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== [[UnBooks:Aesop's Tables]] ==
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* Article feature date: 26 August 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>26 August 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnBooks:Aesop's Tables}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1409356800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>30 August 2014</u>}}
   
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=== 26 August 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Tortoiseandhare.jpg|140px|link=UnBooks:Aesop's Tables}}
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'''[[UnBooks:Aesop's Tables|Having achieved significant]]''' ''commercial and literary success with [[Aesop's Fables|his compendium of fables]], published in 580 BCE, [[Aesop]] was able to pay his way out of [[slavery]] and into the infinitely more profitable business of self-promotion and after dinner speaking. History has not recorded the exact details of these missing years of Aesop's life, which was why we here at [[Liars|Anythingforadolla books]] were thrilled to discover this untouched manuscript believed to have been penned by Aesop himself in around 571 BCE. The publishers understand that having found initial success with fables, Aesop found himself struggling to make ends meet so he used the remainder of his personal wealth to purchase a stall near [[Thermopylae]] selling stylish tables to appoint the typical [[Ancient Greek]] dwelling.''
   
== [[Jim Jarmusch]] ==
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''This manuscript appears to chronicle Aesop's efforts to replicate the success he had had in literature into a fast paced business world.''
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
 
* Article feature date: 8 July 2009
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>8 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Jim Jarmusch}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Jim Jarmusch|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1247356800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>12 July 2009</u>}}
 
   
=== 08 July 2009 ===
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There was once a tortoise, whose regular route to and from Lamia took him past a thriving retail outlet near Thermopylae. The tortoise was not particularly wise, for he rarely stopped to examine the fine woodwork or appreciate the craftsmanship on display at the [[UnNews:Retail sales unexpectedly drop|thriving retail outlet]] or to consider the very competitively priced wares, but he was rich and powerful. One day the tortoise passed the retail outlet and had cause to speak to its proprietor.'''([[UnBooks:Aesop's Tables|more]]...)'''
{{FeatArticleImg|Jim_Jarmusch.jpg|100px}}
 
'''[[Jim Jarmusch]]''' is not a filmmaker. He is an [[artist]] who happens to make films. If you have ever seen a Jarmusch film—and the chances are that you have not because normal theaters can't bear the weight of his brilliance and his films are rarely ever seen except by privileged smart people—and you did not consider it the pinnacle of cinematic artistic genius, then you are a [[moron]].
 
   
You are not worthy.
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== [[Irish Potato Famine]] ==
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* Article feature date: 30 August 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>30 August 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Irish Potato Famine}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1409616000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>2 September 2014</u>}}
   
''' Early life '''
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=== 30 August 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|MrPotatoFamine.jpg|100px|link=Irish Potato Famine}}
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'''[[Irish Potato Famine|Nutrition labels]]''' are statements of nutritional value and ingredients on [[food]] items. But that's not what I want to write about. I want to write about the '''Irish Potato Famine''', a period of mass [[hunger|starvation]], [[disease]] and emigration that occurred in [[Ireland]] between [[1845]] and [[1852]]. A disease affecting [[potato]]es known as "potato blight" was ultimately to blame, but most chose, and some still do to this day, to believe the famine was part of a greater conspiracy to further worsen living conditions in Ireland by the [[United States]] in order to force Irish workers to come build the transcontinental railroad.
   
Jarmusch was born in black and white silence, from very early on uncannily resembling [[Nick Cave]] with grey hair. His father made wry jokes in which timing and ensuing silence contributed more to the humor than the punch line.
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The famine killed over one million people and nearly imploded the Irish [[economy]] due to the Irish currency being backed by potatoes. Some historians disagree with me on this point by falsely claiming that Ireland was governed by the [[United Kingdom]] at the time and that Ireland had no regional currency. I contest this on the basis that I am right and they are plainly wrong.
   
As a child, he was stuck permanently in a corner of his parents house reading [[Jack Kerouac|Kerouac]]. When he was a little older, he became dreadfully disillusioned, and set out on the road, usually with two other characters, making his way to some destination or other for no considerable reason.'''([[Jim Jarmusch|more]]...)'''
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So there Ireland was, just an island in Northwestern Europe, a stone's throw away from [[Britain]]. It was looking idly at the ongoings of [[Europe]], which was already dealing with the potato blight but couldn't care much about it. [[France]] was too busy raping [[Arab|Haji]]s in Algeria so that [[Albert Camus]] could pen ''[[UnBooks:The_Stranger|The Stranger]]'' a century later, and [[Spain]] was too busy repeatedly [[civil war|declaring war on itself]]. Irish officials felt that their island was safe from the blight because they had just filled the Irish Sea with alligators to ward off the periodontitis-laden imperialists from the other island. Despite these efforts, several potatoes which had already [[get some sick|got some sick]] made their way to the isle. Conspiracy theorists claim that the alligator infested Irish Sea would've made a point of entry from the east impossible, and thus the sickly index case potatoes must have come from [[America]]. '''([[Irish Potato Famine|more]]...)'''
   
== [[UnTweets:George Peterson]] ==
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== [[Netflix]] ==
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
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* Article feature date: 2 September 2014
* Article feature date: 9 July 2009
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>2 September 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Netflix}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>9 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnTweets:George Peterson}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=UnTweets:George Peterson|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold"> FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1409961600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>6 September 2014</u>}}
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1247443200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>13 July 2009</u>}}
 
   
=== 09 July 2009 ===
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=== 02 September 2014 ===
{{FeatArticleImg|Twitter logo header.png|100px}}
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{{FeatArticleImg|House_of_'Tards.jpg|140px|link=Netflix}}
'''Name:''' George W. Peterson<br>
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'''[[Netflix]]''' is an Internet on-demand provider of viewable media, such as movies never shown in theaters; movies impossible to find on regular TV channels; and movies you wouldn't watch even if they were.
'''Location:''' Chilly Parts of Scotland<br>
 
'''Bio:''' Newspaper editor ("The Kinrossie Times"), happily married to not only Sarah, but also to gardening.
 
   
'''Following''' 294<br>
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The profile of Netflix has been evolving constantly since its foundation in 1997. The company revolutionized the video market with the idea that undesired content could be recorded on [[DVD]] disks and sent to viewers by regular mail. After largely putting video stores out of business, it changed its emphasis to internet screaming and then to production of content, so as to even the score by putting itself out of business.
   
'''Followers''' 1007
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The seeds of the downfall of the traditional [[Video Arcade|video store]] were planted during the [[U.S. Senate]] hearings on the elevation of [[Robert Bork]] to the [[Supreme Court]]. When his opponents obtained records that he had rented ''How the West Was Won,'' but never ''[[Debbie Does Dallas]],'' Bork acquired an unshakable reputation for being out-of-[[fashion]] and his nomination failed. Although Congress raced to extend privacy protection to rental records that would later be extended to medical records, the public began avoiding video stores as it would go on to avoid [[hospital]]s.
   
'''Saturday May 3rd'''
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In 1997, the founders of Netflix — internet maven Reed "Net" Hastings and a companion named [[Horse|Flicka]] — saw a way that the average [[American]] could obviate the video store entirely. The customer could order movies from the privacy of [[home]], after simply putting his complete bank information and credit score on the internet. Videos would be sent to him using the very private [[Post Office|U.S. Postal Service]]. '''([[Netflix|more]]...)'''
   
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Went for my fifth "Cabbage Check-Up" a few minutes ago. Sarah thinks I'm mad, but I don't want to miss anything, now do I?|13:35pm May 3rd|web}}
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== [[UnBooks:Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors]] ==
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Have got to start preparing for new arrival!|14:21pm May 3rd|web}}
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* Article feature date: 6 September 2014
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Sarah has just brought home the new cat, and she's settling in. She's eight weeks old, ginger, and incredibly excitable. I think she has [[OCD]]. Any ideas for names?|16:09pm May 3rd|web}}
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>6 September 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnBooks:Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Sarah has put today's newspaper in the litter tray. Now how am I supposed to find out the news?|16:23pm May 3rd|web}}
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1410307200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>10 September 2014</u>}}
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Just remembered I have the Internet! Who needs newspapers anyway!?|16:25pm May 3rd|web}}'''([[UnTweets:George Peterson|more]]...)'''
 
   
== [[Mrs. God's blog]] ==
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=== 06 September 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Pink_elephant.png|140px|link=UnBooks:Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors}}
* Article feature date: 10 July 2009
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'''[[UnBooks:Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors|Guess what!|]]''' Rosie is [[psychedelic]]!” - Bill informed me right at the school’s entrance.
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>10 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Mrs. God's blog}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Mrs. God's blog|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1247529600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>14 July 2009</u>}}
 
   
=== 10 July 2009 ===
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A universe of questions invaded my mind - who was Rosie? and why was she psychedelic? But instead of asking Bill about it, I requested that he shut up. I had no clue what “psychedelic” actually meant, but knowing Bill as well as I did, I knew that he if he wanted to say something, he never ought to say it out loud, especially while close to a headmaster, which was our case.
{{FeatArticleImg|shiva.jpg|100px}}
 
Mrs God’s blog is republished from Facebook with permission of the author.
 
   
'''May 20th, 2009'''
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Fortunately for Bill, who has already received five bone fractures and three dislocations just because of the tone of his voice, it soon turned out that Mr. Jones was smoking his usual ''something'' folded in the usual cotton paper with his usual very absent air and was generally in a state that our teacher usually summarized as ‘shouldn’t be disturbed’, though I would instead have qualified it as ‘''couldn’t'' be disturbed’. We’ve tried, a lot of times. One of the most courageous kids at school, Tuck, once went as far as breaking a flowerpot on Mr. Jones’ head during one such day. The man only smiled.
   
Hiiiii!
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Concerning that “something”, we desperately wanted to know what it was that Mr. Jones was inhaling. Dan, another student at St. Patrick’s Public School, though former, broke in the house of our master’s family, disguised as a housebreaker in case he would be caught, and took a giant box that the master kept under his bed. Respecting [[Communist]] ideals (according to the Mayor, Dan’s parents were Soviet spies, even though they looked quite Canadian), Dan then redistributed all the contents of the box between all of the students.'''([[UnBooks:Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors|more]]...)'''
   
Just a few words from me, Mrs God. I know you haven’t heard from me much over the years, but now that my hubby’s away…
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== [[Jam session]] ==
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* Article feature date: 10 September 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>10 September 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Jam session}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1410652800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>14 September 2014</u>}}
   
First of all, let me reassure everyone – “[[God]] is not dead”. We heard a lot of that in the 60s. It wasn’t true then and it’s not true now. Phew!
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=== 10 September 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|JellyRollMorton.jpg|140px|link=Jam session}}
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'''[[Jam session|The Jam session]]''' was created by the originator of Jazz Jelly Roll Morton as a means of disposing of the excess fruit growing on his summer ranch in [[California]].
   
It '''''IS''''' true that He picked up a bit of a [[coke]] habit and I can tell you, God moved in some peculiar ways back then. But we’ve finally persuaded Him to face His issues and booked Him into [[Rehab]] He said “No, no, no” for thirty years and when God says “No” it’s very hard to change His mind but He's finally checked into the Priory and we're hoping He can work through some of His issues and make a full recovery. '''([[Mrs. God's blog|more]]...)'''
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In the spring 1902 Jelly Roll roped in sidemen Ferdinand LeMothe and Artie Shaw to help him pick the strawberries and bananas growing at his ranch. With the fruit picked Jelly Roll called in two more of his sidemen, Sidney Bechet and up and coming trumpeter Gerry "Matt Groaning" Mulligan. Together the five friends compiled the fruit into jars of jam. The jam was an immediate success. The Blueberry Label quickly picked up on the Quintets jam and entered into a contract to commercially produce it. These original jam sessions dubbed: Jamming The Beet were number one on [[Sweden]]'s National Jam Regatta Listings within a week. The original fame of these production sessions are considered by many Jazz condiment experts to be the origin of Jelly Roll Morton's name.
   
== [[Wild Bill Hickok]] ==
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Some Jazztorians argue that the above account which comes directly from Jelly Roll himself is a load of "Jive" or alternatively a bag of "Gage" or the "Bees Elbows". Jelly Roll has been reporting as offering the following comments on these alligators.
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
 
* Article feature date: 11 July 2009
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>11 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Wild Bill Hickok}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Wild Bill Hickok|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1247616000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>15 July 2009</u>}}
 
   
=== 11 July 2009 ===
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{{Q|Them cats just ain't hep to the Jive, man, applesauce! Bunch of Jeffs, man.|Jelly Roll Morton}}
{{FeatArticleImg|Wildbill.jpg|100px}}
 
'''James Butler Hickok''' (May 27, 1837 - August 2, 1876), better known as '''[[Wild Bill Hickok]]''', was a figure of renown in the American Old West. He is remembered for his skills as a gunfighter, sharpshooter, marksman, and his excellent aim with a firearm. Hickok's exploits gained him such great fame that he earned the moniker of "Bill" despite that nickname having virtually no connection to his actual name. This nickname also inspired similar nicknames for other men named William.<ref>Though research has shown that the sizes of all of these subsequent men's genitals pale in comparison to Hickok's.</ref> Hickok's horse was called ''Black Nell'', and he owned two Colt 1851 Navy Revolvers, along with a rarely-used Colt 1855 Air Force Bazooka.
 
   
Hickok came to the West in the little-known Boron Rush of 1849. To help finance his Boron-seeking operation, he became a part-time stagecoach driver. He spent most of his time in the territories of [[Nebraska]] and [[Kansas]], progressing from stagecoach driver to stagecoach driver/lawman, and finally to lawman. He served in the [[Union]] army during the [[Battle of Gettysburg|American Civil War]], giving his allegiance to [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] and his modest beard over [[Robert E. Lee|Jefferson Davis]]' pretty-boy hairstyle.<ref>Hair meant ''a lot'' to those living in the 1800s.</ref> He gained publicity after the war as a scout, marksman, skilled juggler, and professional gambler. Hickok was involved in countless Wild West shootouts, often shooting people off of roofs and using [[cactus|cactusses]] for cover, among other Wild West stereotypes. He was ultimately killed while playing poker in a [[North Dakota|Dakota Territory]] saloon. '''([[Wild Bill Hickok|more]]...)'''
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However another common origin story is as follows. During the 1920's it became common for white jazz musicians to congregate in wine bars and vegan cafes after big band rehearsal sessions. As most cafes in the Barking Twenties hired regular rhythm sections, big band musicians instruments still in hand would often sit with house bands and try guess the right notes to various jazz standards. Due to the high difficulty of this act it was often referred to as "A bit of a pickle" the term jam sessions as reference to a fellow preservative may have developed from this. '''([[Jam session|more]]...)'''
   
== [[Fan service]] ==
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== [[George R. R. Martin]] ==
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* Article feature date: 14 September 2014
* Article feature date: 12 July 2009
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>14 September 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|George R. R. Martin}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>12 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Fan service}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Fan service|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold"> FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1410998400 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>18 September 2014</u>}}
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1247788800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>17 July 2009</u>}}
 
   
=== 12 July 2009 ===
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=== 14 September 2014 ===
{{FeatArticleImg|Fan_girl_3.jpg|100px}}
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{{FeatArticleImg|GameOfThroneFans01.jpg|190px|link=George R. R. Martin}}
A '''fan''' is a useful device for keeping oneself cool in hot weather. However, whether your fan is electric or one of the more traditional "folded pieces of paper," it will occasionally require service. Fortunately, there are service stations in most major cities.
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'''[[George R. R. Martin]]''' (born September 20, 1948) is the bearded, retired [[Santa Claus]] look-a-like responsible for the [[BLT]] sized books ''[[Game of Thrones|A Game of Thrones]]'', ''Feast of Crows'' and ''I Wrote This by Mashing up Everything That Came to Hand''. Martin is now chuckling all the way to his bank. No relation to [[J.K.Rowling]], J.R.Ewing or G.R.R.R.R.R (a grizzly bear when he discovers you inside a tent on his hunting land).
   
Prior to [[World War 2]], fans were serviced primarily by overweight men with ill-fitting pants. However, when these men were drafted, the industry was taken over primarily by young women. Due to the suspicious number of fan serviceman deaths at the Battle of Iwo Jima, the industry has remained [[sexy|dominated]] by females to this day.
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Martin comes across as the jolly bloated uncle you never had (or never wished to have). He could also be a [[Garden Gnomes|garden gnome]] that managed to heft his bulk over a garden wall and is now running amok polluting the minds of the young and easily influenced with his turgid tomes. Considered to be by some as the 'American [[J.R.R Tolkien]]' or a [[wikipedia:Gurn|gurning]] version of [[C.S. Lewis]], Martin cleverly realised that the path to happiness and gold is to 'sex up' your stories and add a lot gore when the action heads into a plodding direction.
   
Fan servicewomen pride themselves on their competence, professionalism, and complete inability to find clothes that cover more than 40% of their skin.
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This is certainly the view of the [[HBO]] teleivision channel who gobbled up the rights to Martin's ''A Singalong of Fire and Ice'' series (unfinished) and are now currently shooting the series in [[Belfast]] in [[Northern Ireland]]. Since this was also the place where the [[RMS Titanic]] was launched, the producers may have hoped that if the show tanked or was sunk by an iceberg of audience indifference, no one would have noticed. Unluckily for us, though the pilot was thrown overboard for excess cheesy acting, a re-casting and re-boot has turned the TV series into a world wide hit. It has also given hope to other writers of half arsed fantasy literature another boost that their fluffy epics will be picked up and turned into pricey TV series. It is becoming all very '[[Crap|Martinesque]]'. '''([[George R. R. Martin|more]]...)'''
   
Although fan service is a rewarding job, it also comes with certain challenges. In order to draw attention to the plight of these women, this article will focus largely on those challenges. '''([[Fan service|more]]...)'''
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== [[BioShock]] ==
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* Article feature date: 18 September 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>18 September 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|BioShock}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1411344000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>22 September 2014</u>}}
   
== [[UnNews:The God Interview]] ==
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=== 18 September 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|BioShock_cover.jpg|140px|link=BioShock}}
* Article feature date: 13 July 2009
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'''[[BioShock]]''' is an award-winning, first-person shooter video game developed by Irrational and released by 2K Games in 2007. The game is set in the underwater city of Rapture in the 1960s. The player identifies with the protagonist, misunderstood perverted mass murderer ‘Jack’, a character based on the game's main developer, Ken Levine. It is widely regarded as one of the greatest games ever made due to its shocking content, adult themes and political satire, rivaling those sorts of shows that are only screened on [[HBO]] after the kids are meant to be in bed.
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>13 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnNews:The God Interview}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=UnNews:The God Interview|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1247788800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>17 July 2009</u>}}
 
   
=== 13 July 2009 ===
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The game opens with the main protagonist Jack on the transatlantic red-eye flight to an unknown destination. A short clip shows Jack using an empty bag of ''Quavers'' in an odd way, followed by his plane crashing into the Atlantic Ocean, killing almost everyone.
{{FeatArticleImg|Godsuit.jpg|100px}}
 
''Worshipped by some, denied by others, UnNews brings you this exclusive interview with the one and only '''God'''. Where did we come from? Where did we go? Whatever happened to Cotton Eye Joe? What makes the Almighty Creator tick? We hope to find out these things and more in this unprecedented UnNews event.''
 
   
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Jack manages to survive the crash, and whilst swimming away from the flaming wreckage and bobbing decapitations, spots a darkened lighthouse standing inconspicuously in the middle of the ocean. Balls beginning to freeze, he quickly swims over to it and enters the front door to realise he’s inadvertently discovered the entrance to the hidden underwater city of Rapture. With no other plans in his diary for the day, he descends into Rapture and is immediately confronted with blabbering duo Andrew Ryan and Atlas The Sneaky Paddy.
'''UnNews:''' What can I say, God, if I may call you so, it’s a pleasure to have you with us today. This is a real step up from last week’s guest, a morbidly obese kid that almost scored an on-air on [[American Idol]].
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'''([[BioShock|more]]...)'''
 
'''GOD:''' Well, I’m glad to be here. And “God” is fine. Tack on “Almighty Omnipotent” if you wish.
 
 
'''UnNews:''' Well, Almighty Omnipotent God, I must say you really look a lot like I imagined. The robe. The long white beard. The wise, stern countenance. It’s all there.
 
 
'''GOD:''' This physical presence you are now visualizing is no more than a projection of your image of Me. You better be making Me look good!
 
 
'''UnNews:''' Uh, oh yes, trust me; you’re looking hot, God. [[George Clooney]]’s got nothing on you. Look out ladies!
 
'''([[UnNews:The God Interview|more]]...)'''
 

Latest revision as of 20:10, September 17, 2014


edit UnBooks:Aesop's Tables

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Tortoiseandhare

Having achieved significant commercial and literary success with his compendium of fables, published in 580 BCE, Aesop was able to pay his way out of slavery and into the infinitely more profitable business of self-promotion and after dinner speaking. History has not recorded the exact details of these missing years of Aesop's life, which was why we here at Anythingforadolla books were thrilled to discover this untouched manuscript believed to have been penned by Aesop himself in around 571 BCE. The publishers understand that having found initial success with fables, Aesop found himself struggling to make ends meet so he used the remainder of his personal wealth to purchase a stall near Thermopylae selling stylish tables to appoint the typical Ancient Greek dwelling.

This manuscript appears to chronicle Aesop's efforts to replicate the success he had had in literature into a fast paced business world.

There was once a tortoise, whose regular route to and from Lamia took him past a thriving retail outlet near Thermopylae. The tortoise was not particularly wise, for he rarely stopped to examine the fine woodwork or appreciate the craftsmanship on display at the thriving retail outlet or to consider the very competitively priced wares, but he was rich and powerful. One day the tortoise passed the retail outlet and had cause to speak to its proprietor.(more...)

edit Irish Potato Famine

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MrPotatoFamine

Nutrition labels are statements of nutritional value and ingredients on food items. But that's not what I want to write about. I want to write about the Irish Potato Famine, a period of mass starvation, disease and emigration that occurred in Ireland between 1845 and 1852. A disease affecting potatoes known as "potato blight" was ultimately to blame, but most chose, and some still do to this day, to believe the famine was part of a greater conspiracy to further worsen living conditions in Ireland by the United States in order to force Irish workers to come build the transcontinental railroad.

The famine killed over one million people and nearly imploded the Irish economy due to the Irish currency being backed by potatoes. Some historians disagree with me on this point by falsely claiming that Ireland was governed by the United Kingdom at the time and that Ireland had no regional currency. I contest this on the basis that I am right and they are plainly wrong.

So there Ireland was, just an island in Northwestern Europe, a stone's throw away from Britain. It was looking idly at the ongoings of Europe, which was already dealing with the potato blight but couldn't care much about it. France was too busy raping Hajis in Algeria so that Albert Camus could pen The Stranger a century later, and Spain was too busy repeatedly declaring war on itself. Irish officials felt that their island was safe from the blight because they had just filled the Irish Sea with alligators to ward off the periodontitis-laden imperialists from the other island. Despite these efforts, several potatoes which had already got some sick made their way to the isle. Conspiracy theorists claim that the alligator infested Irish Sea would've made a point of entry from the east impossible, and thus the sickly index case potatoes must have come from America. (more...)

edit Netflix

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edit 02 September 2014

House of 'Tards

Netflix is an Internet on-demand provider of viewable media, such as movies never shown in theaters; movies impossible to find on regular TV channels; and movies you wouldn't watch even if they were.

The profile of Netflix has been evolving constantly since its foundation in 1997. The company revolutionized the video market with the idea that undesired content could be recorded on DVD disks and sent to viewers by regular mail. After largely putting video stores out of business, it changed its emphasis to internet screaming and then to production of content, so as to even the score by putting itself out of business.

The seeds of the downfall of the traditional video store were planted during the U.S. Senate hearings on the elevation of Robert Bork to the Supreme Court. When his opponents obtained records that he had rented How the West Was Won, but never Debbie Does Dallas, Bork acquired an unshakable reputation for being out-of-fashion and his nomination failed. Although Congress raced to extend privacy protection to rental records that would later be extended to medical records, the public began avoiding video stores as it would go on to avoid hospitals.

In 1997, the founders of Netflix — internet maven Reed "Net" Hastings and a companion named Flicka — saw a way that the average American could obviate the video store entirely. The customer could order movies from the privacy of home, after simply putting his complete bank information and credit score on the internet. Videos would be sent to him using the very private U.S. Postal Service. (more...)

edit UnBooks:Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors

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edit 06 September 2014

Pink elephant

Guess what!| Rosie is psychedelic!” - Bill informed me right at the school’s entrance.

A universe of questions invaded my mind - who was Rosie? and why was she psychedelic? But instead of asking Bill about it, I requested that he shut up. I had no clue what “psychedelic” actually meant, but knowing Bill as well as I did, I knew that he if he wanted to say something, he never ought to say it out loud, especially while close to a headmaster, which was our case.

Fortunately for Bill, who has already received five bone fractures and three dislocations just because of the tone of his voice, it soon turned out that Mr. Jones was smoking his usual something folded in the usual cotton paper with his usual very absent air and was generally in a state that our teacher usually summarized as ‘shouldn’t be disturbed’, though I would instead have qualified it as ‘couldn’t be disturbed’. We’ve tried, a lot of times. One of the most courageous kids at school, Tuck, once went as far as breaking a flowerpot on Mr. Jones’ head during one such day. The man only smiled.

Concerning that “something”, we desperately wanted to know what it was that Mr. Jones was inhaling. Dan, another student at St. Patrick’s Public School, though former, broke in the house of our master’s family, disguised as a housebreaker in case he would be caught, and took a giant box that the master kept under his bed. Respecting Communist ideals (according to the Mayor, Dan’s parents were Soviet spies, even though they looked quite Canadian), Dan then redistributed all the contents of the box between all of the students.(more...)

edit Jam session

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JellyRollMorton

The Jam session was created by the originator of Jazz Jelly Roll Morton as a means of disposing of the excess fruit growing on his summer ranch in California.

In the spring 1902 Jelly Roll roped in sidemen Ferdinand LeMothe and Artie Shaw to help him pick the strawberries and bananas growing at his ranch. With the fruit picked Jelly Roll called in two more of his sidemen, Sidney Bechet and up and coming trumpeter Gerry "Matt Groaning" Mulligan. Together the five friends compiled the fruit into jars of jam. The jam was an immediate success. The Blueberry Label quickly picked up on the Quintets jam and entered into a contract to commercially produce it. These original jam sessions dubbed: Jamming The Beet were number one on Sweden's National Jam Regatta Listings within a week. The original fame of these production sessions are considered by many Jazz condiment experts to be the origin of Jelly Roll Morton's name.

Some Jazztorians argue that the above account which comes directly from Jelly Roll himself is a load of "Jive" or alternatively a bag of "Gage" or the "Bees Elbows". Jelly Roll has been reporting as offering the following comments on these alligators.

“Them cats just ain't hep to the Jive, man, applesauce! Bunch of Jeffs, man.”
~ Jelly Roll Morton

However another common origin story is as follows. During the 1920's it became common for white jazz musicians to congregate in wine bars and vegan cafes after big band rehearsal sessions. As most cafes in the Barking Twenties hired regular rhythm sections, big band musicians instruments still in hand would often sit with house bands and try guess the right notes to various jazz standards. Due to the high difficulty of this act it was often referred to as "A bit of a pickle" the term jam sessions as reference to a fellow preservative may have developed from this. (more...)

edit George R. R. Martin

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GameOfThroneFans01

George R. R. Martin (born September 20, 1948) is the bearded, retired Santa Claus look-a-like responsible for the BLT sized books A Game of Thrones, Feast of Crows and I Wrote This by Mashing up Everything That Came to Hand. Martin is now chuckling all the way to his bank. No relation to J.K.Rowling, J.R.Ewing or G.R.R.R.R.R (a grizzly bear when he discovers you inside a tent on his hunting land).

Martin comes across as the jolly bloated uncle you never had (or never wished to have). He could also be a garden gnome that managed to heft his bulk over a garden wall and is now running amok polluting the minds of the young and easily influenced with his turgid tomes. Considered to be by some as the 'American J.R.R Tolkien' or a gurning version of C.S. Lewis, Martin cleverly realised that the path to happiness and gold is to 'sex up' your stories and add a lot gore when the action heads into a plodding direction.

This is certainly the view of the HBO teleivision channel who gobbled up the rights to Martin's A Singalong of Fire and Ice series (unfinished) and are now currently shooting the series in Belfast in Northern Ireland. Since this was also the place where the RMS Titanic was launched, the producers may have hoped that if the show tanked or was sunk by an iceberg of audience indifference, no one would have noticed. Unluckily for us, though the pilot was thrown overboard for excess cheesy acting, a re-casting and re-boot has turned the TV series into a world wide hit. It has also given hope to other writers of half arsed fantasy literature another boost that their fluffy epics will be picked up and turned into pricey TV series. It is becoming all very 'Martinesque'. (more...)

edit BioShock

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edit 18 September 2014

BioShock cover

BioShock is an award-winning, first-person shooter video game developed by Irrational and released by 2K Games in 2007. The game is set in the underwater city of Rapture in the 1960s. The player identifies with the protagonist, misunderstood perverted mass murderer ‘Jack’, a character based on the game's main developer, Ken Levine. It is widely regarded as one of the greatest games ever made due to its shocking content, adult themes and political satire, rivaling those sorts of shows that are only screened on HBO after the kids are meant to be in bed.

The game opens with the main protagonist Jack on the transatlantic red-eye flight to an unknown destination. A short clip shows Jack using an empty bag of Quavers in an odd way, followed by his plane crashing into the Atlantic Ocean, killing almost everyone.

Jack manages to survive the crash, and whilst swimming away from the flaming wreckage and bobbing decapitations, spots a darkened lighthouse standing inconspicuously in the middle of the ocean. Balls beginning to freeze, he quickly swims over to it and enters the front door to realise he’s inadvertently discovered the entrance to the hidden underwater city of Rapture. With no other plans in his diary for the day, he descends into Rapture and is immediately confronted with blabbering duo Andrew Ryan and Atlas The Sneaky Paddy. (more...)

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