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NOTE: EDITING THIS PAGE IS NOT HOW YOU FEATURE AN ARTICLE, N00B!
 
NOTE: EDITING THIS PAGE IS NOT HOW YOU FEATURE AN ARTICLE, N00B!
 
See [[Forum:Feature_queue]] and follow those steps.
 
See [[Forum:Feature_queue]] and follow those steps.
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== [[Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast]] ==
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* Article feature date: 3 October 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>3 October 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1412640000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>7 October 2014</u>}}
   
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=== 03 October 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Bacon_and_Eggs.jpg|140px|link=Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast}}
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'''[[Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast|Firstly, why eat breakfast at all?]]'''
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Because your [[mother]] told you [[breakfast]] was the most important meal of the [[day]]. And she was right. Just surviving the [[night]] is no guarantee of living through the rest of the day. Eat something now - you may be run over by bus, or eaten by a [[lion]]. This may be your last chance.
   
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But what should you eat? You ''could'' just eat toast, of course. But are you really going to waste your last meal on partially cremated [[bread]]? You may as well have [[died]] in your [[sleep]]. Surely the fact that your unconscious body kept you alive while your attention was elsewhere means that it deserves sustenance of a higher order. Show some ambition.
   
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There are only three choices for breakfast and your decision says more about you than your diary, your [[police]] record and the witty daily thought you leave on [[facebook|FaceBook]] combined. '''([[Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast|more]]...)'''
   
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== [[Commonwealth of Nations]] ==
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* Article feature date: 7 October 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>7 October 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Commonwealth of Nations}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1412985600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>11 October 2014</u>}}
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=== 07 October 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Commonwealth1.png|150px|link=Commonwealth of Nations}}
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'''[[Commonwealth of Nations|The Commonwealth of Nations]]''', commonly known as '''the [[British Empire|Empire]]''' (also, the '''British Sphere of Influence'''), is an intergovernmental organisation of 53 dismembered colonies of the Commonwealth of [[Nation]]s that all share a common abundance of poverty with exception to [[Britain]], [[Canada]] and [[New Zealand]] (but not as commonly believed [[Australia]]). The Commonwealth operates by conscientious decision-making of the member states, with tranquillisers administered to 90% of [[diplomat]]s before the start of each meeting.
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The Commonwealth dates back to the third Churchillian Government in the mid-20th Century, with the phoney decolonisation of the British Empire, which followed the failure of the National Horticultural world domination Society ([[NHS]]), [[Clement Attlee|Attlee's]] new organisation which was to assume the roles and responsibilities of the British Empire (it ended up as a National Pensioners Service). It was formally constituted by the London-Warsaw Pact in 1955, which established a British sphere of influence over the colonies as "free and equal." The symbol of this free association is Queen [[Elizabeth II]], the un-electable Head of the Commonwealth. The electable Head of the Commonwealth is Gary, former HR director at a major London bank with a degree in media studies. The Queen is also the [[monarch]] of 16 members of the Commonwealth, known as realms. Famous realms include [[Gondor]], [[Rohan]] and her own resident realm of [[Mordor]]. The other members of the Commonwealth have different persons as head of state: 32 members are [[republic]]s and five members are unsure of who rules their country and are in the process of deciding via mass genocide and drug trafficking.
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Member states (or colonies) have no care for one another or the organisation in general. Instead, they are united by heavily accented and misspelt language, troubling history, a common need to oppress their subjects, and their shared views on democracy, human plights, and the rule of more. These values are enshrined in the [[Constitution of the UK|Commonwealth Charter]] and promoted by the quadrennial [[Cotswold Olimpick Games|Commonwealth Hunger Games]].
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'''([[Commonwealth of Nations|more]]...)'''
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== [[HowTo:Repair a broken smartphone]] ==
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* Article feature date: 11 October 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>11 October 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|HowTo:Repair a broken smartphone}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1413331200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>15 October 2014</u>}}
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=== 11 October 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Take a closer look.jpg|150px|link=HowTo:Repair a broken smartphone}}
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'''[[HowTo:Repair a broken smartphone|In our society ]]''', obsessed with efficiency and new technologies, smartphones are omnipresent. They are also an object a civilized person must have in their possession, no matter whether they are in need of it or not, as the need usually comes after the purchase.
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The [[iPhone|smartphone's]] modest size, clever structure and [[Bug|great capabilities]] make it extremely useful in daily life for several reasons. A [[television]] that magnetizes the entire family for an evening show, a book, a [[boomerang]] (although it tends not to return), an accidental Taser - these are only a few of the functions that an average smartphone successfully accomplishes.
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However, the fragility of this wonderful mechanism cannot be ignored. A broken smartphone is even more useless than a broken boomerang (which still functions as a club, of sorts, or a bookmark). The unlucky owners of a broken smartphone are often subject to serious mental trauma, [[Post-masturbatory_depression|strong post-traumatic depression]] and, in 99 cases out of 100, eventual [[death]].
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But don’t despair! Your humble servant, ''this'' guy, is an expert in smartphone repair, as well as in many other [[Turing Duck Test|fields]] [[EDSAC|of]] [[The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships|science]], and if you are numbered among the Damned, I shall cure your misery before you are able to end your prayer.'''([[ HowTo:Repair a broken smartphone|more]]...)'''
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== [[Cafeteria food]] ==
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* Article feature date: 14 October 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>14 October 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Cafeteria food}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1413590400 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>18 October 2014</u>}}
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=== 14 October 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Cafeteria.jpg|150px|link=Cafeteria food}}
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'''[[Cafeteria food]]''' is a term used to describe anything served at [[school]] [[cafeteria]]s as a substitute for actual food. Although the term is usually used to describe carbs and sugar, other items available at the cafeteria, such as [[spork]]s and napkins, also are considered cafeteria food and are usually safer to eat. Recently, cafeteria food was rated #3 on [[Time|Time Magazine's]] 2011 List of Unhealthiest Foods, just behind molten [[lead]] with whipped cream and [[nuclear waste]] à la mode.
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Meatloaf is made up of 12% [[meat]], 78% loaf, and 10% [[other]]. It is generally served either [[Great Britain|British]] style (in which it is covered in a thick, [[brown]] gravy), [[America]]n style (in which it is covered in [[bacon]] and [[cheese]]), or [[Italy|Italian]] style (in which it is covered in [[ketchup]]). Most meatloaf contains a mixture of [[pork]], [[beef]], and [[chicken]], though [[turkey (animal)|turkey]], [[badger]], [[squirrel]], [[possum]], [[kitten]], and [[gerbil]] may also be present. Despite being flavored with [[E. coli]], cafeteria meatloaf has more of a "[[Mad Cow Disease]]" taste according to a recent poll among [[high school]] [[student]]s aged 14-18.
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Sloppy joes consist of yesterday's meatloaf after it is thrown into a [[blender]] and plopped on a bun. Since nobody eats the meatloaf anyway, sloppy joes provide a second [[lunch]] with enough servings for everyone. Any uneaten sloppy joes are formed into a [[Turd|loaf shape]] and baked, creating meatloaf once again. This cycle can continue for weeks or until the [[health]] [[Detective|inspector]] arrives and closes the cafeteria.
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'''([[Cafeteria food|more]]...)'''
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== [[Ad hominem]] ==
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* Article feature date: 18 October 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>18 October 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Ad hominem}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1413936000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>22 October 2014</u>}}
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=== 18 October 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Adhominemabusive.gif|140px|link=Ad hominem}}
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'''[[Ad hominem]]''' (derived from [[Latin]]; or '''Ad-ay ominem-Hay''' in [[Pig Latin]]) is an effective technique used to disprove the argument of a [[stupid]] person whose ill-conceived ideas are probably reminiscent of a troubled childhood. The opponent is attacked personally rather than responded to based on their daft ideals and even dafter hairstyle. In most cases the point that is attacked is irrelevant and has no reasoning behind it. Those who use ad hominem points to counter ad hominem points are just as silly and are only leading themselves down a route of more sin.
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An example of an ad hominem argument is the debate surrounding [[Gay-Z|gays]]. The gay [[Original sin|sinners]], who thanks to their high pitched voice can barely be detected by normal human ears, when presenting their argument put forward the point that people who hate gays only hate gays because they're white and vote for the [[BNP]]. The gays who mentioned this point all went to states school and [[UnBooks:Erogenous Zones and Difficulties in Overcoming Finding Them|learnt geography]] so are, unfortunately, completely incapable of understanding how stupid their point was.
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Abusive ad hominem arguments involve a petty use of verbal or physical violence against the opponent because the opponent is mentally ill and only has one arm and so can't hold up a substantive argument. Verbal abuse can involve comedic lampoons of the opposition with statements such as "You smell", "You're a loser" and "[[Speaking Clock|Mr. Speaker]], Mr. Speaker the Honourable Gentleman owns less than me. Pray shut him up my good man." '''([[Ad hominem|more]]...)'''
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== [[Nouvelle cuisine]] ==
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* Article feature date: 21 October 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>21 October 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Nouvelle cuisine}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1414195200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>25 October 2014</u>}}
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=== 21 October 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Ncdiner.jpg|140px|link=Nouvelle cuisine}}
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'''[[Nouvelle cuisine]]''' is the ideal answer when a restaurant becomes too popular. In these cases, the chef is worked off his or her feet trying to keep all those tables supplied with appetising, nutritious food. Increasing the prices may offer a temporary relief from the overpopularity of the eating-place, or it may instead create an atmosphere of quality and exclusiveness, thereby increasing customers further still. Switching from food to Nouvelle Cuisine helpfully reduces the number of customers to manageable proportions, without resorting to such unpopular or illegal measures as [[salmonella]] or [[e-coli]].
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No one single characteristic describes Nouvelle Cuisine. Rather, a combination of known attributes, when seen together, determine the style to exist.
   
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*'''Oversize plate:''' Nouvelle Cuisine dishes are invariably served on a plate at least three times the diameter required to hold the meal itself. Sometimes, the plate is so large that places must be double-spaced. The very large size of plate allows adequate free space, unencumbered with food, for the chef to demonstrate his or her [[art]]istic talent. It is also important that the plate is cold, preferably having been deep-frozen until a few minutes before serving. This coldness ensures that the customer has to eat-up quickly, thus freeing the table sooner.
   
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*'''Dusty eating surfaces:''' The plate, and any other surfaces carrying food shall be sufficiently [[dust]]y to create the impression of a possible [[hygiene]] concern. If plates do not remain unused long enough for natural dust to build up, then this may be substituted with flour, or in fact with any powdery material typically found in a [[kitchen]]. '''([[Nouvelle cuisine|more]]...)'''
   
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== [[Battle of Bosworth]] ==
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* Article feature date: 24 October 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>24 October 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Battle of Bosworth}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1414454400 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>28 October 2014</u>}}
   
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=== 24 October 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Richardthird01.jpg|160px|link=Battle of Bosworth}}
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'''[[Battle of Bosworth|The Battle of Bosworth]]''' (22nd August 1485) is classified as the last ruckus in the [[War of the Roses]]. It saw King [[Richard III]] slain on the battlefield and his successor Henry VII proclaimed king by a patriotic army of mercenaries, [[Welsh|Welshmen]], [[French|Frenchmen]], felons, traitors and turncoats. The battle was so famous that years later no one could remember exactly what happened, where it had been fought or whether it had been a good idea after all.
   
== [[Faggot]] ==
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[[England]] in the 15th century had gone through a long struggle between rival groups of aristocrats who had nothing better to do but to argue about the colour of roses. Some said the red rose (of England) was more noble but others said white was purer. After some polite discussions, leading on to debates and finally fights - the issue had appeared to have been resolved when King '''Edward IV''' killed his rivals in 1471. The Whites or the 'Yorkists' won whilst the Reds (the Lancastrians) were broken and left only an itinerant Welshman called Henry 'Dai' Tudor as their standard bearer. Since there was a price on his head, Henry moved to a caravan park in [[Brittany]] where he lived with his uncle Sir Jasper Tudor ('Do Not Touch Me'). Jasper was also Welsh and a creep.
<!-- <section begin=title06102008 />[[Faggot]]<section end=title06102008 /> -->
 
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
 
* Article feature date: 6 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>6 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Faggot}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Faggot|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223596800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>10 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 6 October 2008 ===
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That should have been that for the Lancastrians but in 1483 Edward IV died whilst trying to row off his excess body fat in a fishing expedition. His son Edward became King '''Edward V''' but needed to have his fancy dress day out (a coronation) to be 'King in the eyes of God'. But Edward was still in short tights so a regent was required or 'protector' as the title was then called. '''([[Battle of Bosworth|more]]...)'''
{{FeatArticleImg|Bassoons.jpg|100px}}
 
A '''[[faggot]]''' is a woodwind instrument in the double reed [[family]], used to play [[music]] written in the [[bass]] and tenor registers and occasionally even higher, apart from when they have those really annoying squeaky put-on voices sometimes that just put my [[teeth]] on edge.
 
   
I'm as [[liberal]] as the next person, but it just doesn't seem [[natural]] to choose to be a faggot player. Because it ''is'' a choice, and don't let them tell you any different - they could have picked up any instrument in that music shop, but what did they choose? Not a [[drum]] kit or something manly like a [[trumpet]], that's for sure.
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== [[Space Shuttle Challenger]] ==
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* Article feature date: 28 October 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>28 October 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Space Shuttle Challenger}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1414800000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>1 November 2014</u>}}
   
Due to the complicated [[finger]]ing and the problem of reeds, the faggot is one of the more difficult instruments to learn; schoolchildren typically take up the faggot only after starting on another easier instrument. Which means they're perfectly [[happy]] when they're kids, and then suddenly they get lured off into ''that'' life. I mean what more proof do you need? '''([[Faggot|more]]...)'''
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=== 28 October 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Challengercrew.gif|140px|link=Space Shuttle Challenger}}
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'''[[Space Shuttle Challenger|The Space Shuttle Challenger]]''' (NASA Orbiter Vehicle Designation: '''OV-099''') (born: 1983; died: 1986) was the largest government [[fireworks]] show ever put on, not even coinciding with [[Fourth of July|Independence Day]] but serving as an early commemoration of Presidents Day (now "[[Martin Luther King]]'s Birthday," which was not yet celebrated nationwide).
   
== [[Gerry Cheevers]] ==
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The ''Challenger'' project shows that — despite recent [[American history]] in which [[U.S. President]]s brazenly sacrifice military and diplomatic personnel for the sake of a safe re-election, a "theme" for a Presidency, or an inspiring media event — the tendency to treat people as expendable props went all the way back to [[Ronald Reagan]] and was not confined to defending Marines in [[Lebanon]] by sentries with unloaded weapons.
<!-- <section begin=title07102008 />[[Gerry Cheevers]]<section end=title07102008 /> -->
 
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
 
* Article feature date: 7 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>7 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Gerry Cheevers}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Gerry Cheevers|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223683200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>11 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 7 October 2008 ===
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The January 28, 1986 launch of OV-099 (which had a number of its own: STS-51-L) was no ordinary space launch. For one thing, a [[Teacher|schoolteacher]] was going to be on board. For another thing, [[President]] [[Ronald Reagan]] was going to [[telephone]] the astronauts with a greeting. Reagan would make carefully scripted remarks demonstrating his commitment to Public Education despite slashing funds because of that silly "It's not in the [[Constitution]]" preoccupation of his. The launch was a perfect example of what Americans would now call [[Homeland Security]]. It had to go forward despite pesky obstacles, such as the fact that the bitter cold temperature on January 28 would normally call for the launch to be aborted. '''([[Space Shuttle Challenger|more]]...)'''
{{FeatArticleImg|GerryCheevers.gif|100px}}
 
'''[[Gerry Cheevers|Gerry "Buzzsaw" "Hacksaw" "Chainsaw" "Deathtoll" "Manslayer" "Axemaniac" Cheevers]]''' was a demi-god who, appearing in the form of a [[hockey]] goaltender, backstopped the Boston Bruins to Stanley Cup victories in 1970 and 1972. Emerging from the mythical and legendary [[Canada]] under suspicious circumstances, he still holds several [[NHL]] records, most of them involving violence of some kind. Known for his beer-drinking abilities and his unusual choice of headgear, Gerry Cheevers is one guy you don't want to fuck around with. '''([[Gerry Cheevers|more]]...)'''
 
   
== [[France]] ==
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== [[Caliphate]] ==
<!-- <section begin=title08102008 />[[France]]<section end=title08102008 /> -->
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* Article feature date: 31 October 2014
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>31 October 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Caliphate}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
* Article feature date: 8 October 2008
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1415059200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>4 November 2014</u>}}
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>8 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|France}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=France|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223769600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>12 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 8 October 2008 ===
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=== 31 October 2014 ===
{{FeatArticleImg|NightMime.png|100px}}
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{{FeatArticleImg|Alibaba02.jpg|150px|link=Caliphate}}
The [[France|'''French''']] are [[Famous|famed]] for their [[Food|culinary skills]] which consists of [[Shagging|"''baking bread''"]] and [[Hot Chick|"''producing hot buns and tarts''"]]. There is also the widely adopted pastime of [[drinking]] excess [[coffee]] so as to be able to [[Shag|stay up]] late into the [[night]]; indeed France is a [[nation]] of "''midnight alley cats''".
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'''[[Caliphate|A Caliphate]]''' is the idea, gaining currency in the [[Middle East]], that it would be even better than having 57 piss-ant countries that cover their [[Woman|women]] head-to-toe and stop [[work]]ing five times a day to check their compasses and engage in group prayers, to instead have one huge-mothah-country, stretching from [[Africa]] to [[Indonesia]], with colonies in [[London]] and in [[American]] ghettos and prisons, that does the same thing.
   
The [[French]] have also have a great claim to [[fame]] by having [[Social Commentary|overpowering unions]], which have led to slow industry and the country being in [[Economics|perpetual recession]] and ruled by [[Krypton|crypto]][[fascist|-fascist]] [[Goverment|governments]] since France's defeat in the [[World War 2|Second World War]]. '''([[France|more]]...)'''
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The caliphate would be ruled by a '''caliph''', much as [[phosphate]]s drunk at [[Soda jerk|soda fountains]] in upstate [[Michigan]] are ruled by a '''phosph'''. The caliph would essentially be the dictator of the [[Muslim]] world. However, he would be the most holy of clerics, and definitely not the result of politics, assassination, and treachery. His official duties would be limited to interpreting the [[Koran]]; also, to chopping off the limbs of persons with different interpretations.
   
== [[Rule of Three]] ==
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[[Barack Obama|Experts]] believe that [[Islam]]'s current infatuation with restoring the ancient caliphate is somewhat less dangerous than having [[Vladimir Putin]] reassemble the old [[Soviet Union]], though we may still get 'two for the price of one.'
<!-- <section begin=title09102008 />[[Rule of Three]]<section end=title09102008 /> -->
 
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
 
* Article feature date: 9 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>9 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Rule of Three}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Rule of Three|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223856000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>13 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 9 October 2008 ===
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The first caliph was '''Abu Bakr''', known in the [[U.S. Air Force]] as 'Able Baker.' When [[Mohammed]] died in 632, the Muslim leadership chose him over the prophet's son-in-law Ali and his daughter [[WP:Fatima Whitbread|Fatima]], a well known javelin-thrower.
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'''([[Caliphate|more]]...)'''
The '''[[Rule of Three]]''' is a principle in [[English]] writing that suggests a list of three things is inherently funnier, more effective or more [[orgasm|sexually satisfying]] than a list of any other number of things. Often to obtain maximum [[humour]], the third thing in the list breaks the pattern set up by the other two. It is an important [[comedy]] writing technique often used in [[television]] shows, stand-up comedy routines and [[erotic]] novels. The technique can be combined with any other comedy technique including [[redundancy]], [[random humour]] and [[redundancy]]. It should not be overused, however, as the joke will fast become [[Uncyclopedia:In-jokes|stale]], [[Oprah Winfrey|stagnant]] and [[Chuck_Norris/Facts|hilarious]]. '''([[Rule of Three|more]]...)'''
 

Latest revision as of 21:58, October 30, 2014


edit Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast

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Bacon and Eggs

Firstly, why eat breakfast at all? Because your mother told you breakfast was the most important meal of the day. And she was right. Just surviving the night is no guarantee of living through the rest of the day. Eat something now - you may be run over by bus, or eaten by a lion. This may be your last chance.

But what should you eat? You could just eat toast, of course. But are you really going to waste your last meal on partially cremated bread? You may as well have died in your sleep. Surely the fact that your unconscious body kept you alive while your attention was elsewhere means that it deserves sustenance of a higher order. Show some ambition.

There are only three choices for breakfast and your decision says more about you than your diary, your police record and the witty daily thought you leave on FaceBook combined. (more...)

edit Commonwealth of Nations

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Commonwealth1

The Commonwealth of Nations, commonly known as the Empire (also, the British Sphere of Influence), is an intergovernmental organisation of 53 dismembered colonies of the Commonwealth of Nations that all share a common abundance of poverty with exception to Britain, Canada and New Zealand (but not as commonly believed Australia). The Commonwealth operates by conscientious decision-making of the member states, with tranquillisers administered to 90% of diplomats before the start of each meeting.

The Commonwealth dates back to the third Churchillian Government in the mid-20th Century, with the phoney decolonisation of the British Empire, which followed the failure of the National Horticultural world domination Society (NHS), Attlee's new organisation which was to assume the roles and responsibilities of the British Empire (it ended up as a National Pensioners Service). It was formally constituted by the London-Warsaw Pact in 1955, which established a British sphere of influence over the colonies as "free and equal." The symbol of this free association is Queen Elizabeth II, the un-electable Head of the Commonwealth. The electable Head of the Commonwealth is Gary, former HR director at a major London bank with a degree in media studies. The Queen is also the monarch of 16 members of the Commonwealth, known as realms. Famous realms include Gondor, Rohan and her own resident realm of Mordor. The other members of the Commonwealth have different persons as head of state: 32 members are republics and five members are unsure of who rules their country and are in the process of deciding via mass genocide and drug trafficking.

Member states (or colonies) have no care for one another or the organisation in general. Instead, they are united by heavily accented and misspelt language, troubling history, a common need to oppress their subjects, and their shared views on democracy, human plights, and the rule of more. These values are enshrined in the Commonwealth Charter and promoted by the quadrennial Commonwealth Hunger Games. (more...)

edit HowTo:Repair a broken smartphone

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Take a closer look

In our society , obsessed with efficiency and new technologies, smartphones are omnipresent. They are also an object a civilized person must have in their possession, no matter whether they are in need of it or not, as the need usually comes after the purchase.

The smartphone's modest size, clever structure and great capabilities make it extremely useful in daily life for several reasons. A television that magnetizes the entire family for an evening show, a book, a boomerang (although it tends not to return), an accidental Taser - these are only a few of the functions that an average smartphone successfully accomplishes.

However, the fragility of this wonderful mechanism cannot be ignored. A broken smartphone is even more useless than a broken boomerang (which still functions as a club, of sorts, or a bookmark). The unlucky owners of a broken smartphone are often subject to serious mental trauma, strong post-traumatic depression and, in 99 cases out of 100, eventual death.

But don’t despair! Your humble servant, this guy, is an expert in smartphone repair, as well as in many other fields of science, and if you are numbered among the Damned, I shall cure your misery before you are able to end your prayer.(more...)

edit Cafeteria food

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Cafeteria

Cafeteria food is a term used to describe anything served at school cafeterias as a substitute for actual food. Although the term is usually used to describe carbs and sugar, other items available at the cafeteria, such as sporks and napkins, also are considered cafeteria food and are usually safer to eat. Recently, cafeteria food was rated #3 on Time Magazine's 2011 List of Unhealthiest Foods, just behind molten lead with whipped cream and nuclear waste à la mode.

Meatloaf is made up of 12% meat, 78% loaf, and 10% other. It is generally served either British style (in which it is covered in a thick, brown gravy), American style (in which it is covered in bacon and cheese), or Italian style (in which it is covered in ketchup). Most meatloaf contains a mixture of pork, beef, and chicken, though turkey, badger, squirrel, possum, kitten, and gerbil may also be present. Despite being flavored with E. coli, cafeteria meatloaf has more of a "Mad Cow Disease" taste according to a recent poll among high school students aged 14-18.

Sloppy joes consist of yesterday's meatloaf after it is thrown into a blender and plopped on a bun. Since nobody eats the meatloaf anyway, sloppy joes provide a second lunch with enough servings for everyone. Any uneaten sloppy joes are formed into a loaf shape and baked, creating meatloaf once again. This cycle can continue for weeks or until the health inspector arrives and closes the cafeteria. (more...)

edit Ad hominem

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Adhominemabusive

Ad hominem (derived from Latin; or Ad-ay ominem-Hay in Pig Latin) is an effective technique used to disprove the argument of a stupid person whose ill-conceived ideas are probably reminiscent of a troubled childhood. The opponent is attacked personally rather than responded to based on their daft ideals and even dafter hairstyle. In most cases the point that is attacked is irrelevant and has no reasoning behind it. Those who use ad hominem points to counter ad hominem points are just as silly and are only leading themselves down a route of more sin.

An example of an ad hominem argument is the debate surrounding gays. The gay sinners, who thanks to their high pitched voice can barely be detected by normal human ears, when presenting their argument put forward the point that people who hate gays only hate gays because they're white and vote for the BNP. The gays who mentioned this point all went to states school and learnt geography so are, unfortunately, completely incapable of understanding how stupid their point was.

Abusive ad hominem arguments involve a petty use of verbal or physical violence against the opponent because the opponent is mentally ill and only has one arm and so can't hold up a substantive argument. Verbal abuse can involve comedic lampoons of the opposition with statements such as "You smell", "You're a loser" and "Mr. Speaker, Mr. Speaker the Honourable Gentleman owns less than me. Pray shut him up my good man." (more...)

edit Nouvelle cuisine

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Ncdiner

Nouvelle cuisine is the ideal answer when a restaurant becomes too popular. In these cases, the chef is worked off his or her feet trying to keep all those tables supplied with appetising, nutritious food. Increasing the prices may offer a temporary relief from the overpopularity of the eating-place, or it may instead create an atmosphere of quality and exclusiveness, thereby increasing customers further still. Switching from food to Nouvelle Cuisine helpfully reduces the number of customers to manageable proportions, without resorting to such unpopular or illegal measures as salmonella or e-coli.

No one single characteristic describes Nouvelle Cuisine. Rather, a combination of known attributes, when seen together, determine the style to exist.

  • Oversize plate: Nouvelle Cuisine dishes are invariably served on a plate at least three times the diameter required to hold the meal itself. Sometimes, the plate is so large that places must be double-spaced. The very large size of plate allows adequate free space, unencumbered with food, for the chef to demonstrate his or her artistic talent. It is also important that the plate is cold, preferably having been deep-frozen until a few minutes before serving. This coldness ensures that the customer has to eat-up quickly, thus freeing the table sooner.
  • Dusty eating surfaces: The plate, and any other surfaces carrying food shall be sufficiently dusty to create the impression of a possible hygiene concern. If plates do not remain unused long enough for natural dust to build up, then this may be substituted with flour, or in fact with any powdery material typically found in a kitchen. (more...)

edit Battle of Bosworth

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Richardthird01

The Battle of Bosworth (22nd August 1485) is classified as the last ruckus in the War of the Roses. It saw King Richard III slain on the battlefield and his successor Henry VII proclaimed king by a patriotic army of mercenaries, Welshmen, Frenchmen, felons, traitors and turncoats. The battle was so famous that years later no one could remember exactly what happened, where it had been fought or whether it had been a good idea after all.

England in the 15th century had gone through a long struggle between rival groups of aristocrats who had nothing better to do but to argue about the colour of roses. Some said the red rose (of England) was more noble but others said white was purer. After some polite discussions, leading on to debates and finally fights - the issue had appeared to have been resolved when King Edward IV killed his rivals in 1471. The Whites or the 'Yorkists' won whilst the Reds (the Lancastrians) were broken and left only an itinerant Welshman called Henry 'Dai' Tudor as their standard bearer. Since there was a price on his head, Henry moved to a caravan park in Brittany where he lived with his uncle Sir Jasper Tudor ('Do Not Touch Me'). Jasper was also Welsh and a creep.

That should have been that for the Lancastrians but in 1483 Edward IV died whilst trying to row off his excess body fat in a fishing expedition. His son Edward became King Edward V but needed to have his fancy dress day out (a coronation) to be 'King in the eyes of God'. But Edward was still in short tights so a regent was required or 'protector' as the title was then called. (more...)

edit Space Shuttle Challenger

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Challengercrew

The Space Shuttle Challenger (NASA Orbiter Vehicle Designation: OV-099) (born: 1983; died: 1986) was the largest government fireworks show ever put on, not even coinciding with Independence Day but serving as an early commemoration of Presidents Day (now "Martin Luther King's Birthday," which was not yet celebrated nationwide).

The Challenger project shows that — despite recent American history in which U.S. Presidents brazenly sacrifice military and diplomatic personnel for the sake of a safe re-election, a "theme" for a Presidency, or an inspiring media event — the tendency to treat people as expendable props went all the way back to Ronald Reagan and was not confined to defending Marines in Lebanon by sentries with unloaded weapons.

The January 28, 1986 launch of OV-099 (which had a number of its own: STS-51-L) was no ordinary space launch. For one thing, a schoolteacher was going to be on board. For another thing, President Ronald Reagan was going to telephone the astronauts with a greeting. Reagan would make carefully scripted remarks demonstrating his commitment to Public Education despite slashing funds because of that silly "It's not in the Constitution" preoccupation of his. The launch was a perfect example of what Americans would now call Homeland Security. It had to go forward despite pesky obstacles, such as the fact that the bitter cold temperature on January 28 would normally call for the launch to be aborted. (more...)

edit Caliphate

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Alibaba02

A Caliphate is the idea, gaining currency in the Middle East, that it would be even better than having 57 piss-ant countries that cover their women head-to-toe and stop working five times a day to check their compasses and engage in group prayers, to instead have one huge-mothah-country, stretching from Africa to Indonesia, with colonies in London and in American ghettos and prisons, that does the same thing.

The caliphate would be ruled by a caliph, much as phosphates drunk at soda fountains in upstate Michigan are ruled by a phosph. The caliph would essentially be the dictator of the Muslim world. However, he would be the most holy of clerics, and definitely not the result of politics, assassination, and treachery. His official duties would be limited to interpreting the Koran; also, to chopping off the limbs of persons with different interpretations.

Experts believe that Islam's current infatuation with restoring the ancient caliphate is somewhat less dangerous than having Vladimir Putin reassemble the old Soviet Union, though we may still get 'two for the price of one.'

The first caliph was Abu Bakr, known in the U.S. Air Force as 'Able Baker.' When Mohammed died in 632, the Muslim leadership chose him over the prophet's son-in-law Ali and his daughter Fatima, a well known javelin-thrower. (more...)

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