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'''UnNews:''' Uh, oh yes, trust me; you’re looking hot, God. [[George Clooney]]’s got nothing on you. Look out ladies!
 
'''UnNews:''' Uh, oh yes, trust me; you’re looking hot, God. [[George Clooney]]’s got nothing on you. Look out ladies!
 
'''([[UnNews:The God Interview|more]]...)'''
 
'''([[UnNews:The God Interview|more]]...)'''
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== [[UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to appease the Sun God?]] ==
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{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
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* Article feature date: 14 July 2009
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>14 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to appease the Sun God?}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to appease the Sun God?|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
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{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1247875200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>18 July 2009</u>}}
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=== 14 July 2009 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Re-Horakhty.svg.png|100px}}
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'''WASHINGTON, DC''' - Mighty Ra, the [[Sun]] [[God]], commands the sun to rise for us each day, but a new report issued today suggests that the Federal Government's failure to pay Him due homage and respect may bring imminent disaster upon [[America]] and the world at large. The report, which was released by the Amon-Re Institute, a [[conservative]] think-tank, concludes that ''"America has turned its back on Ra, the Bringer of Sunshine. The harvest shall surely fail."''
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The report outlines a number of ways in which the wrath of Almighty Ra could bring untold death and destruction upon the puny mortal inhabitants of this planet. ''"Many Americans take the bounty bestowed upon them by the Sun God for granted, with the hustle and bustle of everyday modern living,"'' the report's author, High Priest Imhotep, told [[UnNews]]. ''"But the sun doesn't drag itself across the sky in a golden sun-boat each day. That is why the Federal Government should be leading the way in the worship of the Mighty One, lest the sun disappear forever from the sky, plunging the world into eternal darkness and despair."''
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'''([[UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to appease the Sun God?|more]]...)'''

Revision as of 18:48, July 13, 2009



Jim Jarmusch

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08 July 2009

Jim Jarmusch

Jim Jarmusch is not a filmmaker. He is an artist who happens to make films. If you have ever seen a Jarmusch film—and the chances are that you have not because normal theaters can't bear the weight of his brilliance and his films are rarely ever seen except by privileged smart people—and you did not consider it the pinnacle of cinematic artistic genius, then you are a moron.

You are not worthy.

Early life

Jarmusch was born in black and white silence, from very early on uncannily resembling Nick Cave with grey hair. His father made wry jokes in which timing and ensuing silence contributed more to the humor than the punch line.

As a child, he was stuck permanently in a corner of his parents house reading Kerouac. When he was a little older, he became dreadfully disillusioned, and set out on the road, usually with two other characters, making his way to some destination or other for no considerable reason.(more...)

UnTweets:George Peterson

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  • Article feature date: 9 July 2009
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09 July 2009

Twitter logo header

Name: George W. Peterson
Location: Chilly Parts of Scotland
Bio: Newspaper editor ("The Kinrossie Times"), happily married to not only Sarah, but also to gardening.

Following 294

Followers 1007

Saturday May 3rd

Went for my fifth "Cabbage Check-Up" a few minutes ago. Sarah thinks I'm mad, but I don't want to miss anything, now do I?

13:35pm May 3rd from web

Have got to start preparing for new arrival!

14:21pm May 3rd from web

Sarah has just brought home the new cat, and she's settling in. She's eight weeks old, ginger, and incredibly excitable. I think she has OCD. Any ideas for names?

16:09pm May 3rd from web

Sarah has put today's newspaper in the litter tray. Now how am I supposed to find out the news?

16:23pm May 3rd from web

Just remembered I have the Internet! Who needs newspapers anyway!?

16:25pm May 3rd from web (more...)

Mrs. God's blog

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10 July 2009

Shiva

Mrs God’s blog is republished from Facebook with permission of the author.

May 20th, 2009

Hiiiii!

Just a few words from me, Mrs God. I know you haven’t heard from me much over the years, but now that my hubby’s away…

First of all, let me reassure everyone – “God is not dead”. We heard a lot of that in the 60s. It wasn’t true then and it’s not true now. Phew!

It IS true that He picked up a bit of a coke habit – and I can tell you, God moved in some peculiar ways back then. But we’ve finally persuaded Him to face His issues and booked Him into Rehab – He said “No, no, no” for thirty years and when God says “No” it’s very hard to change His mind but He's finally checked into the Priory and we're hoping He can work through some of His issues and make a full recovery. (more...)

Wild Bill Hickok

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  • Article feature date: 11 July 2009
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11 July 2009

Wildbill

James Butler Hickok (May 27, 1837 - August 2, 1876), better known as Wild Bill Hickok, was a figure of renown in the American Old West. He is remembered for his skills as a gunfighter, sharpshooter, marksman, and his excellent aim with a firearm. Hickok's exploits gained him such great fame that he earned the moniker of "Bill" despite that nickname having virtually no connection to his actual name. This nickname also inspired similar nicknames for other men named William.[1] Hickok's horse was called Black Nell, and he owned two Colt 1851 Navy Revolvers, along with a rarely-used Colt 1855 Air Force Bazooka.

Hickok came to the West in the little-known Boron Rush of 1849. To help finance his Boron-seeking operation, he became a part-time stagecoach driver. He spent most of his time in the territories of Nebraska and Kansas, progressing from stagecoach driver to stagecoach driver/lawman, and finally to lawman. He served in the Union army during the American Civil War, giving his allegiance to Lincoln and his modest beard over Jefferson Davis' pretty-boy hairstyle.[2] He gained publicity after the war as a scout, marksman, skilled juggler, and professional gambler. Hickok was involved in countless Wild West shootouts, often shooting people off of roofs and using cactusses for cover, among other Wild West stereotypes. He was ultimately killed while playing poker in a Dakota Territory saloon. (more...)

Fan service

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  • Article feature date: 12 July 2009
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12 July 2009

Fan girl 3

A fan is a useful device for keeping oneself cool in hot weather. However, whether your fan is electric or one of the more traditional "folded pieces of paper," it will occasionally require service. Fortunately, there are service stations in most major cities.

Prior to World War 2, fans were serviced primarily by overweight men with ill-fitting pants. However, when these men were drafted, the industry was taken over primarily by young women. Due to the suspicious number of fan serviceman deaths at the Battle of Iwo Jima, the industry has remained dominated by females to this day.

Fan servicewomen pride themselves on their competence, professionalism, and complete inability to find clothes that cover more than 40% of their skin.

Although fan service is a rewarding job, it also comes with certain challenges. In order to draw attention to the plight of these women, this article will focus largely on those challenges. (more...)

UnNews:The God Interview

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13 July 2009

Godsuit

Worshipped by some, denied by others, UnNews brings you this exclusive interview with the one and only God. Where did we come from? Where did we go? Whatever happened to Cotton Eye Joe? What makes the Almighty Creator tick? We hope to find out these things and more in this unprecedented UnNews event.


UnNews: What can I say, God, if I may call you so, it’s a pleasure to have you with us today. This is a real step up from last week’s guest, a morbidly obese kid that almost scored an on-air on American Idol.

GOD: Well, I’m glad to be here. And “God” is fine. Tack on “Almighty Omnipotent” if you wish.

UnNews: Well, Almighty Omnipotent God, I must say you really look a lot like I imagined. The robe. The long white beard. The wise, stern countenance. It’s all there.

GOD: This physical presence you are now visualizing is no more than a projection of your image of Me. You better be making Me look good!

UnNews: Uh, oh yes, trust me; you’re looking hot, God. George Clooney’s got nothing on you. Look out ladies! (more...)

UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to appease the Sun God?

  • This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.
  • Article feature date: 14 July 2009
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14 July 2009

Re-Horakhty.svg

WASHINGTON, DC - Mighty Ra, the Sun God, commands the sun to rise for us each day, but a new report issued today suggests that the Federal Government's failure to pay Him due homage and respect may bring imminent disaster upon America and the world at large. The report, which was released by the Amon-Re Institute, a conservative think-tank, concludes that "America has turned its back on Ra, the Bringer of Sunshine. The harvest shall surely fail."

The report outlines a number of ways in which the wrath of Almighty Ra could bring untold death and destruction upon the puny mortal inhabitants of this planet. "Many Americans take the bounty bestowed upon them by the Sun God for granted, with the hustle and bustle of everyday modern living," the report's author, High Priest Imhotep, told UnNews. "But the sun doesn't drag itself across the sky in a golden sun-boat each day. That is why the Federal Government should be leading the way in the worship of the Mighty One, lest the sun disappear forever from the sky, plunging the world into eternal darkness and despair." (more...)


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