Template:Lead articles

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PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania -- Two months ago, Joey and Kristen Masciantonio say they experienced a miracle when Pope Francis kissed their one-year-old daughter, Gianna. She has a rare, inoperable brain tumor, but recent scans show barely any sign of it.

"This must be the cause," says father Joey. "We've done nothing else that would account for it — except the magnetic bracelets and the all-banana diet." Full story»

LONDON -- Prime Minister David Cameron will get a new plane to fight terrorism, an RAF Voyager A330 air-to-air refueling aircraft, retrofitted with soft-furnishings from Barker and Stonehouse and soaps by Molton Brown.

Jeremy Corbyn asked the PM about the number of “safe seats” available on the aircraft for the shadow cabinet, while Nicola Sturgeon warned that not having enough tartan in the interior could be a trigger for another referendum. Full story»

WIKIA CITY, California -- Alleged comedy website Uncyclopedia declared war against ISIS, in a statement apparently modeled after a similar declaration from mysterious hacker group Anonymous.

Active Admins vowed to make jihadists "laugh to death." However, security analysts say this is unlikely, given the website's notorious articles of navelism peppered with wisecracks about pedophilia and anal sex. Full story»

Bottle of orange water
RIO DOCE, Brazil -- A mine collapse here has cut off drinking water and could wreck the ecosystem. 28 people were killed or missing when two dams gave out, and 500 others were displaced. Many have reached Berlin claiming to be war refugees in need of free dental work.

The effect on the environment is profound, as a reporter saw a dead fish. As the crud hardens, it could change the course of the river itself, and conceivably take earth out of orbit around the sun. Full story»

HOUSTON, Texas -- NASA has called for normal people to apply to be astronauts, despite the requirements to be not only US citizens but smart and accomplished and even useful to the mission — usually mutually exclusive.

There is also a long-duration space flight physical test, but floating in zero gravity is “no heavy lifting.” Full story»

Tiny bedroom
CROYDON, New Hampshire -- A business started at Harvard rents "tiny houses" — which experts define as 400 square feet or smaller — for $99 a night. Customers are Americans who say reducing consumption is a key to avoiding climate catastrophe, though they reject suicide, for now.

In the "rustic" living quarters about the size of a shipping container, well-lit at almost all hours when the sun is out, the toilet — which doubles as the silverware drawer — requires a light sprinkle of potting soil and a few seeds to be sown after each use. Full story»

Instructions for {{Lead articles}} (Edit them) (Return to the Front Page):

  • arrangePlease use this properly!--Indicates the article's layout on the Front Page:
    • lead One-across (the article in the "1-spot")
    • left Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the left side
    • right Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the right side
  • image — The image name (omit File:). There should always be an image, but if you leave this blank, the null image Spacer.gif will be used
  • dept — An optional "department" legend that will appear centered above the headline. Use them only in the 1-Spot; in the side-by-side leads (2- through 5-Spots), these graphics mess up rendering on smaller screens. Lowercase letters will become small capitals, but they won't look very good. Typical "departments" are:
    • BREAKING NEWS or URGENT for stories that either are relevant to big real-world news, or are not
    • EXCLUSIVE for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive because we're interviewing ourselves
    • PANIC in the SKIES — prized by all journalists, especially if it should have been the Happiest Day of the Year
    • NAVEL-GAZING for UnNews articles that revolve around UnNews
    • FEATURE for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
    • ORIGINAL for stories with {{Original}} instead of real sources
    • EDITORIAL for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
    • COLUMN for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
  • title — The page name (omit UnNews:); that is, the headline
  • short_titleOptional — If the page name is too long or doesn't look like a headline, provide the desired headline here.
  • summary — The first sentence or two of the story. If you can write a funnier lead by pulling stuff from throughout the story, that would be funnier.

Important notes:

  • If you put vertical space between the calls to {{Lead article}}, comment them out, or space will be output that will throw off the relation between articles.
  • If not using dept, set it to none. If not using short_title, turn the whole line into a comment: <!-- short_title= -->. To put it back into service, just remove the special characters. Don't remove the lines completely; that makes it harder for the next editor to see the correct form to follow.
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