Teddy Bear Farms

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Teddy Bear Farms are a growing scandal in the toy business where harmless toys for children are turned into sexual playthings for couples past the mere bondage stage.


A Teddy Bear with the 'enhancement' . This lucky chap will be able to soon to go to the Toy Vet to have it removed

edit Introduction

Teddy Bears are now fully domesticated after the last 'wild ones' were shot at the end of World War 2. Most Teddy Bears have opted for the quiet life as children's toys, or nostalgia gifts to people wanting to rediscover their childhood. For some Teddy Bears the news has been even better as now quite a few have become celebrities and have merchandising deals with Disney and others. But now there are reports that some hapless Teddy Bears are now being 'enhanced' in the name of Science and Sexual Fantasy. These are the Teddy Bears with sexual organs.

edit Porno Teddy Bear Threat

Hundreds of Teddy Bears have now found in bedrooms sporting huge furry erections and come with stupid names like 'Paul the Polar Bear with an Erection Bigger that the North Pole'. Not only is this harmful for the bears but the risk of these Teddies breaking out and finding their way into the hearts of children risks a future generations . They will associate the humble Teddy with pornographic thoughts and will endanger all other normal Teddy bears out there .

edit Organising Against the Abusers

Pro Teddy Bear organisations like 'Keep Our Teddies Smut Free' and 'Cut Off Their Monstrosities ' have grown up all over the world. Also the world of science has been condemned for giving the 'red light' in encouraging the sex toy industry to go and capture these innocent Teddy Bears for sick automated stitching experiments.

edit Batteries Are Included on the Secret Teddy Bear Farms

Harrowing videos of poor Teddy Bears on a production line being picked up and having this huge furry penises attached have now been released on the internet. They show some of the Teddies suffering as they try to walk around on the farm's floor but are now weighed down by the new genitalia. However it has to be admitted that a few seem to enjoy the experience and are said to be 'glad to be viewed as a sex object and not just a boring stuffed eunuch.'

edit Other Toys on the Abuse Watch List

Unconfirmed reports suggest that besides Teddy Bears - a lot of other humble stuffed toys have been given the 'big willy' treatment. So far this sex crime is restricted only to the male of the species.

edit New USA President Might Help

There is already pressure on the American Government to outlaw this trade in Teddy Bear Sexual Gigantism and so perhaps one day the poor Teddies will be left alone as they once were before.

edit Tomb of the Unknown Teddy Bear

Next scheduled joke on that subject is delayed after a humour derailment near London. Please use your bus tickets in the meantime.

edit See Also

Personal tools