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== [[Benzene]] ==
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* Article feature date: 26 June 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>26 June 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Benzene}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1404086400 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>30 June 2014</u>}}
   
== [[Jim Jarmusch]] ==
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=== 26 June 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Benzene.JPG|120px|link=Benzene}}
* Article feature date: 8 July 2009
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'''[[Benzene]]''' (chemical formula: C<sub>6</sub>H<sub>6</sub>) is a recreational clear liquid that chemists compare favorably with absinthe, aquavit, and Aqua Velva. In the [[Hip Hop]] community, it is instead referred to as G<sub>6</sub>, or "purple drunk." (Or "purple drank," if one is using the pluperfect, which the Hip Hop community rarely is.)
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>8 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Jim Jarmusch}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Jim Jarmusch|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1247356800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>12 July 2009</u>}}
 
   
=== 08 July 2009 ===
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Benzene was discovered by Michael "Ben" Faraday in 1825. It was a serendipitous invention, as "[[Rice|Uncle Ben]]" was instead trying to achieve miniaturization. Those experiments were eventually successful and gave us the microfarad.
{{FeatArticleImg|Jim_Jarmusch.jpg|100px}}
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Although everyone knew benzene, no one knew what it was. Chemistry spent the next thirty odd years in odd experiments to figure out what was on the end. In August 1858, however, [[wikipedia:Kekulé|Kekulé's]] had a fateful nightmare about a [[snake]] chasing its own tail.
'''[[Jim Jarmusch]]''' is not a filmmaker. He is an [[artist]] who happens to make films. If you have ever seen a Jarmusch film—and the chances are that you have not because normal theaters can't bear the weight of his brilliance and his films are rarely ever seen except by privileged smart people—and you did not consider it the pinnacle of cinematic artistic genius, then you are a [[moron]].
 
   
You are not worthy.
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[[Sigmund Freud]] believed that this nightmare had no particular meaning, though Kekulé's cat often chased its own tail, which was more productive than waiting for Kekulé to rouse himself from the laboratory and feed him; the cat had become scrawny but not overtly snake-like. However, sometimes a snake is merely a snake. Nevertheless, Kekulé published a pathbreaking paper — his ''[[I Have a Dream]]'' paper (''Où est ma bouteille de benzène?'' in the original [[French]]), which suggested that there was nothing on the end at all, and that benzene went on forever. Chemists embraced this conclusion as comparable but superior to their prior one, which was simply, "Don't kill the [[Work|job]]!" '''([[Benzene|more]]...)'''
   
''' Early life '''
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== [[UnDebate:Shouldn't we discuss this like adults?]] ==
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* Article feature date: 1 July 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>1 July 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnDebate:Shouldn't we discuss this like adults?}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1404518400 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>5 July 2014</u>}}
   
Jarmusch was born in black and white silence, from very early on uncannily resembling [[Nick Cave]] with grey hair. His father made wry jokes in which timing and ensuing silence contributed more to the humor than the punch line.
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=== 01 July 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Tazer-x12.jpg|140px|link=UnDebate:Shouldn't we discuss this like adults?}}
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'''[[UnDebate:Shouldn't we discuss this like adults?|Sir, please come down off the roof.]]''' It won't solve anything! '''''SMASH!''''' Now really, those china plates are probably quite expensive. '''''SPLAT!''''' Where did you even find that? We can sort all of this out if you just come down and we discuss the problem sensibly, like adults.
   
As a child, he was stuck permanently in a corner of his parents house reading [[Jack Kerouac|Kerouac]]. When he was a little older, he became dreadfully disillusioned, and set out on the road, usually with two other characters, making his way to some destination or other for no considerable reason.'''([[Jim Jarmusch|more]]...)'''
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Ambiguity: Is "discussing a problem sensibly, like adults" vague and potentially misleading? If so, is another phrase more appropriate? Yes!
   
== [[UnTweets:George Peterson]] ==
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The phrase is misleading and demeaning, the use of the word "adults" suggests immaturity. To discuss a problem, two people must converse about it in a sensible manner, nothing more, nothing less. In this case, you officer, are stood on the ground and I am sitting on the roof. We are talking, albeit at a slightly louder volume than we would were we sat at my kitchen table, and we are both aged 18 or over. We are both considered adults. The use of the term "adults" in your introductory address to me suggests that you feel this is not an adult discussion, where I have just demonstrated that it absolutely is. '''([[UnDebate:Shouldn't we discuss this like adults?|more]]...)'''
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* Article feature date: 9 July 2009
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>9 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnTweets:George Peterson}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=UnTweets:George Peterson|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
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=== 09 July 2009 ===
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== [[Napoleonic Wars]] ==
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* Article feature date: 6 July 2014
'''Name:''' George W. Peterson<br>
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>6 July 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Napoleonic Wars}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
'''Location:''' Chilly Parts of Scotland<br>
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1404950400 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>10 July 2014</u>}}
'''Bio:''' Newspaper editor ("The Kinrossie Times"), happily married to not only Sarah, but also to gardening.
 
   
'''Following''' 294<br>
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=== 06 July 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|NapoleonBike.jpg|100px|link=Napoleonic Wars}}
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'''[[Napoleonic Wars|The Napoleonic Wars]]''' were a series of conflicts that swirled around a cross Corsican named [[Napoleon Bonaparte]]. Napoleon was too short to be a king but barely tall enough for the title of Emperor, a rank sufficient to accomplish the longstanding [[American Dream|French dream]] — creation of a [[EU|unified Europe]] run not entirely by the [[Germany|Germans]]. Waging this war let him plant his flag — and seed — in every country he crossed. As a result, [[HowTo:Get back to London if you suddenly find yourself in France|everyone in Europe loves France]] and there are many short people in villages throughout the continent.
   
'''Followers''' 1007
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During the conflict, the French were supported by many diverse countries, such as [[Spain]], up to the very moment that France invaded them. They were opposed by shifting coalitions of [[Britain]], [[Austria]], [[Russia]], and [[Prussia]]. Britain's [[UKIP]] maintains the fight against Napoleon even today.
   
'''Saturday May 3rd'''
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At the beginning, Napoleon extended his empire everywhere on the continent that did not matter to Britain and Russia. This was not successful in making the Russians and British capitulate. He then invaded Russia, which did not work either. '''([[Napoleonic Wars|more]]...)'''
   
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Went for my fifth "Cabbage Check-Up" a few minutes ago. Sarah thinks I'm mad, but I don't want to miss anything, now do I?|13:35pm May 3rd|web}}
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== [[F4]] ==
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Have got to start preparing for new arrival!|14:21pm May 3rd|web}}
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* Article feature date: 10 July 2014
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Sarah has just brought home the new cat, and she's settling in. She's eight weeks old, ginger, and incredibly excitable. I think she has [[OCD]]. Any ideas for names?|16:09pm May 3rd|web}}
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>10 July 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|F4}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Sarah has put today's newspaper in the litter tray. Now how am I supposed to find out the news?|16:23pm May 3rd|web}}
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1405209600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>14 July 2014</u>}}
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Just remembered I have the Internet! Who needs newspapers anyway!?|16:25pm May 3rd|web}}'''([[UnTweets:George Peterson|more]]...)'''
 
   
== [[Mrs. God's blog]] ==
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=== 10 July 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|F4.jpg|170px|link=F4}}
* Article feature date: 10 July 2009
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'''[[F4]]''' is one of the more notorious keys of the keyboard. F4 is actually a contraction of the original spelling "ffff", which was first used in 1982 century by the great programmer Ffffrancis Ffffiddleton, so that he could contract his name when writing it out on his computer. Since then, F4 has taken on many other uses and functions however to this day, the default setting of F4 is to type out four '''f'''s.
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>10 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Mrs. God's blog}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Mrs. God's blog|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
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=== 10 July 2009 ===
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Linguistically, ffff is known as a sustained unvoiced labiodental fricative with an aspirated termination. The sound is not unlike that of someone slashing your bike tires or speaking through a hole in one's throat.
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Mrs God’s blog is republished from Facebook with permission of the author.
 
   
'''May 20th, 2009'''
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To produce the purest ffff sound, however, have a friend start saying "ffffffffff", then when they get to the third f, jab them in the stomach, not too hard but not too pansy-like. You will be richly rewarded with a superbly intonated ffff. This is great fun at parties.
   
Hiiiii!
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The F4 key is a key found on most keyboards in between the F3 and the F5 key and most often above the number 4 key though sometimes a little to the left. On some keyboards the F4 key is actually the number 4 key with F4 in blue in the bottom right corner in a much smaller font than the F4 key. It can only be pressed if you hold down the blue FN key. There is no F4 key on typewriters as typewriters cannot carry out functions. '''([[F4|more]]...)'''
   
Just a few words from me, Mrs God. I know you haven’t heard from me much over the years, but now that my hubby’s away…
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== [[Boko Harum]] ==
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* Article feature date: 15 July 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>15 July 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Boko Harum}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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First of all, let me reassure everyone – “[[God]] is not dead”. We heard a lot of that in the 60s. It wasn’t true then and it’s not true now. Phew!
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=== 15 July 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Boko_haram_hands.jpg|100px|link=Boko Harum}}
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'''[[Boko Harum|The Congregration]]''' for Psychedelia & Jihad, known by its Hausa name Boko Harum, are aBritish-West African entertainment group best known for their 1967 worldwide smash “A Whiter Shade of Pale” and their record-breaking residency in the Marquee club of NorthernNigeria at Kaduna. This residency now stretches to five years, compelling Boko Harum to forcibly abduct teenage girls to act as fans - their original fans long since having died of old age or factional violence.
   
It '''''IS''''' true that He picked up a bit of a [[coke]] habit and I can tell you, God moved in some peculiar ways back then. But we’ve finally persuaded Him to face His issues and booked Him into [[Rehab]] He said “No, no, no” for thirty years and when God says “No” it’s very hard to change His mind but He's finally checked into the Priory and we're hoping He can work through some of His issues and make a full recovery. '''([[Mrs. God's blog|more]]...)'''
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Although noted for baroque and classical influences, Boko Harum’s philosophy has always included both Soul and the grittier sounds of R&Bintegrated with subtly poetic lyrics celebrating the lighter side of life and the virtues of unceasing interfaith warfare. Like The Beatles and the Stones before them, they were known for their soothing melding of rhythm and melody, and for the promotion of wholesale slaughter of innocents to usher in world peace. Critics have called their music "derivative" and their message "dangerously deranged" but few have disputed that their emergence from the 60s British music scene was a considerably more positive step for humanity than that of The Bee Gees. '''([[Boko Harum|more]]...)'''
   
== [[Wild Bill Hickok]] ==
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== [[Real Ale]] ==
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* Article feature date: 19 July 2014
* Article feature date: 11 July 2009
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>19 July 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Real Ale}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>11 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Wild Bill Hickok}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Wild Bill Hickok|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold"> FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1405987200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>23 July 2014</u>}}
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1247616000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>15 July 2009</u>}}
 
   
=== 11 July 2009 ===
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=== 19 July 2014 ===
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'''James Butler Hickok''' (May 27, 1837 - August 2, 1876), better known as '''[[Wild Bill Hickok]]''', was a figure of renown in the American Old West. He is remembered for his skills as a gunfighter, sharpshooter, marksman, and his excellent aim with a firearm. Hickok's exploits gained him such great fame that he earned the moniker of "Bill" despite that nickname having virtually no connection to his actual name. This nickname also inspired similar nicknames for other men named William.<ref>Though research has shown that the sizes of all of these subsequent men's genitals pale in comparison to Hickok's.</ref> Hickok's horse was called ''Black Nell'', and he owned two Colt 1851 Navy Revolvers, along with a rarely-used Colt 1855 Air Force Bazooka.
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'''[[Real Ale|Ahh..Real Ale]]'''. It's been the favourite tipple of the [[Communism|working man]] and anyone else who enjoys a refreshing, healthy [[Drinking|drink]] that's full of flavour and goodness ever since it was invented by the [[Ægyptüs|Ancient Egyptians]] more than 6,000 years ago. Back in the days of the Pharaohs Real Ale was brewed from a mixture of sand, crushed dead [[Insects|beetles]] and [[cat|cat's]] [[urine]] - the [[Recipe For Disaster|recipe]] has changed since then, of course - but not much!...Real Ale has the same delicious taste that has made it the most popular drink in the [[world]] ever since.
   
Hickok came to the West in the little-known Boron Rush of 1849. To help finance his Boron-seeking operation, he became a part-time stagecoach driver. He spent most of his time in the territories of [[Nebraska]] and [[Kansas]], progressing from stagecoach driver to stagecoach driver/lawman, and finally to lawman. He served in the [[Union]] army during the [[Battle of Gettysburg|American Civil War]], giving his allegiance to [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] and his modest beard over [[Robert E. Lee|Jefferson Davis]]' pretty-boy hairstyle.<ref>Hair meant ''a lot'' to those living in the 1800s.</ref> He gained publicity after the war as a scout, marksman, skilled juggler, and professional gambler. Hickok was involved in countless Wild West shootouts, often shooting people off of roofs and using [[cactus|cactusses]] for cover, among other Wild West stereotypes. He was ultimately killed while playing poker in a [[North Dakota|Dakota Territory]] saloon. '''([[Wild Bill Hickok|more]]...)'''
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Real Ale forms part of the culture in many [[Beer|beer-drinking]] nations and has acquired various social traditions and associations, such as beer [[Festival|festivals]] and a rich [[Rough Pubs|pub culture]] involving activities such as pub crawling and pub games such as bar billiards and [[Fight|fighting]].
   
== [[Fan service]] ==
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The term ''Real Ale'' was invented during the [[1970s]] when an organisation was created with the aims of protecting [[Britain|Britain's]] time-honoured tradition of brewing and drinking the types of beer henceforth known as Real Ale - since the late [[1950s]], people had increasingly been turning their backs on Real Ale and instead drinking much more unreal ale, which is also called ''nothing'', and worst of all [[lager]] which has no flavour and is only suitable for [[homosexuals]] and [[Girl Scouts|girls]]. To be classified as a Real Ale, a beer must be "brewed from traditional ingredients, matured by secondary fermentation in the container from which it is dispensed." Like [[Germany|Germany's]] Rheinheitsgebot beer purity [[law]], this can be seen as quite restrictive - however, anybody who knows anything about the history of beer can tell you that, over the millennia, it has been brewed from all sorts of things. In addition to common ingredients such as wheat and barley, beer has also been made at various times from [[wood]], pine martins, [[Stone|pebbles]], [[Toad|toad's]] breath, [[cheese]] and old [[car]] tyres; so just about anything can be considered a 'traditional' ingredient...'''([[Real Ale|more]]...)'''
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* Article feature date: 12 July 2009
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>12 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Fan service}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Fan service|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
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=== 12 July 2009 ===
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== [[UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again]] ==
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* Article feature date: 24 July 2014
A '''fan''' is a useful device for keeping oneself cool in hot weather. However, whether your fan is electric or one of the more traditional "folded pieces of paper," it will occasionally require service. Fortunately, there are service stations in most major cities.
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>24 July 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1406505600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>28 July 2014</u>}}
   
Prior to [[World War 2]], fans were serviced primarily by overweight men with ill-fitting pants. However, when these men were drafted, the industry was taken over primarily by young women. Due to the suspicious number of fan serviceman deaths at the Battle of Iwo Jima, the industry has remained [[sexy|dominated]] by females to this day.
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=== 24 July 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|OedipusKing2.jpg|130px|link=UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again}}
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'''[[UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again|Oedipus Rex Rides Again]]''' is a classical masterpiece that has inspired little discussion amongst those normally interested in such works. Written by [[Sophocles]]' sister, Sophoclesis, in 300 BC or shortly thereafter, the play has always been included in any remarkable [[library]] - yet strangely avoided. Since Uncyclopedia avoids [[nothing]], the time has come to bring this magnificent piece of our cultural heritage to light.
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[[Classical]] [[literature]] (as everyone knows) was born from a [[scream]]ing need (circa 500 BC). Authors of the period simply had to write something, anything at all. They didn't bother with complicated [[plot]]s or many-faceted characters. The main thing was to get literature going, and so they created a plethora of one-track-minded [[hero]]es hell-bent on [[destruction|destroying]] whatever happened to annoy them even slightly. Arguably, the [[Iliad]], the [[Odyssey]], and the Holy [[Bible]] are the best examples of classical literature to have survived the storms of the ages, the burning of libraries, the rampage of the Vandals, and other calamities the Fates so nonchalantly dealt our way.
   
Fan servicewomen pride themselves on their competence, professionalism, and complete inability to find clothes that cover more than 40% of their skin.
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To survive through centuries, a text has to be valid in any era. A good example is the chapters in the Bible that describe the building of a prayer tent. Another equally valuable piece of wisdom are the words [[Achilles]] aims at his friend Polycarbon: ''"Go to the mount Ida and seek the hermit living there, o friend, and ask him to gather parsley, sticks of sycamore, and a tusk of a wild [[Whore|boar]], not older than five years, not younger than six. Tell him to mix these ingredients in a large cauldron and piss onto them. Let the dogs not drink the potion but store it in a dry, cool place."'' '''([[UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again|more]]...)'''
 
Although fan service is a rewarding job, it also comes with certain challenges. In order to draw attention to the plight of these women, this article will focus largely on those challenges. '''([[Fan service|more]]...)'''
 
 
== [[UnNews:The God Interview]] ==
 
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* Article feature date: 13 July 2009
 
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{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1247788800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>17 July 2009</u>}}
 
 
=== 13 July 2009 ===
 
{{FeatArticleImg|Godsuit.jpg|100px}}
 
''Worshipped by some, denied by others, UnNews brings you this exclusive interview with the one and only '''God'''. Where did we come from? Where did we go? Whatever happened to Cotton Eye Joe? What makes the Almighty Creator tick? We hope to find out these things and more in this unprecedented UnNews event.''
 
 
 
'''UnNews:''' What can I say, God, if I may call you so, it’s a pleasure to have you with us today. This is a real step up from last week’s guest, a morbidly obese kid that almost scored an on-air on [[American Idol]].
 
 
'''GOD:''' Well, I’m glad to be here. And “God” is fine. Tack on “Almighty Omnipotent” if you wish.
 
 
'''UnNews:''' Well, Almighty Omnipotent God, I must say you really look a lot like I imagined. The robe. The long white beard. The wise, stern countenance. It’s all there.
 
 
'''GOD:''' This physical presence you are now visualizing is no more than a projection of your image of Me. You better be making Me look good!
 
 
'''UnNews:''' Uh, oh yes, trust me; you’re looking hot, God. [[George Clooney]]’s got nothing on you. Look out ladies!
 
'''([[UnNews:The God Interview|more]]...)'''
 

Latest revision as of 16:59, July 25, 2014


edit Benzene

  • Article feature date: 26 June 2014
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edit 26 June 2014

Benzene

Benzene (chemical formula: C6H6) is a recreational clear liquid that chemists compare favorably with absinthe, aquavit, and Aqua Velva. In the Hip Hop community, it is instead referred to as G6, or "purple drunk." (Or "purple drank," if one is using the pluperfect, which the Hip Hop community rarely is.)

Benzene was discovered by Michael "Ben" Faraday in 1825. It was a serendipitous invention, as "Uncle Ben" was instead trying to achieve miniaturization. Those experiments were eventually successful and gave us the microfarad. Although everyone knew benzene, no one knew what it was. Chemistry spent the next thirty odd years in odd experiments to figure out what was on the end. In August 1858, however, Kekulé's had a fateful nightmare about a snake chasing its own tail.

Sigmund Freud believed that this nightmare had no particular meaning, though Kekulé's cat often chased its own tail, which was more productive than waiting for Kekulé to rouse himself from the laboratory and feed him; the cat had become scrawny but not overtly snake-like. However, sometimes a snake is merely a snake. Nevertheless, Kekulé published a pathbreaking paper — his I Have a Dream paper (Où est ma bouteille de benzène? in the original French), which suggested that there was nothing on the end at all, and that benzene went on forever. Chemists embraced this conclusion as comparable but superior to their prior one, which was simply, "Don't kill the job!" (more...)

edit UnDebate:Shouldn't we discuss this like adults?

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edit 01 July 2014

Tazer-x12

Sir, please come down off the roof. It won't solve anything! SMASH! Now really, those china plates are probably quite expensive. SPLAT! Where did you even find that? We can sort all of this out if you just come down and we discuss the problem sensibly, like adults.

Ambiguity: Is "discussing a problem sensibly, like adults" vague and potentially misleading? If so, is another phrase more appropriate? Yes!

The phrase is misleading and demeaning, the use of the word "adults" suggests immaturity. To discuss a problem, two people must converse about it in a sensible manner, nothing more, nothing less. In this case, you officer, are stood on the ground and I am sitting on the roof. We are talking, albeit at a slightly louder volume than we would were we sat at my kitchen table, and we are both aged 18 or over. We are both considered adults. The use of the term "adults" in your introductory address to me suggests that you feel this is not an adult discussion, where I have just demonstrated that it absolutely is. (more...)

edit Napoleonic Wars

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edit 06 July 2014

NapoleonBike

The Napoleonic Wars were a series of conflicts that swirled around a cross Corsican named Napoleon Bonaparte. Napoleon was too short to be a king but barely tall enough for the title of Emperor, a rank sufficient to accomplish the longstanding French dream — creation of a unified Europe run not entirely by the Germans. Waging this war let him plant his flag — and seed — in every country he crossed. As a result, everyone in Europe loves France and there are many short people in villages throughout the continent.

During the conflict, the French were supported by many diverse countries, such as Spain, up to the very moment that France invaded them. They were opposed by shifting coalitions of Britain, Austria, Russia, and Prussia. Britain's UKIP maintains the fight against Napoleon even today.

At the beginning, Napoleon extended his empire everywhere on the continent that did not matter to Britain and Russia. This was not successful in making the Russians and British capitulate. He then invaded Russia, which did not work either. (more...)

edit F4

  • Article feature date: 10 July 2014
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edit 10 July 2014

F4

F4 is one of the more notorious keys of the keyboard. F4 is actually a contraction of the original spelling "ffff", which was first used in 1982 century by the great programmer Ffffrancis Ffffiddleton, so that he could contract his name when writing it out on his computer. Since then, F4 has taken on many other uses and functions however to this day, the default setting of F4 is to type out four fs.

Linguistically, ffff is known as a sustained unvoiced labiodental fricative with an aspirated termination. The sound is not unlike that of someone slashing your bike tires or speaking through a hole in one's throat.

To produce the purest ffff sound, however, have a friend start saying "ffffffffff", then when they get to the third f, jab them in the stomach, not too hard but not too pansy-like. You will be richly rewarded with a superbly intonated ffff. This is great fun at parties.

The F4 key is a key found on most keyboards in between the F3 and the F5 key and most often above the number 4 key though sometimes a little to the left. On some keyboards the F4 key is actually the number 4 key with F4 in blue in the bottom right corner in a much smaller font than the F4 key. It can only be pressed if you hold down the blue FN key. There is no F4 key on typewriters as typewriters cannot carry out functions. (more...)

edit Boko Harum

  • Article feature date: 15 July 2014
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edit 15 July 2014

Boko haram hands

The Congregration for Psychedelia & Jihad, known by its Hausa name Boko Harum, are aBritish-West African entertainment group best known for their 1967 worldwide smash “A Whiter Shade of Pale” and their record-breaking residency in the Marquee club of NorthernNigeria at Kaduna. This residency now stretches to five years, compelling Boko Harum to forcibly abduct teenage girls to act as fans - their original fans long since having died of old age or factional violence.

Although noted for baroque and classical influences, Boko Harum’s philosophy has always included both Soul and the grittier sounds of R&Bintegrated with subtly poetic lyrics celebrating the lighter side of life and the virtues of unceasing interfaith warfare. Like The Beatles and the Stones before them, they were known for their soothing melding of rhythm and melody, and for the promotion of wholesale slaughter of innocents to usher in world peace. Critics have called their music "derivative" and their message "dangerously deranged" but few have disputed that their emergence from the 60s British music scene was a considerably more positive step for humanity than that of The Bee Gees. (more...)

edit Real Ale

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edit 19 July 2014

Fatd01

Ahh..Real Ale. It's been the favourite tipple of the working man and anyone else who enjoys a refreshing, healthy drink that's full of flavour and goodness ever since it was invented by the Ancient Egyptians more than 6,000 years ago. Back in the days of the Pharaohs Real Ale was brewed from a mixture of sand, crushed dead beetles and cat's urine - the recipe has changed since then, of course - but not much!...Real Ale has the same delicious taste that has made it the most popular drink in the world ever since.

Real Ale forms part of the culture in many beer-drinking nations and has acquired various social traditions and associations, such as beer festivals and a rich pub culture involving activities such as pub crawling and pub games such as bar billiards and fighting.

The term Real Ale was invented during the 1970s when an organisation was created with the aims of protecting Britain's time-honoured tradition of brewing and drinking the types of beer henceforth known as Real Ale - since the late 1950s, people had increasingly been turning their backs on Real Ale and instead drinking much more unreal ale, which is also called nothing, and worst of all lager which has no flavour and is only suitable for homosexuals and girls. To be classified as a Real Ale, a beer must be "brewed from traditional ingredients, matured by secondary fermentation in the container from which it is dispensed." Like Germany's Rheinheitsgebot beer purity law, this can be seen as quite restrictive - however, anybody who knows anything about the history of beer can tell you that, over the millennia, it has been brewed from all sorts of things. In addition to common ingredients such as wheat and barley, beer has also been made at various times from wood, pine martins, pebbles, toad's breath, cheese and old car tyres; so just about anything can be considered a 'traditional' ingredient...(more...)

edit UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again

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edit 24 July 2014

OedipusKing2

Oedipus Rex Rides Again is a classical masterpiece that has inspired little discussion amongst those normally interested in such works. Written by Sophocles' sister, Sophoclesis, in 300 BC or shortly thereafter, the play has always been included in any remarkable library - yet strangely avoided. Since Uncyclopedia avoids nothing, the time has come to bring this magnificent piece of our cultural heritage to light.

Classical literature (as everyone knows) was born from a screaming need (circa 500 BC). Authors of the period simply had to write something, anything at all. They didn't bother with complicated plots or many-faceted characters. The main thing was to get literature going, and so they created a plethora of one-track-minded heroes hell-bent on destroying whatever happened to annoy them even slightly. Arguably, the Iliad, the Odyssey, and the Holy Bible are the best examples of classical literature to have survived the storms of the ages, the burning of libraries, the rampage of the Vandals, and other calamities the Fates so nonchalantly dealt our way.

To survive through centuries, a text has to be valid in any era. A good example is the chapters in the Bible that describe the building of a prayer tent. Another equally valuable piece of wisdom are the words Achilles aims at his friend Polycarbon: "Go to the mount Ida and seek the hermit living there, o friend, and ask him to gather parsley, sticks of sycamore, and a tusk of a wild boar, not older than five years, not younger than six. Tell him to mix these ingredients in a large cauldron and piss onto them. Let the dogs not drink the potion but store it in a dry, cool place." (more...)

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