Template:Lead articles

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NancySinatraBoots01
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Barack Obama has opted to put "boots on the ground" after all, calling on veteran singer Nancy Sinatra to donate her old boots to "throw at the fanatics."

Sinatra's old Top 40 hit, These Boots Are Made for Walking, will be blasted through loudspeakers as the old footwear is dropped on ISIS. If these run out, the Philippines will supply Imelda Marcos's confiscated shoe collection as a backup. Full story»


Matzah Ball Soup
WIKIA CITY, California -- Computing giants Facebook and Apple will offer to freeze the eggs of productive female employees.

The move will let them keep their tits their noses to the grindstone, cranking out web pages and policy manuals and filing complaints about the cafeteria food throughout their productive years. Then they can have a baby at age 70, and hire someone who can actually bear it, nurse it, pick it up, and remember its name, and might adopt it when they die when the kid is 5. Full story»

1973-amc-hornet-1973-amc-hornet-x
JACKSONVILLE, Florida -- A Florida man has been sentenced in the death of a fellow Floridian over loud thug music.

"Florida schools teach never to criticize a driver for loud thug music," the prosecutor said, "because the driver is often a loud thug." That was true in this case, and shooter Michael Dunn "put him down." Judge Russell Healey told the shooter, "Your life is effectively over," as the prison ritual includes a regime of desensitization through constant exposure to loud thug music. Full story»


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UnNewsPANICintheSKIES
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The 132 passengers of the flight that Amber Vinson took were asked to identify themselves to the Center for Disease Control (CDC) for "monitoring."

The CDC said Liberians without Ebola can take municipal buses, because Ebola cannot be caught from other passengers, but Africans with Ebola should not take buses, because it can. U.S. borders remained wide open, as Nancy Pelosi stated, "We have to pass more Liberians, so that you can find out what is in them." Full story»

Ebola bumper sticker
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. President, embarrassed in the past for golfing and fundraising too soon after decapitations and murders of Ambassadors, has confronted the Ebola epidemic head-on: by appointing a "czar" for the disease.

Veteran backslapper Ron Klain has political experience that should let him utter any required inanities — while his complete lack of medical experience will keep him from getting bogged down in technical details such as the inconsistency of his statements. Full story»



Instructions for {{Lead articles}} (Edit them) (Return to the Front Page):

  • arrangePlease use this properly!--Indicates the article's layout on the Front Page:
    • lead One-across (the article in the "1-spot")
    • left Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the left side
    • right Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the right side
  • image — The image name (omit File:). There should always be an image, but if you leave this blank, the null image Spacer.gif will be used
UnNewsEXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW

Use of "type=" produces graphics like this. Use them only in the 1-Spot. In the side-by-side leads (2- through 5-Spots), these graphics mess up rendering on smaller screens.

  • type
    • Normally none; otherwise, one of the following:
    • breaking for especially timely or time-critical stories
    • special
    • original for stories with {{Original}} instead of real sources
    • exclusive for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive because we're interviewing ourselves
    • navel-gazing for UnNews articles that revolve around UnNews
    • urgent
    • panic for "PANIC in the SKIES"
    • editorial for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
    • column for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
    • feature for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
  • title — The page name (omit UnNews:); that is, the headline
  • short_titleOptional--If the page name is too long or doesn't look like a headline, provide the desired headline here.
  • summary — The first sentence or two of the story. If you can write a funnier lead by pulling stuff from throughout the story, that would be funnier.

Important notes:

  • If you put vertical space between the calls to {{Lead article}}, comment them out, or space will be output that will throw off the relation between articles.
  • If not using type, set it to none. Just blanking it doesn't work. If not using short_title, turn the whole line into a comment: <!== short_title= -->. To put it back into service, just remove the special characters. Don't remove the lines completely; that makes it harder for the next editor to see the correct form to follow.
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