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(A double dose of Mhaille. +Oscar Wilde)
(updated, can now handle 5 days between features with no problem)
 
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Playwright, novelist, musician, poet, philanthropist, historian and short story writer: these are just some of the professions of individuals that '''[[Oscar Wilde]]''' has corrupted with his rampant sexuality and Rabelaisian appetites.
 
 
A man whose wisdom touches on nearly every conceivable topic, often without consent, which in turn has led to several lawsuits. Reknown'd for his [[Penis|beautiful diction]] and his [[Oral Sex|skilled oratory]], Oscar is without doubt one of the leading literary figures of the last few millennia.
 
 
'''([[Oscar Wilde|more...]])'''
 
 
Recently featured: [[The Diary of Anne Frank]] - [[Geocaching]] - [[UnNews:Poor planning ruins Rapture]] - [[HowTo:Be a Gangsta]] - [[UnBooks:The World According to Garm]]
 
 
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Archive]]''' &ndash; '''[[Uncyclopedia:VFH|Vote for featured articles]]'''
 
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<h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#cef2e0;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> Yesterday's featured article </h2>
 
 
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'''[[The Diary of Anne Frank|The diary of Anne Frank]]''', the child prodigy and mathematical genius, was only discovered shortly after her very early death in 1945. Born in [[Germany]], Anne spent her childhood in [[Amsterdam]] which she described in her diaries as "like, boring!"
 
 
Her fixation on her classmate Klaus and their blossoming relationship is heartwarming, acting as a counterpoint to the violence of World War II that was exploding all around them.
 
 
Anne resolved to begin a "Diary Project" in which the life of the entire nation would be chronicled, thus creating a vast reserve of propaganda to fight World War II with. Unfortunately, she couldn't figure out who to fight, finally settling for squaring off her mom against Mrs. Van Pels (Mrs. Van Daan) in the wrestling ring, and calling it a day. Over the next four years her diary expanded to twice the size of ''War and Peace'', with little of the Russian classic's gravitas or import. Still, the Diary is a sentimental favorite.
 
 
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Latest revision as of 01:42, December 11, 2008

Today's Featured Article - Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz (born Rafael Edward Cruz) is the junior United States Senator from Texas. Elected in 2012 as a Republican, he is the first Hispanic or Cuban American to serve as a U.S. Senator from Texas. The term serve is used loosely, because he is running for President of the United States, and while running for President, he has very little time to fulfill his duties as a US Senator. Several analysts are concerned about his hopes in the current Presidential election because he does not actually qualify to be President in as much as he was born outside the United States as a Cuban Canadian, and the Constitution mandates that the President must be born within the US as a natural born citizen, but because that didn't stop President Obama, Cruz believes it will not be an issue for him either.

Christened Rafael Edward Cruz, he was born to Eleanor Elizabeth Darragh Wilson, and Rafael Bienvendo Cruz in Toronto, Canada on December 22, 1970. At the time Ted was born, his father worked in the oil industry in Canada. Rafael Cruz Sr. owned a company that processed seismic data for oil drillers and he was very gifted at processing the data until the oil drillers got the results they wanted. He had learned how to process data from his time in Cuba fighting with Castro's good ol' boys as an interpretation specialist. Any information that needed to be reinterpreted or processed went through Rafael Cruz Sr. before being sent out through official channels. Ted's Father left Cuba in 1957 to attend the University of Texas where "I got me some learnin'", as he would say on graduation in one of his humorous attempts to imitate a Texas drawl.

Cruz's mother, Eleanor Wilson Cruz, was born and raised in Wilmington, Delaware, of Irish and Italian descent, and she has the typical temperament of someone with that heritage, or at least the temperament of an average mother. (more...)

Recently featured: Ted Cruz

Yesterday's Featured Article - Horace Greeley

Horace Greeley

Horace Greeley (February 3, 1811 – November 29, 1872) was a newspaper man who thought he had solutions to offer the political system. He switched states and switched political parties but finally found one of both that felt right, and ran for U.S. President against Ulysses S. Grant in 1872. He lost decisively, but got the last laugh, dying before the electoral vote could be cast.

Greeley was born on February 3, 1811 in Amherst, New Hampshire. He could not breathe for the first 20 minutes of his life, and some say this is the cause for everything that followed. To this day, newspaper men say we could control carbon emissions and solve global warming if all the God-damned environmentalists would also just refrain from breathing for about 20 minutes.

Greeley's parents, Zaccheus and Mary (Woodburn) Greeley, moved house repeatedly during Greeley's youth, without even the lame excuse of Army service. Neighbors thought Greeley was smart and offered to pay his way through Phillips Exeter Academy, but the Greeleys were proud, and replied, "No, thank you, we will just stay poor and ignorant." However, in 1820, the Greeleys moved to Vermont, as it was a few miles ahead of the creditors in pursuit. This was Greeley's breakthrough, as he became the 15-year-old apprentice of the printer of a newspaper called the Northern Spectator.

After only four years, it became painfully clear that no one wanted to spectate at the north of East Poultney, Vermont; nor north from Poultney, toward the ignorance of Blissville. The newspaper went into oblivion, and Greeley went into Pennsylvania, eventually finding work at the Erie Gazette.

In 1831, Greeley went to New York City to seek his fortune. Unfortunately, he found that it was safely in the hands of other people. He found work at newspapers no one has ever heard of, including the New York Morning Post and The New-Yorker. Greeley met his wife, Mary Young Cheney, at a boarding house that rejected meat, alcohol, coffee, tea, spices, and intoxicants, leaving only hanky-panky as a diversion. Their marriage was sandwiched into Greeley's newspapers in the middle of the winning numbers in the lottery, though their honeymoon was sandwiched into the work week, and consummated at the sandwich break. (more...)

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