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NOTE: EDITING THIS PAGE IS NOT HOW YOU FEATURE AN ARTICLE, N00B!
 
NOTE: EDITING THIS PAGE IS NOT HOW YOU FEATURE AN ARTICLE, N00B!
 
See [[Forum:Feature_queue]] and follow those steps.
 
See [[Forum:Feature_queue]] and follow those steps.
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== [[Chess]] ==
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* Article feature date: 4 November 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>4 November 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Chess}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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=== 04 November 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Chess_cheat.jpg|150px|link=Chess}}
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'''[[Chess]]''' is a popular game of chance played by [[Wikileaks|people who fear human contact]]. It should not be confused with [[Checkers]], a game known for being played by people significantly less intelligent than chess players. Chess was a popular pastime for centuries among prisoners, each of whom sought to topple their king the fastest and then dig their way out as soon as possible.
   
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The game would have languished there if it hadn't been for American-Icelandic Grand Master Chessman [[Bobby Fischer]]. In 1972 he beat [[Boris Spassky]] and the [[Soviet]] Mafia in a thrilling series of games in [[Reykjavik]]. Who said the Americans could only play [[wikipedia:Fizzbin|Fizzbin]] with emotional [[Vulcans]]!?
   
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[[Historian]]s agree that the game's name is widely held to be a derivation of "[[boobies|chest]]" and that the first games were played on diagrams carved around the nipples of dead bodies. They came to be referred to as "boards" for their stiffness. The smell and possible maggots might have made the game unpleasant, and it was considered difficult to play on the corpses of [[Pamela Anderson|well-endowed females]]. So from the 15th century on only male cadavers were used. '''([[Chess|more]]...)'''
   
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== [[Cloud gazing]] ==
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* Article feature date: 8 November 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>8 November 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Cloud gazing}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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=== 08 November 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Gods-light.jpg|150px|link=Cloud gazing}}
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'''[[Cloud gazing ]]''' , or '''Aeromancy''', is the scientific study of cloud formations. This is often done due to the belief in a connection between the atmospheric conditions and terrestrial matters. Cloud gazing has played an important part in human history, having various regional branches including Indian or Chinese aeromancy, and European aeromancy. Cloud gazing has in fact been instrumental in shaping the course of human history.
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Aeromancy comes from the Greek ἀήρ, ἀέρος, (''aer, aeros'') meaning ''"air"'' and the verb Μανία (''mania'') meaning ''"madness, frenzy"''. This reflects that early cloud gazers looked at clouds with a fervent passion - a passion that is still matched in professional cloud-gazing today.
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The first recorded instance of cloud gazing as a modern science being used was found in Chambers, Cycl. Supp, 1753. It was defined as "''That department of ʃience which trætſ of the atmoſfere''". This has often been referred to as an early form of [[meteorology]], although it has been suggested that this was generally just developed from awkward social occasions where everyone just stood around and talked about the weather.
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'''([[Cloud gazing |more]]...)'''
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== [[Tornado]] ==
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* Article feature date: 11 November 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>11 November 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Tornado}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1416009600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>15 November 2014</u>}}
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=== 11 November 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Hill_City_Tornado_Enhanced.jpg|150px|link=Tornado}}
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'''[[Tornado|A tornado]]''' is a violently rotating column of air, regarded to be the windiest phenomenon on the Earth (besides [[Bill O'Reilly]]). They are also referred to as '''twisters''', '''cyclones''', or '''[[hell]] carousels.''' Tornadoes come in many shapes and sizes including large funnels, huge cones, gigantic triangles, and big upside-down pyramids. Most have wind speeds less than 110 miles per hour and are 250 feet across or less, although some have been known to reach speeds and proportions great enough to threaten A-list celebrities such as Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton. Waterspouts are regarded by some meteorologists to be true tornadoes, while other meteorologists absolutely do not consider them to be tornadoes, thank you very much. Other cyclone-like phenomena that exist in nature include dust devils, whirly-birds, landspouts, fire whirls, swirling lava conflagrations, soul-consuming maelstroms, and that little updraft that carries a plastic bag way in the air. The popular board game ''Twister'' is based on the intertwined contortions seen among the wreckage in tornado-damaged areas.
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Tornadoes have been witnessed on every continent except Antarctica, which is why [[March of the Penguin Brothers|penguins]] remain the only true flightless bird. The vast majority of cyclones occur in the "Tornado Alley" region of the midwestern United States. This area is sparsely populated, mostly as a result of the population being blown away by recurring intense winds. There are many methods of ranking tornado strength; one of the most widely used is the Fujita scale. This scale originated in [[1971]] when a particularly violent tornado picked up and threw a heavyset Japanese-American man by the name of Hank Fujita. By the time Fujita landed, he had traveled over 2 miles. Miraculously he survived, and meteorologists began ranking cyclone strength in terms of the distance a tornado could toss Hank Fujita. A small storm could achieve a Fujita distance of one mile (an F1), while the strongest recorded twisters are thought to be capable of hurling Fujita over 5 miles (an F5). '''([[Tornado|more]]...)'''
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== [[Atheist Alliance of America]] ==
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* Article feature date: 14 November 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>14 November 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Atheist Alliance of America}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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=== 14 November 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|AAA1.png|150px|link=Atheist Alliance of America}}
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'''[[Atheist Alliance of America|The Atheist Alliance of America]]''' more commonly known as the '''AAA''', is an American non-profit organization that provides atheistic support for [[people]] who have broken down on the [[motorway|highway]]. The organization defends [[civil rights]] and liberties of car owners up and down the country and advances the argument against the fact that God created [[car|cars]] in the state they are today and that instead cars [[evolution|evolved]].
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The Alliance has 7,500 members in the [[USA]], a pittance equal to the number of people with serious [[Mental Illness|mental illness]], which is incidentally the same as the number of supporters of the [[Tea Party]]. Most members are trained [[Mechanic|mechanical]] engineers and aren't too bothered about the being-an-atheist bit, which has caused a large stir among fundamentalists in the alliance.
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The Atheist Alliance of America was founded in the 1950s and so suspiciously coincided with the era of the "[[Fear Mongering|Red Scare]]". Most members of the alliance were immediately labelled as [[communists]] and [[heretics]] and put to the electric chair by Senator McCarthy for "exercising their right to free speech without God's consent". Those who survived the 1950s carried on the alliance and began training themselves to [[answer|solve]] mechanical problems associated with cars.
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Many in the atheist alliance disagree with the blatant empirical [[evidence]] that the organization was founded in the 1950s and actually believe that the organization was formed 13.77 billion years ago from simple matter and that it therefore has no [[purpose]] behind it other than to allow socialists to protest against the American [[governments|government]] under a different banner. '''([[Atheist Alliance of America|more]]...)'''
   
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== [[Stairs]] ==
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* Article feature date: 17 November 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>17 November 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Stairs}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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=== 17 November 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Heaven_stairs.jpg|140px|link=Stairs}}
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'''[[Stairs]]''' is the term given to more than one stair arranged diagonally to allow ease of movement between a lower [[floor]] and an upper floor, which comes in especially handy during commercial breaks when the [[toilet]] is on a different floor to the television viewing room. During the [[Dark Ages]] many viewers missed the recap of what happened before the last break due to the inefficiency of rope-ladders and fireman poles, particularly for those afflicted with aching joints and [[leprosy]]. Stairs were invented to address this problem as well as providing an effective defense against [[Dalek]] invasions. The invention of stairs also had other unforeseen benefits such as providing a safe and local government body-approved way to exit a building if the [[elevator]] fails during a fire.
   
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Stairs are useful as a navigation aid for traversing a multi-level building or [[dungeon]], even where no such stairs exist. The term '''upstairs''' can mean any floor above another floor, even if that floor is '''downstairs''' from another floor above it. This upstairs-downstairs duality has often resulted in confusion for many building dwellers who can’t decide which floor they need to be on when exiting an elevator. Many reports of missing people have been resolved when they were found wandering aimlessly caught in the [[Limbo Land|limbo]] between upstairs and downstairs.
   
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Stairs should not be confused with steps, which are completely different except in cases where they can conveniently mean the same thing when it suits this article. '''([[Stairs|more]]...)'''
   
== [[Faggot]] ==
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== [[Solar flares]] ==
<!-- <section begin=title06102008 />[[Faggot]]<section end=title06102008 /> -->
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* Article feature date: 21 November 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>21 November 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Solar flares}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
* Article feature date: 6 October 2008
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1416873600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>25 November 2014</u>}}
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>6 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Faggot}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Faggot|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223596800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>10 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 6 October 2008 ===
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=== 21 November 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|800px-Magnificent_CME_Erupts_on_the_Sun_-_August_31.jpg|150px|link=Solar flares}}
A '''[[faggot]]''' is a woodwind instrument in the double reed [[family]], used to play [[music]] written in the [[bass]] and tenor registers and occasionally even higher, apart from when they have those really annoying squeaky put-on voices sometimes that just put my [[teeth]] on edge.
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'''[[Solar flares]]''' are inexplicable fiery eruptions that occur on the surface of the [[Sun]] and make for some pretty cool desktop wallpapers. A single solar flare can release up to 6 × 10<sup>25</sup> joules of [[heat]] into the vast vacuum of [[space]], enough energy to power the city of [[The Wire|Baltimore]] for far too long. The phenomenon is one of the leading wasters of energy in the [[universe]], second only to people who forget to turn off the [[Lightbulb|lights]] when they leave a [[room]]. Currently, nobody knows for certain how or why solar flares occur, although several theories have been developed by the [[Scientists|American Astronomical Society]] and the very vocal [[morons|scientific experts]] that comment on [[Yahoo! Answers|Yahoo! News]] articles.
   
I'm as [[liberal]] as the next person, but it just doesn't seem [[natural]] to choose to be a faggot player. Because it ''is'' a choice, and don't let them tell you any different - they could have picked up any instrument in that music shop, but what did they choose? Not a [[drum]] kit or something manly like a [[trumpet]], that's for sure.
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One of the most widely accepted explanations for the phenomenon is that solar flares are actually [[SOS|maritime distress signals]] launched by [[astronauts]] floating in the Sun's vast [[ocean]]s, which would explain their name. After the {{w|Space Shuttle Columbia disaster|Space Shuttle ''Columbia''}} disintegrated while reentering the [[Earth|Earth's]] [[atmosphere]], neither the crew nor their flare guns were recovered, leading some to believe that the ship's crew escaped on a [[Titanic|life boat]] to the Sun and now sets off flares periodically in hopes of signaling [[NASA]] scientists. Some have gone as far as to say that other forms of [[extraterrestrial life]] have also become stranded on the Sun's surface after crashing their [[flying saucers]], but those people are just [[Ancient Aliens|crazy]].'''([[Solar flares|more]]...)'''
   
Due to the complicated [[finger]]ing and the problem of reeds, the faggot is one of the more difficult instruments to learn; schoolchildren typically take up the faggot only after starting on another easier instrument. Which means they're perfectly [[happy]] when they're kids, and then suddenly they get lured off into ''that'' life. I mean what more proof do you need? '''([[Faggot|more]]...)'''
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== [[Samsung]] ==
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* Article feature date: 24 November 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>24 November 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Samsung}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1417132800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>28 November 2014</u>}}
   
== [[Gerry Cheevers]] ==
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=== 24 November 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Samsungrange.jpg|150px|link=Samsung}}
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
 
* Article feature date: 7 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>7 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Gerry Cheevers}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Gerry Cheevers|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223683200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>11 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 7 October 2008 ===
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'''[[Samsung]]''' is a [[Korean]] manufacturer of smartphones, phablets[2] and tablets, that people are compelled to buy once every six months, without fail. Otherwise they will stare down the gauntlet of ridicule and social ruin for having a portable device with a gigantic screen that can disappointingly only be read from the [[Moon]], compared to the new model, which has an even more gigantic screen that can be read from the outer planets and further.
{{FeatArticleImg|GerryCheevers.gif|100px}}
 
'''[[Gerry Cheevers|Gerry "Buzzsaw" "Hacksaw" "Chainsaw" "Deathtoll" "Manslayer" "Axemaniac" Cheevers]]''' was a demi-god who, appearing in the form of a [[hockey]] goaltender, backstopped the Boston Bruins to Stanley Cup victories in 1970 and 1972. Emerging from the mythical and legendary [[Canada]] under suspicious circumstances, he still holds several [[NHL]] records, most of them involving violence of some kind. Known for his beer-drinking abilities and his unusual choice of headgear, Gerry Cheevers is one guy you don't want to fuck around with. '''([[Gerry Cheevers|more]]...)'''
 
   
== [[France]] ==
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The modern corporation is a secretive family-owned conglomerate and, like all secretive family-owned conglomerates famed for their work on the big screen, it also has interests in the [[Drugs|chemicals and shipping]] industries to complement its manufacturing credentials. Curiously, Samsung is yet to put a finger in the bolt-cutter and [[Robert DeNiro]] industries, though.
<!-- <section begin=title08102008 />[[France]]<section end=title08102008 /> -->
 
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* Article feature date: 8 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>8 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|France}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=France|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223769600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>12 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 8 October 2008 ===
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Samsung is also one of the world's most prolific innovators in the IT sphere, and the leading employer of engineers and scientists with degrees on "big", [[PhD]]s on "shiny" and [[Nobel Prize]]s for "screen". They've pioneered such innovations as the touch screen, the integration of the [[Android]] [[OS]], and a new generation of semiconductor that makes hair and fingernails [[Cancer|fall out]]. However the R&D team has never quite mastered the most profitable addition to an electronic product; the ''[[Apple]]'' logo.. '''([[Samsung|more]]...)'''
{{FeatArticleImg|NightMime.png|100px}}
 
The [[France|'''French''']] are [[Famous|famed]] for their [[Food|culinary skills]] which consists of [[Shagging|"''baking bread''"]] and [[Hot Chick|"''producing hot buns and tarts''"]]. There is also the widely adopted pastime of [[drinking]] excess [[coffee]] so as to be able to [[Shag|stay up]] late into the [[night]]; indeed France is a [[nation]] of "''midnight alley cats''".
 
   
The [[French]] have also have a great claim to [[fame]] by having [[Social Commentary|overpowering unions]], which have led to slow industry and the country being in [[Economics|perpetual recession]] and ruled by [[Krypton|crypto]][[fascist|-fascist]] [[Goverment|governments]] since France's defeat in the [[World War 2|Second World War]]. '''([[France|more]]...)'''
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== [[Muslim Sisterhood]] ==
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* Article feature date: 27 November 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>27 November 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Muslim Sisterhood}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1417392000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>1 December 2014</u>}}
   
== [[Rule of Three]] ==
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=== 27 November 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Muslim_Sisterhood_Flag.png|150px|link=Muslim Sisterhood }}
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
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'''[[Muslim Sisterhood|The Chamber of Muslim Sisters]]''', usually referred to as the '''Muslim Sisterhood''' is the [[female]] division of the group [[ISIS]]. The primary objective of the Sisterhood is to make everything that it comes into contact with [[halal]] and then redistribute it to the [[Western]] World. However, it also serves to provide [[Refugee Camp|places of refuge]] from [[American]] [[drones]].
* Article feature date: 9 October 2008
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The Sisterhood was inspired on 6 June 2006 when several ISIS members named [[Mohamed]] simultaneously found their [[children]] all wearing burqas; as such, they could not tell apart their [[son]]s and their [[daughter]]s. Together, they exclaimed "''Praise [[Allah]] the true One! For if we men wear burqas instead of balaclavas, then [[NATO]] and Americans won't strike us anymore!''" Since then, more than 300 Sisterhood chambers have been erected throughout [[Iraq]] and [[Syria]], with the entry requirement of wearing a burqa. As such, none have ever been the target of Western forces, which is much safer than any of the [[United Nations]] operated 'schools' along the [[Gaza Strip]]. However, rather than sitting around and doing nothing, the people inside the chambers are hard at work halalifying things all day, devoting their hours to the cause of [[Islam]].
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>9 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Rule of Three}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Rule of Three|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223856000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>13 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 9 October 2008 ===
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The main activity conducted by the Sisterhood is the rectification of [[media]] deemed not suitable under Islamic standards. These processes are conducted in chambers whose structures are best described as being like the [[human]] [[digestive system]]; the materials to be tested enter the front of the building, then pass through 1.6 km of rigorous examination and editing by members of the Sisterhood, and are finally expelled from the rear as 'certified halal' '''([[Muslim Sisterhood|more]]...)'''
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The '''[[Rule of Three]]''' is a principle in [[English]] writing that suggests a list of three things is inherently funnier, more effective or more [[orgasm|sexually satisfying]] than a list of any other number of things. Often to obtain maximum [[humour]], the third thing in the list breaks the pattern set up by the other two. It is an important [[comedy]] writing technique often used in [[television]] shows, stand-up comedy routines and [[erotic]] novels. The technique can be combined with any other comedy technique including [[redundancy]], [[random humour]] and [[redundancy]]. It should not be overused, however, as the joke will fast become [[Uncyclopedia:In-jokes|stale]], [[Oprah Winfrey|stagnant]] and [[Chuck_Norris/Facts|hilarious]]. '''([[Rule of Three|more]]...)'''
 

Latest revision as of 22:59, November 26, 2014


edit Chess

  • Article feature date: 4 November 2014
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edit 04 November 2014

Chess cheat

Chess is a popular game of chance played by people who fear human contact. It should not be confused with Checkers, a game known for being played by people significantly less intelligent than chess players. Chess was a popular pastime for centuries among prisoners, each of whom sought to topple their king the fastest and then dig their way out as soon as possible.

The game would have languished there if it hadn't been for American-Icelandic Grand Master Chessman Bobby Fischer. In 1972 he beat Boris Spassky and the Soviet Mafia in a thrilling series of games in Reykjavik. Who said the Americans could only play Fizzbin with emotional Vulcans!?

Historians agree that the game's name is widely held to be a derivation of "chest" and that the first games were played on diagrams carved around the nipples of dead bodies. They came to be referred to as "boards" for their stiffness. The smell and possible maggots might have made the game unpleasant, and it was considered difficult to play on the corpses of well-endowed females. So from the 15th century on only male cadavers were used. (more...)

edit Cloud gazing

  • Article feature date: 8 November 2014
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edit 08 November 2014

Gods-light

Cloud gazing , or Aeromancy, is the scientific study of cloud formations. This is often done due to the belief in a connection between the atmospheric conditions and terrestrial matters. Cloud gazing has played an important part in human history, having various regional branches including Indian or Chinese aeromancy, and European aeromancy. Cloud gazing has in fact been instrumental in shaping the course of human history.

Aeromancy comes from the Greek ἀήρ, ἀέρος, (aer, aeros) meaning "air" and the verb Μανία (mania) meaning "madness, frenzy". This reflects that early cloud gazers looked at clouds with a fervent passion - a passion that is still matched in professional cloud-gazing today.

The first recorded instance of cloud gazing as a modern science being used was found in Chambers, Cycl. Supp, 1753. It was defined as "That department of ʃience which trætſ of the atmoſfere". This has often been referred to as an early form of meteorology, although it has been suggested that this was generally just developed from awkward social occasions where everyone just stood around and talked about the weather. (more...)

edit Tornado

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Hill City Tornado Enhanced

A tornado is a violently rotating column of air, regarded to be the windiest phenomenon on the Earth (besides Bill O'Reilly). They are also referred to as twisters, cyclones, or hell carousels. Tornadoes come in many shapes and sizes including large funnels, huge cones, gigantic triangles, and big upside-down pyramids. Most have wind speeds less than 110 miles per hour and are 250 feet across or less, although some have been known to reach speeds and proportions great enough to threaten A-list celebrities such as Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton. Waterspouts are regarded by some meteorologists to be true tornadoes, while other meteorologists absolutely do not consider them to be tornadoes, thank you very much. Other cyclone-like phenomena that exist in nature include dust devils, whirly-birds, landspouts, fire whirls, swirling lava conflagrations, soul-consuming maelstroms, and that little updraft that carries a plastic bag way in the air. The popular board game Twister is based on the intertwined contortions seen among the wreckage in tornado-damaged areas.

Tornadoes have been witnessed on every continent except Antarctica, which is why penguins remain the only true flightless bird. The vast majority of cyclones occur in the "Tornado Alley" region of the midwestern United States. This area is sparsely populated, mostly as a result of the population being blown away by recurring intense winds. There are many methods of ranking tornado strength; one of the most widely used is the Fujita scale. This scale originated in 1971 when a particularly violent tornado picked up and threw a heavyset Japanese-American man by the name of Hank Fujita. By the time Fujita landed, he had traveled over 2 miles. Miraculously he survived, and meteorologists began ranking cyclone strength in terms of the distance a tornado could toss Hank Fujita. A small storm could achieve a Fujita distance of one mile (an F1), while the strongest recorded twisters are thought to be capable of hurling Fujita over 5 miles (an F5). (more...)

edit Atheist Alliance of America

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AAA1

The Atheist Alliance of America more commonly known as the AAA, is an American non-profit organization that provides atheistic support for people who have broken down on the highway. The organization defends civil rights and liberties of car owners up and down the country and advances the argument against the fact that God created cars in the state they are today and that instead cars evolved.

The Alliance has 7,500 members in the USA, a pittance equal to the number of people with serious mental illness, which is incidentally the same as the number of supporters of the Tea Party. Most members are trained mechanical engineers and aren't too bothered about the being-an-atheist bit, which has caused a large stir among fundamentalists in the alliance.

The Atheist Alliance of America was founded in the 1950s and so suspiciously coincided with the era of the "Red Scare". Most members of the alliance were immediately labelled as communists and heretics and put to the electric chair by Senator McCarthy for "exercising their right to free speech without God's consent". Those who survived the 1950s carried on the alliance and began training themselves to solve mechanical problems associated with cars.

Many in the atheist alliance disagree with the blatant empirical evidence that the organization was founded in the 1950s and actually believe that the organization was formed 13.77 billion years ago from simple matter and that it therefore has no purpose behind it other than to allow socialists to protest against the American government under a different banner. (more...)

edit Stairs

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Heaven stairs

Stairs is the term given to more than one stair arranged diagonally to allow ease of movement between a lower floor and an upper floor, which comes in especially handy during commercial breaks when the toilet is on a different floor to the television viewing room. During the Dark Ages many viewers missed the recap of what happened before the last break due to the inefficiency of rope-ladders and fireman poles, particularly for those afflicted with aching joints and leprosy. Stairs were invented to address this problem as well as providing an effective defense against Dalek invasions. The invention of stairs also had other unforeseen benefits such as providing a safe and local government body-approved way to exit a building if the elevator fails during a fire.

Stairs are useful as a navigation aid for traversing a multi-level building or dungeon, even where no such stairs exist. The term upstairs can mean any floor above another floor, even if that floor is downstairs from another floor above it. This upstairs-downstairs duality has often resulted in confusion for many building dwellers who can’t decide which floor they need to be on when exiting an elevator. Many reports of missing people have been resolved when they were found wandering aimlessly caught in the limbo between upstairs and downstairs.

Stairs should not be confused with steps, which are completely different except in cases where they can conveniently mean the same thing when it suits this article. (more...)

edit Solar flares

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800px-Magnificent CME Erupts on the Sun - August 31

Solar flares are inexplicable fiery eruptions that occur on the surface of the Sun and make for some pretty cool desktop wallpapers. A single solar flare can release up to 6 × 1025 joules of heat into the vast vacuum of space, enough energy to power the city of Baltimore for far too long. The phenomenon is one of the leading wasters of energy in the universe, second only to people who forget to turn off the lights when they leave a room. Currently, nobody knows for certain how or why solar flares occur, although several theories have been developed by the American Astronomical Society and the very vocal scientific experts that comment on Yahoo! News articles.

One of the most widely accepted explanations for the phenomenon is that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans, which would explain their name. After the Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrated while reentering the Earth's atmosphere, neither the crew nor their flare guns were recovered, leading some to believe that the ship's crew escaped on a life boat to the Sun and now sets off flares periodically in hopes of signaling NASA scientists. Some have gone as far as to say that other forms of extraterrestrial life have also become stranded on the Sun's surface after crashing their flying saucers, but those people are just crazy.(more...)

edit Samsung

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Samsungrange

Samsung is a Korean manufacturer of smartphones, phablets[2] and tablets, that people are compelled to buy once every six months, without fail. Otherwise they will stare down the gauntlet of ridicule and social ruin for having a portable device with a gigantic screen that can disappointingly only be read from the Moon, compared to the new model, which has an even more gigantic screen that can be read from the outer planets and further.

The modern corporation is a secretive family-owned conglomerate and, like all secretive family-owned conglomerates famed for their work on the big screen, it also has interests in the chemicals and shipping industries to complement its manufacturing credentials. Curiously, Samsung is yet to put a finger in the bolt-cutter and Robert DeNiro industries, though.

Samsung is also one of the world's most prolific innovators in the IT sphere, and the leading employer of engineers and scientists with degrees on "big", PhDs on "shiny" and Nobel Prizes for "screen". They've pioneered such innovations as the touch screen, the integration of the Android OS, and a new generation of semiconductor that makes hair and fingernails fall out. However the R&D team has never quite mastered the most profitable addition to an electronic product; the Apple logo.. (more...)

edit Muslim Sisterhood

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Muslim Sisterhood Flag

The Chamber of Muslim Sisters, usually referred to as the Muslim Sisterhood is the female division of the group ISIS. The primary objective of the Sisterhood is to make everything that it comes into contact with halal and then redistribute it to the Western World. However, it also serves to provide places of refuge from American drones. The Sisterhood was inspired on 6 June 2006 when several ISIS members named Mohamed simultaneously found their children all wearing burqas; as such, they could not tell apart their sons and their daughters. Together, they exclaimed "Praise Allah the true One! For if we men wear burqas instead of balaclavas, then NATO and Americans won't strike us anymore!" Since then, more than 300 Sisterhood chambers have been erected throughout Iraq and Syria, with the entry requirement of wearing a burqa. As such, none have ever been the target of Western forces, which is much safer than any of the United Nations operated 'schools' along the Gaza Strip. However, rather than sitting around and doing nothing, the people inside the chambers are hard at work halalifying things all day, devoting their hours to the cause of Islam.

The main activity conducted by the Sisterhood is the rectification of media deemed not suitable under Islamic standards. These processes are conducted in chambers whose structures are best described as being like the human digestive system; the materials to be tested enter the front of the building, then pass through 1.6 km of rigorous examination and editing by members of the Sisterhood, and are finally expelled from the rear as 'certified halal' (more...)

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