Template:Lead articles

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<!--
 
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REMEMBER: PLEASE USE THE "arrange" PARAMETER PROPERLY! EXAMPLES:
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This is {Lead articles}, the template for all five articles on the UnNews Front Page.
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It calls {Lead article}, which renders each of the five articles, as follows:
   
| arrange = lead (for the lead story)
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{{Lead article
| arrange = left (to place a story on the left)
 
| arrange = right (to place a story on the right)
 
 
ALSO: IF YOU USE NEWLINES BETWEEN TEMPLATE CALLS, COMMENT THEM OUT, OR YOU WILL GET <P></P>s (NEW PARAGRAPHS) IN BETWEEN YOUR NEWS STORIES, WHICH MAY THROW OFF THE SPACING.
 
 
IMPORTANT NOTE: When not using a parameter, please put it between comment tags to prevent it from interfering with the template. When you want to use a previously unused parameter, simply remove the comment tags from around it. If the parameter isn't there yet, just add it.
 
 
Types:
 
breaking - for especially timely or time-critical stories
 
special
 
original - for stories with {{Tl|Original}} instead of real sources
 
exclusive - for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive
 
because we're interviewing ourselves
 
urgent
 
editorial - for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
 
column - for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
 
feature - for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
 
 
Add an image_width parameter to change the image width.
 
 
Blank template:
 
{{Lead articles 2/a
 
 
|arrange = ( lead | left | right )
 
|arrange = ( lead | left | right )
 
|image_ =
 
|image_ =
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}}
 
}}
   
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1-SPOT-->{{Lead article
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
 
 
|arrange = lead
 
|arrange = lead
|image = Pantohorse01.jpg
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|image = Ribbon-cutting in Parral.jpg
<!-- |type = -->
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|type = urgent
|title = Pantomime horses are 'really humans' scandal
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|title = Russians set to seize rest of Nevada
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
|summary ='''[[London|LONDON]], [[United Kingdom]]''' --
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|summary = '''SNAKE'S HIPS, [[Nevada]]''' -- Troops resembling the [[Russian]] [[Army]], presumably not satisfied with the capture of the [[Crimea River|Crimea]] last month, seem ready to bite off a huge chunk off the tip of this [[pizza]]-shaped Western [[U.S.]] state. Defending the territory 80 miles northeast of [[Las Vegas]] is a rag-tag [[Tea Party movement|citizen militia]], fresh from a home showing of ''Red Dawn'' and ready to take on the Roosky invaders.
   
Small children and parents are angry with the government that much loved pantomime horses are really 100% human.
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Rancher Cliven Bundy, who became famous as the hard-luck women's shoe salesman in ''Married with Children,'' told [[Glenn Beck]] it is bigger than a financial dispute.
   
In DNA tests conducted by vets after a free [[Guinness]] tasting contest, 20 pantomime horses were examined and to be revealed to be two people in fake horse fur costumes. This was '100% proof' and yes, pour me another'.
 
 
Shocked entertainment agents and talent agencies had long accepted pantomime horses to be genuine. Now it seems that for years the entire industry had been working in [[Fish_pun#Alternatives_to_the_fish_pun|blinkers]] and hadn't carried out their own tests to determine whether a pantomime horse was a genuine equine or was in-fact a machine stitched costume containing two bald middle aged blokes. Possibly from [[Newcastle]].
 
 
}}<!--
 
}}<!--
   
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
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2-SPOT-->{{Lead article
 
|arrange = left
 
|arrange = left
|image = silvio sylvia.jpg
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|image = SalmondMissile.jpg
<!-- |type = -->
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<!-- |type = breaking -->
|title = Silvio moves on
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|title = Salmond shoots down helicopter over Aberdeen
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
|summary = '''ROME, Italy'''
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|summary = '''ABERDEEN, [[UK]]''' -- [[Scottish]] First Minister [[Alex Salmond|Alex Salmond]] shot down a [[British Army]] helicopter over the city of [[Aberdeen]].
Media mogul, presidential hopeful and connoisseur of cuddly companions Silvio Berlusconi has regretfully had to let one of his latest acquisitions go. Silvio and the generously endowed Silvia Mammaroni looked like an item for at least a week or so, but despite intimate pizza meetings and facing the incandescent papparazzi, poor Silvia is no longer at his side.
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In a press availability, with his blue face paint shimmering in the heat of the moment, Mr. Salmond blamed Westminster for sending it. [[David Cameron]] said that a planned election this Wednesday on uniting Aberdeen with neighbouring [[Dundee]] to create a new "[[Scotland|Scottish Kingdom]]" is illegal. But [[Nigel Farage]] said he admires Mr. Salmond for "standing up to the West."
   
''"It was the age problem"'', said the sober Silvio at a press conference, ''"she was getting on a bit, almost thirty you know, and I always said you can't trust a woman over thirty"''.
 
 
}}<!--
 
}}<!--
   
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
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3-SPOT-->{{Lead article
 
|arrange = right
 
|arrange = right
|image = Nunwendy01.jpg
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|image = Medvedev02.jpg
<!-- |type = -->
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<!-- |type = breaking -->
|title = Race for Pope brings forth some unusual candidates
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|title = UKIP leader to become Russian Prime Minister for a month
<!-- |short_title = -->
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|short_title = Farage to guest as Russian PM
|summary = '''[[Rome|ROME]], [[Italy]]''' --
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|summary = '''[[Moscow|MOSCOW]], [[Russia]]''' -- [[Vladimir Putin]] announced that British [[UKIP]] party leader [[Nigel Farage]] will stand in as temporary Prime Minister of [[Russia]]. Farage, who has taken UKIP to centre stage by shoving hot custard pies down the trousers of British Prime Minister [[David Cameron]], said he was 'delighted' with the offer, which will involve opening fetes, kissing babies and sucking the toes of Russia's oligarchs.
   
The race to become the next [[Catholic]] [[Pope]] has got a lot of <s>gamblers</s> people eager to influence the choice of who replaces [[Pope Benedict XVI]] when he steps down. The contest is said to be 'wide open' with a number of possible contenders.
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French National Front leader [[wikipedia:Marine Le Pen|Marine Le Pen]] was said to be 'keen as Dijon mustard' to have to have her turn as Putin's girl.
 
The election which is due in March 2013 is already promising to be the 'dirtiest election' since 1492. This was when Pope [[wikipedia:Pope Alexander VI|Pope Alexander VI]] 'the Borgia Pope' poisoned his rivals to slide his fat Spanish arse onto St.Peter's Chair. So far these are the known candidates, with the former US Defense Secretary [[Donald Rumsfeld]] heading another list on the ''Unknown knowns''.
 
   
 
}}<!--
 
}}<!--
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
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4-SPOT-->{{Lead article
 
|arrange = left
 
|arrange = left
|image = Chelsea1.jpg
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|image = Onyango Obama.jpg
<!-- |type = -->
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<!-- |type = exclusive -->
|title = President Chelsea Clinton jubilant as Bashar al-Assad dies of old age
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|title = Aunt Zeituni "self-deports"
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
|summary = '''[[Washington DC |WASHINGTON DC]]''' -- Yesterday afternoon a cloud of radical Islamic gloom hung over secular Damascus as news spread that [[Syria]]’s long entrenched leader, Bashar al-Assad (82), had finally died of old age. Meanwhile, in Washington news of al-Assad’s timely passing was greeted with joy by President Chelsea Clinton (67) and her team of inbred [[Disney|Plutoc]][[rats]].
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|summary = '''[[Boston|BOSTON]], [[Massachusetts]]''' -- Zeituni Onyango, the [[aunt]] of [[President]] [[Barack Obama]], has "self-deported" at the age of 61, as candidate [[Mitt Romney]] predicted many [[illegal alien]]s would. She is likely to clear immigration in [[Purgatory]] prior to a final border-crossing down the [[River Styx]].
  +
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Cleveland attorney Margaret Wong argued that Onyango would risk persecution if she returned to [[Africa|Kenya]] — for having a [[dope]] for a nephew. The [[Republican Party]] has dropped all opposition to programs for illegals, but it reassures the [[Tea Party movement]] that hundreds of illegals will leave the United States on their own every year, just as Ms. Onyango now has.
   
President Clinton said the death of Al-Assad marked a well-orchestrated “strategic victory” for Wall Street and a breath of musty air for western meddling in Middle Eastern tribal affairs.
 
 
}}<!--
 
}}<!--
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
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  +
5-SPOT-->{{Lead article
 
|arrange = right
 
|arrange = right
|image = LordJimbo.jpg
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|image = Broken monitor.jpg
<!-- |type = -->
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<!-- |type = breaking -->
|title = Wikia to offer "gold membership" for wikis
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|title = Windows XP becomes suddenly useless
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
|summary = '''EVIL WIKIA&trade; HEADQUARTERS, San Francisco, [[California]]''' -- In order to address the flight from Wikia&trade; over issues of advertisements, Wikia&trade; has recently announced an ad-free option. Under the new gold-membership option, a wiki can become ad free in exchange for donations to cover the cost of web hosting.
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|summary = '''[[Washington (state)|REDMOND, Washington]]''' -- {{InlineMedia|Windows XP becomes suddenly useless}} [[Microsoft]] has ended support for the popular [[Windows XP]] operating system, placing "a big [[neon]] bull's-eye on it." This means that, as fewer people use XP, hackers will somehow see it as a better target.
   
"We have had many wikis leave over the issue of advertisements," said [[Jimbo Wales]], CEO and evil overlord of [[Wikia]]&trade;. "By self-hosting, wikis can avoid any unwanted advertisements.
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Experts say that XP, while working fine, is now [[Fashion|unfashionable]] and thus, "If it ain't broke, find another way to sell something different," which was also the basis of [[Barack Obama|Obama-care]], Cash for Clunkers, and the [[Y2K]] crisis, when all business software had to be studied or replaced just in case it was one of the six programs where 1999 failed to roll over to 2000.
   
}}
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}}<noinclude>{{-}}
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{{Lead article doc}}</noinclude>

Latest revision as of 01:53, April 16, 2014


Ribbon-cutting in Parral
UnNewsURGENT
SNAKE'S HIPS, Nevada -- Troops resembling the Russian Army, presumably not satisfied with the capture of the Crimea last month, seem ready to bite off a huge chunk off the tip of this pizza-shaped Western U.S. state. Defending the territory 80 miles northeast of Las Vegas is a rag-tag citizen militia, fresh from a home showing of Red Dawn and ready to take on the Roosky invaders.

Rancher Cliven Bundy, who became famous as the hard-luck women's shoe salesman in Married with Children, told Glenn Beck it is bigger than a financial dispute. Full story»


SalmondMissile
ABERDEEN, UK -- Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond shot down a British Army helicopter over the city of Aberdeen.

In a press availability, with his blue face paint shimmering in the heat of the moment, Mr. Salmond blamed Westminster for sending it. David Cameron said that a planned election this Wednesday on uniting Aberdeen with neighbouring Dundee to create a new "Scottish Kingdom" is illegal. But Nigel Farage said he admires Mr. Salmond for "standing up to the West." Full story»

Medvedev02
MOSCOW, Russia -- Vladimir Putin announced that British UKIP party leader Nigel Farage will stand in as temporary Prime Minister of Russia. Farage, who has taken UKIP to centre stage by shoving hot custard pies down the trousers of British Prime Minister David Cameron, said he was 'delighted' with the offer, which will involve opening fetes, kissing babies and sucking the toes of Russia's oligarchs.

French National Front leader Marine Le Pen was said to be 'keen as Dijon mustard' to have to have her turn as Putin's girl. Full story»


Onyango Obama
BOSTON, Massachusetts -- Zeituni Onyango, the aunt of President Barack Obama, has "self-deported" at the age of 61, as candidate Mitt Romney predicted many illegal aliens would. She is likely to clear immigration in Purgatory prior to a final border-crossing down the River Styx.

Cleveland attorney Margaret Wong argued that Onyango would risk persecution if she returned to Kenya — for having a dope for a nephew. The Republican Party has dropped all opposition to programs for illegals, but it reassures the Tea Party movement that hundreds of illegals will leave the United States on their own every year, just as Ms. Onyango now has. Full story»

Broken monitor
REDMOND, Washington -- (Gnome-speakernotes listen) Microsoft has ended support for the popular Windows XP operating system, placing "a big neon bull's-eye on it." This means that, as fewer people use XP, hackers will somehow see it as a better target.

Experts say that XP, while working fine, is now unfashionable and thus, "If it ain't broke, find another way to sell something different," which was also the basis of Obama-care, Cash for Clunkers, and the Y2K crisis, when all business software had to be studied or replaced just in case it was one of the six programs where 1999 failed to roll over to 2000. Full story»



Instructions for {{Lead articles}} (Return to the UnNews Front Page):

  • arrangePlease use this properly!--Indicates the article's layout on the Front Page:
    • lead One-across (the article in the "1-spot")
    • left Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the left side
    • right Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the right side
  • image — The image name (omit File:). There should always be an image, but if you leave this blank, the null image Spacer.gif will be used
UnNewsEXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW
Use of "type=" produces graphics like this. Use them only in the 1-Spot. In the side-by-side leads (2- through 5-Spots), these graphics mess up rendering on smaller screens.
  • type — Normally none or leave blank. Otherwise, one of the following:
    • breaking for especially timely or time-critical stories
    • special
    • original for stories with {{Original}} instead of real sources
    • exclusive for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive because we're interviewing ourselves
    • urgent
    • editorial (2.1) for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
    • column (2.1) for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
    • feature (2.1) for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
  • title — The page name (omit UnNews:); that is, the headline
  • short_titleOptional--If the page name is too long or doesn't look like a headline, provide the desired headline here.
  • summary — The first sentence or two of the story. If you can write a funnier lead by pulling stuff from throughout the story, that would be funnier.

Important notes:

  • If you put vertical space between the calls to {{Lead article}}, comment them out, or space will be output that will throw off the relation between articles.
  • If not using any of the above parameters (typically type and short_title), comment out the whole thing to prevent it from interfering with the template. To use a previously unused parameter, simply remove the comment tags from around it.
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