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NOTE: EDITING THIS PAGE IS NOT HOW YOU FEATURE AN ARTICLE, N00B!
 
NOTE: EDITING THIS PAGE IS NOT HOW YOU FEATURE AN ARTICLE, N00B!
 
See [[Forum:Feature_queue]] and follow those steps.
 
See [[Forum:Feature_queue]] and follow those steps.
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== [[Screaming Lord Sutch]] ==
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* Article feature date: 5 June 2015
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>5 June 2015<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Screaming Lord Sutch}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1433808000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>9 June 2015</u>}}
   
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=== 05 June 2015 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Lord_Sutch.jpg|130px|link=Screaming Lord Sutch}}
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'''[[Screaming Lord Sutch]]''' originally David Edward Sutch, was [[Prime Minister of the UK]] and leader of the [[WP:Official Monster Raving Loony Party|Official Monster Raving Loony Party]] (OMRLP). Lord Sutch is renowned as one of the greatest leaders of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party, alongside Howling Laud Hope. He was given the honorary title of Screaming [[Lord]] by Her Majesty [[the Queen]] after he successfully led the [[UK Government]] through the recession and into a brick wall.
   
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Lord Sutch also had a notable secretive criminal career and was almost caught in the shower during a [[police]] raid, but he made a [[Pun|clean]] getaway. David (as he was then) was born on a date, after his mother, Elizabeth Sutch, ate four dates of the pack of five, leaving the last on the end of her [[hospital]] bed. During his childhood, Sutch dedicated his time to political studies. He read [[Marx]]'s "The Cucumber Manifesto", [[Plato]]'s "The Only Way is Loony", [[Aristotle]]'s, "You're Loony and You Know It" and [[John Stuart Mill|Mill]]'s "On Meth". Sutch was inspired by these works of Loonyism to take a political stance as a Raving Loony from a very young age.
   
  +
In the first part of his [[life]] (from when he was born up until the second part of his life), Screaming Lord Sutch not only created the Official Monster Raving Loony Party but took it with him to glory. In 40 years, it went from being a minor party that only just beat the Social Democrat Party in every bi-election to the most popular political party in the UK, where he formed his government in 2010, lasting until his premature death in January 2013. '''([[Screaming Lord Sutch|more]]...)'''
   
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== [[Audiophile]] ==
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* Article feature date: 11 June 2015
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>11 June 2015<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Audiophile}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1434326400 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>15 June 2015</u>}}
   
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=== 11 June 2015 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|PirateRadioRig.jpg|140px|link=Audiophile}}
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'''[[Audiophile|An Audiophile]]''' is not someone who is sexually attracted to sound. Technically, even a "moaner" is not an audiophile. Rather, an audiophile is someone who accumulates a room full of audio equipment.
  +
  +
The ostensible purpose of being an audiophile is to get the best sound possible. This happens in one of two places:
  +
*In the audiophile's tiny apartment next to the train tracks where the neighbors call the police if the volume is above 2, or
  +
*In the audiophile's tiny [[Hyundai]] shifted into 4th gear so he can hear the music over the sound of grinding aluminum.
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  +
Audiophilia began in the 1970s, when many [[baby boomers]] were incredibly rich and bored. They had decided that their parents' perfectly acceptable console [[stereo]]s did not satisfy their inexplicable need to have true, high-fidelity sound.
  +
  +
[[American]] [[capitalism]] instantly moved to meet this need. Stereo shops sprang up everywhere to sell component stereos. These products were better than console stereos for the following reasons:
  +
*They comprised ten or fifteen different boxes that required their own bookshelf (with no [[books]]) instead of a single primitive box that did everything;
  +
*Each of the components had an exotic brand name that sounded either [[German]] or [[Japanese]]; and
  +
*The total cost was ten times as high.
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The increased cost put the new hobby out of the reach of the untrained ear of the common person, while the ability to pick components from different manufacturers suited the audiophile's desire to prove that he was not a mere sucker for an attractive sales pitch, but rather, for many.
  +
  +
The stated benefit of audiophilia is building an audio system that will precisely reproduce sound. The actual benefit, of course, is [[snob]]bery. The audiophile claims to be the only person in the room who can distinguish the "deep, robust" sound of his four-figure component stereo system from the boom box balanced on DeShawn's shoulder. '''([[Audiophile|more]]...)'''
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== [[United Kingdom general election, 2015]] ==
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* Article feature date: 17 June 2015
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>17 June 2015<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|United Kingdom general election, 2015}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1434844800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>21 June 2015</u>}}
   
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=== 17 June 2015 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|GEMinorPartySlogan.jpg|190px|link=United Kingdom general election, 2015}}
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'''[[United Kingdom general election, 2015|The United Kingdom general election, 2015]]''' took place on the 7th May 2015 to allow the two institutions of the [[BBC]] and the [[Capitalism|City of London]] to compete in deciding who runs the country for the next 5 years. The result of the general election was the longest list of resignations since [[Jeremy Clarkson]]'s catering team left the BBC with him. Eventually the entire [[Politics of the United Kingdom|British political system]] resigned, explaining why it no longer decides who runs the country today.
   
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The major parties in the UK general election 2015 were chosen through a careful vetting process by the [[Bureaucracy|BBC's Political Betterment Determination Department]]. Apart from the [[Conservative Party]], each major party stood as an alternative to the [[status quo]], even the [[Liberal Democrats]], who had formed part of the previous status quo government and so ended up standing against themselves - something they did with spectacular success.
   
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The [[Conservative]] Party was led by David Cameron, whose wife Samantha (known to her media friends as Sam Cam) has a dolphin tattoo. After going to Eton, “Dave” wanted to be a lorry driver, but left to become a [[Prime Minister]] because he couldn’t stand the bullshit and politics. He is the thirteenth cousin of [[Kim Kardashian]], both sharing a common ancestor landowner and prolific womaniser, Sir William Spencer. He is also related to [[Winston Churchill]], Winston Cigarettes and Winston Wolf.
   
  +
The Conservatives' main pledges were to eliminate [[poor]] people, make course specific cutlery and silver service compulsory for truck stops, and replace sweary TV chefs with harp concertos. Their campaign strategy simply consisted of sticking their fingers in their ears and repeatedly shouting "the economy!" every time any other issue was brought up by other parties. '''([[United Kingdom general election, 2015|more]]...)'''
   
== [[Faggot]] ==
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== [[Chamber pot]] ==
<!-- <section begin=title06102008 />[[Faggot]]<section end=title06102008 /> -->
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* Article feature date: 23 June 2015
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>23 June 2015<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Chamber pot}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
* Article feature date: 6 October 2008
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1435363200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>27 June 2015</u>}}
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>6 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Faggot}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Faggot|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223596800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>10 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 6 October 2008 ===
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=== 23 June 2015 ===
{{FeatArticleImg|Bassoons.jpg|100px}}
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{{FeatArticleImg|Chamberpot_poem.jpg|140px|link=Chamber pot}}
A '''[[faggot]]''' is a woodwind instrument in the double reed [[family]], used to play [[music]] written in the [[bass]] and tenor registers and occasionally even higher, apart from when they have those really annoying squeaky put-on voices sometimes that just put my [[teeth]] on edge.
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'''[[Chamber pot|A Chamber pot]]''' is a medium-sized bowl that receives human waste products for as long as their owner decides to keep them in his sight.
   
I'm as [[liberal]] as the next person, but it just doesn't seem [[natural]] to choose to be a faggot player. Because it ''is'' a choice, and don't let them tell you any different - they could have picked up any instrument in that music shop, but what did they choose? Not a [[drum]] kit or something manly like a [[trumpet]], that's for sure.
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The chamber pot shows how something utterly ineffective can capture the world’s attention, and become a significant indicator of economic development, an important object of philosophical study, and an essential literary symbol. The invention of the chamber pot is an event of particular historical note.
   
Due to the complicated [[finger]]ing and the problem of reeds, the faggot is one of the more difficult instruments to learn; schoolchildren typically take up the faggot only after starting on another easier instrument. Which means they're perfectly [[happy]] when they're kids, and then suddenly they get lured off into ''that'' life. I mean what more proof do you need? '''([[Faggot|more]]...)'''
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Prior to it, for thousand years, during the dawn of humanity, man, mostly unbathed, unshaved and piss poor, ran around naked and passed waste wherever he passed. After a while, the entire Earth was humanity’s chamberpot. Still, it was not until there was enough youth, full of piss and vinegar and hence capable of pissing like racehorses, to alarm the greatest minds into inventing something that would, if not retain the human urge to leave an imprint on his surroundings, then at least make it seem like things, big and small, were under his control.
   
== [[Gerry Cheevers]] ==
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Humanity slowed down its pace, even if only for a while, invented the chamberpot and went on pissing around, as naked, unbathed and unshaved as previously.
<!-- <section begin=title07102008 />[[Gerry Cheevers]]<section end=title07102008 /> -->
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And when confronted with the child of its progress, full of God-knows-what and, all in all, not worth a fragrant fart, the man, scornful and po-faced, realized what he had gotten himself into, moved on and invented water-closets. The chamber pot tends to be noticed mainly when it is full, and is used mostly by children (who represent the dawn of humanity). Still, its invention marked the transition between the era when humans did not have a pot to piss in and the one when they did.
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
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'''([[Chamber pot|more]]...)'''
* Article feature date: 7 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>7 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Gerry Cheevers}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Gerry Cheevers|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223683200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>11 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 7 October 2008 ===
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== [[UnNews:U.S. corners Palestine rubble futures market]] ==
{{FeatArticleImg|GerryCheevers.gif|100px}}
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* Article feature date: 30 June 2015
'''[[Gerry Cheevers|Gerry "Buzzsaw" "Hacksaw" "Chainsaw" "Deathtoll" "Manslayer" "Axemaniac" Cheevers]]''' was a demi-god who, appearing in the form of a [[hockey]] goaltender, backstopped the Boston Bruins to Stanley Cup victories in 1970 and 1972. Emerging from the mythical and legendary [[Canada]] under suspicious circumstances, he still holds several [[NHL]] records, most of them involving violence of some kind. Known for his beer-drinking abilities and his unusual choice of headgear, Gerry Cheevers is one guy you don't want to fuck around with. '''([[Gerry Cheevers|more]]...)'''
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>30 June 2015<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnNews:U.S. corners Palestine rubble futures market}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1435968000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>4 July 2015</u>}}
   
== [[France]] ==
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=== 30 June 2015 ===
<!-- <section begin=title08102008 />[[France]]<section end=title08102008 /> -->
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{{FeatArticleImg|GazaWater1.jpg|150px|link=UnNews:U.S. corners Palestine rubble futures market}}
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
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'''[[UnNews:U.S. corners Palestine rubble futures market|SAFED, Palestine]]''' - U.S. President [[Barack Obama]] signed an agreement with Palestinean President Mahmoud Abbas today to trade in the processing of the region's urban rubble, having failed to reach any agreement to stop creating it.
* Article feature date: 8 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>8 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|France}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=France|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223769600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>12 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 8 October 2008 ===
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The so-called [[WP:Trans-Pacific Partnership|Trans-Palestinian Partnership]] will gradually phase out tariffs, duties, inspections, and the role of the [[U.S. Congress]] in the movement of Grade A broken concrete blocks across national boundaries.
{{FeatArticleImg|NightMime.png|100px}}
 
The [[France|'''French''']] are [[Famous|famed]] for their [[Food|culinary skills]] which consists of [[Shagging|"''baking bread''"]] and [[Hot Chick|"''producing hot buns and tarts''"]]. There is also the widely adopted pastime of [[drinking]] excess [[coffee]] so as to be able to [[Shag|stay up]] late into the [[night]]; indeed France is a [[nation]] of "''midnight alley cats''".
 
   
The [[French]] have also have a great claim to [[fame]] by having [[Social Commentary|overpowering unions]], which have led to slow industry and the country being in [[Economics|perpetual recession]] and ruled by [[Krypton|crypto]][[fascist|-fascist]] [[Goverment|governments]] since France's defeat in the [[World War 2|Second World War]]. '''([[France|more]]...)'''
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It was non-[[alcoholic]] beverages and mild gratitude to Allah as Mr. Abbas and Mr. Obama publically declared that a Palestine/US economic future "is buried firmly in the trenchant rubble that plagues our streets."
   
== [[Rule of Three]] ==
+
In a candid interview on [[Israel]] TV, Mr. Obama said he has thrown in the [[towel]] on a peace agreement between Israel and a Palestinian state, as he could hardly get his head around the Wikipedia entry, let alone reason with Abbas. Mr. Obama said at least all parties were better off with a financial agreement in the raw-materials sector.
<!-- <section begin=title09102008 />[[Rule of Three]]<section end=title09102008 /> -->
 
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
 
* Article feature date: 9 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>9 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Rule of Three}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Rule of Three|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223856000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>13 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 9 October 2008 ===
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The employment rate in Palestine also increased by 0.6%, as tens of Palestinians rushed to join the President's new "Palestinian Rubble Liberation Union (PRLU)". At the same time, a "Fatah Debris and General Workers Union" was formed to protect the PRLU Union members from the PRLU, and a "[[Hamas]] Union of Fragments" to protect the already established Islamic Rubble Movement. '''([[UnNews:U.S. corners Palestine rubble futures market|more]]...)'''
{{FeatArticleImg|Mm3.png|100px}}
 
The '''[[Rule of Three]]''' is a principle in [[English]] writing that suggests a list of three things is inherently funnier, more effective or more [[orgasm|sexually satisfying]] than a list of any other number of things. Often to obtain maximum [[humour]], the third thing in the list breaks the pattern set up by the other two. It is an important [[comedy]] writing technique often used in [[television]] shows, stand-up comedy routines and [[erotic]] novels. The technique can be combined with any other comedy technique including [[redundancy]], [[random humour]] and [[redundancy]]. It should not be overused, however, as the joke will fast become [[Uncyclopedia:In-jokes|stale]], [[Oprah Winfrey|stagnant]] and [[Chuck_Norris/Facts|hilarious]]. '''([[Rule of Three|more]]...)'''
 

Latest revision as of 10:06, July 1, 2015


edit Screaming Lord Sutch

  • Article feature date: 5 June 2015
  • Feature code: {{FA|date=5 June 2015|revision=5874602}} (Only add this after this page has saved)
  • Remove this section now.

edit 05 June 2015

Lord Sutch

Screaming Lord Sutch originally David Edward Sutch, was Prime Minister of the UK and leader of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party (OMRLP). Lord Sutch is renowned as one of the greatest leaders of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party, alongside Howling Laud Hope. He was given the honorary title of Screaming Lord by Her Majesty the Queen after he successfully led the UK Government through the recession and into a brick wall.

Lord Sutch also had a notable secretive criminal career and was almost caught in the shower during a police raid, but he made a clean getaway. David (as he was then) was born on a date, after his mother, Elizabeth Sutch, ate four dates of the pack of five, leaving the last on the end of her hospital bed. During his childhood, Sutch dedicated his time to political studies. He read Marx's "The Cucumber Manifesto", Plato's "The Only Way is Loony", Aristotle's, "You're Loony and You Know It" and Mill's "On Meth". Sutch was inspired by these works of Loonyism to take a political stance as a Raving Loony from a very young age.

In the first part of his life (from when he was born up until the second part of his life), Screaming Lord Sutch not only created the Official Monster Raving Loony Party but took it with him to glory. In 40 years, it went from being a minor party that only just beat the Social Democrat Party in every bi-election to the most popular political party in the UK, where he formed his government in 2010, lasting until his premature death in January 2013. (more...)

edit Audiophile

  • Article feature date: 11 June 2015
  • Feature code: {{FA|date=11 June 2015|revision=5876073}} (Only add this after this page has saved)
  • Remove this section now.

edit 11 June 2015

PirateRadioRig

An Audiophile is not someone who is sexually attracted to sound. Technically, even a "moaner" is not an audiophile. Rather, an audiophile is someone who accumulates a room full of audio equipment.

The ostensible purpose of being an audiophile is to get the best sound possible. This happens in one of two places:

  • In the audiophile's tiny apartment next to the train tracks where the neighbors call the police if the volume is above 2, or
  • In the audiophile's tiny Hyundai shifted into 4th gear so he can hear the music over the sound of grinding aluminum.

Audiophilia began in the 1970s, when many baby boomers were incredibly rich and bored. They had decided that their parents' perfectly acceptable console stereos did not satisfy their inexplicable need to have true, high-fidelity sound.

American capitalism instantly moved to meet this need. Stereo shops sprang up everywhere to sell component stereos. These products were better than console stereos for the following reasons:

  • They comprised ten or fifteen different boxes that required their own bookshelf (with no books) instead of a single primitive box that did everything;
  • Each of the components had an exotic brand name that sounded either German or Japanese; and
  • The total cost was ten times as high.

The increased cost put the new hobby out of the reach of the untrained ear of the common person, while the ability to pick components from different manufacturers suited the audiophile's desire to prove that he was not a mere sucker for an attractive sales pitch, but rather, for many.

The stated benefit of audiophilia is building an audio system that will precisely reproduce sound. The actual benefit, of course, is snobbery. The audiophile claims to be the only person in the room who can distinguish the "deep, robust" sound of his four-figure component stereo system from the boom box balanced on DeShawn's shoulder. (more...)

edit United Kingdom general election, 2015

  • Article feature date: 17 June 2015
  • Feature code: {{FA|date=17 June 2015|revision=5877933}} (Only add this after this page has saved)
  • Remove this section now.

edit 17 June 2015

GEMinorPartySlogan

The United Kingdom general election, 2015 took place on the 7th May 2015 to allow the two institutions of the BBC and the City of London to compete in deciding who runs the country for the next 5 years. The result of the general election was the longest list of resignations since Jeremy Clarkson's catering team left the BBC with him. Eventually the entire British political system resigned, explaining why it no longer decides who runs the country today.

The major parties in the UK general election 2015 were chosen through a careful vetting process by the BBC's Political Betterment Determination Department. Apart from the Conservative Party, each major party stood as an alternative to the status quo, even the Liberal Democrats, who had formed part of the previous status quo government and so ended up standing against themselves - something they did with spectacular success.

The Conservative Party was led by David Cameron, whose wife Samantha (known to her media friends as Sam Cam) has a dolphin tattoo. After going to Eton, “Dave” wanted to be a lorry driver, but left to become a Prime Minister because he couldn’t stand the bullshit and politics. He is the thirteenth cousin of Kim Kardashian, both sharing a common ancestor landowner and prolific womaniser, Sir William Spencer. He is also related to Winston Churchill, Winston Cigarettes and Winston Wolf.

The Conservatives' main pledges were to eliminate poor people, make course specific cutlery and silver service compulsory for truck stops, and replace sweary TV chefs with harp concertos. Their campaign strategy simply consisted of sticking their fingers in their ears and repeatedly shouting "the economy!" every time any other issue was brought up by other parties. (more...)

edit Chamber pot

  • Article feature date: 23 June 2015
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  • Remove this section now.

edit 23 June 2015

Chamberpot poem

A Chamber pot is a medium-sized bowl that receives human waste products for as long as their owner decides to keep them in his sight.

The chamber pot shows how something utterly ineffective can capture the world’s attention, and become a significant indicator of economic development, an important object of philosophical study, and an essential literary symbol. The invention of the chamber pot is an event of particular historical note.

Prior to it, for thousand years, during the dawn of humanity, man, mostly unbathed, unshaved and piss poor, ran around naked and passed waste wherever he passed. After a while, the entire Earth was humanity’s chamberpot. Still, it was not until there was enough youth, full of piss and vinegar and hence capable of pissing like racehorses, to alarm the greatest minds into inventing something that would, if not retain the human urge to leave an imprint on his surroundings, then at least make it seem like things, big and small, were under his control.

Humanity slowed down its pace, even if only for a while, invented the chamberpot and went on pissing around, as naked, unbathed and unshaved as previously. And when confronted with the child of its progress, full of God-knows-what and, all in all, not worth a fragrant fart, the man, scornful and po-faced, realized what he had gotten himself into, moved on and invented water-closets. The chamber pot tends to be noticed mainly when it is full, and is used mostly by children (who represent the dawn of humanity). Still, its invention marked the transition between the era when humans did not have a pot to piss in and the one when they did. (more...)

edit UnNews:U.S. corners Palestine rubble futures market

  • Article feature date: 30 June 2015
  • Feature code: {{FA|date=30 June 2015|revision=5879049}} (Only add this after this page has saved)
  • This section can safely be removed on 4 July 2015

edit 30 June 2015

GazaWater1

SAFED, Palestine - U.S. President Barack Obama signed an agreement with Palestinean President Mahmoud Abbas today to trade in the processing of the region's urban rubble, having failed to reach any agreement to stop creating it.

The so-called Trans-Palestinian Partnership will gradually phase out tariffs, duties, inspections, and the role of the U.S. Congress in the movement of Grade A broken concrete blocks across national boundaries.

It was non-alcoholic beverages and mild gratitude to Allah as Mr. Abbas and Mr. Obama publically declared that a Palestine/US economic future "is buried firmly in the trenchant rubble that plagues our streets."

In a candid interview on Israel TV, Mr. Obama said he has thrown in the towel on a peace agreement between Israel and a Palestinian state, as he could hardly get his head around the Wikipedia entry, let alone reason with Abbas. Mr. Obama said at least all parties were better off with a financial agreement in the raw-materials sector.

The employment rate in Palestine also increased by 0.6%, as tens of Palestinians rushed to join the President's new "Palestinian Rubble Liberation Union (PRLU)". At the same time, a "Fatah Debris and General Workers Union" was formed to protect the PRLU Union members from the PRLU, and a "Hamas Union of Fragments" to protect the already established Islamic Rubble Movement. (more...)

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