Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

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Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
TtSSC
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Creator Sarah "I wrote my own chronicles, duh!" Connor
Network Fox Broadcasting Company.
Starring Sarah Connor
Tyler Marc Terenzi
Summer Glau
Oscar Wilde (Special Cameo)
Originate from America
Release Date Now
Day of Judgment 2011
Rating R
Genres Robot Pornography, Science Fiction, Action, Drama.
Preceded by Judgment Day
Followed by Terminator Salivating
Will <insert name here> watch it? Affirmative.
“I'll not be back.”
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
“Give me your bra, your panties, and your gun.”
~ An optimistic fan on trying to get her bra, panties and gun
“Television shows with integrity? Ha! Not on my watch, bitches!”
~ Fox television executives on cancelling the show
“See this is why Im still single because all the fine robot sisters are dating Humans, You got Metal Fever boy, Metal Fever!!
~ Bender on John Connor's "relationship" with Cameron

Written for the television networks by the Irish singer and songwriter Sinéad O'Connor, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was a smash hit with American science fiction fans, spawned two successful seasons and has a possible third season on the way. It was was mentioned as the original inspiration to Arnold Schwarzenegger for the modern Terminator franchise. The series will be filmed in December 21, 2012 yet premiered on a April 01, 2007 thus becoming the first television show to win the Academy Award for "Best Use of Time Travel in a Television Show".

The show opened mid-season with a shortened run of nine exciting episodes, before the protests and riots broke out over the "Love-making to a Machine" controversy of the 2008-2009 Writers Guild Strike. Fortunately the strike died down after several months when the country was eventually convinced that "Love-making to a Machine" is 100% safe and enjoyable, and beats many things[1]. Hence the show was renewed for a second season, which began airing on September 8, 2008. The show was canceled in 2009 after 9th Century Fox, still in the dark ages and frightened by the prospect of "too much success" with a television show and some major summer motion picture from the same franchise called Terminator Salvation, officially sent photos of cancellation notices written in turd on the bathroom wall. Fans of the show were each personally mailed flaming bags of shit as a consolation:

“I, personally, find myself less than satisfied with the closure provided to Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles by my consolatory fiery shitbag. It gives nothing in the way of character development or plot cohesion. To add insult to injury, the flame burns out in about 12 short seconds; Fox can't even spring for a decent accelerant. I can't really say you're missing much.”
~ Entertainment Weekly

edit Cast and characters

  • Sarah Connor as Sarah Connor: Sarah is a major character in the Terminator series, this is not because she is the mother of John Connor, who will one day become the leader of the human resistance, but actually she is that major character because this show is written entirely by herself. She is seen as a deranged fugitive by the authorities, claiming to make love to a man from a future, called Kyle Reese. The authorities reject her statement because Kyle Reese is just a boy at the present time. It was not long she escaped and marry Marc Terenzi, and gives birth to John Connor. The dark secrets are eventually which cause her husband (Marc Terenzi) to divorce her. She protects John Connor ever since until Cameron comes into their lives.
  • Some whiny teen (Good God even an completely Shitfaced out of his Ass Edward Furlong would have still been better then this kid) as John Connor: John is Sarah's son and the future leader of the human resistance. He is only a young boy at the beginning of the show, before a crazy malfunction pedophile Terminator called Cromartie, came to mess with him. John managed to injured the T-888 by castrating the Terminator, exposing his endoskeleton groin. Tormented by Cromartie, John toughens up throughout the season. He turns sixteen in the season one finale with a bang (literally)! As the series progresses, John struggles with his feelings for Cameron, who is a Terminator. Eventually John and Cameron make love, which sparked off the controversial "love making to a machine" issue in America.
CameronTerminator

A perfect sex machine for John Connor on his Sweet Sixteen.

  • Summer Glau as Cameron Phillips: Cameron is a Terminator sent back from the year 2027 to protect and baby-sit John Connor by his future self a.k.a. General John Connor. Her model and exact capabilities are not known, but she can mimic human mannerisms better than the T-800 model, consume food, and make sweet hot love to a man, a first for terminators. Her controversial love making scene with John Connor causes a huge stir throughout the science fiction community, which eventually lead to protests and riots during the 2008-2009 Writers Guild Strike. Everyone in America was intimidated by the concept of making love to a machine. However, after several months of fierce debates, it was realized that this "love-making to a machine" is no different than sex toys such as dildos and fleshlights, in fact it makes masturbation a primitive pastime. Hence the issue died down and everybody starts to accept it with arms wide open.
  • Richard T. Jones as James Ellison: Ellison is the only African-American in the show. He was an FBI Special Agent pursuing Sarah Connor. At first after reading some drafts of Sarah's chronicles, he was amused and labeled her story as "silly, outlandish and crazy". As he pursues her he collects inexplicable evidence left by a Terminator (Cromartie), and gradually realizes the truth: Love making with machines is truly enjoyable. In the second season Ellison quits his stable job and pursues employment on ZeiraCorp, after thinking that Catherine Weaver is a smoking hot milf.
  • Some random guy with a beefcake as Derek Reese: Derek is a Resistance fighter sent to the past by the future John Connor. He is the older brother of Kyle Reese and biological uncle of John. He knows Cameron in the future, but still does not trust her due to some terrible sexual experience with machines in a dungeon gone terribly wrong. He is recurring in the first season but becomes a regular in the second season.
PissOnTheTerminator

T-1001 loves to morph into an urinal. Don't ask me why, she loves getting pissed on.

  • Terminator T-888 Model x69 as Cromartie: Cromartie is a malfunctioning T-888, sent back in time to mess with the young John Connor in the pilot episode. He takes damage to his biological covering after John castrated him, revealing his metal endoskeleton groin. After he finds a new biological covering in the episode "The Turd", he continues his search for John. He is recurring in the first season, but becomes a regular in the second season. He once got round kicked to the face by Chuck Norris, this explains the reason he is so messed up. Chuck was lenient though, that's why he isn't erased from existence.
  • Some unnamed milf as Catherine Weaver: Weaver is a shape-shifting twisted Terminator with an obsession of male toilets and currently disguised as the CEO of a high-tech corporation called ZeiraCorp. A model T-1001, her liquid metal form as she changes shape resembles that of the T-1000 seen in Terminator 2, but it is not yet known how her model differs from that one, other than morphing into a toilet loo and an urinal. She believed that the smelly Turd will be a precursor to Skynet, and she is here to find out how it will become Skynet. Currently she's often harassed by James "I'm the only African American in the whole TV series" Ellison, and she seemed fine by it.[2]


Catherine Weaver kicks @$$02:01

Catherine Weaver kicks @$$


Scary-Psycho murdering machine. But still cool.

edit Plot

edit Back story

Main article: Judgement Day

At the end of Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Sarah Connor, her son John and the Terminator known as Arnold Schwarzenegger successfully destroy the T-1000, the arm and a leftover chip cookie from the first Terminator. The Terminator, at its own request, is then elected to be "Governator" of California in order to eliminate any future technology that could be used to create Skynet. Unfortunately all this doing merely delays "Judgment Day". Sarah and John, caught rigging the Governator systems and now become wanted fugitives, must also face the reality that other enemies from the future could be after them.

edit Pre-Pilot Development

A little known fact is that originally the series was to be 'semi-educational' and feature a weekly discourse on map making and geography - specifically in the pilot episode, Conical Projections. One of the major revelations would've been that Sarah was unable to draw conical projections, much to her embarrassment. However, shortly before filming the pilot was due to begin, development of 'Terminator: Sarah's Chronic Conicals' was abandoned and it was decided to continue the series purely as an Action/Adventure series.

edit Pilot

The pilot episode is set in 1999 and introduces Sarah Connor, who is still busy writing her songs for her latest album "Sexy as Hell", her son John Connor, and Cameron, a female cute looking Terminator that has been "re-programmed" to protect and keep John's lonely miserable life entertained. They are being pursued by two entities. A malfunctioning T-888 Terminator (Cromartie) sent back through time to mess with John, and also by FBI Special Agent James "I'm the only African American in the whole TV series" Ellison, who believes Sarah is a lunatic and a pedophile[3]. Sarah was married to Marc Terenzi, but the marriage was short lived when Marc found out that John was not his real flesh and blood. During the pilot, Sarah, John, and Cameron make a temporal leap to the year 2007. Cromartie, a malfunctioning T-888 Terminator, later suffers extensive damage on the groin region while trying to mess with John[4], begins to effect repairs to his endoskeleton and artificial flesh, and continues his search for John in 2007. Seeing how John is tormented by the Cromartie incident, Sarah resolves to go on the offensive against Skynet. But the world in 2007 proves too complicated to handle: they find out that Skynet has sent additional Terminators back in time to further mess up with John's teenage years, and the resistance movement has sent back its own fighters to interfere the robot's plans in order to allow John to enjoy an uninterrupted Sweet Sixteen birthday party. As they seek out an intuitive device called "The Turd", which is supposedly somehow a precursor to Skynet, they forge an alliance with Derek Reese, the only resistance fighter left to fulfill John's uninterrupted Sweet Sixteen.

edit The Turd Story Arc

TheTurd

The entire show focused on the plot device called "The Turd". Seriously what is so special about it?

Season One focused on the mysterious smelly plot device called "The Turd" in a short span of nine episodes. It was learned that Sarah will die from AIDS in the future, the thought frightens her so much and she began to do frequent checkups, much to the clinic's annoyance, despite the doctor declared that she is free from AIDS. Meanwhile, a man called Andy Good (who is not so good) created The Turd, and Sarah tries to flirt with him to get hold of the plot device. Suddenly, a few men teleported from the future and all of them were killed by another Terminator, who also was teleported to the present. One survived though, the sole resistance fighter called Derek. At one point in the show Derek declared that he is John's biological uncle, freaking John out as John hid under his bed sobbing for a week[5]. Derek killed the creator of the Turd by stuffing The Turd in his nose to suffocate Andy to death by the pungent smell. Suddenly there was a blackout and The Turd was stolen, leaving a pungent trail. Everyone (Connors and Terminators) panics and starts a race to see who gets The Turd first.[6]. Unfortunately it was in the hands of some weird guy known as Sarkissian, owner of some cybercafe, and he planted a bomb on the Connor's jeep.[7]. Cameron cranked start the jeep and trip off the bomb and the whole vehicle exploded! Truly a Bat Fuck Insane cliffhanger!

Cquote1 You again? How many times do you want to visit the clinic? It's the third time today! Go home! You are goddamn healthy! NEXT!!! Cquote2
-- A conversation between a clinic's receptionist and Sarah Connor.

edit The Three Magical Dots Story Arc

Iloveyoujohn

I love you John, and you love me! I wanna make love to you John! Please John please!

Season Two is currently on air and the green light has been given for the continuation of cyborg-human romance and eventually "love making to a machine" story plot. So far Cameron has survived the explosion[8] and turned haywire after the explosion, causing her sex drive to malfunction here and then. John was turned-off by his birthday present (Cameron) in later episodes, and befriended a real female human as a friend for the second time in his sixteen years. So he almost "did it again"[9] when Cameron interrupted them. Frustrated, John vented his anger and punished Cameron to do laundry every night. His immaturity worsened as he frequently whined throughout the episodes like a crybaby. This caused the ratings to drop and many viewers began suing Fox Broadcasting Company for failing to deliver their promised on "love making to a machine" story arc. In one wacky twist to drag the season, the writer (Sarah Connor) decided to focus more attention to herself, and the rest of the episodes were centering Sarah getting obsessed by "The Three Magical Dots". So, the viewers began to hold on to their lawsuits and followed Sarah on her mysterious quest to find out on the three silly dots. It turned out that Sarah Connor was acting like a lunatic as the three dots were actually a mole and two insect bites on John's buttocks when Sarah accidentally saw it while entering the bathroom where John was bathing three months ago while smoking pot. The sighting of the "three dots" on John's body combined with the potent hallucination resulted in some strange dreams that confirmed Sarah was mentally challenged. Overall, Season Two received mixed reactions . Some fans were furious as Fox Broadcasting Company ultimately failed to deliver the "love making to a machine" story plot. Recently, a Fox's spokesman made an announcement to request all viewers and fans to be "more patient" and be "more optimistic for Season Three".[citation needed]

Cquote1 Oh God! I saw it again! The three dots! Look! All the dices have three dots! It must have meant something! Cquote2
-- A conversation between Sarah Connor and Cameron.
Cquote1 Christ on his throne, not the fucking three dots again! Don't you have cancer to catch or something? Now hurry this shit up, I've got to get home and make binary love to your son! Cquote2
-- Cameron's response.
Cquote1 Bitch. Cquote2
-- Sarah's response.
Cquote1 Quit trying to copy me you little Fucktard! Cquote2
--Brainiac's response to John Henry

edit Awards

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles won the following awards:

  • Satan Award: Satan Award for Best Actress to Support a 100 kilograms of weight effortlessly on Television, 2007 (Cameron) - no weights can beat a sex machine!
Arnold-wiz

Arnold Schwarzenegger finds this TV show boring, because, as he claimed "...I was not featured in it..."

The series was also nominated for the following awards:

  • Academy Award: Best Use of Time Travel in a Television Show, 2007
  • Satan Award: Satan Award for Best Network Television Series, 2007
  • Playboy Choice Awards: Playboy Choice TV Actress: Action Hardcore, 2008 (Cameron)
  • Guinness World Record 2008: Making sweet hot love from a man to a machine, 2008 (John Connor)
  • Guinness World Record 2008: Making sweet hot love from a machine to a man, 2008 (Cameron)
  • 2009 Carl Sagan Award for Extreme Awkwardness: "The First Mechanical Instrument of Mass Genocide You Would Seriously Consider Having Intercourse With" (Cameron)


The Sarah Connor Chronicles - Cameron "I Love You John!"01:38

The Sarah Connor Chronicles - Cameron "I Love You John!"


I love you John, and you love me! Oh no there goes the Robot Love!

edit Citations

  1. The country was finally convinced after reading this featured article.
  2. Now I see the similarity of a urinal, toilet loo and The Turd.
  3. Based on the events of the two movies, and the fact she claimed to make love with a man from the future, whose name is Kyle Reese, a child in the present.
  4. It was learned that doing the intense action, John Connor tried to wrestle with the T-888, desperate to prevent a certain form of buttsecks, he randomly pulled something "long and fleshy" and pull it out with all his might.
  5. The controversial "I am your father..." spinoff speech sparked off a lawsuit from George Lucas, calling the series "nothing but a cheap ripoff".
  6. The scene became "The Amazing Race" spinoff in Terminator theme.
  7. Sakissian is the "host" of "The Amazing Race" spinoff scene.
  8. as expected.
  9. tsk tsk!

edit See Also

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Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.
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