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<div style="clear:left;padding-top:0.2em">{{recently featured|recently featured}}</div><div align="right">'''[[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Archive]]''' &ndash; '''[[Uncyclopedia:VFH|Vote for featured articles]]'''</div>
 
<div style="clear:left;padding-top:0.2em">{{recently featured|recently featured}}</div><div align="right">'''[[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Archive]]''' &ndash; '''[[Uncyclopedia:VFH|Vote for featured articles]]'''</div>
<div style="clear: left; padding: 0.8em 0"><h2 style="background-color:#cef2e0;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> {{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120211|Yesterday's Re-Featured [[Uncyclopedia:Retro Week|Retro]] Article! - |{{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120210|[[Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2011|The Top Article of 2011]] - |{{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120208|[[Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2011|The Top Ten of 2011: 2nd place]] - |{{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120205|[[Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2011|The Top Ten of 2011: 3rd place (tied)]] - |{{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120204|[[Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2011|The Top Ten of 2011: 6th place]] - |{{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120203|[[Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2011|The Top Ten of 2011: 7th place]] - |{{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120200|[[Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2011|The Top Ten of 2011: 8th place (tied)]] - |Yesterday's Featured Article - }}}}}}}}}}}}}} {{#dpl: allowcachedresults=false|linksto=Template:FA/{{#time:d F Y|{{lastfeature|{{{1|}}} -1 day}}}}|format=,[[%PAGE%|%PAGE%]],,|suppresserrors=true}}</h2>{{#dpl:
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<div style="clear: left; padding: 0.8em 0"><h2 style="background-color:#cef2e0;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> {{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120211|Yesterday's Featured Article - |{{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120210|[[Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2011|The Top Article of 2011]] - |{{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120208|[[Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2011|The Top Ten of 2011: 2nd place]] - |{{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120205|[[Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2011|The Top Ten of 2011: 3rd place (tied)]] - |{{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120204|[[Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2011|The Top Ten of 2011: 6th place]] - |{{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120203|[[Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2011|The Top Ten of 2011: 7th place]] - |{{#ifexpr: ({{CURRENTYEAR}}{{CURRENTMONTH}}{{CURRENTDAY2}}-1) > 20120200|[[Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2011|The Top Ten of 2011: 8th place (tied)]] - |Yesterday's Featured Article - }}}}}}}}}}}}}} {{#dpl: allowcachedresults=false|linksto=Template:FA/{{#time:d F Y|{{lastfeature|{{{1|}}} -1 day}}}}|format=,[[%PAGE%|%PAGE%]],,|suppresserrors=true}}</h2>{{#dpl:
 
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Latest revision as of 00:08, August 2, 2012

Today's Featured Article -

Yesterday's Featured Article - Accountant

Adriana Lima 45

An accountant is a professional who sits in an office all day doing a few sums. Most college students aspire to be accountants, as playing on a computer is cool, though it would be cooler if they paid you to use World of Warcraft instead of Excel. College students with physical gifts do not aspire to be accountants, and may wind up hiring a couple. If being boring were an Olympic sport, accountants would always take home the gold.

Webster tells us that an accountant "understands the cost of everything and the value of nothing." It is not clear why we should give such credence to Webster, apart from the fact that he has eight accountants working for him: Webster has to go stronger to the hoop and learn to box out his man. At any rate, it is not true that accountants understand the value of nothing. For example, they intimately understand the value of having the total at the bottom of the left-hand column equal the total at the bottom of the right-hand column, just as line employees at McDonald's understand the value of putting the hamburger in the Styrofoam box before handing it to the customer. To mix metaphors, it is their bread and butter. (more...)

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