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== [[Project Gemini]] ==
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* Article feature date: 3 May 2015
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>3 May 2015<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Project Gemini}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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== [[Jim Jarmusch]] ==
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=== 03 May 2015 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Gemtraining3.jpg|170px|link=Project Gemini}}
* Article feature date: 8 July 2009
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'''[[Project Gemini]]''' was [[NASA]]’s second space program, between the Mercury and Apollo missions. With the [[Apollo Project|Apollo]] program behind schedule, NASA needed something to do between 1961 and 1966, after which everyone would be watching the soccer [[World Cup]]. The Gemini spacecraft carried two [[Astronaut|astronauts]] to different parts of the solar system and one crew into an alternative [[universe]]. The program put the [[United States]] ahead of the [[Soviet Union]] in the [[Cold War]] Space Race.
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=== 08 July 2009 ===
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Gemini’s mission was to iron out various space-travel and personnel issues, in preparation for the goal set by [[John F. Kennedy|President Kennedy]] to land people on the moon and return them safely to [[Earth]]. Project Gemini managed to complete the first part of that goal, just leaving [[Apollo]] to figure out how to return the astronauts safely to Earth. Other minor objectives were medical experiments, navigation, rendezvous, explosive yield, docking, EVA and orbital maneuvering techniques.
{{FeatArticleImg|Jim_Jarmusch.jpg|100px}}
 
'''[[Jim Jarmusch]]''' is not a filmmaker. He is an [[artist]] who happens to make films. If you have ever seen a Jarmusch film—and the chances are that you have not because normal theaters can't bear the weight of his brilliance and his films are rarely ever seen except by privileged smart people—and you did not consider it the pinnacle of cinematic artistic genius, then you are a [[moron]].
 
   
You are not worthy.
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The Gemini capsule was launched on top of a Titan II inter-continental ballistic missile, the first to be fired from Cape Canaveral. The first four manned launches expanded the envelope from sub orbital ICBM to orbital spacecraft. Project Gemini was also the first to use mission control in [[Houston]]. '''([[Project Gemini|more]]...)'''
   
''' Early life '''
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== [[Magazine]] ==
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* Article feature date: 9 May 2015
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>9 May 2015<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Magazine}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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Jarmusch was born in black and white silence, from very early on uncannily resembling [[Nick Cave]] with grey hair. His father made wry jokes in which timing and ensuing silence contributed more to the humor than the punch line.
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=== 09 May 2015 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|TypicalChildrensMagazine.jpg|140px|link=Magazine}}
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'''[[Magazine|A magazine]]''' is a collation of information, from various sources, uploaded into a [[computer|computer system]], twizzled, and printed onto [[paper]], then cut, folded and bound before being chemically fixed in order for acute analytical testing and comprehensive analogue distribution to be implemented.
   
As a child, he was stuck permanently in a corner of his parents house reading [[Jack Kerouac|Kerouac]]. When he was a little older, he became dreadfully disillusioned, and set out on the road, usually with two other characters, making his way to some destination or other for no considerable reason.'''([[Jim Jarmusch|more]]...)'''
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Due to the shortage of trees, many modern magazines are created for digital display only and are now regularly printed onto glass in the form of ‘digi-magazines, ingested digitally through technology such as [[Microphone|microphones]], [[iPad|iPads]], Umbilical Storage Buses (USB) and [[Quarks]] (in conjunction with the strong-force).
   
== [[UnTweets:George Peterson]] ==
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Some magazines are frequently used by [[terrorists]] to spread anti-East propaganda through the ‘Brown Web.’
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In [[Europe]] and [[North America]], magazines are found on '''newsstands'''. For consumers to have a broad range of magazines, the Fair Magazine Treaty (1954) requires newsstand owners to offer at least 120 different magazines at any time, of which 60% must be A++ standard [[Pornography|pornographic]].
* Article feature date: 9 July 2009
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>9 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnTweets:George Peterson}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=UnTweets:George Peterson|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
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=== 09 July 2009 ===
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Distribution of magazines proceeds from the global to the local level.Global distribution of traditional magazines is achieved using various modes of transportation such as rail, hang-glider, and clopticycle (now Unitron). Due to concerns about getting magazines wet, and therefore potentially hazardous to health, shipping magazines is currently outlawed in most parts of the [[EU]] and North America, until NATO's
{{FeatArticleImg|Twitter logo header.png|100px}}
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Primary Intercontinental Special Shipping Engagement decree is fully enacted. For now, transportation and delivery of traditional magazines is done by [[airship]]s. ([[Magazine|more]]...)'''
'''Name:''' George W. Peterson<br>
 
'''Location:''' Chilly Parts of Scotland<br>
 
'''Bio:''' Newspaper editor ("The Kinrossie Times"), happily married to not only Sarah, but also to gardening.
 
   
'''Following''' 294<br>
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== [[Horace Greeley]] ==
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* Article feature date: 15 May 2015
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>15 May 2015<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Horace Greeley}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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'''Followers''' 1007
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=== 15 May 2015 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Horace_Greeley.jpeg|150px|link=Horace Greeley}}
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'''[[Horace Greeley]]''' (February 3, 1811 – November 29, 1872) was a [[newspaper]] man who thought he had solutions to offer the [[Politics|political system]]. He switched states and switched [[Political party|political parties]] but finally found one of both that felt right, and ran for [[U.S. President]] against [[Ulysses S. Grant]] in 1872. He lost decisively, but got the last laugh, dying before the [[Electoral College|electoral vote]] could be cast.
   
'''Saturday May 3rd'''
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Greeley was born on February 3, 1811 in Amherst, [[New Hampshire]]. He could not breathe for the first 20 minutes of his life, and some say this is the cause for everything that followed. To this day, newspaper men say we could control [[carbon]] emissions and solve [[global warming]] if all the [[God]]-damned [[environmentalist]]s would also just refrain from breathing for about 20 minutes.
   
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Went for my fifth "Cabbage Check-Up" a few minutes ago. Sarah thinks I'm mad, but I don't want to miss anything, now do I?|13:35pm May 3rd|web}}
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Greeley's parents, Zaccheus and Mary (Woodburn) Greeley, moved house repeatedly during Greeley's youth, without even the lame excuse of [[Army]] service. Neighbors thought Greeley was [[smart]] and offered to pay his way through '''Phillips Exeter Academy''', but the Greeleys were [[Pride|proud]], and replied, "No, thank you, we will just stay [[poor]] and [[Ignorance|ignorant]]." However, in 1820, the Greeleys moved to Vermont, as it was a few miles ahead of the creditors in pursuit. This was Greeley's breakthrough, as he became the 15-year-old apprentice of the [[printer]] of a newspaper called the ''Northern Spectator.''
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Have got to start preparing for new arrival!|14:21pm May 3rd|web}}
 
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Sarah has just brought home the new cat, and she's settling in. She's eight weeks old, ginger, and incredibly excitable. I think she has [[OCD]]. Any ideas for names?|16:09pm May 3rd|web}}
 
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Sarah has put today's newspaper in the litter tray. Now how am I supposed to find out the news?|16:23pm May 3rd|web}}
 
{{UnTweets/Tweetplate|Just remembered I have the Internet! Who needs newspapers anyway!?|16:25pm May 3rd|web}}'''([[UnTweets:George Peterson|more]]...)'''
 
   
== [[Mrs. God's blog]] ==
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After only four years, it became painfully clear that no one wanted to spectate at the north of East Poultney, [[Vermont]]; nor north from Poultney, toward the [[ignorance]] of Blissville. The newspaper went into [[oblivion]], and Greeley went into [[Pennsylvania]], eventually finding [[work]] at the ''Erie Gazette.''
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* Article feature date: 10 July 2009
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>10 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Mrs. God's blog}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Mrs. God's blog|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
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=== 10 July 2009 ===
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In 1831, Greeley went to [[New York City]] to seek his fortune. Unfortunately, he found that it was safely in the hands of other people. He found work at newspapers no one has ever heard of, including the ''New York Morning Post'' and ''The New-Yorker.'' Greeley met his wife, Mary Young Cheney, at a boarding house that rejected meat, alcohol, coffee, tea, spices, and intoxicants, leaving only [[Sex|hanky-panky]] as a diversion. Their [[marriage]] was [[sandwich]]ed into Greeley's newspapers in the middle of the winning numbers in the [[lottery]], though their honeymoon was sandwiched into the work week, and consummated at the sandwich break.
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'''([[Horace Greeley|more]]...)'''
Mrs God’s blog is republished from Facebook with permission of the author.
 
   
'''May 20th, 2009'''
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== [[Ted Cruz]] ==
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* Article feature date: 20 May 2015
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Hiiiii!
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=== 20 May 2015 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Ted Cruz.jpg|150px|link=Ted Cruz}}
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'''[[Ted Cruz]]''' (born Rafael Edward Cruz) is the junior United States Senator from [[Texas]]. Elected in 2012 as a [[Republican]], he is the first Hispanic or Cuban American to serve as a U.S. Senator from Texas. The term ''serve'' is used loosely, because he is running for President of the [[United States]], and while running for President, he has very little time to fulfill his duties as a US Senator. Several analysts are concerned about his hopes in the current Presidential election because he does not actually qualify to be President in as much as he was born outside the United States as a Cuban Canadian, and the Constitution mandates that the President must be born within the US as a natural born citizen, but because that didn't stop [[President Obama]], Cruz believes it will not be an issue for him either.
   
Just a few words from me, Mrs God. I know you haven’t heard from me much over the years, but now that my hubby’s away…
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Christened Rafael Edward Cruz, he was born to Eleanor Elizabeth Darragh Wilson, and Rafael Bienvendo Cruz in [[Toronto]], [[Canada]] on December 22, 1970. At the time Ted was born, his father worked in the oil industry in Canada. Rafael Cruz Sr. owned a company that processed seismic data for oil drillers and he was very gifted at processing the data until the oil drillers got the results they wanted. He had learned how to process data from his time in Cuba fighting with [[Fidel Castor|Castro's]] good ol' boys as an interpretation specialist. Any information that needed to be reinterpreted or processed went through Rafael Cruz Sr. before being sent out through official channels. Ted's Father left [[Cuba]] in 1957 to attend the University of Texas where "I got me some learnin'", as he would say on graduation in one of his humorous attempts to imitate a Texas drawl.
   
First of all, let me reassure everyone “[[God]] is not dead”. We heard a lot of that in the 60s. It wasn’t true then and it’s not true now. Phew!
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Cruz's mother, Eleanor Wilson Cruz, was born and raised in Wilmington, Delaware, of Irish and Italian descent, and she has the typical temperament of someone with that heritage, or at least the temperament of an average mother. '''([[Ted Cruz|more]]...)'''
   
It '''''IS''''' true that He picked up a bit of a [[coke]] habit – and I can tell you, God moved in some peculiar ways back then. But we’ve finally persuaded Him to face His issues and booked Him into [[Rehab]] – He said “No, no, no” for thirty years and when God says “No” it’s very hard to change His mind but He's finally checked into the Priory and we're hoping He can work through some of His issues and make a full recovery. '''([[Mrs. God's blog|more]]...)'''
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== [[Einstein's Theory of Relativity]] ==
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* Article feature date: 26 May 2015
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== [[Wild Bill Hickok]] ==
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=== 26 May 2015 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Einstein.jpg|140px|link=Einstein's Theory of Relativity}}
* Article feature date: 11 July 2009
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'''[[Einstein's Theory of Relativity]]''' as proposed in a joint paper by [[Albert Einstein]] and [[Lacan|Jacques Lacan]], states that all relatives in a family were only in their various positions in the family relative to one another in a fixed point in time or space. For instance, a father is a father to a child and he is a brother to his brother. Thus the same person is both a father and a brother, from two different points of view. This is of minimum use in [[Physics]], but Einstein had lots of [[Ph.D.]]s and qualifications to make it sound really important, so people credited him with the discovery anyway.
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>11 July 2009<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Wild Bill Hickok}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Wild Bill Hickok|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
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=== 11 July 2009 ===
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As such, it was one of the most important inventions in history, paving the way for the [[temporal paradox]], the engine which powers the [[Time machine]] used by Professor [[Marty McFly]] in his famous time travel documentary ''Forward to the Past.''
{{FeatArticleImg|Wildbill.jpg|100px}}
 
'''James Butler Hickok''' (May 27, 1837 - August 2, 1876), better known as '''[[Wild Bill Hickok]]''', was a figure of renown in the American Old West. He is remembered for his skills as a gunfighter, sharpshooter, marksman, and his excellent aim with a firearm. Hickok's exploits gained him such great fame that he earned the moniker of "Bill" despite that nickname having virtually no connection to his actual name. This nickname also inspired similar nicknames for other men named William.<ref>Though research has shown that the sizes of all of these subsequent men's genitals pale in comparison to Hickok's.</ref> Hickok's horse was called ''Black Nell'', and he owned two Colt 1851 Navy Revolvers, along with a rarely-used Colt 1855 Air Force Bazooka.
 
   
Hickok came to the West in the little-known Boron Rush of 1849. To help finance his Boron-seeking operation, he became a part-time stagecoach driver. He spent most of his time in the territories of [[Nebraska]] and [[Kansas]], progressing from stagecoach driver to stagecoach driver/lawman, and finally to lawman. He served in the [[Union]] army during the [[Battle of Gettysburg|American Civil War]], giving his allegiance to [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] and his modest beard over [[Robert E. Lee|Jefferson Davis]]' pretty-boy hairstyle.<ref>Hair meant ''a lot'' to those living in the 1800s.</ref> He gained publicity after the war as a scout, marksman, skilled juggler, and professional gambler. Hickok was involved in countless Wild West shootouts, often shooting people off of roofs and using [[cactus|cactusses]] for cover, among other Wild West stereotypes. He was ultimately killed while playing poker in a [[North Dakota|Dakota Territory]] saloon. '''([[Wild Bill Hickok|more]]...)'''
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[[Albert Einstein]]'s 1905 rant ''On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies'' introduced the wild guess of relativity. Einstein's marketing agent suggested there may be some difficulty marketing a "wild guess," and in a brilliant [[marketing]] gambit, it was recast as a "Theory" or a "Principle."
   
== [[Fan service]] ==
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While this principle was not new to Einstein's work, he found that putting a fork in the [[microwave oven]] may have seemed like fun, yet in the long run just ended up breaking the oven. The experiment was new, in its focus on placing various other objects in a microwave and seeing what happened. He found that the same power needed to spark a fork in the lab was equal to that required in a kitchen to be the same as that required to blow up a [[kitten]], or melt a hydrated rose, regardless of their rotation or the motion of the body of food, flowers or fauna. Raindrops on roses and radiation on kittens were just a few of his favorite things. '''([[Einstein's Theory of Relativity|more]]...)'''
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* Article feature date: 12 July 2009
 
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=== 12 July 2009 ===
 
{{FeatArticleImg|Fan_girl_3.jpg|100px}}
 
A '''fan''' is a useful device for keeping oneself cool in hot weather. However, whether your fan is electric or one of the more traditional "folded pieces of paper," it will occasionally require service. Fortunately, there are service stations in most major cities.
 
 
Prior to [[World War 2]], fans were serviced primarily by overweight men with ill-fitting pants. However, when these men were drafted, the industry was taken over primarily by young women. Due to the suspicious number of fan serviceman deaths at the Battle of Iwo Jima, the industry has remained [[sexy|dominated]] by females to this day.
 
 
Fan servicewomen pride themselves on their competence, professionalism, and complete inability to find clothes that cover more than 40% of their skin.
 
 
Although fan service is a rewarding job, it also comes with certain challenges. In order to draw attention to the plight of these women, this article will focus largely on those challenges. '''([[Fan service|more]]...)'''
 
 
== [[UnNews:The God Interview]] ==
 
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* Article feature date: 13 July 2009
 
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=== 13 July 2009 ===
 
{{FeatArticleImg|Godsuit.jpg|100px}}
 
''Worshipped by some, denied by others, UnNews brings you this exclusive interview with the one and only '''God'''. Where did we come from? Where did we go? Whatever happened to Cotton Eye Joe? What makes the Almighty Creator tick? We hope to find out these things and more in this unprecedented UnNews event.''
 
 
 
'''UnNews:''' What can I say, God, if I may call you so, it’s a pleasure to have you with us today. This is a real step up from last week’s guest, a morbidly obese kid that almost scored an on-air on [[American Idol]].
 
 
'''GOD:''' Well, I’m glad to be here. And “God” is fine. Tack on “Almighty Omnipotent” if you wish.
 
 
'''UnNews:''' Well, Almighty Omnipotent God, I must say you really look a lot like I imagined. The robe. The long white beard. The wise, stern countenance. It’s all there.
 
 
'''GOD:''' This physical presence you are now visualizing is no more than a projection of your image of Me. You better be making Me look good!
 
 
'''UnNews:''' Uh, oh yes, trust me; you’re looking hot, God. [[George Clooney]]’s got nothing on you. Look out ladies!
 
'''([[UnNews:The God Interview|more]]...)'''
 

Latest revision as of 22:30, May 25, 2015


edit Project Gemini

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edit 03 May 2015

Gemtraining3

Project Gemini was NASA’s second space program, between the Mercury and Apollo missions. With the Apollo program behind schedule, NASA needed something to do between 1961 and 1966, after which everyone would be watching the soccer World Cup. The Gemini spacecraft carried two astronauts to different parts of the solar system and one crew into an alternative universe. The program put the United States ahead of the Soviet Union in the Cold War Space Race.

Gemini’s mission was to iron out various space-travel and personnel issues, in preparation for the goal set by President Kennedy to land people on the moon and return them safely to Earth. Project Gemini managed to complete the first part of that goal, just leaving Apollo to figure out how to return the astronauts safely to Earth. Other minor objectives were medical experiments, navigation, rendezvous, explosive yield, docking, EVA and orbital maneuvering techniques.

The Gemini capsule was launched on top of a Titan II inter-continental ballistic missile, the first to be fired from Cape Canaveral. The first four manned launches expanded the envelope from sub orbital ICBM to orbital spacecraft. Project Gemini was also the first to use mission control in Houston. (more...)

edit Magazine

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edit 09 May 2015

TypicalChildrensMagazine

A magazine is a collation of information, from various sources, uploaded into a computer system, twizzled, and printed onto paper, then cut, folded and bound before being chemically fixed in order for acute analytical testing and comprehensive analogue distribution to be implemented.

Due to the shortage of trees, many modern magazines are created for digital display only and are now regularly printed onto glass in the form of ‘digi-magazines,’ ingested digitally through technology such as microphones, iPads, Umbilical Storage Buses (USB) and Quarks (in conjunction with the strong-force).

Some magazines are frequently used by terrorists to spread anti-East propaganda through the ‘Brown Web.’ In Europe and North America, magazines are found on newsstands. For consumers to have a broad range of magazines, the Fair Magazine Treaty (1954) requires newsstand owners to offer at least 120 different magazines at any time, of which 60% must be A++ standard pornographic.

Distribution of magazines proceeds from the global to the local level.Global distribution of traditional magazines is achieved using various modes of transportation such as rail, hang-glider, and clopticycle (now Unitron). Due to concerns about getting magazines wet, and therefore potentially hazardous to health, shipping magazines is currently outlawed in most parts of the EU and North America, until NATO's Primary Intercontinental Special Shipping Engagement decree is fully enacted. For now, transportation and delivery of traditional magazines is done by airships. (more...)

edit Horace Greeley

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edit 15 May 2015

Horace Greeley

Horace Greeley (February 3, 1811 – November 29, 1872) was a newspaper man who thought he had solutions to offer the political system. He switched states and switched political parties but finally found one of both that felt right, and ran for U.S. President against Ulysses S. Grant in 1872. He lost decisively, but got the last laugh, dying before the electoral vote could be cast.

Greeley was born on February 3, 1811 in Amherst, New Hampshire. He could not breathe for the first 20 minutes of his life, and some say this is the cause for everything that followed. To this day, newspaper men say we could control carbon emissions and solve global warming if all the God-damned environmentalists would also just refrain from breathing for about 20 minutes.

Greeley's parents, Zaccheus and Mary (Woodburn) Greeley, moved house repeatedly during Greeley's youth, without even the lame excuse of Army service. Neighbors thought Greeley was smart and offered to pay his way through Phillips Exeter Academy, but the Greeleys were proud, and replied, "No, thank you, we will just stay poor and ignorant." However, in 1820, the Greeleys moved to Vermont, as it was a few miles ahead of the creditors in pursuit. This was Greeley's breakthrough, as he became the 15-year-old apprentice of the printer of a newspaper called the Northern Spectator.

After only four years, it became painfully clear that no one wanted to spectate at the north of East Poultney, Vermont; nor north from Poultney, toward the ignorance of Blissville. The newspaper went into oblivion, and Greeley went into Pennsylvania, eventually finding work at the Erie Gazette.

In 1831, Greeley went to New York City to seek his fortune. Unfortunately, he found that it was safely in the hands of other people. He found work at newspapers no one has ever heard of, including the New York Morning Post and The New-Yorker. Greeley met his wife, Mary Young Cheney, at a boarding house that rejected meat, alcohol, coffee, tea, spices, and intoxicants, leaving only hanky-panky as a diversion. Their marriage was sandwiched into Greeley's newspapers in the middle of the winning numbers in the lottery, though their honeymoon was sandwiched into the work week, and consummated at the sandwich break. (more...)

edit Ted Cruz

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Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz (born Rafael Edward Cruz) is the junior United States Senator from Texas. Elected in 2012 as a Republican, he is the first Hispanic or Cuban American to serve as a U.S. Senator from Texas. The term serve is used loosely, because he is running for President of the United States, and while running for President, he has very little time to fulfill his duties as a US Senator. Several analysts are concerned about his hopes in the current Presidential election because he does not actually qualify to be President in as much as he was born outside the United States as a Cuban Canadian, and the Constitution mandates that the President must be born within the US as a natural born citizen, but because that didn't stop President Obama, Cruz believes it will not be an issue for him either.

Christened Rafael Edward Cruz, he was born to Eleanor Elizabeth Darragh Wilson, and Rafael Bienvendo Cruz in Toronto, Canada on December 22, 1970. At the time Ted was born, his father worked in the oil industry in Canada. Rafael Cruz Sr. owned a company that processed seismic data for oil drillers and he was very gifted at processing the data until the oil drillers got the results they wanted. He had learned how to process data from his time in Cuba fighting with Castro's good ol' boys as an interpretation specialist. Any information that needed to be reinterpreted or processed went through Rafael Cruz Sr. before being sent out through official channels. Ted's Father left Cuba in 1957 to attend the University of Texas where "I got me some learnin'", as he would say on graduation in one of his humorous attempts to imitate a Texas drawl.

Cruz's mother, Eleanor Wilson Cruz, was born and raised in Wilmington, Delaware, of Irish and Italian descent, and she has the typical temperament of someone with that heritage, or at least the temperament of an average mother. (more...)

edit Einstein's Theory of Relativity

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Einstein

Einstein's Theory of Relativity as proposed in a joint paper by Albert Einstein and Jacques Lacan, states that all relatives in a family were only in their various positions in the family relative to one another in a fixed point in time or space. For instance, a father is a father to a child and he is a brother to his brother. Thus the same person is both a father and a brother, from two different points of view. This is of minimum use in Physics, but Einstein had lots of Ph.D.s and qualifications to make it sound really important, so people credited him with the discovery anyway.

As such, it was one of the most important inventions in history, paving the way for the temporal paradox, the engine which powers the Time machine used by Professor Marty McFly in his famous time travel documentary Forward to the Past.

Albert Einstein's 1905 rant On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies introduced the wild guess of relativity. Einstein's marketing agent suggested there may be some difficulty marketing a "wild guess," and in a brilliant marketing gambit, it was recast as a "Theory" or a "Principle."

While this principle was not new to Einstein's work, he found that putting a fork in the microwave oven may have seemed like fun, yet in the long run just ended up breaking the oven. The experiment was new, in its focus on placing various other objects in a microwave and seeing what happened. He found that the same power needed to spark a fork in the lab was equal to that required in a kitchen to be the same as that required to blow up a kitten, or melt a hydrated rose, regardless of their rotation or the motion of the body of food, flowers or fauna. Raindrops on roses and radiation on kittens were just a few of his favorite things. (more...)

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