Template:Lead articles

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GLASGOW, England -- Junior technician Peter Woodlouse has managed to slow down light not just in water or glass but in free space — by playing The Endless River, Pink Floyd’s latest album, in a room full of weed smoke.

Mr. Woodlouse said he was “stoked” when a non-ionising photon stopped for a brief chat. Full story»

Clock face sm
CHICAGO, Illinois -- The Doomsday Clock, one more stopped clock added to the rather large number that already existed, has been reset to 11:57, although there has been no plausible explanation of how this clock's time relates to that of the clocks that the real mass of humanity watches.

Neither has the apparent immunity of this clock to things like daylight saving time and leap seconds been explained. Full story»

State of union
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- US President Barack Obama wrote his own State of the Union Address, taking inspiration from great speech writers, such as Toby Ziegler, Will Ferrell and Barack Obama.

The President honed his vocalization to emphasise his pseudo-passion, dispassionately. He went on to promote his own agenda, which is to launch a pop music career. Full story»

Mario nude
LONDON, England -- World famous sprite Super Mario is to appear completely nude in The Sun newspaper, to save Britain’s favourite tabloid from going to print today with an embarrassing hole on page three.

Rupert Murdoch ended 45 years of “Britain’s favourite breakfast baps” deciding site workers would be better spending their toilet breaks on the phone sex lines advertised in the back pages. Full story»

Kelle Hampton with fake nose
SEATTLE, Washington -- Microsoft said it will give away Windows 10, and will include hologram glasses and a silly costume nose to induce customers not to just buy a cellphone.

The holographic glasses produce 3D renderings of virtual babes (see photo). But the fake nose does not enhance the sense of smell, unless one enjoys smelling styrene. Full story»

Instructions for {{Lead articles}} (Edit them) (Return to the Front Page):

  • arrangePlease use this properly!--Indicates the article's layout on the Front Page:
    • lead One-across (the article in the "1-spot")
    • left Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the left side
    • right Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the right side
  • image — The image name (omit File:). There should always be an image, but if you leave this blank, the null image Spacer.gif will be used

Use of "type=" produces graphics like this. Use them only in the 1-Spot. In the side-by-side leads (2- through 5-Spots), these graphics mess up rendering on smaller screens.

  • type
    • Normally none; otherwise, one of the following:
    • breaking for especially timely or time-critical stories
    • special
    • original for stories with {{Original}} instead of real sources
    • exclusive for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive because we're interviewing ourselves
    • navel-gazing for UnNews articles that revolve around UnNews
    • urgent
    • panic for "PANIC in the SKIES"
    • editorial for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
    • column for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
    • feature for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
  • title — The page name (omit UnNews:); that is, the headline
  • short_titleOptional--If the page name is too long or doesn't look like a headline, provide the desired headline here.
  • summary — The first sentence or two of the story. If you can write a funnier lead by pulling stuff from throughout the story, that would be funnier.

Important notes:

  • If you put vertical space between the calls to {{Lead article}}, comment them out, or space will be output that will throw off the relation between articles.
  • If not using type, set it to none. Just blanking it doesn't work. If not using short_title, turn the whole line into a comment: <!== short_title= -->. To put it back into service, just remove the special characters. Don't remove the lines completely; that makes it harder for the next editor to see the correct form to follow.
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