Template:Lead articles

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<!--
 
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REMEMBER: PLEASE USE THE "arrange" PARAMETER PROPERLY! EXAMPLES:
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This is {Lead articles}, the template for all five articles on the UnNews Front Page.
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It calls {Lead article}, which renders each of the five articles, as follows:
   
| arrange = lead (for the lead story)
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{{Lead article
| arrange = left (to place a story on the left)
 
| arrange = right (to place a story on the right)
 
 
ALSO: IF YOU USE NEWLINES BETWEEN TEMPLATE CALLS, COMMENT THEM OUT, OR YOU WILL GET <P></P>s (NEW PARAGRAPHS) IN BETWEEN YOUR NEWS STORIES, WHICH MAY THROW OFF THE SPACING.
 
 
IMPORTANT NOTE: When not using a parameter, please put it between comment tags to prevent it from interfering with the template. When you want to use a previously unused parameter, simply remove the comment tags from around it. If the parameter isn't there yet, just add it.
 
 
Types:
 
breaking - for especially timely or time-critical stories
 
special
 
original - for stories with {{Tl|Original}} instead of real sources
 
exclusive - for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive
 
because we're interviewing ourselves
 
urgent
 
editorial - for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
 
column - for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
 
feature - for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
 
 
Add an image_width parameter to change the image width.
 
 
Blank template:
 
{{Lead articles 2/a
 
 
|arrange = ( lead | left | right )
 
|arrange = ( lead | left | right )
 
|image_ =
 
|image_ =
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|short_title_ =
 
|short_title_ =
 
|summary_ =
 
|summary_ =
}}
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}}http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Template:Lead_articles?action=edit<!--
   
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1-SPOT-->{{Lead article
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
 
 
|arrange = lead
 
|arrange = lead
|image = Pantohorse01.jpg
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|dept = ALIEN EMPLOYMENT
<!-- |type = -->
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|image = Spock hand.jpg
|title = Pantomime horses are 'really humans' scandal
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|title = Mr. Spock passes away
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
|summary ='''[[London|LONDON]], [[United Kingdom]]''' --
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|summary = '''[[Starfleet|STARFLEET]]''' -- [[Mr. Spock]] passed away Friday, the victim of a [[temporal paradox]] through repeated [[time travel]], which implies that he may never have been alive at all.
   
Small children and parents are angry with the government that much loved pantomime horses are really 100% human.
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He was hospitalized last week but was released several days later. If he achieved this with more time travel, it is possible that he was never hospitalized to begin with. He regretted having [[Smoking|smoked]], though it is not clear why he didn't just go further back in time and hide his butts.
   
In DNA tests conducted by vets after a free [[Guinness]] tasting contest, 20 pantomime horses were examined and to be revealed to be two people in fake horse fur costumes. This was '100% proof' and yes, pour me another'.
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}}<hr style="clear:both;width:98%;margin: 0 auto 8px auto;" /><!--
   
Shocked entertainment agents and talent agencies had long accepted pantomime horses to be genuine. Now it seems that for years the entire industry had been working in [[Fish_pun#Alternatives_to_the_fish_pun|blinkers]] and hadn't carried out their own tests to determine whether a pantomime horse was a genuine equine or was in-fact a machine stitched costume containing two bald middle aged blokes. Possibly from [[Newcastle]].
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2-SPOT-->{{Lead article
}}<!--
 
 
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
 
 
|arrange = left
 
|arrange = left
|image = silvio sylvia.jpg
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|dept = none
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|image = Blackgerbilrat1.jpg
|title = Silvio moves on
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|title = Rats sue gerbils for libel
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
|summary = '''ROME, Italy'''
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|summary = '''[[Oslo|OSLO]], [[Norway]]''' -- [[Rats]] have brought a genus-action lawsuit for libel after scientists in Norway revealed that the true carriers of the [[Black Death]] were [[Gerbil|gerbils]].
Media mogul, presidential hopeful and connoisseur of cuddly companions Silvio Berlusconi has regretfully had to let one of his latest acquisitions go. Silvio and the generously endowed Silvia Mammaroni looked like an item for at least a week or so, but despite intimate pizza meetings and facing the incandescent papparazzi, poor Silvia is no longer at his side.
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Researchers writing in the Journal of the British Rodent Guild explain why the plague, which wiped half of [[Europe]]'s population in the mid 14th century, spread so quickly — gerbils were being passed around openly in cages as playthings — unlike rats, which no one will touch, unless they're [[Goths]] or into the occult.
   
''"It was the age problem"'', said the sober Silvio at a press conference, ''"she was getting on a bit, almost thirty you know, and I always said you can't trust a woman over thirty"''.
 
 
}}<!--
 
}}<!--
   
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
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3-SPOT-->{{Lead article
 
|arrange = right
 
|arrange = right
|image = Nunwendy01.jpg
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|dept = none
<!-- |type = -->
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|image = Charles the tweaker.png
|title = Race for Pope brings forth some unusual candidates
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|title = Denver man binge-watches new House of Cards season twice
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
|summary = '''[[Rome|ROME]], [[Italy]]''' --
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|summary = '''[[Denver|DENVER]], [[Colorado]]''' -- In the early hours of last Saturday morning, a Denver man [[Twitter|tweeted]] claiming to be the first person to binge-watch the new season of ''House of Cards'' twice, barely a day after its initial release.
   
The race to become the next [[Catholic]] [[Pope]] has got a lot of <s>gamblers</s> people eager to influence the choice of who replaces [[Pope Benedict XVI]] when he steps down. The contest is said to be 'wide open' with a number of possible contenders.
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Viewer "Charles" called his buddy for some meth for the occasion, offering to trade his "nut." Charles' contact seemed disinterested in his [[testicle]]s, however, and more inclined towards [[cash]] which Charles, in his own words, "also had."
   
The election which is due in March 2013 is already promising to be the 'dirtiest election' since 1492. This was when Pope [[wikipedia:Pope Alexander VI|Pope Alexander VI]] 'the Borgia Pope' poisoned his rivals to slide his fat Spanish arse onto St.Peter's Chair. So far these are the known candidates, with the former US Defense Secretary [[Donald Rumsfeld]] heading another list on the ''Unknown knowns''.
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}}<hr style="clear:both;width:98%;margin: 0 auto 8px auto;" /><!--
   
}}<!--
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4-SPOT-->{{Lead article
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
 
 
|arrange = left
 
|arrange = left
|image = Chelsea1.jpg
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|dept = none
<!-- |type = -->
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|image = Arsenal.jpg
|title = President Chelsea Clinton jubilant as Bashar al-Assad dies of old age
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|title = US Army promotes "play therapy"
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
|summary = '''[[Washington DC |WASHINGTON DC]]''' -- Yesterday afternoon a cloud of radical Islamic gloom hung over secular Damascus as news spread that [[Syria]]’s long entrenched leader, Bashar al-Assad (82), had finally died of old age. Meanwhile, in Washington news of al-Assad’s timely passing was greeted with joy by President Chelsea Clinton (67) and her team of inbred [[Disney|Plutoc]][[rats]].
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|summary = '''FORT BENNING, [[Georgia]]''' -- The [[U.S. Army]] has finished testing a new grenade that can be stacked like [[Lego]] blocks.
  +
  +
The munition is part of the Army's strategy of "reaching out" to [[Islam]] through play therapy, to help [[jihad]]is get in touch with their inner [[child]] and view American combat troops as warm and friendly social workers, culminating in [[Barack Obama|President Obama]]'s National Summit on Youngsters Who Don't Play Well.
   
President Clinton said the death of Al-Assad marked a well-orchestrated “strategic victory” for Wall Street and a breath of musty air for western meddling in Middle Eastern tribal affairs.
 
 
}}<!--
 
}}<!--
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
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  +
5-SPOT-->{{Lead article
 
|arrange = right
 
|arrange = right
|image = LordJimbo.jpg
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|dept = none
<!-- |type = -->
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|image = Loreal2.jpg
|title = Wikia to offer "gold membership" for wikis
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|title = L’Oreal's anti-aging cream... are you worth it?
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
|summary = '''EVIL WIKIA&trade; HEADQUARTERS, San Francisco, [[California]]''' -- In order to address the flight from Wikia&trade; over issues of advertisements, Wikia&trade; has recently announced an ad-free option. Under the new gold-membership option, a wiki can become ad free in exchange for donations to cover the cost of web hosting.
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|summary = '''[[France|PARIS, France]]''' -- Death will now be a thing of the past, as L’Oreal has invented a $15 [[miracle]] cream that, technically speaking, would let Dame Helen Mirren re-grow a severed foot.
   
"We have had many wikis leave over the issue of advertisements," said [[Jimbo Wales]], CEO and evil overlord of [[Wikia]]&trade;. "By self-hosting, wikis can avoid any unwanted advertisements.
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But a customer [[died]] after using the product; another’s head turned light [[blue]] and a few other customers' bones have dissolved, effects that the [[FDA]] claims put the formulation a couple notches beneath the statutory goals of "safety and efficacy."
   
}}
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}}<noinclude>{{-}}
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{{Lead article doc}}</noinclude>

Latest revision as of 01:17, March 2, 2015

Spock hand
UnNews Logo Potato1ALIEN EMPLOYMENT
STARFLEET -- Mr. Spock passed away Friday, the victim of a temporal paradox through repeated time travel, which implies that he may never have been alive at all.

He was hospitalized last week but was released several days later. If he achieved this with more time travel, it is possible that he was never hospitalized to begin with. He regretted having smoked, though it is not clear why he didn't just go further back in time and hide his butts. Full story»


Blackgerbilrat1
OSLO, Norway -- Rats have brought a genus-action lawsuit for libel after scientists in Norway revealed that the true carriers of the Black Death were gerbils.

Researchers writing in the Journal of the British Rodent Guild explain why the plague, which wiped half of Europe's population in the mid 14th century, spread so quickly — gerbils were being passed around openly in cages as playthings — unlike rats, which no one will touch, unless they're Goths or into the occult. Full story»

Charles the tweaker
DENVER, Colorado -- In the early hours of last Saturday morning, a Denver man tweeted claiming to be the first person to binge-watch the new season of House of Cards twice, barely a day after its initial release.

Viewer "Charles" called his buddy for some meth for the occasion, offering to trade his "nut." Charles' contact seemed disinterested in his testicles, however, and more inclined towards cash — which Charles, in his own words, "also had." Full story»


Arsenal
FORT BENNING, Georgia -- The U.S. Army has finished testing a new grenade that can be stacked like Lego blocks.

The munition is part of the Army's strategy of "reaching out" to Islam through play therapy, to help jihadis get in touch with their inner child and view American combat troops as warm and friendly social workers, culminating in President Obama's National Summit on Youngsters Who Don't Play Well. Full story»

Loreal2
PARIS, France -- Death will now be a thing of the past, as L’Oreal has invented a $15 miracle cream that, technically speaking, would let Dame Helen Mirren re-grow a severed foot.

But a customer died after using the product; another’s head turned light blue and a few other customers' bones have dissolved, effects that the FDA claims put the formulation a couple notches beneath the statutory goals of "safety and efficacy." Full story»



Instructions for {{Lead articles}} (Edit them) (Return to the Front Page):

  • arrangePlease use this properly!--Indicates the article's layout on the Front Page:
    • lead One-across (the article in the "1-spot")
    • left Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the left side
    • right Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the right side
  • image — The image name (omit File:). There should always be an image, but if you leave this blank, the null image Spacer.gif will be used
  • dept — An optional "department" legend that will appear centered above the headline. Use them only in the 1-Spot; in the side-by-side leads (2- through 5-Spots), these graphics mess up rendering on smaller screens. Lowercase letters will become small capitals, but they won't look very good. Typical "departments" are:
    • BREAKING NEWS or URGENT for stories that either are relevant to big real-world news, or are not
    • EXCLUSIVE for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive because we're interviewing ourselves
    • PANIC in the SKIES — prized by all journalists, especially if it should have been the Happiest Day of the Year
    • NAVEL-GAZING for UnNews articles that revolve around UnNews
    • FEATURE for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
    • ORIGINAL for stories with {{Original}} instead of real sources
    • EDITORIAL for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
    • COLUMN for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
  • title — The page name (omit UnNews:); that is, the headline
  • short_titleOptional — If the page name is too long or doesn't look like a headline, provide the desired headline here.
  • summary — The first sentence or two of the story. If you can write a funnier lead by pulling stuff from throughout the story, that would be funnier.

Important notes:

  • If you put vertical space between the calls to {{Lead article}}, comment them out, or space will be output that will throw off the relation between articles.
  • If not using dept, set it to none. If not using short_title, turn the whole line into a comment: <!-- short_title= -->. To put it back into service, just remove the special characters. Don't remove the lines completely; that makes it harder for the next editor to see the correct form to follow.
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