Terms of Use

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These are not our actual terms of use. Our actual terms of use are here

Uncyclopedia is the online information, reference, and knowledge Web site ("Site") owned and operated by Uncyclopedia. ("Uncyclopedia"), consisting of information services and proprietary content, links, search capabilities and other Internet resources provided by Uncyclopedia, affiliates of Uncyclopedia and third parties. The terms, conditions and notices below ("Terms of Use") govern your use of this Site. Your use of this Site constitutes your agreement to these Terms of Use. If you do not agree with these Terms of Use, please do not use this site and send a check of $500,000 (CAD) to Uncyclopedia for having abused its systems without due acknowledgement of its Terms of Use. Uncyclopedia reserves the right to change, modify, add, or remove portions of these legally binding Terms of Use at any time without notification. Please check this page periodically for any modifications. Your use of this site following the posting of any changes constitutes your acceptance of the changes. These Terms of Use were last updated February 31, 2009, and will be updated from time to time without prior notice, just to mess with you.

edit Copyright, Patent and Trademark Protection

All materials in this Site, including, without limitation, Site layout, "look and feel", functionalities, design, text, images, graphics, video and audio content ("Materials") are the property of Uncyclopedia, its affiliated companies or licensors and are protected by international copyright, patent, and trademark laws. You may not publish, copy, display, distribute, transmit, perform, modify, put mayonnaise on, create derivative works from, sell, look at, or think about any Materials, information, products, or services obtained from this Site, except as otherwise expressly permitted under applicable law, as described in these Terms of Use, and with the express written consent of the Commissioner of Baseball. Uncyclopedia retains all right, title, and interest to the Materials: it's mine, all mine, bwa ha ha. All materials not on this Site are also the property of Uncyclopedia, as are matters which may in the future either be on this Site or elsewhere, or which may or may not exist. In short, we own your ass.

edit Use of and Downloading Materials

You may print or download Materials on the Site for your personal, non-commercial use, provided you do not remove or alter, or cause to be removed or altered, any copyright, trademark, trade name, service mark, or any other proprietary notices or legends appearing on any of the Materials. You may not engage in systematic retrieval of data or other Materials from this site to create or compile, directly or indirectly, a collection, compilation, database, or directory without written permission from Uncyclopedia. Nor may you mirror on your own site the home page or results pages of this Site. Use of the Materials on this Site for any purpose not expressly permitted in these Terms of Use is prohibited and punishable by death.

If you (or a legal entity you control) own and operate a Web site or engage in other Internet activity, such as electronic commerce, communication, publishing and transmission, and want to download, post, publish, or use Materials for any such Web site or Internet activity, you will need permission from Uncyclopedia, even though your Web site or Internet activity is free of charge. For that matter, you should check with Uncyclopedia for permission before you even think about going near a computer, or any building that looks like it might have a computer in it. And don't even think about touching a Radio Shack catalogue without checking in with us first. Unless you are a student, or your use of the Materials is short term and minimal, your use of the Materials may be subject to copyright and other legal restrictions.

Requests regarding the use of the Materials for any purpose other than educational, personal and occasional and minimal non-commercial use should be directed to Uncyclopedia Site Administrators, whose sole discretion holds supreme jurisdiction over the decision.

edit Privacy Policy

Certain personal information about you is subject to our Privacy Policy. For more information, see our full Privacy Policy at an aptly hidden address. If you want the nude photos returned to you, slip us $500 in a paper bag in the men's room of Gino's Pizza.

edit Your Communications

You may use language or engage in any activity that is threatening, abusive, vulgar, discourteous, and unlawful on this Site, unless directed at the Site Administrators. Uncyclopedia reserves the right to remove or edit messages or material submitted by users. You may not use this Site for sale, trade, or other commercial purposes.

You are responsible for your own communications and are responsible for the consequences of their posting. You must not do any of the following things unless you really think you can get away from it:

  • post information or material that is copyrighted, unless you are the copyright owner or have the permission of the copyright owner to post such information or materials;
  • post information or material that contains a virus or other harmful component;
  • post information or material that reveals trade secrets, unless you own them and are stupid enough to post them or have the permission of the owner who is stupid enough to give permission;
  • post information or materials to this Site that violate the rights of any third party, including, without limitation, information or material that infringes on any intellectual property rights of others or on the privacy or publicity rights of others, unless it's funny;
  • post information or material that is obscene, defamatory, libelous, threatening, harassing, abusive, hateful, or embarrassing to any other person or entity, unless it's arguably funny;
  • post a potentially disturbing image, such as one of a clown eating uncooked shellfish;
  • post advertisements or solicitations of business without paying the Site Administrators;
  • post chain letters or the like; or
  • impersonate or impregnate another person.

Keep in mind that other users will have access to materials you post to this Site, and they might copy, modify, or distribute it. By posting information or materials to this Site, you warrant and represent that you own or otherwise control all of the rights to the content and that public posting, and use of your information or materials by Uncyclopedia will not infringe or violate the rights of any third party. You automatically grant to Uncyclopedia, a worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, orchestrate, edit, translate, put mayonnaise on, create derivative works from, distribute, perform, declaim, display, make toilet paper out of, and sell your communications alone or as part of other works in any form, media, or technology whether now known or hereafter developed, and to sublicense such rights through multiple tiers of sublicenses. Legally, you yield your intellectual property and soul to Uncyclopedia.

edit Communications by Other Users

Uncyclopedia does not represent or guarantee the truthfulness, accuracy, or reliability of any communications posted by other users or endorse any opinions expressed by users. You acknowledge that any reliance on material posted by other users will be at your own risk.

Uncyclopedia does not screen communications in advance and is not responsible for screening or monitoring material posted by users. If notified by a user of communication which allegedly does not conform to these Terms of Use, Uncyclopedia, at its option, may investigate the allegation and determine in good faith and at its sole discretion whether to remove or request the removal of such communication. Uncyclopedia has no liability or responsibility to users for performance or non-performance of such activities. Uncyclopedia reserves the right to expel users, track them down, eat them, and prevent their further access to this Site or the Web site of any affiliate of Uncyclopedia, for violating these Terms of Use or the law, and the right to remove such communications which are abusive, illegal or disruptive.

edit Linking, Framing and Third Party Sites

This Site provides links to other World Wide Web sites or resources. Hyperlinks to other Internet resources are provided for your convenience. The editors of Uncyclopedia have selected these resources as having some value and pertinence, but their development and maintenance are not under the direction of Uncyclopedia. Thus, the content, accuracy, and suitability of information contained therein, opinions expressed therein, and other links provided by these resources are neither verified by Uncyclopedia editors nor endorsed by Uncyclopedia. You, however, must agree to endorse all opinions contianed in the content of this Site, even when (indeed, especially when) they are illogical, unreasoned, offensive, dangerous or silly.

Because Uncyclopedia has no control over such sites and resources, you acknowledge and agree that Uncyclopedia is not responsible for the availability of such external sites or resources, and does not endorse and is not responsible or liable for any content, advertising, products, or other materials on or available from such sites or resources and shall not be liable, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused by the use of any such content, product, or materials. You access, eat, use, and rely upon such content, products, or materials at your own risk.

Any linking to the Site shall be at your own risk and expense and shall not be construed as an endorsement by or implication of any affiliation with Uncyclopedia, unless Uncyclopedia authorizes such linking in advance. Uncyclopedia reserves the right to object to or have removed any link that is determined by Uncyclopedia in its sole judgment to be inappropriate, inconsistent with the Site's image and reputation, or otherwise creates an undue burden on the Site or on Uncyclopedia.

You shall not, and shall not authorize any other person to, (i) co-brand the Site or portion thereof, or (ii) frame the Site or portion thereof (whereby the Site or portion thereof will appear on the same screen with a portion of another Site). "Co-branding" means to display a name, logo, trademark, or other means of attribution or identification of any party in such a manner reasonably likely to give a user the impression that such other party has the right to display, publish, or distribute the Site or Material accessible with the Site. Uncyclopedia's consent must be obtained in before deep-linking, framing, co-branding, or other activity impacting the access to or the use of our Site. Failure to obtain such consent may result in an infringement claim, legal action, or one or more secret agents committing one or more crimes in your residence or, in the case that you do not have a residence, your head. You agree to cooperate with Uncyclopedia in causing any unauthorized deep-linking, framing, co-branding, or other activity impacting the access to or the use of our Site to immediately cease.

edit Digital Millenium Copyright Act

If you are a copyright owner or an agent thereof and believe that any Content infringes upon your copyrights, you may submit a notification pursuant to the Digital Millennium Copyright Act ("DMCA") by providing our Copyright Agent with the following information in writing (see 17 U.S.C 512(c)(3) for further detail):

  • A physical or electronic signature of a person authorized to act on behalf of the owner of an exclusive right that is allegedly infringed;
  • Identification of the copyrighted work claimed to have been infringed, or, if multiple copyrighted works at a single online site are covered by a single notification, a representative list of such works at that site;
  • Identification of the material that is claimed to be infringing or to be the subject of infringing activity and that is to be removed or access to which is to be disabled and information reasonably sufficient to permit the service provider to locate the material;
  • Information reasonably sufficient to permit the service provider to contact you, such as an address, telephone number, and, if available, an electronic mail;
  • A statement that you have a good faith belief that use of the material in the manner complained of is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law; and
  • A statement that the information in the notification is accurate, and under penalty of perjury, that you are authorized to act on behalf of the owner of an exclusive right that is allegedly infringed.

This should be sent by snail mail to:

Zombie Baron
Uncyclopedia, Inc.
666 Zombiebaron Ave.
Someplace, Canada 01313
Email: copyright@uncyc.org
Fax: 1 (800) YOU-SUCK

For clarity, only DMCA notices should go to the Copyright Agent; any other feedback, comments, spam, requests for technical support, copyright permission requests, copyleft permission requests, or pie should be directed to our Village Dump.

It is advised that you bring up claims of copyright infringement in the Village Dump, however, as the Uncyclopedia community can usually act on copyright claims faster than the Copyright Agent, although they usually don't, and everyone is happy.

edit Disclaimer of Warranties

Neither Uncyclopedia, its affiliates, nor any third-party content providers or licensors makes any warranty whatsoever, including without limitation: that the operation of the Site will be uninterrupted or error-free; that defects will be corrected; that this Site, including the server that makes it available, is free of infection, viruses, worms, Trojan Horses, or other harmful components or other code that manifest contaminating or destructive properties; as to the results that may be obtained from use of the materials on the Site; or as to the accuracy, reliability, availability, suitability, quality, or operation of any information, software, or service provided on or accessible from the Site or as to any information, products, or services on the Internet in any way. In addition, Uncyclopedia does not assume any responsibility or risk for your use of the Internet.

THE SITE AND ALL INFORMATION, PRODUCTS, AND OTHER CONTENT (INCLUDING THIRD-PARTY INFORMATION, PRODUCTS, AND CONTENT) INCLUDED IN OR ACCESSIBLE FROM THIS SITE ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" AND WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND (EXPRESS, IMPLIED, AND STATUTORY, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF TITLE AND NONINFRINGEMENT AND THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE), ALL OF WHICH UNCYCLOPEDIA EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW. YOUR USE OF UNCYCLOPEDIA IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.

edit Limitation of Liability

IN NO EVENT SHALL UNCYCLOPEDIA, ITS DIRECTORS, OFFICERS, LAWYERS, SHAREHOLDERS, PARENTS, CHILDREN, SUBSIDIARIES, MINIONS, AFFILIATES, AGENTS, LICENSORS, BEST FRIENDS, SECOND BEST FRIENDS, CHILDHOOD FRIENDS WHO THEY DON'T SEE MUCH OF ANYMORE, SERVANTS, BUTLERS, CHAUFFEURS, ALIEN SEX SLAVES, PSYCHADELIC PORN STAR COUSINS, FAVOURITE PROZZIES, PETS, FROZEN SPERM DEPOSITS, DECEASED STUFFED BEAR ARMS AND MOOSE ANTLERS OR CONTENT PROVIDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, SPECIAL (INCLUDING LOSS OR REVENUE OR INCOME, PAIN AND SUFFERING, EMOTIONAL DISTRESS, DEATH BY ALCOHOL, OR SIMILAR DAMAGES), INCIDENTAL, PUNITIVE, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES ARISING OUT OF OR RELATED TO THE USE, INABILITY TO USE, AUTHORIZED USE, UNAUTHORIZED USE, INGESTION, PERFORMANCE, OR NONPERFORMANCE OF THIS SITE, EVEN IF UNCYCLOPEDIA WAS PREVIOUSLY ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES AND REGARDLESS OF WHETHER SUCH DAMAGES ARISE IN CONTRACT, TORT, UNDER STATUTE, IN EQUITY, AT LAW, OR OTHERWISE. BY THE WAY, THE LAWYER IS ALLOWED TO YELL HERE SINCE NO ONE READS THIS CRAP.

UNCYCLOPEDIA DOES NOT WARRANT THAT THE WEB SITE WILL OPERATE ERROR-FREE OR THAT THE WEB SITE AND ITS SERVER ARE FREE OF COMPUTER VIRUSES OR OTHER HARMFUL MECHANISMS. IF A USER'S USE OF THE WEB SITE OR THE MATERIAL POSTED ON THE WEB SITE RESULTS IN THE NEED FOR SERVICING OR REPLACING EQUIPMENT OR DATA, UNCYCLOPEDIA IS NOT RESPONSIBLE OR LIABLE IN ANY MANNER WHATSOEVER FOR THOSE COSTS AND RESERVES THE RIGHT TO LAUGH IN THE USER'S FACE.

THIS WEB SITE, INCLUDING ALL FUNCTIONS, MATERIAL AND INFORMATION, AND ANY PRODUCTS OR SERVICES MADE AVAILABLE THROUGH THIS WEB SITE, ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED. UNCYCLOPEDIA DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, WARRANTIES OF QUIET ENJOYMENT AND NON-INFRINGEMENT AND ANY IMPLIED WRRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, NON-INFRINGEMENT, TITLE, MERCHANTABILITY OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS AND INFORMATIONAL CONTENT. I JUST REPEATED MYSELF BUT WHO CARES, NO ONE READS THIS. WE SAID QUIET ENJOYMENT, SO STOP SNICKERING.

UNCYCLOPEDIA DOES NOT WARRANT OR MAKE ANY REPRESENTATIONS REGARDING THE OPERATIONS OF THIS WEB SITE, THE USE VALIDITY, ACCURACY OR RELIABILITY OF, OR THE RESULTS OF THE USE OF THE MATERIALS ON THIS WEB SITE, THE PRODUCTS OR SERVICES OBTAINED THROUGH THIS WEB SITE OR ANY OTHER SITES LINKED TO THIS WEB SITE. NO KIDDING. THE MATERIALS ON THIS WEB SITE MAY BE OUT OF DATE, AND UNCYCLOPEDIA MAKES NO COMMITMENT TO UPDATE THE MATERIALS ON THIS SITE.

UNCYCLOPEDIA SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR LOSSES SUSTAINED BY REASON OF RELIANCE ON FACTS OR INFORMATION ON THIS SITE; OF COURSE IT ALMOST GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT IF YOU BASE YOUR INVESTMENT CHOICES ON WHAT YOU READ ON THE INTERNET, YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT. SPEAKING OF WHICH, MY UNCLE IN NIGERIA NEEDS YOUR HELP.

IN NO EVENT SHALL UNCYCLOPEDIA BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER, (INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, INCIDENTAL AND CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, LOST PROFITS, DEAD SIBLINGS, OR DAMAGES RESULTING FROM LOST DATA OR BUSINESS INTERRUPTION) RESULTING FROM THE USE OR INABILITY TO USE THE WEB SITE, WHETHER BASED IN WARRANTY, CONTRACT, TORT, OR ANY OTHER LEGAL THEORY, AND WHETHER OR NOT UNCYCLOPEDIA IS ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. I LOVE SAYING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN. DON'T YOU LOVE LEGALESE.

IN THE EVENT AND TO THE EXTENT THAT APPLICABLE LAW DOES NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OF IMPLIED WARRANTIES, THE ABOVE EXCLUSION WITH REGARD TO IMPLIED WARRANTIES MAY NOT APPLY. BUT LET'S SAY IT DOES, AND LEAVE IT AT THAT.

edit Indemnification

You agree to indemnify and hold Uncyclopedia, its directors, officers, managers, members, shareholders, parents, offspring, subsidiaries, affiliates, agents, secret agents, licensors, licensees, and licentiousness harmless from and against all losses, expenses, damages, and costs, including reasonable or unreasonable attorneys' fees, resulting from your violation of these Terms of Use, including, without limitation, any use of Materials other than as expressly authorized by these Terms of Use or formally by one or more Site Administrators. Send 0.455 kg of your flesh to the address listed on the main page.

edit Governing Law

These Terms of Use are governed by the laws of the State of Delaware, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, the Principality of Sealand or the Land of Oz (whichever is most unreasonable), without giving effect to any principles of conflicts of laws-- or principles of any other kind, for that matter.

edit Copyrights

All contents of this Site are © 2014 Uncyclopedia or its licensors. All rights reserved. Uncyclopedia is copyrighted 133-2014 by Uncyclopedia.

Photographs and illustrations are copyrighted by their respective owners, as noted in the credits.

edit Additional Legal Information

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. No running by the pool. Two legs bad, four legs good. Don't feed them after midnight. Do not talk about Fight Club. The boss is always right. Eschew obfuscation. Don't count your chickens before they hatch. Do not talk about Fight Club.

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