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(A double dose of Mhaille. +Oscar Wilde)
(updated, can now handle 5 days between features with no problem)
 
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Playwright, novelist, musician, poet, philanthropist, historian and short story writer: these are just some of the professions of individuals that '''[[Oscar Wilde]]''' has corrupted with his rampant sexuality and Rabelaisian appetites.
 
 
A man whose wisdom touches on nearly every conceivable topic, often without consent, which in turn has led to several lawsuits. Reknown'd for his [[Penis|beautiful diction]] and his [[Oral Sex|skilled oratory]], Oscar is without doubt one of the leading literary figures of the last few millennia.
 
 
'''([[Oscar Wilde|more...]])'''
 
 
Recently featured: [[The Diary of Anne Frank]] - [[Geocaching]] - [[UnNews:Poor planning ruins Rapture]] - [[HowTo:Be a Gangsta]] - [[UnBooks:The World According to Garm]]
 
 
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Archive]]''' &ndash; '''[[Uncyclopedia:VFH|Vote for featured articles]]'''
 
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<h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#cef2e0;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> Yesterday's featured article </h2>
 
 
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'''[[The Diary of Anne Frank|The diary of Anne Frank]]''', the child prodigy and mathematical genius, was only discovered shortly after her very early death in 1945. Born in [[Germany]], Anne spent her childhood in [[Amsterdam]] which she described in her diaries as "like, boring!"
 
 
Her fixation on her classmate Klaus and their blossoming relationship is heartwarming, acting as a counterpoint to the violence of World War II that was exploding all around them.
 
 
Anne resolved to begin a "Diary Project" in which the life of the entire nation would be chronicled, thus creating a vast reserve of propaganda to fight World War II with. Unfortunately, she couldn't figure out who to fight, finally settling for squaring off her mom against Mrs. Van Pels (Mrs. Van Daan) in the wrestling ring, and calling it a day. Over the next four years her diary expanded to twice the size of ''War and Peace'', with little of the Russian classic's gravitas or import. Still, the Diary is a sentimental favorite.
 
 
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Latest revision as of 01:42, December 11, 2008

Today's Featured Article - Renewable energy

Photoshopped burning wind turbine

Renewable energy is another approximation made by physicists to simplify a problem that is too difficult to solve. In the same way that a cow might be treated as a point mass from a million miles away, researchers are more than delighted to assume that the sun will last forever as an energy source, in order to further spoil the world into increasing its rate of energy consumption and dwarfing the copious amounts of energy wasted in luxuries such as the Large Hadron Collider.

Inasmuch as scientists have been ungrateful toward their Creator, they have now turned to the blasphemous worship of nature, in particular, the sun and mother earth. Instead of finding ways to reduce human energy consumption, society is encouraged to continue in wastefulness in the hope that one day someone will have found out how to harness energy from the sun, wind, water or earth, allowing us to carry on chopping down trees and negating the efforts of the so-called "earth hour" in a millisecond's worth of high energy particle physics research.

Other groups envisage defecation and corpses as a power source for vehicles. However, by the time this becomes viable, the digestive system will have evolved to be so efficient that no caloric energy would remain in any organic waste. A method cheaper and much more sustainable than government-funded research is to suspend all technology for 50 million years or so and watch much of the world's population naturally convert itself into fossil fuel, whilst hoping that Armageddon does not occur during this period; this alternative is not very popular among academics, as it will leave most of them unemployed. (more...)

Recently featured: Renewable energy - Supply-side Jesus

Yesterday's Featured Article - Supply-side Jesus

Jesus-salesman

Supply-Side Jesus is little-known outside of Republican circles, but his life has been chronicled recently by the biblical prophet Al Franken. It turns out that Supply-Side Jesus was a contemporary of that other Jesus, the Jesus of Nazareth. While this article is not about Jesus of Nazareth, but about the real, true, one and only Christ, the Supply-Side Jesus, we should allow Jesus of Nazareth at least a small footnote in this article. Jesus of Nazareth was, to those of you who don't know all these obscure Biblical references, and we'll just get this one out of the way: According to Edward S. Herman (an early scribe), Jesus of Nazareth was an early rabble-rouser of Communistic tendency, and the victim of an early witchhunt. It could even be asserted that he would be one of the first witches to ever be hunted. Jesus of Nazareth is often confused with Elvis Presley. While "Jesus's countenance was like lightning and his clothing white as snow" (Matt 28:3), Elvis had been seen on stage wearing snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts. And the two were never seen in the same place at the same time, which makes the similarity even more creepy.

Both Jesii have had some connection to wood and nails. Supply-Side Jesus ran a hardware store that sold dry goods to local contractors and home renovators. Jesus of Nazareth was at that time not widely-known and frequented the establishment due to their unbeatably low prices and courteous service, while oblivious to the fact that much of the tools and dry goods he was buying were made in Byzantine sweatshops using child labour; and that those who worked under Supply-Side Jesus signed an agreement not to ever join a union. Supply-Side Jesus established himself as the kind of salesman who was able to sell sand to Bedouins. Indeed, once he succeeded, a typical Bedouin he might have sold it to would curse himself the next day for his stupidity. Said bedouin could not return his sand for a refund, since he would never be able to prove that the sand he purcahsed was any different from the sand in the surrounding desert. What was he thinking?

Supply-Side Jesus also sold clay and limestone to build houses that were not much different from the clay and limestone which littered the landscape in those days. Jesus of Nazareth would also buy twigs and branches to make the walls and thatched roofs of the houses in his contractual territory, which covered a sprawling Jerusalem suburb known as Bethlehem. (more...)

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