Template:Lead articles

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Coney-Island-Cyclone-Coaster
UnNews Logo Potato1PANIC in the SKIES
NEW YORK, New York -- Coney Island visitors riding the Cyclone roller coaster caused a thrilling stall on a downhill section of track.

Spokeswoman Luna Park stated that it was an "isolated mechanical issue". Although past events usually are good predictors of future events, Ms. Park's assertion seems to mean that this event will predict a lot of the exact opposite. Full story»


Tsipras
MONTABAUR, Germany -- Investigators have found, in the apartment of Germanwings co-pilot Andreas Lubitz, a torn-up notice from his doctor excusing him from work on the fateful day.

The note stresses the negative health effects of flying a jetliner into the ground. An investigator stressed that pilots who intend to crash airplanes should always notify Personnel of their plan, preferably beforehand, to get "buy-in" from other stakeholders. Full story»

Kerryborg
LAUSANNE, Switzerland -- The United States beat a self-imposed deadline, announcing a nuclear weapons deal with Iran with nothing left to be worked out except all the details.

The deadline was vital to keep the Obama administration from having to announce a treaty to pacify Iran on April Fool's Day. Full story»


Ketchup1
BUFFETT'S WARREN, Pennsylvania -- Corner shops, chocoholics and greasy spoons throughout the world are in a Twirl over Wispas of the imminent merger between Kraft and H.J. Heinz.

The Fresh Take on the Fusion of the two corporate food Heroes occurred when venture capitalists concluded that Americans would jump at the chance to add ketchup to their cheese dogs without an intervening step. Full story»

StrictlyCameron
MANCHESTER, UK -- Conservative leader David Cameron plans to introduce a seven-day week to the National Health Service, as the NHS's current Pagan Druid calendar has long been out of use across the rest of the country.

Conservatives also aim to replace all medicine with paracetamol, force ambulance staff to use buses instead of petrol-guzzling ambulances, and cut 100% of the pay to NHS staff, freeing up enough money to bribe the courts in Prince Andrew's sex trial. Full story»



Instructions for {{Lead articles}} (Edit them) (Return to the Front Page):

  • arrangePlease use this properly!--Indicates the article's layout on the Front Page:
    • lead One-across (the article in the "1-spot")
    • left Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the left side
    • right Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the right side
  • image — The image name (omit File:). There should always be an image, but if you leave this blank, the null image Spacer.gif will be used
  • dept — An optional "department" legend that will appear centered above the headline. Use them only in the 1-Spot; in the side-by-side leads (2- through 5-Spots), these graphics mess up rendering on smaller screens. Lowercase letters will become small capitals, but they won't look very good. Typical "departments" are:
    • BREAKING NEWS or URGENT for stories that either are relevant to big real-world news, or are not
    • EXCLUSIVE for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive because we're interviewing ourselves
    • PANIC in the SKIES — prized by all journalists, especially if it should have been the Happiest Day of the Year
    • NAVEL-GAZING for UnNews articles that revolve around UnNews
    • FEATURE for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
    • ORIGINAL for stories with {{Original}} instead of real sources
    • EDITORIAL for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
    • COLUMN for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
  • title — The page name (omit UnNews:); that is, the headline
  • short_titleOptional — If the page name is too long or doesn't look like a headline, provide the desired headline here.
  • summary — The first sentence or two of the story. If you can write a funnier lead by pulling stuff from throughout the story, that would be funnier.

Important notes:

  • If you put vertical space between the calls to {{Lead article}}, comment them out, or space will be output that will throw off the relation between articles.
  • If not using dept, set it to none. If not using short_title, turn the whole line into a comment: <!-- short_title= -->. To put it back into service, just remove the special characters. Don't remove the lines completely; that makes it harder for the next editor to see the correct form to follow.
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