Template:Lead articles

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REMEMBER: PLEASE USE THE "arrange" PARAMETER PROPERLY! EXAMPLES:
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This is {Lead articles}, the template for all five articles on the UnNews Front Page.
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It calls {Lead article}, which renders each of the five articles. Click Preview and
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detailed instructions will appear.
   
| arrange = lead (for the lead story)
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SPECIAL-->{{Lead article
| arrange = left (to place a story on the left)
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|arrange = lead
| arrange = right (to place a story on the right)
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|dept = none
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|border = navy
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|image = Rosette-sotm.png
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|title = 2015 British general election
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|summary = UnNews provides rosette-to-rosette coverage of the upcoming [[British]] general election. On 7 May, [[Brit]]s are to elect 650 MPs (Military Police) with a view to making one of several really silly people the face of the nation (pending the ceremonial wink from Her Majesty).
   
ALSO: IF YOU USE NEWLINES BETWEEN TEMPLATE CALLS, COMMENT THEM OUT, OR YOU WILL GET <P></P>s (NEW PARAGRAPHS) IN BETWEEN YOUR NEWS STORIES, WHICH MAY THROW OFF THE SPACING.
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}}<!--
 
IMPORTANT NOTE: When not using a parameter, please put it between comment tags to prevent it from interfering with the template. When you want to use a previously unused parameter, simply remove the comment tags from around it. If the parameter isn't there yet, just add it.
 
 
Types:
 
breaking - for especially timely or time-critical stories
 
special
 
original - for stories with {{Tl|Original}} instead of real sources
 
exclusive - for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive
 
because we're interviewing ourselves
 
urgent
 
editorial - for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
 
column - for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
 
feature - for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
 
   
Add an image_width parameter to change the image width.
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1-SPOT-->{{Lead article
 
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{{Lead articles 2/a
 
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|arrange = lead
 
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|image = Oscar-dress2.jpg
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|dept = HIGH FINANCE
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|image = Never bring a spear to a gunfight.jpg
|title = Iranian news adds burqa to Michelle Obama's_Oscars_dress
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|title = Greece scrounges for cash
 
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|summary ='''[[Hollywood|HOLLYWOOD]]''' -- In the U.S., Michelle Obama’s wardrobe isn’t exactly considered racist or sexist or even nice. But apparently her gown for the Oscars, with its crotch design, was too bigoted for viewers in [[Iran]]. Fars News, a network in Iran, edited the First Lady’s dress in a story about her Academy Awards exploitation appearance posted on their website. In the photo, her ugly gray dress appears completely covered by an appealing blue Muslim burqa - as if she had enough grace to wear such feminine apparel.
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|summary = '''[[Athens|ATHENS]], [[Greece]]''' -- Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras has smashed the [[cookie]] jar at the House of Parliament here. The few remaining [[euro]]s inside will pay salaries, pensions, and free electricity for [[Greek]]s who "can't find a job" that offers better terms than getting free electricity.
   
In the article, Fars News states that Obama handed out the best picture award to ''“the anti-Iranian film ‘Embargo.’”'' Iranian officials have repeatedly criticized the Ben Affleck film, which is quite unusual considering that the movie has not been screened in any Iranian theaters nor even seen by any Iranian officials.
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The move means that a last-last-ditch deal with Greece's creditors will be vital in order to pay &euro;1 billion to its other creditors.
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2-SPOT-->{{Lead article
 
|arrange = left
 
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|image = Apathy.jpg
|title = I am a real woman says Princess Kate
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|title = UK declares national “state of apathy”
 
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|summary ='''[[London|LONDON]], [[United Kingdom]]''' --
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|summary = '''[[England|WHITEHALL, England]]''' -- The UK has declared an official “state of apathy” and is on communication lockdown. The press release states that the 2015 [[election]] campaign has driven the population of the [[United Kingdom]] to not give a toss about anything until further notice.
   
Beautiful, stunning, fantastic [[Kate Middleton|Princess Kate]] has been driven to [[wikipedia:Tiny Tears|Tiny Tears]] by the cruel taunts of the [[wikipedia:Cabbage Patch Doll|Boiled Cabbage Patch Doll]] that she is a lump of cheap plastic with no personality.
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The release advises international businesses to avoid calling the UK, as they will be left on hold until the exchange crashes, or whatever.
   
Speaking at [[wikipedia:Hamley's|Hamley's]] ,Kate bravely laid into the '[[wikipedia:Hilary Mantel|ugly old hag Hilary]]' for saying she was only created to be a breeding machine for the British Royal Family Toy Range and said her opponent was 'way past her sell by date'.
 
 
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|image = Cocaine haul.jpg
|title = Ikea corraled into horse-meat scandal
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|title = Coast Guard ship returns with 14 tons of cocaine
 
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|summary ='''STOCKHOLM, [[Sweden]]''' -- Swedish furniture giant [[Ikea]] became entangled in Europe's widening [[horse]]-meat scandal Monday, as regulators suspected the chain's [[meat]]balls of containing the mystery meat.
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|border = none
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|summary = '''[[San Diego|SAN DIEGO]], [[California]]''' -- The [[U.S.]] [[Coast Guard]] cutter Boutwell, carrying more than 14 tons of [[cocaine]], returned to Snow Station Zebra after an operation off the coast of [[Central America|Central]] and [[South America]]. Vice Admiral Charles Michel described the result as "some of the best [[shit]] I've ever tried."
   
Testers in the [[Czech Republic]] found unspecified trace amounts of horse DNA in packages of meatballs that were supposed to contain only [[cow]] and [[pig]] [[DNA]]. Meatballs from the same batch were sent to 12 other European countries, resulting in a [[Europe|continent-wide]] food scare.
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The haul is destined for [[baseball]] ballparks across the nation. New rules to speed up the game force batters to remain in their "box." To encourage this, the white lines have been completely reformulated for the new season.
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4-SPOT-->{{Lead article
 
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|image = Hillarystache.jpg
|title = Vatican joins banned prayer lawsuit against Armstrong
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|title = Hillary unveils campaign disguise
 
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|summary = ''''''[[Vatican|VATICAN]]''' -- The Vatican said Friday it has joined a confessional lawsuit against cyclist Lance Armstrong that was originally filed by some jilted fan boy in Idaho. Armstrong, the one time mythical and now legendary cyclist, has admitted to using performance-enhancing Protestant prayers banned by the Vatican. He was team rider when the Catholic Church sponsored him from 1996 to 2004 and Armstrong won seven of his six Tour de France titles, the Vatican said.
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|border = none
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|summary = '''DACRON, [[Ohio]]''' -- {{InlineMedia|Hillary unveils campaign disguise}} Presidential candidate [[Hillary Clinton]] turned up at a Chipotle restaurant here in sunglasses and a fake nose-and-mustache [[Halloween]] costume she had used in an incognito trip to the [[Middle East]] to avoid adding its results to her massive list of "accomplishments."
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Chipotle manager Max Tenochtitlán was amazed that the candidate made no attempt to greet his other unwilling customers. She also avoided the [[tip]] jar, saying, "I'm not thirsty."
   
The civil lawsuit alleges that Armstrong submitted false confessions every Saturday for many years so that the church would sponsor him, even though he was ''“regularly employing banned prayers and pagan rituals to enhance his performance in violation of the papal sponsorship agreement,”''
 
 
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|image = I-too-am-moist.jpg
|title = Police dog takes over the Oscar Pistorius investigation
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|title = Hillary may have declared her candidacy
 
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|summary = '''[[Johannesburg|JOHANNESBURG]], [[South Africa]]''' --
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|summary = '''CHAPPAQUA, [[New York (state)|New York]]''' -- {{InlineMedia|Hillary may have declared her candidacy}} [[Hillary Clinton]] may have declared her candidacy for [[President]] by posting a [[video]] to [[Facebook]].
The South African Police Authority have confirmed they have appointed one of their best dogs to take over the mismanaged investigation following the arrest of Oscar Pistorius for the murder of his girlfriend.
 
   
'''Rex''', a pure bred Afrikaans dog with a long history in (black) crowd control replaces Detective Hilton Botha who has been removed from the case as it turned out his skills were more of the school of Frank Drebin than [[Sherlock Holmes]]
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Unfortunately, the video is gone, as the entire Facebook page has been deleted by campaign staffers, based on a keyword search, without reading the page. Moreover, the entire server has been wiped clean and is missing, to boot — so it is impossible to tell what Hillary actually wrote, as she has already started claiming she doesn't remember.
   
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}}<noinclude>{{-}}
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{{Lead article doc}}</noinclude>

Latest revision as of 20:22, April 18, 2015

Rosette-sotm
UnNews provides rosette-to-rosette coverage of the upcoming British general election. On 7 May, Brits are to elect 650 MPs (Military Police) with a view to making one of several really silly people the face of the nation (pending the ceremonial wink from Her Majesty). Full story»
Never bring a spear to a gunfight
UnNews Logo Potato1HIGH FINANCE
ATHENS, Greece -- Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras has smashed the cookie jar at the House of Parliament here. The few remaining euros inside will pay salaries, pensions, and free electricity for Greeks who "can't find a job" that offers better terms than getting free electricity.

The move means that a last-last-ditch deal with Greece's creditors will be vital in order to pay €1 billion to its other creditors. Full story»


Apathy
WHITEHALL, England -- The UK has declared an official “state of apathy” and is on communication lockdown. The press release states that the 2015 election campaign has driven the population of the United Kingdom to not give a toss about anything until further notice.

The release advises international businesses to avoid calling the UK, as they will be left on hold until the exchange crashes, or whatever. Full story»

Cocaine haul
SAN DIEGO, California -- The U.S. Coast Guard cutter Boutwell, carrying more than 14 tons of cocaine, returned to Snow Station Zebra after an operation off the coast of Central and South America. Vice Admiral Charles Michel described the result as "some of the best shit I've ever tried."

The haul is destined for baseball ballparks across the nation. New rules to speed up the game force batters to remain in their "box." To encourage this, the white lines have been completely reformulated for the new season. Full story»


Hillarystache
DACRON, Ohio -- (Gnome-speakernotes listen) Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton turned up at a Chipotle restaurant here in sunglasses and a fake nose-and-mustache Halloween costume she had used in an incognito trip to the Middle East to avoid adding its results to her massive list of "accomplishments."

Chipotle manager Max Tenochtitlán was amazed that the candidate made no attempt to greet his other unwilling customers. She also avoided the tip jar, saying, "I'm not thirsty." Full story»

I-too-am-moist
CHAPPAQUA, New York -- (Gnome-speakernotes listen) Hillary Clinton may have declared her candidacy for President by posting a video to Facebook.

Unfortunately, the video is gone, as the entire Facebook page has been deleted by campaign staffers, based on a keyword search, without reading the page. Moreover, the entire server has been wiped clean — and is missing, to boot — so it is impossible to tell what Hillary actually wrote, as she has already started claiming she doesn't remember. Full story»



Instructions for {{Lead articles}} (Edit them) (Return to the Front Page):

  • arrangePlease use this properly!--Indicates the article's layout on the Front Page:
    • lead One-across (the article in the "1-spot")
    • left Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the left side
    • right Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the right side
  • image — The image name (omit File:). There should always be an image, but if you leave this blank, the null image Spacer.gif will be used
  • dept — An optional "department" legend that will appear centered above the headline. Use them only in the 1-Spot; in the side-by-side leads (2- through 5-Spots), these graphics mess up rendering on smaller screens. Lowercase letters will become small capitals, but they won't look very good. Typical "departments" are:
    • BREAKING NEWS or URGENT for stories that either are relevant to big real-world news, or are not
    • EXCLUSIVE for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive because we're interviewing ourselves
    • PANIC in the SKIES — prized by all journalists, especially if it should have been the Happiest Day of the Year
    • NAVEL-GAZING for UnNews articles that revolve around UnNews
    • FEATURE for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
    • ORIGINAL for stories with {{Original}} instead of real sources
    • EDITORIAL for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
    • COLUMN for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
  • title — The page name (omit UnNews:); that is, the headline
  • short_titleOptional — If the page name is too long or doesn't look like a headline, provide the desired headline here.
  • summary — The first sentence or two of the story. If you can write a funnier lead by pulling stuff from throughout the story, that would be funnier.

Important notes:

  • If you put vertical space between the calls to {{Lead article}}, comment them out, or space will be output that will throw off the relation between articles.
  • If not using dept, set it to none. If not using short_title, turn the whole line into a comment: <!-- short_title= -->. To put it back into service, just remove the special characters. Don't remove the lines completely; that makes it harder for the next editor to see the correct form to follow.
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