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“What the Hell is a Tecumseh?”
“Yeah, seriously, what the Hell is a Tecumseh?”
Tecumseh is a bustling metropolis in the Communist state of Michigan. Its population is estimated to be 14 billion cats and at least 7 thousand human beings. Tecumseh is most notably known for its worship of the Appleumpkin, a religious deity. Tecumseh has a rich tradition of genocide and elderly people.
edit Prehistoric Tecumseh
In the year 1997, the great Appleumpkin descended from paradise. The Neanderthalic cannibals and great cats of Michigan came to see the Apple-Pumpkin hybrid god and He taught them of agrarian matters. The cats fell in love with His sweet apple nectar, and the Neanderthals with His pumpkin meat. He gave them the nine commandments of Appleumpkinism.
edit Ten Commandments
- Thou shalt not have any gods before
- Thou shant learn mathematics.
- Thou shall be nice to Clinton.
- Jazz Rules!!!!!!!!!!!
- Thou shall sacrifice a lemming each fortnight.
- Skateboarding offlimits downtown.
- Thou shant learn mathematics.
- The Community Center pond is to be entered only by the worthy.
- If out past curfew, thou shall be executed immediately.
Upon leaving the primitive beings and developed cats with His words the Appleumpkin ascended back into paradise.
edit Mongol Occupation
In 1933 Tecumseh Khan the great Mongol warlord began to conquer small rural communities all over the upper middle east. He soon came upon the poorly guarded Buschestan (the city of Tecumseh's old name). The Buschestan football team tried with valor to defeat the invaders but was overwhelmed by the African American invasion. Tecumseh Khan quickly executed the entire population by hanging them by cheap lanyards. Luckily, Tecumseh Khan benevolently spared the entire cat population. Soon the Mongols settled in Buschestan, renaming it Tecumseh, contributing to its high Asian population. Tecumseh Khan began many building projects in his newly christened capital, including Tecumseh's first Masonic Temple, the Family Frosty. The Tecumseh citizens lived happily under Tecumseh Khan's loving rule until the day he inevitably and tragically died at the age of 345.
Khan's brooding cousin, Kurt Khan, took over as emperor over the Golden Horde. For years he ruled over the citizens, taking a special interest in the cats. Unfortunately, the cats didn't reciprocate the feelings and one evening, Kurt Khan was mauled by a Siberian Tiger. His extreme disfigurement caused the great ruler to commit suicide, allegedly.
Kurt Khan's death caused mass hysteria among the citizens of Tecumseh, eventually resulting in an all-out revolt against their Mongol occupants. The citizens stormed the streets, throwing bottles and cans, chanting "Hey, hey! Ho, ho! Mongol Occupation has got to go, go!" The Mongols, who by now had noticed the citizenry of Tecumseh was made mostly of cats and the elderly, decided they would just "go, go" as asked. This ended the thousand year reign of the Khan Dynasty over Tecumseh.
Tecumseh is one of the only towns in the world where it is easier to find marijuana than is is to find paper to roll it in. Approxamately 90% of the local population uses marijuana regularly. It is beliebed that this has some relation to the worship of the Appleumpkin.
edit Modern Day Tecumseh
Today, Tecumseh is a vibrant, thriving member of the great, not even slightly economically-troubled state of Michigan. Tecumseh's main export is currently adhesive mustaches. Almost 10% of Tecumseh's population is currently employed, a record high for their state.