Teenagers (Animal)

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“We're AWESOME. FUCK YOU.”
~ Teenagers on This page
Killerteenagers
A pack of teenagers closing in on the kill.

Teenagers r complex animals that can B fawnd in rural parts of North America, Yurop, & Asia. Althu social creatures by nature,it is best not 2 approach a teenager in the wild. In fact, a teenager attak wuz Steve Irwin's final undoin. 'owever, more docile forms of these creatures may B purchasd as petz.

edit Evolution

Roberto Carlos sleeping
Cute, isn't he? When he wakes up, you will be sorry you were ever born.

Teenagers 1st appeard from stagnant ponds in the prestoric Era, specificly, the Oligocene Epoch. There predators & natural enemies included da Adultus Themanus, da Sixtiesus Musicus, & the ferd by all Oprahsaurus. They mainly ate meet, however, some eventually evolved in2 the Goth sub-speciez & began eeting only vegetables. Theez teenagerz began to lak da necessary protein, and becaym weeker & hid in darkend placez conversin on there doubts bout da meaningfulness of existence. Da later descendants of da gots still show there darkened trayts, & can B spotted in 2days society of animals by there sluggish & overoll lethargic biheivor.

Shortly after da Miocene Epoch caym 2 a close, a new sub-species, da Jockus Populairius began 2 appeer, followd shortly after by da Cheerleadus Populairius. Both genders of the Populairius sub-species ad excellent mating opportunities, which carries on, if not increased, 2day.

edit Teenagers Today

Nerdamoebapetri
Professor Steven M. Hughnerd discovers the Nerdus Sockswithsandalsus.

During the 1940s, a new sub-species of teenager was discovered in a petri dish in a science lab of Harvard, Massachusetts. It was named nerdus sockswithsandalsus by Professor Steven M. Hughnerd. The Nerdus developed incredibly fast, and it was at evolutionary peak by the 1970s. The main reason it reached its evolutionary peak so quickly is probably because it didn't have much evolving to do. The nerdus sockwithsandalsus can mainly be found wandering aimlessly through comic book conventions, science fairs, and Dungeons and Dragons societies. It is always shunned from social interactions with other teenagers and has low mating possibilities, even with other Nerduses.

Teenagers are currently highly overpopulated. This is a serious problem, as scientists have reported, because they consume valuable resources at a dangerously fast rate. Biologists have made efforts to keep the population in check, by capturing them, and sending them to culling facilities called "High Schools". Parts of Asia and Europe are worried that the teenagers may become contaminated with Avian Flu. Due to lower resources in the educational system in Eastern countries, farmers have resorted to putting the teenagers in sacks and burning them.

edit In the Wild

TeenagerAttack
A territorial teenager attacking San Fransisco

There are a few things that teenagers are defined by:

  • Teenagers are extremely territorial. Should their turf, also known as their room or social standing, be threatened, they will viciously maul anything that moves.
  • Teenagers need constant social interaction with other teenagers.
  • Male teenagers need a large quantity of food and/or sex every hour.
  • Female teenagers need to either gossip or spend money every few minutes.
  • Both the male and female of the species scream 'I am an individual! I want to be an individual! Treat me like an individual!' at sparodic intervals, and deem this to be an extremely important issue, whilst attempting to act, hold opinions, dress, etc., exactly the same as their peers.

edit Safety Around Teenagers

Here are a few important safety tips to remember around teenagers. If you value your life, you will remember them.

  • Never handle a teenager. This will result in loss of limbs and vital organs.
  • Never let a teenager near your car. Its natural instinct is to completely demolish anything that has four wheels and an engine.
  • As a matter of fact, don't operate any machinery when around teenagers.
  • Should a teenager try to attack you, throw money at it and it will leave you alone.
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