's arguably funny;
- post a potentially disturbing image, such as one of a clown eating uncooked shellfish;
- post advertisements or solicitations of business without paying the Site Administrators;
- post chain letters or the like; or
- impersonate or impregnate another person.
Keep in mind that other users will have access to materials you post to this Site, and they might copy, modify, or distribute it. By posting information or materials to this Site, you warrant and represent that you own or otherwise control all of the rights to the content and that public posting, and use of your information or materials by Uncyclopedia will not infringe or violate the rights of any third party. You automatically grant to Uncyclopedia, a worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, orchestrate, edit, translate, put mayonnaise on, create derivative works from, distribute, perform, declaim, display, make toilet paper out of, and sell your communications alone or as part of other works in any form, media, or technology whether now known or hereafter developed, and to sublicense such rights through multiple tiers of sublicenses. Legally, you yield your intellectual property and soul to Uncyclopedia.
edit Communications by Other Users
Uncyclopedia does not represent or guarantee the truthfulness, accuracy, or reliability of any communications posted by other users or endorse any opinions expressed by users. You acknowledge that any reliance on material posted by other users will be at your own risk.
edit Linking, Framing and Third Party Sites
This Site provides links to other World Wide Web sites or resources. Hyperlinks to other Internet resources are provided for your convenience. The editors of Uncyclopedia have selected these resources as having some value and pertinence, but their development and maintenance are not under the direction of Uncyclopedia. Thus, the content, accuracy, and suitability of information contained therein, opinions expressed therein, and other links provided by these resources are neither verified by Uncyclopedia editors nor endorsed by Uncyclopedia. You, however, must agree to endorse all opinions contianed in the content of this Site, even when (indeed, especially when) they are illogical, unreasoned, offensive, dangerous or silly.
Because Uncyclopedia has no control over such sites and resources, you acknowledge and agree that Uncyclopedia is not responsible for the availability of such external sites or resources, and does not endorse and is not responsible or liable for any content, advertising, products, or other materials on or available from such sites or resources and shall not be liable, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused by the use of any such content, product, or materials. You access, eat, use, and rely upon such content, products, or materials at your own risk.
Any linking to the Site shall be at your own risk and expense and shall not be construed as an endorsement by or implication of any affiliation with Uncyclopedia, unless Uncyclopedia authorizes such linking in advance. Uncyclopedia reserves the right to object to or have removed any link that is determined by Uncyclopedia in its sole judgment to be inappropriate, inconsistent with the Site's image and reputation, or otherwise creates an undue burden on the Site or on Uncyclopedia.
You shall not, and shall not authorize any other person to, (i) co-brand the Site or portion thereof, or (ii) frame the Site or portion thereof (whereby the Site or portion thereof will appear on the same screen with a portion of another Site). "Co-branding" means to display a name, logo, trademark, or other means of attribution or identification of any party in such a manner reasonably likely to give a user the impression that such other party has the right to display, publish, or distribute the Site or Material accessible with the Site. Uncyclopedia's consent must be obtained in before deep-linking, framing, co-branding, or other activity impacting the access to or the use of our Site. Failure to obtain such consent may result in an infringement claim, legal action, or one or more secret agents committing one or more crimes in your residence or, in the case that you do not have a residence, your head. You agree to cooperate with Uncyclopedia in causing any unauthorized deep-linking, framing, co-branding, or other activity impacting the access to or the use of our Site to immediately cease.
edit Digital Millenium Copyright Act
If you are a copyright owner or an agent thereof and believe that any Content infringes upon your copyrights, you may submit a notification pursuant to the Digital Millennium Copyright Act ("DMCA") by providing our Copyright Agent with the following information in writing (see 17 U.S.C 512(c)(3) for further detail):
- A physical or electronic signature of a person authorized to act on behalf of the owner of an exclusive right that is allegedly infringed;
- Identification of the copyrighted work claimed to have been infringed, or, if multiple copyrighted works at a single online site are covered by a single notification, a representative list of such works at that site;
- Identification of the material that is claimed to be infringing or to be the subject of infringing activity and that is to be removed or access to which is to be disabled and information reasonably sufficient to permit the service provider to locate the material;
- Information reasonably sufficient to permit the service provider to contact you, such as an address, telephone number, and, if available, an electronic mail;
- A statement that you have a good faith belief that use of the material in the manner complained of is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law; and
- A statement that the information in the notification is accurate, and under penalty of perjury, that you are authorized to act on behalf of the owner of an exclusive right that is allegedly infringed.
This should be sent by snail mail to:
- Zombie Baron
- Uncyclopedia, Inc.
- 666 Zombiebaron Ave.
- Someplace, Canada 01313
- Email: email@example.com
- Fax: 1 (800) YOU-SUCK
For clarity, only DMCA notices should go to the Copyright Agent; any other feedback, comments, spam, requests for technical support, copyright permission requests, copyleft permission requests, or pie should be directed to our Village Dump.
It is advised that you bring up claims of copyright infringement in the Village Dump, however, as the Uncyclopedia community can usually act on copyright claims faster than the Copyright Agent, although they usually don't, and everyone is happy.
edit Disclaimer of Warranties
Neither Uncyclopedia, its affiliates, nor any third-party content providers or licensors makes any warranty whatsoever, including without limitation: that the operation of the Site will be uninterrupted or error-free; that defects will be corrected; that this Site, including the server that makes it available, is free of infection, viruses, worms, Trojan Horses, or other harmful components or other code that manifest contaminating or destructive properties; as to the results that may be obtained from use of the materials on the Site; or as to the accuracy, reliability, availability, suitability, quality, or operation of any information, software, or service provided on or accessible from the Site or as to any information, products, or services on the Internet in any way. In addition, Uncyclopedia does not assume any responsibility or risk for your use of the Internet.
THE SITE AND ALL INFORMATION, PRODUCTS, AND OTHER CONTENT (INCLUDING THIRD-PARTY INFORMATION, PRODUCTS, AND CONTENT) INCLUDED IN OR ACCESSIBLE FROM THIS SITE ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" AND WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND (EXPRESS, IMPLIED, AND STATUTORY, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF TITLE AND NONINFRINGEMENT AND THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE), ALL OF WHICH UNCYCLOPEDIA EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW. YOUR USE OF UNCYCLOPEDIA IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
edit Limitation of Liability
IN NO EVENT SHALL UNCYCLOPEDIA, ITS DIRECTORS, OFFICERS, LAWYERS, SHAREHOLDERS, PARENTS, CHILDREN, SUBSIDIARIES, MINIONS, AFFILIATES, AGENTS, LICENSORS, BEST FRIENDS, SECOND BEST FRIENDS, CHILDHOOD FRIENDS WHO THEY DON'T SEE MUCH OF ANYMORE, SERVANTS, BUTLERS, CHAUFFEURS, ALIEN SEX SLAVES, PSYCHADELIC PORN STAR COUSINS, FAVOURITE PROZZIES, PETS, FROZEN SPERM DEPOSITS, DECEASED STUFFED BEAR ARMS AND MOOSE ANTLERS OR CONTENT PROVIDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, SPECIAL (INCLUDING LOSS OR REVENUE OR INCOME, PAIN AND SUFFERING, EMOTIONAL DISTRESS, DEATH BY ALCOHOL, OR SIMILAR DAMAGES), INCIDENTAL, PUNITIVE, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES ARISING OUT OF OR RELATED TO THE USE, INABILITY TO USE, AUTHORIZED USE, UNAUTHORIZED USE, INGESTION, PERFORMANCE, OR NONPERFORMANCE OF THIS SITE, EVEN IF UNCYCLOPEDIA WAS PREVIOUSLY ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES AND REGARDLESS OF WHETHER SUCH DAMAGES ARISE IN CONTRACT, TORT, UNDER STATUTE, IN EQUITY, AT LAW, OR OTHERWISE. BY THE WAY, THE LAWYER IS ALLOWED TO YELL HERE SINCE NO ONE READS THIS CRAP.
UNCYCLOPEDIA DOES NOT WARRANT THAT THE WEB SITE WILL OPERATE ERROR-FREE OR THAT THE WEB SITE AND ITS SERVER ARE FREE OF COMPUTER VIRUSES OR OTHER HARMFUL MECHANISMS. IF A USER'S USE OF THE WEB SITE OR THE MATERIAL POSTED ON THE WEB SITE RESULTS IN THE NEED FOR SERVICING OR REPLACING EQUIPMENT OR DATA, UNCYCLOPEDIA IS NOT RESPONSIBLE OR LIABLE IN ANY MANNER WHATSOEVER FOR THOSE COSTS AND RESERVES THE RIGHT TO LAUGH IN THE USER'S FACE.
THIS WEB SITE, INCLUDING ALL FUNCTIONS, MATERIAL AND INFORMATION, AND ANY PRODUCTS OR SERVICES MADE AVAILABLE THROUGH THIS WEB SITE, ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED. UNCYCLOPEDIA DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, WARRANTIES OF QUIET ENJOYMENT AND NON-INFRINGEMENT AND ANY IMPLIED WRRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, NON-INFRINGEMENT, TITLE, MERCHANTABILITY OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS AND INFORMATIONAL CONTENT. I JUST REPEATED MYSELF BUT WHO CARES, NO ONE READS THIS. WE SAID QUIET ENJOYMENT, SO STOP SNICKERING.
UNCYCLOPEDIA DOES NOT WARRANT OR MAKE ANY REPRESENTATIONS REGARDING THE OPERATIONS OF THIS WEB SITE, THE USE VALIDITY, ACCURACY OR RELIABILITY OF, OR THE RESULTS OF THE USE OF THE MATERIALS ON THIS WEB SITE, THE PRODUCTS OR SERVICES OBTAINED THROUGH THIS WEB SITE OR ANY OTHER SITES LINKED TO THIS WEB SITE. NO KIDDING. THE MATERIALS ON THIS WEB SITE MAY BE OUT OF DATE, AND UNCYCLOPEDIA MAKES NO COMMITMENT TO UPDATE THE MATERIALS ON THIS SITE.
UNCYCLOPEDIA SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR LOSSES SUSTAINED BY REASON OF RELIANCE ON FACTS OR INFORMATION ON THIS SITE; OF COURSE IT ALMOST GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT IF YOU BASE YOUR INVESTMENT CHOICES ON WHAT YOU READ ON THE INTERNET, YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT. SPEAKING OF WHICH, MY UNCLE IN NIGERIA NEEDS YOUR HELP.
IN NO EVENT SHALL UNCYCLOPEDIA BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER, (INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, INCIDENTAL AND CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, LOST PROFITS, DEAD SIBLINGS, OR DAMAGES RESULTING FROM LOST DATA OR BUSINESS INTERRUPTION) RESULTING FROM THE USE OR INABILITY TO USE THE WEB SITE, WHETHER BASED IN WARRANTY, CONTRACT, TORT, OR ANY OTHER LEGAL THEORY, AND WHETHER OR NOT UNCYCLOPEDIA IS ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. I LOVE SAYING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN. DON'T YOU LOVE LEGALESE.
IN THE EVENT AND TO THE EXTENT THAT APPLICABLE LAW DOES NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OF IMPLIED WARRANTIES, THE ABOVE EXCLUSION WITH REGARD TO IMPLIED WARRANTIES MAY NOT APPLY. BUT LET'S SAY IT DOES, AND LEAVE IT AT THAT.
edit Governing Law
All contents of this Site are © 2014 Uncyclopedia or its licensors. All rights reserved. Uncyclopedia is copyrighted 133-2014 by Uncyclopedia.
Photographs and illustrations are copyrighted by their respective owners, as noted in the credits.
edit Additional Legal Information
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. No running by the pool. Two legs bad, four legs good. Don't feed them after midnight. Do not talk about Fight Club. The boss is always right. Eschew obfuscation. Don't count your chickens before they hatch. Do not talk about Fight Club.