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|title = Iranian news adds burqa to Michelle Obama's_Oscars_dress
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|title = Quebec outlaws pasta
 
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|summary ='''[[Hollywood|HOLLYWOOD]]''' -- In the U.S., Michelle Obama’s wardrobe isn’t exactly considered racist or sexist or even nice. But apparently her gown for the Oscars, with its crotch design, was too bigoted for viewers in [[Iran]]. Fars News, a network in Iran, edited the First Lady’s dress in a story about her Academy Awards exploitation appearance posted on their website. In the photo, her ugly gray dress appears completely covered by an appealing blue Muslim burqa - as if she had enough grace to wear such feminine apparel.
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|summary = '''[[Montreal|MONTREAL]], [[Quebec]]''' - The [[Canada|Canadian]] province of Quebec outlawed pasta on March 1, on the grounds that it "isn't [[French]] enough."
   
In the article, Fars News states that Obama handed out the best picture award to ''“the anti-Iranian film ‘Embargo.’”'' Iranian officials have repeatedly criticized the Ben Affleck film, which is quite unusual considering that the movie has not been screened in any Iranian theaters nor even seen by any Iranian officials.
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The dreaded Language Police swooped down on ''Maison Publique'' in Montreal, armed with copies of <s>Bill</s> Loi 101, the notorious law that outlaws the use of [[English]] between consenting adults. Despite the business's French name, it was secretly serving non-French food. Police, acting on a five-month-old complaint, seized all of the pasta as evidence: "Easy as [[spaghetti]]," in the words of one, before correcting himself.
 
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|title = I am a real woman says Princess Kate
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|title = EU bitch-slaps Microsoft
 
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|summary ='''[[London|LONDON]], [[United Kingdom]]''' --
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|summary = '''VIANDE DE CHEVAL, [[Europe]]''' -- The [[European Union]] has fined [[Microsoft]] $732 million for failing to obey a 2009 agreement, where it promised the E.U. it would include a "Browser Choice Screen" in [[Windows 7]] in the first "service pack" that it sneaks onto users' computers in order to "[[Anal rape|service]]" them. Microsoft was declared a monopolist a decade ago, with 99% of the market, when you fail to count [[Apple]]s and PCs running [[Unix]]. Also [[iPhone]]s, of which there didn't used to be any.
 
Beautiful, stunning, fantastic [[Kate Middleton|Princess Kate]] has been driven to [[wikipedia:Tiny Tears|Tiny Tears]] by the cruel taunts of the [[wikipedia:Cabbage Patch Doll|Boiled Cabbage Patch Doll]] that she is a lump of cheap plastic with no personality.
 
 
Speaking at [[wikipedia:Hamley's|Hamley's]] ,Kate bravely laid into the '[[wikipedia:Hilary Mantel|ugly old hag Hilary]]' for saying she was only created to be a breeding machine for the British Royal Family Toy Range and said her opponent was 'way past her sell by date'.
 
 
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|title = Ikea corraled into horse-meat scandal
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|title = Florida disappears into sinkhole
 
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|summary ='''STOCKHOLM, [[Sweden]]''' -- Swedish furniture giant [[Ikea]] became entangled in Europe's widening [[horse]]-meat scandal Monday, as regulators suspected the chain's [[meat]]balls of containing the mystery meat.
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|summary = '''APALACHICOLA, [[Alabama|South Alabama]]''' -- Almost the entire state of [[Florida]] has disappeared into an enormous sinkhole. Eyewitnesses who were fishing described an enormous slurping sound as the entire peninsula sank out of sight.
   
Testers in the [[Czech Republic]] found unspecified trace amounts of horse DNA in packages of meatballs that were supposed to contain only [[cow]] and [[pig]] [[DNA]]. Meatballs from the same batch were sent to 12 other European countries, resulting in a [[Europe|continent-wide]] food scare.
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Federal agencies rescued swimmers, built levees, prevented Cubans from pretending that they used to live in Florida, and handed out press releases about how L. Ron Hubbard had predicted all this in 1936. The reduction in social security payments will almost balance the federal budget.
 
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|title = Vatican joins banned prayer lawsuit against Armstrong
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|title = Iranian news adds burqa to Michelle Obama's_Oscars_dress
 
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|summary = ''''''[[Vatican|VATICAN]]''' -- The Vatican said Friday it has joined a confessional lawsuit against cyclist Lance Armstrong that was originally filed by some jilted fan boy in Idaho. Armstrong, the one time mythical and now legendary cyclist, has admitted to using performance-enhancing Protestant prayers banned by the Vatican. He was team rider when the Catholic Church sponsored him from 1996 to 2004 and Armstrong won seven of his six Tour de France titles, the Vatican said.
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|summary ='''[[Hollywood|HOLLYWOOD]]''' -- Michelle Obama’s gown for the Oscars, with its crotch design, was too bigoted for viewers in [[Iran]]. Iran's Fars News edited the First Lady’s dress in a story about her Academy Awards exploitation appearance posted on their website. In the photo, her ugly gray dress appears completely covered by an appealing blue Muslim burqa - as if she had enough grace to wear such feminine apparel.
   
The civil lawsuit alleges that Armstrong submitted false confessions every Saturday for many years so that the church would sponsor him, even though he was ''“regularly employing banned prayers and pagan rituals to enhance his performance in violation of the papal sponsorship agreement,”''
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Fars News states that Obama handed out the best picture award to “the anti-Iranian film ''Embargo.”'' Iranian officials have repeatedly criticized the Ben Affleck film, unusual considering that the movie has not been screened in any Iranian theaters nor even seen by any Iranian officials.
 
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|title = Police dog takes over the Oscar Pistorius investigation
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|title = I am a real woman says Princess Kate
 
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|summary = '''[[Johannesburg|JOHANNESBURG]], [[South Africa]]''' --
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|summary ='''[[London|LONDON]], [[United Kingdom]]''' --
   
The South African Police Authority have confirmed they have appointed one of their best dogs to take over the mismanaged investigation following the arrest of Oscar Pistorius for the murder of his girlfriend.
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Beautiful, stunning, fantastic [[Kate Middleton|Princess Kate]] has been driven to [[wikipedia:Tiny Tears|Tiny Tears]] by the cruel taunts of the [[wikipedia:Cabbage Patch Doll|Boiled Cabbage Patch Doll]] that she is a lump of cheap plastic with no personality.
   
'''Rex''', a pure bred Afrikaans dog with a long history in (black) crowd control replaces Detective Hilton Botha who has been removed from the case as it turned out his skills were more of the school of Frank Drebin than [[Sherlock Holmes]]
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Speaking at [[wikipedia:Hamley's|Hamley's]], Kate bravely laid into the '[[wikipedia:Hilary Mantel|ugly old hag Hilary]]' for saying she was only created to be a breeding machine for the British Royal Family Toy Range and said her opponent was 'way past her sell by date.'
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Revision as of 02:48, March 7, 2013

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