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NOTE: EDITING THIS PAGE IS NOT HOW YOU FEATURE AN ARTICLE, N00B!
 
NOTE: EDITING THIS PAGE IS NOT HOW YOU FEATURE AN ARTICLE, N00B!
 
See [[Forum:Feature_queue]] and follow those steps.
 
See [[Forum:Feature_queue]] and follow those steps.
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== [[Gravity (film)]] ==
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* Article feature date: 19 August 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>19 August 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Gravity (film)}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1408752000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>23 August 2014</u>}}
   
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=== 19 August 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Gravity001.jpg|250px|link=Gravity (film)}}
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'''[[Gravity (film)|Gravity]]''' is a 2013 science-fiction blockbuster starring Special Effects and Space Debris, with cameos from Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. It quickly became one of the top grossing movies in history, with a combined take of only $100 million less than timeless classics like ''Ice Age: Continental Drift'' and ''Fast & Furious 6.''
   
  +
In a world where global space agencies are run by incompetent nitwits and all objects lie in virtually the same orbit, [[NASA]] has taken the [[Space Shuttle]] out of retirement and is repairing the Hubble Space Telescope a second time. Generically named astronauts Ryan Stone (Bullock) and Matt Kowalski (Clooney) are joined on the mission by several other bit characters whose names neither the director nor the audience care about. Stone is a criminally incompetent PTSD case who cheated her way through astronaut training with appeals to pity over the "freak playground accident" of her daughter. Kowalski, the mission commander, is a graduate of Upper New York Pickup College and has a self-published book available on Lulu.com, ''Bang Space: How To Pick Up Chicks In Low-Earth Orbit.''
   
  +
With no warning during the mission, [[Russia]] decides that space is overrated and creates a deadly debris field that will render space inaccessible for centuries and which flies on a newly invented "half the orbital period as low earth orbit" trajectory, pummeling everything in its way every 90 minutes. The remainder of the shuttle crew are killed, forcing Kowalski to switch his pickup strategy from Negging to White Knight as he gives her instructions on how to reach the international space station, how to use a wrench, and how to tie her shoes. '''([[Gravity (film)|more]]...)'''
   
-->
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== [[The Camera Obscura Collection of Hans Helmuth Saltzman (1602-1668)]] ==
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* Article feature date: 23 August 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>23 August 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|The Camera Obscura Collection of Hans Helmuth Saltzman (1602-1668)}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1409097600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>27 August 2014</u>}}
 
 
== [[Faggot]] ==
 
<!-- <section begin=title06102008 />[[Faggot]]<section end=title06102008 /> -->
 
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
 
* Article feature date: 6 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>6 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Faggot}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Faggot|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223596800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>10 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 6 October 2008 ===
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=== 23 August 2014 ===
{{FeatArticleImg|Bassoons.jpg|100px}}
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{{FeatArticleImg|Cat_6774.jpg|150px|link=The Camera Obscura Collection of Hans Helmuth Saltzman (1602-1668)}}
A '''[[faggot]]''' is a woodwind instrument in the double reed [[family]], used to play [[music]] written in the [[bass]] and tenor registers and occasionally even higher, apart from when they have those really annoying squeaky put-on voices sometimes that just put my [[teeth]] on edge.
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'''[[The Camera Obscura Collection of Hans Helmuth Saltzman (1602-1668)|The Saltzman family]]''' were merchants and [[Thief|bankers]] within the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanseatic_league Hanseatic League] for two centuries up to the time of [[Peter the Great]]. Their fortune reached its zenith in Hans Helmuth's lifetime, when many of their family members were attached to European courts as [[Diplomacy|diplomats]] and money brokers, below and behind the aristocratic tier of ambassadors and ecclesiastical envoys, with whom they exchanged patronage for finance.
   
I'm as [[liberal]] as the next person, but it just doesn't seem [[natural]] to choose to be a faggot player. Because it ''is'' a choice, and don't let them tell you any different - they could have picked up any instrument in that music shop, but what did they choose? Not a [[drum]] kit or something manly like a [[trumpet]], that's for sure.
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Hans Helmuth Saltzman was an attaché to the Ambassador of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schleswig-Holstein Schleswig-Holstein] during the latter part of the reign of [[Charles I]], and was an important and impartial witness to the internal divisions of English society at the time. As a youngest son, he was not obliged to devote himself to his family business, and could afford the life of a gentleman-scholar and experimenter. During this period he often collaborated with the Enlightenment greats in [[England]], [[France]] and the [[Germany|German]] states, and some scholars believe that he may have been the true personage of a highly-regarded English playwright (although most disagree, citing Saltzman's lack of discipline in the literary arts during his younger years). His immersion in the process of [[Scientology|Scientific]] discovery, however, was made relatively late in life, when Saltzman was in his forties, when he met the famous inventor [[Robert Heinlein|Robert Hooke]] who inspired him with his theories in optics. '''([[The Camera Obscura Collection of Hans Helmuth Saltzman (1602-1668)|more]]...)'''
   
Due to the complicated [[finger]]ing and the problem of reeds, the faggot is one of the more difficult instruments to learn; schoolchildren typically take up the faggot only after starting on another easier instrument. Which means they're perfectly [[happy]] when they're kids, and then suddenly they get lured off into ''that'' life. I mean what more proof do you need? '''([[Faggot|more]]...)'''
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== [[UnBooks:Aesop's Tables]] ==
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* Article feature date: 26 August 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>26 August 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnBooks:Aesop's Tables}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1409356800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>30 August 2014</u>}}
   
== [[Gerry Cheevers]] ==
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=== 26 August 2014 ===
<!-- <section begin=title07102008 />[[Gerry Cheevers]]<section end=title07102008 /> -->
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{{FeatArticleImg|Tortoiseandhare.jpg|140px|link=UnBooks:Aesop's Tables}}
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
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'''[[UnBooks:Aesop's Tables|Having achieved significant]]''' ''commercial and literary success with [[Aesop's Fables|his compendium of fables]], published in 580 BCE, [[Aesop]] was able to pay his way out of [[slavery]] and into the infinitely more profitable business of self-promotion and after dinner speaking. History has not recorded the exact details of these missing years of Aesop's life, which was why we here at [[Liars|Anythingforadolla books]] were thrilled to discover this untouched manuscript believed to have been penned by Aesop himself in around 571 BCE. The publishers understand that having found initial success with fables, Aesop found himself struggling to make ends meet so he used the remainder of his personal wealth to purchase a stall near [[Thermopylae]] selling stylish tables to appoint the typical [[Ancient Greek]] dwelling.''
* Article feature date: 7 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>7 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Gerry Cheevers}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Gerry Cheevers|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223683200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>11 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 7 October 2008 ===
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''This manuscript appears to chronicle Aesop's efforts to replicate the success he had had in literature into a fast paced business world.''
{{FeatArticleImg|GerryCheevers.gif|100px}}
 
'''[[Gerry Cheevers|Gerry "Buzzsaw" "Hacksaw" "Chainsaw" "Deathtoll" "Manslayer" "Axemaniac" Cheevers]]''' was a demi-god who, appearing in the form of a [[hockey]] goaltender, backstopped the Boston Bruins to Stanley Cup victories in 1970 and 1972. Emerging from the mythical and legendary [[Canada]] under suspicious circumstances, he still holds several [[NHL]] records, most of them involving violence of some kind. Known for his beer-drinking abilities and his unusual choice of headgear, Gerry Cheevers is one guy you don't want to fuck around with. '''([[Gerry Cheevers|more]]...)'''
 
   
== [[France]] ==
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There was once a tortoise, whose regular route to and from Lamia took him past a thriving retail outlet near Thermopylae. The tortoise was not particularly wise, for he rarely stopped to examine the fine woodwork or appreciate the craftsmanship on display at the [[UnNews:Retail sales unexpectedly drop|thriving retail outlet]] or to consider the very competitively priced wares, but he was rich and powerful. One day the tortoise passed the retail outlet and had cause to speak to its proprietor.'''([[UnBooks:Aesop's Tables|more]]...)'''
<!-- <section begin=title08102008 />[[France]]<section end=title08102008 /> -->
 
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
 
* Article feature date: 8 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>8 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|France}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=France|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223769600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>12 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 8 October 2008 ===
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== [[Irish Potato Famine]] ==
{{FeatArticleImg|NightMime.png|100px}}
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* Article feature date: 30 August 2014
The [[France|'''French''']] are [[Famous|famed]] for their [[Food|culinary skills]] which consists of [[Shagging|"''baking bread''"]] and [[Hot Chick|"''producing hot buns and tarts''"]]. There is also the widely adopted pastime of [[drinking]] excess [[coffee]] so as to be able to [[Shag|stay up]] late into the [[night]]; indeed France is a [[nation]] of "''midnight alley cats''".
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>30 August 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Irish Potato Famine}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1409616000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>2 September 2014</u>}}
   
The [[French]] have also have a great claim to [[fame]] by having [[Social Commentary|overpowering unions]], which have led to slow industry and the country being in [[Economics|perpetual recession]] and ruled by [[Krypton|crypto]][[fascist|-fascist]] [[Goverment|governments]] since France's defeat in the [[World War 2|Second World War]]. '''([[France|more]]...)'''
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=== 30 August 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|MrPotatoFamine.jpg|100px|link=Irish Potato Famine}}
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'''[[Irish Potato Famine|Nutrition labels]]''' are statements of nutritional value and ingredients on [[food]] items. But that's not what I want to write about. I want to write about the '''Irish Potato Famine''', a period of mass [[hunger|starvation]], [[disease]] and emigration that occurred in [[Ireland]] between [[1845]] and [[1852]]. A disease affecting [[potato]]es known as "potato blight" was ultimately to blame, but most chose, and some still do to this day, to believe the famine was part of a greater conspiracy to further worsen living conditions in Ireland by the [[United States]] in order to force Irish workers to come build the transcontinental railroad.
   
== [[Rule of Three]] ==
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The famine killed over one million people and nearly imploded the Irish [[economy]] due to the Irish currency being backed by potatoes. Some historians disagree with me on this point by falsely claiming that Ireland was governed by the [[United Kingdom]] at the time and that Ireland had no regional currency. I contest this on the basis that I am right and they are plainly wrong.
<!-- <section begin=title09102008 />[[Rule of Three]]<section end=title09102008 /> -->
 
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
 
* Article feature date: 9 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>9 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Rule of Three}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Rule of Three|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223856000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>13 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 9 October 2008 ===
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So there Ireland was, just an island in Northwestern Europe, a stone's throw away from [[Britain]]. It was looking idly at the ongoings of [[Europe]], which was already dealing with the potato blight but couldn't care much about it. [[France]] was too busy raping [[Arab|Haji]]s in Algeria so that [[Albert Camus]] could pen ''[[UnBooks:The_Stranger|The Stranger]]'' a century later, and [[Spain]] was too busy repeatedly [[civil war|declaring war on itself]]. Irish officials felt that their island was safe from the blight because they had just filled the Irish Sea with alligators to ward off the periodontitis-laden imperialists from the other island. Despite these efforts, several potatoes which had already [[get some sick|got some sick]] made their way to the isle. Conspiracy theorists claim that the alligator infested Irish Sea would've made a point of entry from the east impossible, and thus the sickly index case potatoes must have come from [[America]]. '''([[Irish Potato Famine|more]]...)'''
{{FeatArticleImg|Mm3.png|100px}}
 
The '''[[Rule of Three]]''' is a principle in [[English]] writing that suggests a list of three things is inherently funnier, more effective or more [[orgasm|sexually satisfying]] than a list of any other number of things. Often to obtain maximum [[humour]], the third thing in the list breaks the pattern set up by the other two. It is an important [[comedy]] writing technique often used in [[television]] shows, stand-up comedy routines and [[erotic]] novels. The technique can be combined with any other comedy technique including [[redundancy]], [[random humour]] and [[redundancy]]. It should not be overused, however, as the joke will fast become [[Uncyclopedia:In-jokes|stale]], [[Oprah Winfrey|stagnant]] and [[Chuck_Norris/Facts|hilarious]]. '''([[Rule of Three|more]]...)'''
 

Latest revision as of 07:59, August 29, 2014


edit Gravity (film)

  • Article feature date: 19 August 2014
  • Feature code: {{FA|date=19 August 2014|revision=5818690}} (Only add this after this page has saved)
  • Remove this section now.

edit 19 August 2014

Gravity001

Gravity is a 2013 science-fiction blockbuster starring Special Effects and Space Debris, with cameos from Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. It quickly became one of the top grossing movies in history, with a combined take of only $100 million less than timeless classics like Ice Age: Continental Drift and Fast & Furious 6.

In a world where global space agencies are run by incompetent nitwits and all objects lie in virtually the same orbit, NASA has taken the Space Shuttle out of retirement and is repairing the Hubble Space Telescope a second time. Generically named astronauts Ryan Stone (Bullock) and Matt Kowalski (Clooney) are joined on the mission by several other bit characters whose names neither the director nor the audience care about. Stone is a criminally incompetent PTSD case who cheated her way through astronaut training with appeals to pity over the "freak playground accident" of her daughter. Kowalski, the mission commander, is a graduate of Upper New York Pickup College and has a self-published book available on Lulu.com, Bang Space: How To Pick Up Chicks In Low-Earth Orbit.

With no warning during the mission, Russia decides that space is overrated and creates a deadly debris field that will render space inaccessible for centuries and which flies on a newly invented "half the orbital period as low earth orbit" trajectory, pummeling everything in its way every 90 minutes. The remainder of the shuttle crew are killed, forcing Kowalski to switch his pickup strategy from Negging to White Knight as he gives her instructions on how to reach the international space station, how to use a wrench, and how to tie her shoes. (more...)

edit The Camera Obscura Collection of Hans Helmuth Saltzman (1602-1668)

  • Article feature date: 23 August 2014
  • Feature code: {{FA|date=23 August 2014|revision=5819411}} (Only add this after this page has saved)
  • Remove this section now.

edit 23 August 2014

Cat 6774

The Saltzman family were merchants and bankers within the Hanseatic League for two centuries up to the time of Peter the Great. Their fortune reached its zenith in Hans Helmuth's lifetime, when many of their family members were attached to European courts as diplomats and money brokers, below and behind the aristocratic tier of ambassadors and ecclesiastical envoys, with whom they exchanged patronage for finance.

Hans Helmuth Saltzman was an attaché to the Ambassador of Schleswig-Holstein during the latter part of the reign of Charles I, and was an important and impartial witness to the internal divisions of English society at the time. As a youngest son, he was not obliged to devote himself to his family business, and could afford the life of a gentleman-scholar and experimenter. During this period he often collaborated with the Enlightenment greats in England, France and the German states, and some scholars believe that he may have been the true personage of a highly-regarded English playwright (although most disagree, citing Saltzman's lack of discipline in the literary arts during his younger years). His immersion in the process of Scientific discovery, however, was made relatively late in life, when Saltzman was in his forties, when he met the famous inventor Robert Hooke who inspired him with his theories in optics. (more...)

edit UnBooks:Aesop's Tables

  • Article feature date: 26 August 2014
  • Feature code: {{FA|date=26 August 2014|revision=5820123}} (Only add this after this page has saved)
  • This section can safely be removed on 30 August 2014

edit 26 August 2014

Tortoiseandhare

Having achieved significant commercial and literary success with his compendium of fables, published in 580 BCE, Aesop was able to pay his way out of slavery and into the infinitely more profitable business of self-promotion and after dinner speaking. History has not recorded the exact details of these missing years of Aesop's life, which was why we here at Anythingforadolla books were thrilled to discover this untouched manuscript believed to have been penned by Aesop himself in around 571 BCE. The publishers understand that having found initial success with fables, Aesop found himself struggling to make ends meet so he used the remainder of his personal wealth to purchase a stall near Thermopylae selling stylish tables to appoint the typical Ancient Greek dwelling.

This manuscript appears to chronicle Aesop's efforts to replicate the success he had had in literature into a fast paced business world.

There was once a tortoise, whose regular route to and from Lamia took him past a thriving retail outlet near Thermopylae. The tortoise was not particularly wise, for he rarely stopped to examine the fine woodwork or appreciate the craftsmanship on display at the thriving retail outlet or to consider the very competitively priced wares, but he was rich and powerful. One day the tortoise passed the retail outlet and had cause to speak to its proprietor.(more...)

edit Irish Potato Famine

  • Article feature date: 30 August 2014
  • Feature code: {{FA|date=30 August 2014|revision=5776062}} (Only add this after this page has saved)
  • This section can safely be removed on 2 September 2014

edit 30 August 2014

MrPotatoFamine

Nutrition labels are statements of nutritional value and ingredients on food items. But that's not what I want to write about. I want to write about the Irish Potato Famine, a period of mass starvation, disease and emigration that occurred in Ireland between 1845 and 1852. A disease affecting potatoes known as "potato blight" was ultimately to blame, but most chose, and some still do to this day, to believe the famine was part of a greater conspiracy to further worsen living conditions in Ireland by the United States in order to force Irish workers to come build the transcontinental railroad.

The famine killed over one million people and nearly imploded the Irish economy due to the Irish currency being backed by potatoes. Some historians disagree with me on this point by falsely claiming that Ireland was governed by the United Kingdom at the time and that Ireland had no regional currency. I contest this on the basis that I am right and they are plainly wrong.

So there Ireland was, just an island in Northwestern Europe, a stone's throw away from Britain. It was looking idly at the ongoings of Europe, which was already dealing with the potato blight but couldn't care much about it. France was too busy raping Hajis in Algeria so that Albert Camus could pen The Stranger a century later, and Spain was too busy repeatedly declaring war on itself. Irish officials felt that their island was safe from the blight because they had just filled the Irish Sea with alligators to ward off the periodontitis-laden imperialists from the other island. Despite these efforts, several potatoes which had already got some sick made their way to the isle. Conspiracy theorists claim that the alligator infested Irish Sea would've made a point of entry from the east impossible, and thus the sickly index case potatoes must have come from America. (more...)

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