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A recent exhaustive study at Oxford University has determined that the nature of its topic dooms this article to a perpetual state of mediocrity. Submitters should take heart that they've steered it clear of a worse fate. And hey, even snow has no reason to give up. Um, right? . . . Frosty?
In their cold-hearted pessimism, scientists would also like to remind you that unicorns do not exist, climate change threatens to destroy civilization, and excessive cowbell is far more likely to cause disease than cure it.
Compare with another of somewhat similar purpose and different wording: Template:Random Twatdar. Twatdar is maybe more generally useful in that it does not clarify whether it's the topic or article that specifically to blame. I suggest putting this at the bottom so that people won't read the article with a biased view, but instead go something like "WHAT?" or (more likely) "Sigh, that's probably right."