Teletubbies

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Revision as of 13:09, March 16, 2005

Teletubbies

The Teletubbies celebrate after defeating rivals USC 13-10

The Teletubbies, also known as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, led Notre Dame to two football National Championships between 1920 and 1924. The four were all dominant figures in their respective positions in the backfield, crushing each opponent mightily. After the perfect 1924 season, they became legends not only of Notre Dame, but of the entire United States.

Tinky "Winky" Stuhldreher

Tinky "Winky" was the quarterback of the team. He led the nation in passing all four years that he started. He threw a record 135 career touchdowns, earning him a Purple Heart (later rescinded after discovering that he was not actually in Los Angeles for his alleged 5-touchdown performance against UCLA). Purple was Stuhldreher's favorite color, and he wore purple shorts under his uniform for all 40 games he started. He often appeared in public with a cow-pattern bag filled with junk. This made the public suspect an alternative lifestyle, which led to him falling into a state of psychosis in which after he graduated he ran around aimlessly, often exclaiming "There's a frickin' baby in the sun!!!". He died in 1950 after overdosing on marshmallow peeps.

Elmer "Dipsy" Layden

Dipsy, so called for how he made defenders feel after a crushing block, was the fullback who led the way for many option plays to touchdowns. He didn't carry the ball often, but preferred the violence of blocking. He critically injured a record 15 people against Syracuse (charges were dropped). Fond of rabbits, he often became distracted at practices when he began chasing rabbits that often infested the field randomly.

Jim "Laalaa" Crowley

Laalaa was often known to hum spunky tunes in the huddle. He was the halfback who split time with Don "Po" Miller. Oftentimes, all four horsemen were on the same field for the T-bone formation, but usually it was Crowley who got the call on these plays. Compiling 1,000 yards for all four seasons, Crowley was coveted by NFL teams for his speed and versatility. In a stunning move, though, Crowley jumped the NFL in favor for culinary school. He became a successful chef at Chez Chas, but after being caught in a torrid affair with Chas, he was shamed to become the cook at Al's Slop Bucket, a crappy diner on the outskirts of Memphis, Tennessee. It was there that he created the "Tubbie Pancakes", which he named after his pals at Notre Dame.

Don "Po" Miller

Po was called such because he was so kind that people said he was "practically half-pope". Somebody very clever then called him Po. Miller often caught passes out of the backfield, which made him ahead of his time (seeing that the forward pass was not yet legal). Referees did not care, however, because often they had money on the game in favor of Notre Dame. Unfortunately, right before the 1924 season he came down with a bad disease. He developed a television screen on his stomach, which caused magnets to be very deadly. Fortunately, he played in no games near large magnets. So he was safe.

The Legend

The legend of the Teletubbies will live on forever in the form of their PBS show, which chronicles the life and times of these horsemen.


See Also

Jerry Falwell

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