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NOTE: EDITING THIS PAGE IS NOT HOW YOU FEATURE AN ARTICLE, N00B!
 
NOTE: EDITING THIS PAGE IS NOT HOW YOU FEATURE AN ARTICLE, N00B!
 
See [[Forum:Feature_queue]] and follow those steps.
 
See [[Forum:Feature_queue]] and follow those steps.
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== [[Benzene]] ==
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* Article feature date: 26 June 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>26 June 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Benzene}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1404086400 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>30 June 2014</u>}}
   
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=== 26 June 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Benzene.JPG|120px|link=Benzene}}
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'''[[Benzene]]''' (chemical formula: C<sub>6</sub>H<sub>6</sub>) is a recreational clear liquid that chemists compare favorably with absinthe, aquavit, and Aqua Velva. In the [[Hip Hop]] community, it is instead referred to as G<sub>6</sub>, or "purple drunk." (Or "purple drank," if one is using the pluperfect, which the Hip Hop community rarely is.)
   
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Benzene was discovered by Michael "Ben" Faraday in 1825. It was a serendipitous invention, as "[[Rice|Uncle Ben]]" was instead trying to achieve miniaturization. Those experiments were eventually successful and gave us the microfarad.
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Although everyone knew benzene, no one knew what it was. Chemistry spent the next thirty odd years in odd experiments to figure out what was on the end. In August 1858, however, [[wikipedia:Kekulé|Kekulé's]] had a fateful nightmare about a [[snake]] chasing its own tail.
   
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[[Sigmund Freud]] believed that this nightmare had no particular meaning, though Kekulé's cat often chased its own tail, which was more productive than waiting for Kekulé to rouse himself from the laboratory and feed him; the cat had become scrawny but not overtly snake-like. However, sometimes a snake is merely a snake. Nevertheless, Kekulé published a pathbreaking paper — his ''[[I Have a Dream]]'' paper (''Où est ma bouteille de benzène?'' in the original [[French]]), which suggested that there was nothing on the end at all, and that benzene went on forever. Chemists embraced this conclusion as comparable but superior to their prior one, which was simply, "Don't kill the [[Work|job]]!" '''([[Benzene|more]]...)'''
   
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== [[UnDebate:Shouldn't we discuss this like adults?]] ==
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* Article feature date: 1 July 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>1 July 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnDebate:Shouldn't we discuss this like adults?}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1404518400 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>5 July 2014</u>}}
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=== 01 July 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Tazer-x12.jpg|140px|link=UnDebate:Shouldn't we discuss this like adults?}}
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'''[[UnDebate:Shouldn't we discuss this like adults?|Sir, please come down off the roof.]]''' It won't solve anything! '''''SMASH!''''' Now really, those china plates are probably quite expensive. '''''SPLAT!''''' Where did you even find that? We can sort all of this out if you just come down and we discuss the problem sensibly, like adults.
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Ambiguity: Is "discussing a problem sensibly, like adults" vague and potentially misleading? If so, is another phrase more appropriate? Yes!
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The phrase is misleading and demeaning, the use of the word "adults" suggests immaturity. To discuss a problem, two people must converse about it in a sensible manner, nothing more, nothing less. In this case, you officer, are stood on the ground and I am sitting on the roof. We are talking, albeit at a slightly louder volume than we would were we sat at my kitchen table, and we are both aged 18 or over. We are both considered adults. The use of the term "adults" in your introductory address to me suggests that you feel this is not an adult discussion, where I have just demonstrated that it absolutely is. '''([[UnDebate:Shouldn't we discuss this like adults?|more]]...)'''
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== [[Napoleonic Wars]] ==
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* Article feature date: 6 July 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>6 July 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Napoleonic Wars}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1404950400 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>10 July 2014</u>}}
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=== 06 July 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|NapoleonBike.jpg|100px|link=Napoleonic Wars}}
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'''[[Napoleonic Wars|The Napoleonic Wars]]''' were a series of conflicts that swirled around a cross Corsican named [[Napoleon Bonaparte]]. Napoleon was too short to be a king but barely tall enough for the title of Emperor, a rank sufficient to accomplish the longstanding [[American Dream|French dream]] — creation of a [[EU|unified Europe]] run not entirely by the [[Germany|Germans]]. Waging this war let him plant his flag — and seed — in every country he crossed. As a result, [[HowTo:Get back to London if you suddenly find yourself in France|everyone in Europe loves France]] and there are many short people in villages throughout the continent.
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During the conflict, the French were supported by many diverse countries, such as [[Spain]], up to the very moment that France invaded them. They were opposed by shifting coalitions of [[Britain]], [[Austria]], [[Russia]], and [[Prussia]]. Britain's [[UKIP]] maintains the fight against Napoleon even today.
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At the beginning, Napoleon extended his empire everywhere on the continent that did not matter to Britain and Russia. This was not successful in making the Russians and British capitulate. He then invaded Russia, which did not work either. '''([[Napoleonic Wars|more]]...)'''
   
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== [[F4]] ==
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* Article feature date: 10 July 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>10 July 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|F4}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1405209600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>14 July 2014</u>}}
   
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=== 10 July 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|F4.jpg|170px|link=F4}}
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'''[[F4]]''' is one of the more notorious keys of the keyboard. F4 is actually a contraction of the original spelling "ffff", which was first used in 1982 century by the great programmer Ffffrancis Ffffiddleton, so that he could contract his name when writing it out on his computer. Since then, F4 has taken on many other uses and functions however to this day, the default setting of F4 is to type out four '''f'''s.
   
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Linguistically, ffff is known as a sustained unvoiced labiodental fricative with an aspirated termination. The sound is not unlike that of someone slashing your bike tires or speaking through a hole in one's throat.
   
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To produce the purest ffff sound, however, have a friend start saying "ffffffffff", then when they get to the third f, jab them in the stomach, not too hard but not too pansy-like. You will be richly rewarded with a superbly intonated ffff. This is great fun at parties.
   
== [[Faggot]] ==
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The F4 key is a key found on most keyboards in between the F3 and the F5 key and most often above the number 4 key though sometimes a little to the left. On some keyboards the F4 key is actually the number 4 key with F4 in blue in the bottom right corner in a much smaller font than the F4 key. It can only be pressed if you hold down the blue FN key. There is no F4 key on typewriters as typewriters cannot carry out functions. '''([[F4|more]]...)'''
<!-- <section begin=title06102008 />[[Faggot]]<section end=title06102008 /> -->
 
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
 
* Article feature date: 6 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>6 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Faggot}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Faggot|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223596800 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>10 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 6 October 2008 ===
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== [[Boko Harum]] ==
{{FeatArticleImg|Bassoons.jpg|100px}}
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* Article feature date: 15 July 2014
A '''[[faggot]]''' is a woodwind instrument in the double reed [[family]], used to play [[music]] written in the [[bass]] and tenor registers and occasionally even higher, apart from when they have those really annoying squeaky put-on voices sometimes that just put my [[teeth]] on edge.
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>15 July 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Boko Harum}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1405728000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>19 July 2014</u>}}
   
I'm as [[liberal]] as the next person, but it just doesn't seem [[natural]] to choose to be a faggot player. Because it ''is'' a choice, and don't let them tell you any different - they could have picked up any instrument in that music shop, but what did they choose? Not a [[drum]] kit or something manly like a [[trumpet]], that's for sure.
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=== 15 July 2014 ===
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{{FeatArticleImg|Boko_haram_hands.jpg|100px|link=Boko Harum}}
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'''[[Boko Harum|The Congregration]]''' for Psychedelia & Jihad, known by its Hausa name Boko Harum, are aBritish-West African entertainment group best known for their 1967 worldwide smash “A Whiter Shade of Pale” and their record-breaking residency in the Marquee club of NorthernNigeria at Kaduna. This residency now stretches to five years, compelling Boko Harum to forcibly abduct teenage girls to act as fans - their original fans long since having died of old age or factional violence.
   
Due to the complicated [[finger]]ing and the problem of reeds, the faggot is one of the more difficult instruments to learn; schoolchildren typically take up the faggot only after starting on another easier instrument. Which means they're perfectly [[happy]] when they're kids, and then suddenly they get lured off into ''that'' life. I mean what more proof do you need? '''([[Faggot|more]]...)'''
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Although noted for baroque and classical influences, Boko Harum’s philosophy has always included both Soul and the grittier sounds of R&Bintegrated with subtly poetic lyrics celebrating the lighter side of life and the virtues of unceasing interfaith warfare. Like The Beatles and the Stones before them, they were known for their soothing melding of rhythm and melody, and for the promotion of wholesale slaughter of innocents to usher in world peace. Critics have called their music "derivative" and their message "dangerously deranged" but few have disputed that their emergence from the 60s British music scene was a considerably more positive step for humanity than that of The Bee Gees. '''([[Boko Harum|more]]...)'''
   
== [[Gerry Cheevers]] ==
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== [[Real Ale]] ==
<!-- <section begin=title07102008 />[[Gerry Cheevers]]<section end=title07102008 /> -->
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* Article feature date: 19 July 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>19 July 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Real Ale}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
* Article feature date: 7 October 2008
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1405987200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>23 July 2014</u>}}
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>7 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Gerry Cheevers}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Gerry Cheevers|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223683200 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>11 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 7 October 2008 ===
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=== 19 July 2014 ===
{{FeatArticleImg|GerryCheevers.gif|100px}}
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{{FeatArticleImg|Fatd01.jpg|140px|link=Real Ale}}
'''[[Gerry Cheevers|Gerry "Buzzsaw" "Hacksaw" "Chainsaw" "Deathtoll" "Manslayer" "Axemaniac" Cheevers]]''' was a demi-god who, appearing in the form of a [[hockey]] goaltender, backstopped the Boston Bruins to Stanley Cup victories in 1970 and 1972. Emerging from the mythical and legendary [[Canada]] under suspicious circumstances, he still holds several [[NHL]] records, most of them involving violence of some kind. Known for his beer-drinking abilities and his unusual choice of headgear, Gerry Cheevers is one guy you don't want to fuck around with. '''([[Gerry Cheevers|more]]...)'''
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'''[[Real Ale|Ahh..Real Ale]]'''. It's been the favourite tipple of the [[Communism|working man]] and anyone else who enjoys a refreshing, healthy [[Drinking|drink]] that's full of flavour and goodness ever since it was invented by the [[Ægyptüs|Ancient Egyptians]] more than 6,000 years ago. Back in the days of the Pharaohs Real Ale was brewed from a mixture of sand, crushed dead [[Insects|beetles]] and [[cat|cat's]] [[urine]] - the [[Recipe For Disaster|recipe]] has changed since then, of course - but not much!...Real Ale has the same delicious taste that has made it the most popular drink in the [[world]] ever since.
   
== [[France]] ==
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Real Ale forms part of the culture in many [[Beer|beer-drinking]] nations and has acquired various social traditions and associations, such as beer [[Festival|festivals]] and a rich [[Rough Pubs|pub culture]] involving activities such as pub crawling and pub games such as bar billiards and [[Fight|fighting]].
<!-- <section begin=title08102008 />[[France]]<section end=title08102008 /> -->
 
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
 
* Article feature date: 8 October 2008
 
* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>8 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|France}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=France|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
 
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223769600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>12 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 8 October 2008 ===
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The term ''Real Ale'' was invented during the [[1970s]] when an organisation was created with the aims of protecting [[Britain|Britain's]] time-honoured tradition of brewing and drinking the types of beer henceforth known as Real Ale - since the late [[1950s]], people had increasingly been turning their backs on Real Ale and instead drinking much more unreal ale, which is also called ''nothing'', and worst of all [[lager]] which has no flavour and is only suitable for [[homosexuals]] and [[Girl Scouts|girls]]. To be classified as a Real Ale, a beer must be "brewed from traditional ingredients, matured by secondary fermentation in the container from which it is dispensed." Like [[Germany|Germany's]] Rheinheitsgebot beer purity [[law]], this can be seen as quite restrictive - however, anybody who knows anything about the history of beer can tell you that, over the millennia, it has been brewed from all sorts of things. In addition to common ingredients such as wheat and barley, beer has also been made at various times from [[wood]], pine martins, [[Stone|pebbles]], [[Toad|toad's]] breath, [[cheese]] and old [[car]] tyres; so just about anything can be considered a 'traditional' ingredient...'''([[Real Ale|more]]...)'''
{{FeatArticleImg|NightMime.png|100px}}
 
The [[France|'''French''']] are [[Famous|famed]] for their [[Food|culinary skills]] which consists of [[Shagging|"''baking bread''"]] and [[Hot Chick|"''producing hot buns and tarts''"]]. There is also the widely adopted pastime of [[drinking]] excess [[coffee]] so as to be able to [[Shag|stay up]] late into the [[night]]; indeed France is a [[nation]] of "''midnight alley cats''".
 
   
The [[French]] have also have a great claim to [[fame]] by having [[Social Commentary|overpowering unions]], which have led to slow industry and the country being in [[Economics|perpetual recession]] and ruled by [[Krypton|crypto]][[fascist|-fascist]] [[Goverment|governments]] since France's defeat in the [[World War 2|Second World War]]. '''([[France|more]]...)'''
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== [[UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again]] ==
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* Article feature date: 24 July 2014
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>24 July 2014<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> (Only add this '''after''' this page has saved)
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*{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1406505600 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>28 July 2014</u>}}
   
== [[Rule of Three]] ==
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=== 24 July 2014 ===
<!-- <section begin=title09102008 />[[Rule of Three]]<section end=title09102008 /> -->
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{{FeatArticleImg|OedipusKing2.jpg|130px|link=UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again}}
{{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|*''This article is now queued for featured on the following date. Now copy the feature code below and place it on the article, and then featuring is complete.''|*''This is a preview. Everything in the "day month year" section is what will appear on the main page. Please check the dates below are correct. If you see any major errors, make sure the article parameter is filled in correctly''.}}
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'''[[UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again|Oedipus Rex Rides Again]]''' is a classical masterpiece that has inspired little discussion amongst those normally interested in such works. Written by [[Sophocles]]' sister, Sophoclesis, in 300 BC or shortly thereafter, the play has always been included in any remarkable [[library]] - yet strangely avoided. Since Uncyclopedia avoids [[nothing]], the time has come to bring this magnificent piece of our cultural heritage to light.
* Article feature date: 9 October 2008
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* Feature code: <code><nowiki>{{FA|date=</nowiki>9 October 2008<nowiki>|revision=</nowiki>{{lastrevision|Rule of Three}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki></code> {{#if:{{REVISIONID}}|{{#dpl:title=Rule of Three|uses=Template:FA|mode=userformat|resultsheader=<span style="color: green; font-weight: bold">✔ FA has been added.</span>|noresultsheader=<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Featuring is not complete until the feature code is added to the article.</span>}}|<span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:105%">Don't add this to the article until this section has been saved.</span>}}
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[[Classical]] [[literature]] (as everyone knows) was born from a [[scream]]ing need (circa 500 BC). Authors of the period simply had to write something, anything at all. They didn't bother with complicated [[plot]]s or many-faceted characters. The main thing was to get literature going, and so they created a plethora of one-track-minded [[hero]]es hell-bent on [[destruction|destroying]] whatever happened to annoy them even slightly. Arguably, the [[Iliad]], the [[Odyssey]], and the Holy [[Bible]] are the best examples of classical literature to have survived the storms of the ages, the burning of libraries, the rampage of the Vandals, and other calamities the Fates so nonchalantly dealt our way.
{{#ifexpr:{{#time: U }} > 1223856000 |* <span style="color: red; font-weight: bold; font-size:125%">Remove this section now.</span>|*This section can safely be removed on <u>13 October 2008</u>}}
 
   
=== 9 October 2008 ===
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To survive through centuries, a text has to be valid in any era. A good example is the chapters in the Bible that describe the building of a prayer tent. Another equally valuable piece of wisdom are the words [[Achilles]] aims at his friend Polycarbon: ''"Go to the mount Ida and seek the hermit living there, o friend, and ask him to gather parsley, sticks of sycamore, and a tusk of a wild [[Whore|boar]], not older than five years, not younger than six. Tell him to mix these ingredients in a large cauldron and piss onto them. Let the dogs not drink the potion but store it in a dry, cool place."'' '''([[UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again|more]]...)'''
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The '''[[Rule of Three]]''' is a principle in [[English]] writing that suggests a list of three things is inherently funnier, more effective or more [[orgasm|sexually satisfying]] than a list of any other number of things. Often to obtain maximum [[humour]], the third thing in the list breaks the pattern set up by the other two. It is an important [[comedy]] writing technique often used in [[television]] shows, stand-up comedy routines and [[erotic]] novels. The technique can be combined with any other comedy technique including [[redundancy]], [[random humour]] and [[redundancy]]. It should not be overused, however, as the joke will fast become [[Uncyclopedia:In-jokes|stale]], [[Oprah Winfrey|stagnant]] and [[Chuck_Norris/Facts|hilarious]]. '''([[Rule of Three|more]]...)'''
 

Latest revision as of 16:59, July 25, 2014


edit Benzene

  • Article feature date: 26 June 2014
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edit 26 June 2014

Benzene

Benzene (chemical formula: C6H6) is a recreational clear liquid that chemists compare favorably with absinthe, aquavit, and Aqua Velva. In the Hip Hop community, it is instead referred to as G6, or "purple drunk." (Or "purple drank," if one is using the pluperfect, which the Hip Hop community rarely is.)

Benzene was discovered by Michael "Ben" Faraday in 1825. It was a serendipitous invention, as "Uncle Ben" was instead trying to achieve miniaturization. Those experiments were eventually successful and gave us the microfarad. Although everyone knew benzene, no one knew what it was. Chemistry spent the next thirty odd years in odd experiments to figure out what was on the end. In August 1858, however, Kekulé's had a fateful nightmare about a snake chasing its own tail.

Sigmund Freud believed that this nightmare had no particular meaning, though Kekulé's cat often chased its own tail, which was more productive than waiting for Kekulé to rouse himself from the laboratory and feed him; the cat had become scrawny but not overtly snake-like. However, sometimes a snake is merely a snake. Nevertheless, Kekulé published a pathbreaking paper — his I Have a Dream paper (Où est ma bouteille de benzène? in the original French), which suggested that there was nothing on the end at all, and that benzene went on forever. Chemists embraced this conclusion as comparable but superior to their prior one, which was simply, "Don't kill the job!" (more...)

edit UnDebate:Shouldn't we discuss this like adults?

  • Article feature date: 1 July 2014
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edit 01 July 2014

Tazer-x12

Sir, please come down off the roof. It won't solve anything! SMASH! Now really, those china plates are probably quite expensive. SPLAT! Where did you even find that? We can sort all of this out if you just come down and we discuss the problem sensibly, like adults.

Ambiguity: Is "discussing a problem sensibly, like adults" vague and potentially misleading? If so, is another phrase more appropriate? Yes!

The phrase is misleading and demeaning, the use of the word "adults" suggests immaturity. To discuss a problem, two people must converse about it in a sensible manner, nothing more, nothing less. In this case, you officer, are stood on the ground and I am sitting on the roof. We are talking, albeit at a slightly louder volume than we would were we sat at my kitchen table, and we are both aged 18 or over. We are both considered adults. The use of the term "adults" in your introductory address to me suggests that you feel this is not an adult discussion, where I have just demonstrated that it absolutely is. (more...)

edit Napoleonic Wars

  • Article feature date: 6 July 2014
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edit 06 July 2014

NapoleonBike

The Napoleonic Wars were a series of conflicts that swirled around a cross Corsican named Napoleon Bonaparte. Napoleon was too short to be a king but barely tall enough for the title of Emperor, a rank sufficient to accomplish the longstanding French dream — creation of a unified Europe run not entirely by the Germans. Waging this war let him plant his flag — and seed — in every country he crossed. As a result, everyone in Europe loves France and there are many short people in villages throughout the continent.

During the conflict, the French were supported by many diverse countries, such as Spain, up to the very moment that France invaded them. They were opposed by shifting coalitions of Britain, Austria, Russia, and Prussia. Britain's UKIP maintains the fight against Napoleon even today.

At the beginning, Napoleon extended his empire everywhere on the continent that did not matter to Britain and Russia. This was not successful in making the Russians and British capitulate. He then invaded Russia, which did not work either. (more...)

edit F4

  • Article feature date: 10 July 2014
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edit 10 July 2014

F4

F4 is one of the more notorious keys of the keyboard. F4 is actually a contraction of the original spelling "ffff", which was first used in 1982 century by the great programmer Ffffrancis Ffffiddleton, so that he could contract his name when writing it out on his computer. Since then, F4 has taken on many other uses and functions however to this day, the default setting of F4 is to type out four fs.

Linguistically, ffff is known as a sustained unvoiced labiodental fricative with an aspirated termination. The sound is not unlike that of someone slashing your bike tires or speaking through a hole in one's throat.

To produce the purest ffff sound, however, have a friend start saying "ffffffffff", then when they get to the third f, jab them in the stomach, not too hard but not too pansy-like. You will be richly rewarded with a superbly intonated ffff. This is great fun at parties.

The F4 key is a key found on most keyboards in between the F3 and the F5 key and most often above the number 4 key though sometimes a little to the left. On some keyboards the F4 key is actually the number 4 key with F4 in blue in the bottom right corner in a much smaller font than the F4 key. It can only be pressed if you hold down the blue FN key. There is no F4 key on typewriters as typewriters cannot carry out functions. (more...)

edit Boko Harum

  • Article feature date: 15 July 2014
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edit 15 July 2014

Boko haram hands

The Congregration for Psychedelia & Jihad, known by its Hausa name Boko Harum, are aBritish-West African entertainment group best known for their 1967 worldwide smash “A Whiter Shade of Pale” and their record-breaking residency in the Marquee club of NorthernNigeria at Kaduna. This residency now stretches to five years, compelling Boko Harum to forcibly abduct teenage girls to act as fans - their original fans long since having died of old age or factional violence.

Although noted for baroque and classical influences, Boko Harum’s philosophy has always included both Soul and the grittier sounds of R&Bintegrated with subtly poetic lyrics celebrating the lighter side of life and the virtues of unceasing interfaith warfare. Like The Beatles and the Stones before them, they were known for their soothing melding of rhythm and melody, and for the promotion of wholesale slaughter of innocents to usher in world peace. Critics have called their music "derivative" and their message "dangerously deranged" but few have disputed that their emergence from the 60s British music scene was a considerably more positive step for humanity than that of The Bee Gees. (more...)

edit Real Ale

  • Article feature date: 19 July 2014
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edit 19 July 2014

Fatd01

Ahh..Real Ale. It's been the favourite tipple of the working man and anyone else who enjoys a refreshing, healthy drink that's full of flavour and goodness ever since it was invented by the Ancient Egyptians more than 6,000 years ago. Back in the days of the Pharaohs Real Ale was brewed from a mixture of sand, crushed dead beetles and cat's urine - the recipe has changed since then, of course - but not much!...Real Ale has the same delicious taste that has made it the most popular drink in the world ever since.

Real Ale forms part of the culture in many beer-drinking nations and has acquired various social traditions and associations, such as beer festivals and a rich pub culture involving activities such as pub crawling and pub games such as bar billiards and fighting.

The term Real Ale was invented during the 1970s when an organisation was created with the aims of protecting Britain's time-honoured tradition of brewing and drinking the types of beer henceforth known as Real Ale - since the late 1950s, people had increasingly been turning their backs on Real Ale and instead drinking much more unreal ale, which is also called nothing, and worst of all lager which has no flavour and is only suitable for homosexuals and girls. To be classified as a Real Ale, a beer must be "brewed from traditional ingredients, matured by secondary fermentation in the container from which it is dispensed." Like Germany's Rheinheitsgebot beer purity law, this can be seen as quite restrictive - however, anybody who knows anything about the history of beer can tell you that, over the millennia, it has been brewed from all sorts of things. In addition to common ingredients such as wheat and barley, beer has also been made at various times from wood, pine martins, pebbles, toad's breath, cheese and old car tyres; so just about anything can be considered a 'traditional' ingredient...(more...)

edit UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again

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edit 24 July 2014

OedipusKing2

Oedipus Rex Rides Again is a classical masterpiece that has inspired little discussion amongst those normally interested in such works. Written by Sophocles' sister, Sophoclesis, in 300 BC or shortly thereafter, the play has always been included in any remarkable library - yet strangely avoided. Since Uncyclopedia avoids nothing, the time has come to bring this magnificent piece of our cultural heritage to light.

Classical literature (as everyone knows) was born from a screaming need (circa 500 BC). Authors of the period simply had to write something, anything at all. They didn't bother with complicated plots or many-faceted characters. The main thing was to get literature going, and so they created a plethora of one-track-minded heroes hell-bent on destroying whatever happened to annoy them even slightly. Arguably, the Iliad, the Odyssey, and the Holy Bible are the best examples of classical literature to have survived the storms of the ages, the burning of libraries, the rampage of the Vandals, and other calamities the Fates so nonchalantly dealt our way.

To survive through centuries, a text has to be valid in any era. A good example is the chapters in the Bible that describe the building of a prayer tent. Another equally valuable piece of wisdom are the words Achilles aims at his friend Polycarbon: "Go to the mount Ida and seek the hermit living there, o friend, and ask him to gather parsley, sticks of sycamore, and a tusk of a wild boar, not older than five years, not younger than six. Tell him to mix these ingredients in a large cauldron and piss onto them. Let the dogs not drink the potion but store it in a dry, cool place." (more...)

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