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Holy Roman Empire

  • Article feature date: 7 November 2015
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07 November 2015


Holy Roman Empire If you had looked at a map of Europe in around 1789 you would see some familiar countries and a few ones you perhaps had never heard of. So in the West there was Great Britain and Ireland (coloured pink of course for obvious reasons (Le Vice Anglais), France, Spain, Portugal and in the East there was Poland and Russia with odd looking borders. But in the middle? Well there was Italy but with some territories marked 'Papal States' and 'The Kingdom of the Two Sicilies (cartographical double vision?) and off shore, an unimportant island marked Corsica. But what is that mess lying in the middle where Germany, Austria, Switzerland and the Benelux [1] countries now sit. You will read Holy Roman Empire. What the Caesar? (more...)

Jackson 5

  • Article feature date: 13 November 2015
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13 November 2015


Jackson 5 In the late 1960s, a band of brothers did something revolutionary and deliberately made their way to Detroit. Once there, they soon found themselves at Motown Records, auditioning for legendary hit-maker Halle Berry Gordy. Within a year, they were global superstars. But these five unknowns would have been nothing without the understated genius of father Joe to mold them into a band: The Jackson 5.

The choice of name was unusual. Gordy liked bands with names like "The Miracles" or "The Supremes" so he could sack truculent singers without affecting the billing or changing the posters. But "Papa" Joe Jackson refused. They were the Jackson 5 and all would get equal exposure, including the tiny one with the big smile and booming voice. (more...)

British ski jumpers

  • Article feature date: 22 November 2015
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22 November 2015

Eddie edwards3

The imperialist ambitions of the United Kingdom used to be expressed through colonisation of half of the known world and a complete exploitation of everything it had and it did not have to offer. Nowadays, this behaviour being virtually impossible due to the pressure from the part of the UN and NATO, the British decided to conquer the world of sports. Unfortunately, their plans are usually ruined by different countries, depending on what discipline Britain tries to compete in. In cricket the country is beaten by South Africa, in soccer by Italy and in ice hockey by most of the known countries, whether Northern or Southern. Such losses on multiple fronts have urged England to create several entirely new sports disciplines, which only the British would know how to compete at, notably "unsuccessful ski jumping". Unsuccessful ski jumping is roughly the same as the usual ski jumping with the only difference being the fact that British ski jumpers have, since the dawn of sports, been trained to fail. (more...)


  • Article feature date: 28 November 2015
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28 November 2015


California is a huge proving ground of the United States of America on the Pacific Ocean. Although it has two Senators and hundreds of Reprehensibles in the U.S. House, it is not a state but an experimental mosh pit, where new social trends are refined before being unleashed on the nation. The current experiment is a full-body transfusion where a state's entire population is replaced by the population of Mexico.

What is now California was first settled by the Indians. Like eloping teenagers, the Indians came from somewhere else, but it seems they belong there and we don't. Over 70 distinct groups of Indians settled in the territory, where they developed Kachinka dolls, did rain dances, and hid from meteor showers. Unfortunately, they forgot to bring their shotguns, hot rods, and laptop computers, and they are now free to smoke-um peace-pipes and such on pristine reservations in the state's more barren regions.

The next arrivals were Spanish galleons. In 1565, a fleet called the Thrilla from Manila made unintended visits to California on their way back from somewhere else. In 1579, Francis Drake did better, not just visiting the region but going to the Land Office and filing a claim. Vizcaíno explored and mapped the area in 1602, and no one got the point, which is evident at every Town Planning Board: that every innocent "attempt to take accurate plots" is a plot to take over.

No one did, however, until Portolà explored in 1769. He never got anyone to help him with the backward accent over his name, but the Spaniards started setting up presidios, this long before they started turning up in movies. They also founded Los Angeles and San Jose, a place to make movies and a place to watch them, respectively. These were the first pueblos, though movie stars now shave them. San Jose became the "world's largest truck stop" long before the first tractor-trailer. (more...)

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