Template:Lead articles

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|title = Pantomime horses are 'really humans' scandal
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|title = Blade_Runner's_girlfriend_comes_back_to_life_in_a_reality_show
 
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|summary ='''[[London|LONDON]], [[United Kingdom]]''' --
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|summary ='''[[Johannesburg|JOHANNESBURG]], [[South Africa]]''' --
   
Small children and parents are angry with the government that much loved pantomime horses are really 100% human.
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A sensitive South African television station is marking the arrest of Olympic hero '''[[wikipedia:Oscar Pistorius|Oscar Pistorius]]''' - 'Blade Runner' - for murder, by broadcasting footage of his dead girlfriend [[wikipedia:Reeva Steenkamp|Reeva Steenkamp]] in all her former blonde bikini beauty. The show ''Orange Juicer Company Cashing In On a Product Placement Show'' is to be seen on South African television and on news channels worldwide.
   
In DNA tests conducted by vets after a free [[Guinness]] tasting contest, 20 pantomime horses were examined and to be revealed to be two people in fake horse fur costumes. This was '100% proof' and yes, pour me another'.
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Defending the decision to go ahead with the show, the television show's producers said the programme was meant as a 'tribute' and not some-money-grabbing-exercise-to-recover-the-costs-of-an-expensive-show-under-the-guise-of-public-broadcasting-duty
 
Shocked entertainment agents and talent agencies had long accepted pantomime horses to be genuine. Now it seems that for years the entire industry had been working in [[Fish_pun#Alternatives_to_the_fish_pun|blinkers]] and hadn't carried out their own tests to determine whether a pantomime horse was a genuine equine or was in-fact a machine stitched costume containing two bald middle aged blokes. Possibly from [[Newcastle]].
 
 
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|title = Silvio moves on
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|title = Users realize Facebook is as useless as a chair
 
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|summary = '''ROME, Italy'''
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|summary ='''SILICON VALLEY, [[California]]''' -- Months after [[Facebook]] released its [[commercial]] campaign of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7SjvLceXgU|Facebook: ''The Things That Connect Us''] in which [[chair|chairs]] are blatantly likened to the popular social networking site, millions of people worldwide realized that Facebook is about as worthless as the average chair. This realization came to many Facebook users as they sat down in chairs big, small, soft, or metallic all across the globe to check on their meaningless [[internet]] lives. This planet-wide epiphany has led to serious repercussions for the social networking empire as stock in Facebook, Inc. fell in billions of dollars while investments in [[furniture]] have quadrupled.
Media mogul, presidential hopeful and connoisseur of cuddly companions Silvio Berlusconi has regretfully had to let one of his latest acquisitions go. Silvio and the generously endowed Silvia Mammaroni looked like an item for at least a week or so, but despite intimate pizza meetings and facing the incandescent papparazzi, poor Silvia is no longer at his side.
 
 
''"It was the age problem"'', said the sober Silvio at a press conference, ''"she was getting on a bit, almost thirty you know, and I always said you can't trust a woman over thirty"''.
 
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|title = Race for Pope brings forth some unusual candidates
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|title = England has the fattest people in Europe
 
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|summary = '''[[Rome|ROME]], [[Italy]]''' --
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|summary = '''[[London|LONDON]], [[United Kingdom]]''' --
 
The race to become the next [[Catholic]] [[Pope]] has got a lot of <s>gamblers</s> people eager to influence the choice of who replaces [[Pope Benedict XVI]] when he steps down. The contest is said to be 'wide open' with a number of possible contenders.
 
   
The election which is due in March 2013 is already promising to be the 'dirtiest election' since 1492. This was when Pope [[wikipedia:Pope Alexander VI|Pope Alexander VI]] 'the Borgia Pope' poisoned his rivals to slide his fat Spanish arse onto St.Peter's Chair. So far these are the known candidates, with the former US Defense Secretary [[Donald Rumsfeld]] heading another list on the ''Unknown knowns''.
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Medical experts have labelled the [[English]] as the 'fattest, most unhealthy people in [[Europe]]' in a shock report. The Fat of Old England has now outgrossed the [[Germans]], [[Italians]] and even the [[Greeks]] when it comes to standing on the scales.
   
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A report from the Academy of Medical Royal Colleges (AMRC) say the English disease of eating crap and washing it down with a lot of gut dissolving coke has lead to a 'weight crisis'. Now experts want all children to be fed on gruel and horse meat bovril. For cereal abusers, English fatties will be sent to Health Camps which will be run by super fit Germans with machine guns, vicious dogs and a lot of Teutonic mockery.
 
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|title = President Chelsea Clinton jubilant as Bashar al-Assad dies of old age
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|title = Elizabeth II named most powerful woman in the UK
 
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|summary = '''[[Washington DC |WASHINGTON DC]]''' -- Yesterday afternoon a cloud of radical Islamic gloom hung over secular Damascus as news spread that [[Syria]]’s long entrenched leader, Bashar al-Assad (82), had finally died of old age. Meanwhile, in Washington news of al-Assad’s timely passing was greeted with joy by President Chelsea Clinton (67) and her team of inbred [[Disney|Plutoc]][[rats]].
 
|summary = '''[[Washington DC |WASHINGTON DC]]''' -- Yesterday afternoon a cloud of radical Islamic gloom hung over secular Damascus as news spread that [[Syria]]’s long entrenched leader, Bashar al-Assad (82), had finally died of old age. Meanwhile, in Washington news of al-Assad’s timely passing was greeted with joy by President Chelsea Clinton (67) and her team of inbred [[Disney|Plutoc]][[rats]].
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|title = Wikia to offer "gold membership" for wikis
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|title = 2013 proclaimed year of Luigi
 
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|summary = '''EVIL WIKIA&trade; HEADQUARTERS, San Francisco, [[California]]''' -- In order to address the flight from Wikia&trade; over issues of advertisements, Wikia&trade; has recently announced an ad-free option. Under the new gold-membership option, a wiki can become ad free in exchange for donations to cover the cost of web hosting.
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|summary = '''Royal Palace, [[Mushroom Kingdom]]''' -- In a move that has surprised many, the Mushroom Kingdom has announced that 2013 will officially be the "Year of [[Luigi]]". The Mushroom Kingdom was also retroactively proclaimed 2011 the "Year of Mario", 2013 as the "Leap Year of Mario," 2001-2010 as the "Decade of Mario", and "1001-2000" as the "Millennium of Mario."
   
"We have had many wikis leave over the issue of advertisements," said [[Jimbo Wales]], CEO and evil overlord of [[Wikia]]&trade;. "By self-hosting, wikis can avoid any unwanted advertisements.
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"For years, Luigi has been asking for attention," said Princess Daisy, a spokesman for the palace, "[[Princess Peach]] thought declaring 2013 as the year of Luigi would to an appropriate response, chiefly because she thought the world was going to end in 2012. Unfortunately, the world did not end, so I guess the joke is on us."
   
 
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Revision as of 17:56, February 18, 2013

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|image =  Facebook_chair.jpg
|title =  Users realize Facebook is as useless as a chair
|summary =SILICON VALLEY, California --  Months after Facebook released its commercial campaign of The Things That Connect Us in which chairs are blatantly likened to the popular social networking site, millions of people worldwide realized that Facebook is about as worthless as the average chair. This realization came to many Facebook users as they sat down in chairs big, small, soft, or metallic all across the globe to check on their meaningless internet lives. This planet-wide epiphany has led to serious repercussions for the social networking empire as stock in Facebook, Inc. fell in billions of dollars while investments in furniture have quadrupled. 

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