Template:Lead articles

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Ribbon-cutting in Parral
SNAKE'S HIPS, Nevada -- Troops resembling the Russian Army, presumably not satisfied with the capture of the Crimea last month, seem ready to bite off a huge chunk off the tip of this pizza-shaped Western U.S. state. Defending the territory 80 miles northeast of Las Vegas is a rag-tag citizen militia, fresh from a home showing of Red Dawn and ready to take on the Roosky invaders.

Rancher Cliven Bundy, who became famous as the hard-luck women's shoe salesman in Married with Children, told Glenn Beck it is bigger than a financial dispute. Full story»

ABERDEEN, UK -- Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond shot down a British Army helicopter over the city of Aberdeen.

In a press availability, with his blue face paint shimmering in the heat of the moment, Mr. Salmond blamed Westminster for sending it. David Cameron said that a planned election this Wednesday on uniting Aberdeen with neighbouring Dundee to create a new "Scottish Kingdom" is illegal. But Nigel Farage said he admires Mr. Salmond for "standing up to the West." Full story»

MOSCOW, Russia -- Vladimir Putin announced that British UKIP party leader Nigel Farage will stand in as temporary Prime Minister of Russia. Farage, who has taken UKIP to centre stage by shoving hot custard pies down the trousers of British Prime Minister David Cameron, said he was 'delighted' with the offer, which will involve opening fetes, kissing babies and sucking the toes of Russia's oligarchs.

French National Front leader Marine Le Pen was said to be 'keen as Dijon mustard' to have to have her turn as Putin's girl. Full story»

Onyango Obama
BOSTON, Massachusetts -- Zeituni Onyango, the aunt of President Barack Obama, has "self-deported" at the age of 61, as candidate Mitt Romney predicted many illegal aliens would. She is likely to clear immigration in Purgatory prior to a final border-crossing down the River Styx.

Cleveland attorney Margaret Wong argued that Onyango would risk persecution if she returned to Kenya — for having a dope for a nephew. The Republican Party has dropped all opposition to programs for illegals, but it reassures the Tea Party movement that hundreds of illegals will leave the United States on their own every year, just as Ms. Onyango now has. Full story»

Broken monitor
REDMOND, Washington -- (Gnome-speakernotes listen) Microsoft has ended support for the popular Windows XP operating system, placing "a big neon bull's-eye on it." This means that, as fewer people use XP, hackers will somehow see it as a better target.

Experts say that XP, while working fine, is now unfashionable and thus, "If it ain't broke, find another way to sell something different," which was also the basis of Obama-care, Cash for Clunkers, and the Y2K crisis, when all business software had to be studied or replaced just in case it was one of the six programs where 1999 failed to roll over to 2000. Full story»

Instructions for {{Lead articles}} (Return to the UnNews Front Page):

  • arrangePlease use this properly!--Indicates the article's layout on the Front Page:
    • lead One-across (the article in the "1-spot")
    • left Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the left side
    • right Of the pairs of side-by-side articles, the article on the right side
  • image — The image name (omit File:). There should always be an image, but if you leave this blank, the null image Spacer.gif will be used
Use of "type=" produces graphics like this. Use them only in the 1-Spot. In the side-by-side leads (2- through 5-Spots), these graphics mess up rendering on smaller screens.
  • type — Normally none or leave blank. Otherwise, one of the following:
    • breaking for especially timely or time-critical stories
    • special
    • original for stories with {{Original}} instead of real sources
    • exclusive for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive because we're interviewing ourselves
    • urgent
    • editorial (2.1) for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
    • column (2.1) for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
    • feature (2.1) for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
  • title — The page name (omit UnNews:); that is, the headline
  • short_titleOptional--If the page name is too long or doesn't look like a headline, provide the desired headline here.
  • summary — The first sentence or two of the story. If you can write a funnier lead by pulling stuff from throughout the story, that would be funnier.

Important notes:

  • If you put vertical space between the calls to {{Lead article}}, comment them out, or space will be output that will throw off the relation between articles.
  • If not using any of the above parameters (typically type and short_title), comment out the whole thing to prevent it from interfering with the template. To use a previously unused parameter, simply remove the comment tags from around it.
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