|
|
| (40 intermediate revisions by 3 users not shown) |
| Line 32: |
Line 32: |
| |
|summary_ = |
|
|summary_ = |
| |
}} |
|
}} |
| − |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
| |
-->{{Lead articles 2/a |
|
-->{{Lead articles 2/a |
| |
|arrange = lead |
|
|arrange = lead |
| − |
|image = Pantohorse01.jpg |
+ |
|image = tiananmen-ducks.jpg |
| |
<!-- |type = --> |
|
<!-- |type = --> |
| − |
|title = Pantomime horses are 'really humans' scandal |
+ |
|title = A Day of Joy and Celebration in China |
| |
<!-- |short_title = --> |
|
<!-- |short_title = --> |
| − |
|summary ='''[[London|LONDON]], [[United Kingdom]]''' -- |
+ |
|summary = '''BEIJING, [[China|CHINA]]''' -- [[Today]] marks a glorious day for [[China]]. Smiling faces are reported across the nation with the National Happiness Index peaking at an all-time [[high]]. |
| |
|
|
|
| − |
Small children and parents are angry with the government that much loved pantomime horses are really 100% human. |
+ |
The Glorious Chinese [[Communist]] Party in their great wisdom and leadership gave [[six]] out of 900 million ordinary [[peasants]] an opportunity to change their fate from working in gutter oil plants, toxic [[baby]] formula production lines, and maggot infested sausage factories. These newly created positions will be dedicated to working in [[Costa Rica]] in preparation for the Chinese Communist Party's Annual [[Beach]] Party with a total budget of 64 million Yuan ($1.47 [[Canadian]], $44.96 billion [[American]]). |
| |
|
|
|
| − |
In DNA tests conducted by vets after a free [[Guinness]] tasting contest, 20 pantomime horses were examined and to be revealed to be two people in fake horse fur costumes. This was '100% proof' and yes, pour me another'. |
|
| − |
|
|
| − |
Shocked entertainment agents and talent agencies had long accepted pantomime horses to be genuine. Now it seems that for years the entire industry had been working in [[Fish_pun#Alternatives_to_the_fish_pun|blinkers]] and hadn't carried out their own tests to determine whether a pantomime horse was a genuine equine or was in-fact a machine stitched costume containing two bald middle aged blokes. Possibly from [[Newcastle]]. |
|
| |
}}<!-- |
|
}}<!-- |
| |
|
|
|
| |
-->{{Lead articles 2/a |
|
-->{{Lead articles 2/a |
| |
|arrange = left |
|
|arrange = left |
| − |
|image = silvio sylvia.jpg |
+ |
|image = evilobama.jpg |
| |
<!-- |type = --> |
|
<!-- |type = --> |
| − |
|title = Silvio moves on |
+ |
|title = Obama to media: "we're coming for you!" |
| |
<!-- |short_title = --> |
|
<!-- |short_title = --> |
| − |
|summary = '''ROME, Italy''' |
+ |
|summary = '''WASHINGTON, DC''' – In an off-the-record press conference, [[President]] [[Barak Obama]], in the interest of “[[government]] transparency,” made a startling announcement. “We're coming after you!” he warned the [[American]] media. |
| − |
Media mogul, presidential hopeful and connoisseur of cuddly companions Silvio Berlusconi has regretfully had to let one of his latest acquisitions go. Silvio and the generously endowed Silvia Mammaroni looked like an item for at least a week or so, but despite intimate pizza meetings and facing the incandescent papparazzi, poor Silvia is no longer at his side. |
+ |
|
| |
+ |
Although he wouldn't name the names of specific [[news]] agencies he has directed the National Insecurity Agency (NSA), the Federal Busybodies of Investigation (FBI), the Infernal Revenue Service (IRS), and other government agencies to target, he also did not deny reporters' suggestions that such targets include the Associated Press (AP), [[Fox News]], and [[Unnews]]. |
| |
|
|
|
| − |
''"It was the age problem"'', said the sober Silvio at a press conference, ''"she was getting on a bit, almost thirty you know, and I always said you can't trust a woman over thirty"''. |
|
| |
}}<!-- |
|
}}<!-- |
| |
|
|
|
| |
-->{{Lead articles 2/a |
|
-->{{Lead articles 2/a |
| |
|arrange = right |
|
|arrange = right |
| − |
|image = Nunwendy01.jpg |
+ |
|image = Mustard-Gas.jpg |
| |
<!-- |type = --> |
|
<!-- |type = --> |
| − |
|title = Race for Pope brings forth some unusual candidates |
+ |
|title = Syria: Dijon mustard gas used in France |
| |
<!-- |short_title = --> |
|
<!-- |short_title = --> |
| − |
|summary = '''[[Rome|ROME]], [[Italy]]''' -- |
+ |
|summary = '''[[Syria|SYRIA]]''' -- Dijon Mustard gas has been used several times in the [[French]] civil war, including at least twelve occasions by the Sarkozy regime, Syria's foreign minister said Tuesday, citing results from test samples in Syria's possession. |
| |
|
|
|
| − |
The race to become the next [[Catholic]] [[Pope]] has got a lot of <s>gamblers</s> people eager to influence the choice of who replaces [[Pope Benedict XVI]] when he steps down. The contest is said to be 'wide open' with a number of possible contenders. |
+ |
Farouk Nizam announced the conclusion after meeting with the head of a BRICS Nations mission set up to establish the facts about the alleged use of culinary weapons in Paris. |
| |
|
|
|
| − |
The election which is due in March 2013 is already promising to be the 'dirtiest election' since 1492. This was when Pope [[wikipedia:Pope Alexander VI|Pope Alexander VI]] 'the Borgia Pope' poisoned his rivals to slide his fat Spanish arse onto St.Peter's Chair. So far these are the known candidates, with the former US Defense Secretary [[Donald Rumsfeld]] heading another list on the ''Unknown knowns''. |
+ |
''“I gave him the results of tests carried out by our lab appointed by the BRICS Organization for the Prohibition of Gastronomical Weapons to identify culinary warfare,”'' Nizam said off the top of his head. |
| |
|
|
|
| |
}}<!-- |
|
}}<!-- |
| |
+ |
|
| |
-->{{Lead articles 2/a |
|
-->{{Lead articles 2/a |
| |
|arrange = left |
|
|arrange = left |
| − |
|image = Chelsea1.jpg |
+ |
|image = approvedreader.jpg |
| |
<!-- |type = --> |
|
<!-- |type = --> |
| − |
|title = President Chelsea Clinton jubilant as Bashar al-Assad dies of old age |
+ |
|title = Soldier violates Pentagon's new Approved Reading List prohibitions |
| |
<!-- |short_title = --> |
|
<!-- |short_title = --> |
| − |
|summary = '''[[Washington DC |WASHINGTON DC]]''' -- Yesterday afternoon a cloud of radical Islamic gloom hung over secular Damascus as news spread that [[Syria]]’s long entrenched leader, Bashar al-Assad (82), had finally died of old age. Meanwhile, in Washington news of al-Assad’s timely passing was greeted with joy by President Chelsea Clinton (67) and her team of inbred [[Disney|Plutoc]][[rats]]. |
+ |
|summary = '''FORT MYER, VA''' – In an ongoing effort to promote [[nudism]], the U. S. [[Army]] has forbidden a [[soldier]] from reading books by [[conservative]] authors while he is in uniform. <s>Master Sergeant</s> Corporal Nathan Sommers, who has served “with honor but without distinction” for a quarter of a [[century]], sees the order as being but another means of persecuting him for having an anti-[[Obama]] bumper sticker on his [[military]]-issued HUM-V. However, his commanding officer says he's just enforcing the [[Pentagon]]'s new “politically correct” Approved Reading List. |
| |
+ |
|
| |
+ |
An outspoken conservative [[Christian]], Sommers also opposes [[gay]] [[marriage]], [[abortion]] on demand, open borders, compulsory [[nudity]], and other policies that are near and dear to his commander-in-chief's own values. The only two interests that he and the [[president]] share, Sommers said, is their fondness for [[music]]. “I love classical, and he [Obama] is a [[fan]] of hip hop and rap.” |
| |
|
|
|
| − |
President Clinton said the death of Al-Assad marked a well-orchestrated “strategic victory” for Wall Street and a breath of musty air for western meddling in Middle Eastern tribal affairs. |
|
| |
}}<!-- |
|
}}<!-- |
| |
+ |
|
| |
-->{{Lead articles 2/a |
|
-->{{Lead articles 2/a |
| |
|arrange = right |
|
|arrange = right |
| − |
|image = LordJimbo.jpg |
+ |
|image = Olympic rings 446x251.jpg |
| |
<!-- |type = --> |
|
<!-- |type = --> |
| − |
|title = Wikia to offer "gold membership" for wikis |
+ |
|title = I.O.C. drops wrestling; plans to add "Olympic Doping Competition" |
| |
<!-- |short_title = --> |
|
<!-- |short_title = --> |
| − |
|summary = '''EVIL WIKIA™ HEADQUARTERS, San Francisco, [[California]]''' -- In order to address the flight from Wikia™ over issues of advertisements, Wikia™ has recently announced an ad-free option. Under the new gold-membership option, a wiki can become ad free in exchange for donations to cover the cost of web hosting. |
+ |
|summary = '''LAUSANNE, [[Switzerland]]''' -- The Chief Olympic Committee, or [[COCk]], as they are called, voted today to ban wrestling as an [[Olympic]] sport. Citing an overall lack of viewership compared to [[WWE|professional wrestling]], they said that there was no other choice. Also canceled today were [[water polo]], [[witch]] burning, and [[fencing]]. |
| |
|
|
|
| − |
"We have had many wikis leave over the issue of advertisements," said [[Jimbo Wales]], CEO and evil overlord of [[Wikia]]™. "By self-hosting, wikis can avoid any unwanted advertisements. |
+ |
The committee has until the end of next week to find suitable replacement competition sports and will likely finalize three of those decisions sometime early next week. However, the committee was swayed by a long-time triathlon member and added one sport immediately: The Olympic Doping Competition.But committee decided each have to carry their own dope or will not be allowed to participate in the competition. Only sample collection jars will be supplied by the organizers. |
| |
+ |
|
| |
+ |
}}<!-- |
| |
|
|
|
| |
}} |
|
}} |
