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Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: RAF Packington - Accountant

Yesterday's Featured Article - RAF Packington

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Royal Air Force Station Packington (RAF Packington) is a top secret military establishment in the English County of Staffordshire. It is home to the UK's stockpile of Weapons of Mass Distraction (WMDs). Packington is currently under the steely command of Group Captain Johnny "Nimrod" Hunter-Harrier DFC JPA QDJM. RAF Packington started off in 1826 as a pork-and-mustard factory run by local pink industrialist Jeremiah Gottmein-Himmel, who leased the site to the burgeoning Royal Scottish Air force (RSAF) who needed to establish a grass runway emergency landing strip (GREMLIN) for their aircraft returning from the disastrous First Porridge War against Kent. This saw the permanent loss of SRAF Branston, now Kent International Airport. Branston fell into disrepair and is now home to the Defence Fire and Risk Taking Organisation who regularly set fire to aeroplanes to scare the living daylights out of weary passengers on their final approach to KIA. This is an unfortunate acronym as it also abbreviates "Killed in action"

Gottmein-Himmel was an unpopular character and was notorious for hurling complex obscenities such as "puke up ya clunge" and "piss up a pole, fuck-stick," a habit that later became the basis of the character Timmy the Rude Kid in the 20th century comic Viz. Ill health befell him as a consequence of existing on a diet of Irn Bru, vodka and cider mixed in 5-litre plastic flagons and marketed as Kremlin Smash. He died alone in abject poverty, though his life is commemorated by the annual Pancake Races in Bore Street, Lichfield. One of Gottmein-Himmels final acts was to throw eggs and flour at the local magistrates court building, Griddle house. (more...)
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