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Wotm

So this here Xamralco. I hear he is a pretty darn spiffy guy! I also hear he writes stuff! Informational stuff! See, this one time, I was like 'hey I wanna edit the main page' and then I cried because nobody ever lets me do anything fun around here. But then this here Xamralco guy, he was all, "Nah, man, don't worry, it's not you, they don't let anybody play with anything fun." Heck, this guy is always teachin' folks about newfangled things! Sometimes, I think he's a spaceman! How else would he know about this bread replacement thing? Maybe he's one of them city folks...


Noobaward

Recently, our greatest fears here at Uncyclopedia have come true. Featured User has come out of the woodworks, an example of our greatest mortal enemy in its greatest extreme: Sockpuppetry. Further evidence of the idea that only a small number of Uncyclopedians exist, and that every other user is merely a sockpuppet of them, Featured User dares to expose even more pieces of the puzzle. Featured User is in fact, one of four Uncyclopedians at the heart of the mass sockpuppeting scheme, he particularly being the user that all users who have written featured articles are sockpuppets of. More pieces of this illustrious puzzle are bound to come to light and will be reported on the 11 O'clock edition of Uncyclopedia's news channel. Or that would happen, if we actually had one. In lieu of a special report, we may all huddle around a dancing monkey for a while, if he's in the neighborhood tonight.


BePrepared

I know what you're thinking. Why does Magic Man get recognized every month? I'll tell you why! It's because he's one of them fascists! You want proof? I'll show you proof! Who else would write an article about how to turn innocent citizens in dirty commies? If you think that's bad, you should see his article on how to hide among us! We must strike while he's mad with power! He'll be too busy trying to inflitrate the Uncyclopedia with his secret agenda! I am afraid! The Commie homo storm is upon us, and I did not prepare for this day!


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