Template:Lead articles

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REMEMBER: PLEASE USE THE "arrange" PARAMETER PROPERLY! EXAMPLES:
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This is {Lead articles}, the template for all five articles on the UnNews Front Page.
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It calls {Lead article}, which renders each of the five articles. Click Preview and
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detailed instructions will appear.
   
| arrange = lead (for the lead story)
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SPECIAL-->{{Lead article
| arrange = left (to place a story on the left)
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|arrange = lead
| arrange = right (to place a story on the right)
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|dept = none
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|border = navy
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|image = Rosette-sotm.png
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|title = 2015 British general election
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<!-- |short_title = -->
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|summary = UnNews provides rosette-to-rosette coverage of the upcoming [[British]] general election. On 7 May, [[Brit]]s are to elect 650 MPs (Military Police) with a view to making one of several really silly people the face of the nation (pending the ceremonial wink from Her Majesty).
   
ALSO: IF YOU USE NEWLINES BETWEEN TEMPLATE CALLS, COMMENT THEM OUT, OR YOU WILL GET <P></P>s (NEW PARAGRAPHS) IN BETWEEN YOUR NEWS STORIES, WHICH MAY THROW OFF THE SPACING.
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}}<!--
   
IMPORTANT NOTE: When not using a parameter, please put it between comment tags to prevent it from interfering with the template. When you want to use a previously unused parameter, simply remove the comment tags from around it. If the parameter isn't there yet, just add it.
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1-SPOT-->{{Lead article
 
Types:
 
breaking - for especially timely or time-critical stories
 
special
 
original - for stories with {{Tl|Original}} instead of real sources
 
exclusive - for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive
 
because we're interviewing ourselves
 
urgent
 
editorial - for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
 
column - for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
 
feature - for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
 
 
Add an image_width parameter to change the image width.
 
 
Blank template:
 
{{Lead articles 2/a
 
|arrange = ( lead | left | right )
 
|image_ =
 
|type_ =
 
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-->{{Lead articles 2/a
 
 
|arrange = lead
 
|arrange = lead
|image = Pantohorse01.jpg
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|dept = TAX SEASON '15
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|image = Kazoo.jpg
|title = Pantomime horses are 'really humans' scandal
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|title = IRS to return frivolous expenditures to the public
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
 
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|summary ='''[[London|LONDON]], [[United Kingdom]]''' --
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|border = none
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|summary = '''[[Washington, D.C.|WASHINGTON, D.C.]]''' -- Callers to the [[Internal Revenue Service]] stayed on hold for an average 95 minutes (with a recorded message that 'Your call is very important to us' once a minute or so).
   
Small children and parents are angry with the government that much loved pantomime horses are really 100% human.
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Senator [[Orrin Hatch]] ([[Republican|R]]-[[Utah|UT]]) tried to investigate but was put on hold for three hours. His committee discovered that the IRS had bought [[kazoo]]s, [[rubber duck]]s, and a public opinion poll regarding the agency, as if there were any doubt.
   
In DNA tests conducted by vets after a free [[Guinness]] tasting contest, 20 pantomime horses were examined and to be revealed to be two people in fake horse fur costumes. This was '100% proof' and yes, pour me another'.
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}}<hr style="clear:both;width:98%;margin: 0 auto 8px auto;" /><!--
   
Shocked entertainment agents and talent agencies had long accepted pantomime horses to be genuine. Now it seems that for years the entire industry had been working in [[Fish_pun#Alternatives_to_the_fish_pun|blinkers]] and hadn't carried out their own tests to determine whether a pantomime horse was a genuine equine or was in-fact a machine stitched costume containing two bald middle aged blokes. Possibly from [[Newcastle]].
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2-SPOT-->{{Lead article
}}<!--
 
 
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
 
 
|arrange = left
 
|arrange = left
|image = silvio sylvia.jpg
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|dept = none
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|image = Aircraft carrier 2.jpg
|title = Silvio moves on
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|title = US aircraft carrier readied to do nothing
 
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|summary = '''ROME, Italy'''
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|border = none
Media mogul, presidential hopeful and connoisseur of cuddly companions Silvio Berlusconi has regretfully had to let one of his latest acquisitions go. Silvio and the generously endowed Silvia Mammaroni looked like an item for at least a week or so, but despite intimate pizza meetings and facing the incandescent papparazzi, poor Silvia is no longer at his side.
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|summary = '''[[Washington, D.C.|WASHINGTON, D.C.]]''' -- The [[United States]] is moving an [[Boat|aircraft carrier]] toward [[Yemen]], where it will be in position to do nothing.
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A [[Pentagon]] spokesman for the [[Army]] denied that the ships were sent into the Gulf of [[Eden|Aden]] to block Iran from resupplying rebels in Yemen. A [[Navy]] spokesman said the U.S. has not boarded another ship since the start of the month, and that was merely an "April Fool." However, the U.S. is always looking for better recipes for couscous.
   
''"It was the age problem"'', said the sober Silvio at a press conference, ''"she was getting on a bit, almost thirty you know, and I always said you can't trust a woman over thirty"''.
 
 
}}<!--
 
}}<!--
   
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
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3-SPOT-->{{Lead article
 
|arrange = right
 
|arrange = right
|image = Nunwendy01.jpg
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|dept = none
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|image = Cocaine haul.jpg
|title = Race for Pope brings forth some unusual candidates
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|title = Coast Guard ship returns with 14 tons of cocaine
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
|summary = '''[[Rome|ROME]], [[Italy]]''' --
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|border = none
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|summary = '''[[San Diego|SAN DIEGO]], [[California]]''' -- The [[U.S.]] [[Coast Guard]] cutter Boutwell, carrying more than 14 tons of [[cocaine]], returned to Snow Station Zebra after an operation off the coast of [[Central America|Central]] and [[South America]]. Vice Admiral Charles Michel described the result as "some of the best [[shit]] I've ever tried."
   
The race to become the next [[Catholic]] [[Pope]] has got a lot of <s>gamblers</s> people eager to influence the choice of who replaces [[Pope Benedict XVI]] when he steps down. The contest is said to be 'wide open' with a number of possible contenders.
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The haul is destined for [[baseball]] ballparks across the nation. New rules to speed up the game force batters to remain in their "box." To encourage this, the white lines have been completely reformulated for the new season.
   
The election which is due in March 2013 is already promising to be the 'dirtiest election' since 1492. This was when Pope [[wikipedia:Pope Alexander VI|Pope Alexander VI]] 'the Borgia Pope' poisoned his rivals to slide his fat Spanish arse onto St.Peter's Chair. So far these are the known candidates, with the former US Defense Secretary [[Donald Rumsfeld]] heading another list on the ''Unknown knowns''.
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}}<hr style="clear:both;width:98%;margin: 0 auto 8px auto;" /><!--
   
}}<!--
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4-SPOT-->{{Lead article
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
 
 
|arrange = left
 
|arrange = left
|image = Chelsea1.jpg
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|dept = none
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|image = Mall garbage.JPG
|title = President Chelsea Clinton jubilant as Bashar al-Assad dies of old age
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|title = Organizers may cancel Earth Day Concert after being fined by city
 
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|summary = '''[[Washington DC |WASHINGTON DC]]''' -- Yesterday afternoon a cloud of radical Islamic gloom hung over secular Damascus as news spread that [[Syria]]’s long entrenched leader, Bashar al-Assad (82), had finally died of old age. Meanwhile, in Washington news of al-Assad’s timely passing was greeted with joy by President Chelsea Clinton (67) and her team of inbred [[Disney|Plutoc]][[rats]].
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|border = none
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|summary = '''[[Washington, D.C.|WASHINGTON, D.C.]]''' -- Dismayed organizers of the annual Earth Day concert are considering canceling the annual event after the city fined the organization for cleanup of the National Mall.
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Patrons left the mall littered with 2.7 tons of debris. Organizers protested that they had placed three wastebaskets in the corner of the mall to accommodate styrofoam produced during the concert.
   
President Clinton said the death of Al-Assad marked a well-orchestrated “strategic victory” for Wall Street and a breath of musty air for western meddling in Middle Eastern tribal affairs.
 
 
}}<!--
 
}}<!--
-->{{Lead articles 2/a
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5-SPOT-->{{Lead article
 
|arrange = right
 
|arrange = right
|image = LordJimbo.jpg
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|dept = none
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|image = Apathy.jpg
|title = Wikia to offer "gold membership" for wikis
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|title = UK declares national “state of apathy”
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
 
<!-- |short_title = -->
|summary = '''EVIL WIKIA&trade; HEADQUARTERS, San Francisco, [[California]]''' -- In order to address the flight from Wikia&trade; over issues of advertisements, Wikia&trade; has recently announced an ad-free option. Under the new gold-membership option, a wiki can become ad free in exchange for donations to cover the cost of web hosting.
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|border = none
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|summary = '''[[England|WHITEHALL, England]]''' -- The UK has declared an official “state of apathy” and is on communication lockdown. The press release states that the 2015 [[election]] campaign has driven the population of the [[United Kingdom]] to not give a toss about anything until further notice.
   
"We have had many wikis leave over the issue of advertisements," said [[Jimbo Wales]], CEO and evil overlord of [[Wikia]]&trade;. "By self-hosting, wikis can avoid any unwanted advertisements.
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The release advises international businesses to avoid calling the UK, as they will be left on hold until the exchange crashes, or whatever.
   
}}
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}}<noinclude>{{-}}
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{{Lead article doc}}</noinclude>

Latest revision as of 20:58, April 22, 2015

Rosette-sotm
UnNews provides rosette-to-rosette coverage of the upcoming British general election. On 7 May, Brits are to elect 650 MPs (Military Police) with a view to making one of several really silly people the face of the nation (pending the ceremonial wink from Her Majesty). Full story»
Kazoo
UnNews Logo Potato1TAX SEASON '15
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Callers to the Internal Revenue Service stayed on hold for an average 95 minutes (with a recorded message that 'Your call is very important to us' once a minute or so).

Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT) tried to investigate but was put on hold for three hours. His committee discovered that the IRS had bought kazoos, rubber ducks, and a public opinion poll regarding the agency, as if there were any doubt. Full story»


Aircraft carrier 2
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The United States is moving an aircraft carrier toward Yemen, where it will be in position to do nothing.

A Pentagon spokesman for the Army denied that the ships were sent into the Gulf of Aden to block Iran from resupplying rebels in Yemen. A Navy spokesman said the U.S. has not boarded another ship since the start of the month, and that was merely an "April Fool." However, the U.S. is always looking for better recipes for couscous. Full story»

Cocaine haul
SAN DIEGO, California -- The U.S. Coast Guard cutter Boutwell, carrying more than 14 tons of cocaine, returned to Snow Station Zebra after an operation off the coast of Central and South America. Vice Admiral Charles Michel described the result as "some of the best shit I've ever tried."

The haul is destined for baseball ballparks across the nation. New rules to speed up the game force batters to remain in their "box." To encourage this, the white lines have been completely reformulated for the new season. Full story»


Mall garbage
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Dismayed organizers of the annual Earth Day concert are considering canceling the annual event after the city fined the organization for cleanup of the National Mall.

Patrons left the mall littered with 2.7 tons of debris. Organizers protested that they had placed three wastebaskets in the corner of the mall to accommodate styrofoam produced during the concert. Full story»

Apathy
WHITEHALL, England -- The UK has declared an official “state of apathy” and is on communication lockdown. The press release states that the 2015 election campaign has driven the population of the United Kingdom to not give a toss about anything until further notice.

The release advises international businesses to avoid calling the UK, as they will be left on hold until the exchange crashes, or whatever. Full story»



Instructions for {{Lead articles}} (Edit them) (Return to the Front Page):

  • arrangePlease use this properly!--Indicates the article's layout on the Front Page:
    • lead One-across (the article in the "1-spot")
    • left Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the left side
    • right Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the right side
  • image — The image name (omit File:). There should always be an image, but if you leave this blank, the null image Spacer.gif will be used
  • dept — An optional "department" legend that will appear centered above the headline. Use them only in the 1-Spot; in the side-by-side leads (2- through 5-Spots), these graphics mess up rendering on smaller screens. Lowercase letters will become small capitals, but they won't look very good. Typical "departments" are:
    • BREAKING NEWS or URGENT for stories that either are relevant to big real-world news, or are not
    • EXCLUSIVE for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive because we're interviewing ourselves
    • PANIC in the SKIES — prized by all journalists, especially if it should have been the Happiest Day of the Year
    • NAVEL-GAZING for UnNews articles that revolve around UnNews
    • FEATURE for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
    • ORIGINAL for stories with {{Original}} instead of real sources
    • EDITORIAL for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
    • COLUMN for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
  • title — The page name (omit UnNews:); that is, the headline
  • short_titleOptional — If the page name is too long or doesn't look like a headline, provide the desired headline here.
  • summary — The first sentence or two of the story. If you can write a funnier lead by pulling stuff from throughout the story, that would be funnier.

Important notes:

  • If you put vertical space between the calls to {{Lead article}}, comment them out, or space will be output that will throw off the relation between articles.
  • If not using dept, set it to none. If not using short_title, turn the whole line into a comment: <!-- short_title= -->. To put it back into service, just remove the special characters. Don't remove the lines completely; that makes it harder for the next editor to see the correct form to follow.
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