From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|Political Ideology:||Everything belongs to Team Rocket!|
|Permanent Leader:||Giovanni, Archer, Ariana, Petrel, and Proton|
|Political Beliefs:||To unite all people within our nation!|
|Founded:||December 7th, 1994|
|Number of Seats in U.S. House of Rep.:||435 (All)|
|Number of Seats in U.S. Senate:||100 (All)|
|Allied Organizations:||Tea-Party and the Oil Company|
|Allied Groups:||Nazi, Chuck Norris|
Team Rocket (Japanese: Roketto-dan) is a Sex Entertainment/terrorist/Pizzeria group that was started by Giovanni Forelli after he visited "James' house of Poke-rodic". His initial plan was to name the organization "Team Wang" but their plans were foiled by the Japanese Patent Office who had already sold the rights to that name to Lance Bass, who plans to start a Gay/Lezbo Super Hero Team of the same name. Team Rocket may very well be a part of Brock's Burlap Flap, along with the evil Lunch Lady's Society and every other evil Pokemon-stealing team ever thought up by Nintendo. It has been proven time and time again throughout the games that they are in fact, neo-Nazis. This is evidenced by their constant shouting of; "HAIL GIOVANNI!"
Rise to Power
Team Rocket was first a small underground tradeshow where thugs would steal Pokemon and sell them to 12-year-old pimps in Thailand who would then sell them for sex. However, the income was small due to only several workers at the time, Jessie, James, Bitch, Cassidy, and supposedly Jeremy Mark Karr, so he claims, and also because they all sucked so bad at their job, they rarely got a single Pokemon. Giovanni, desperate to save his company from bankruptcy, he used the company's last remaining 50 cents to advertise on Pokeballs. Fortunately, about Half on the fictional country they live in joined, and the company became a huge dump. Bill Gates is forever alone.
The two main members of Team Rocket are Jessie and James, but there are many more in the service. Jessie and James are quite possibly the two smartest people in human history. Not only have they taught a cat to walk, talk, and do other human things, but they have also built giant robots and other cool Japanese stuff with no money whatsoever, learned the secret to immortality, which is shown by them surviving many catastrophic incidents, and they have learned to fly. They also have a Meowth, a rare and naughty Pokémon who belongs to Team Rocket. He is the brains behind Jesse and James, as he comes up with their evil plans and gets them to agree through the use of sexual favours.
- Jessie is also known as Jesse Jane, Jessie, Jesse, Jessica, Jesse Orosco, Jessy, Jessey, Jessiey, Yes Girl and Zorg the Infinite. Some people accidentally called her "Jessie Orosco" when it's Jesse. Or people can just call her by her Japanese name, ムサシ Axl Rose. She hates voFred Phelps for stealing her Cat Fancy magazine. Jessie, with her great smile, soft skin, illustrious red hair, Flat Chest, perfect hourglass body and Screechy voice, was voted as the Worst hentai star of the year by FHM (For Hentai Masturbators) for 4 years in a row, satisfying the horrific sexual fantasies of many perverts who are obsessed with anime porn.
- James is a hermaphrodite, who is mistaken as a girl most of the time although he was supposed to be male, hence his long hair, always known as James, except when he's called Jimmy or Jimmy-Wimmy-Kins or something equally gay. His Japanese name is コジロウ EEEEEEE!!!.
- Meowth's Japanese name is ニャース Neko ni koban wa Pokémon wa koban nya!.Meowth likes to daydream about making love to cassandra the girl who cared for meowth when it got sick
- Giovanni Forelli, otherwise known as "Da Boss," or サカキ さま. He likes playing with Hot Wheels and is a current member of the The Hare Club for Men. He also likes to smother honey on himself and let his "smexy" Pokemon lick it up.
A trio of Team Rocket field agents, Jessie, James, and a talking Meowth, were defeated on an assignment to steal Pokémon from Viridian City's Pokémon Center by rookie Trainer Ash Ketchum and his Pikachu, and since then have followed him everywhere on his journey in order to steal the Pikachu that humiliated them. After following him through Kanto and Johto, coming in contact with many other Team Rocket members along the way and being shown as incompetent compared to said members, the trio followed Ash to the Hoenn region under directions from Giovanni to establish a branch of Team Rocket there (though this was really only a ploy to get them out of his hair). When Ash returned from Hoenn after competing in its regional League Conference, the trio returned to Kanto as well, empty-handed. After following him through Kanto once again, Giovanni assigned the trio to the Sinnoh region, again with the directive to establish a Team Rocket branch there.
Giovanni claims to not even recognize the three agents, and has rejected the only Pokémon they ever presented to him: a Togepi and a Yanma. Meowth often fantasizes about pleasing Giovanni with Pokémon captured using one of the trio's many harebrained schemes and mechas, at which point he would then replace Giovanni's Persian as "top cat", however this is hindered by both the fact that Ash and his friends defeat the trio each time, as well as Giovanni's low opinion of the three, who have managed to eat up much of Team Rocket's funding with their failures.
While Giovanni views the trio as "bumbling idiots who can't do anything right", they have occasionally shown that they can do things right, if only by working on the side of Ash and his friends. It should be noted that when other Team Rocket members have come into contact with Ash or any of his friends they've been often just as easily foiled as these three.
Bitch And cASSidy
There are some other wannabe members of Team Rocket. This dynamic duo has the same boss, Giovanni, but they also have their own sub-boss, Dr. Nanba Fiorello Daddio "The Science Gangster" McFucko also known as Dr Ching Chong. Cassidy, also known as Cassidy Yamato Masako Megan Andi Hilary Katsuki Hollingshead Whaley Thomas, is the female half of the duo. She has blonde hair and claims that she was Jessie's lesbian lover back during their years in that Indiana high school. Jessie, however, has gone through great measures to set the record straight, having sex with James to prove she's hetro and claiming that Cassidy was a typical anime dyke that stalks the unfortunate target of their lust vehemently, making most of Jesse's high school life a living nightmare. She went on to great detail of how, when asked out by any guy in the school, Cassidy would pounce on them, tear their throat out and take a piss or cum on them, and she made a habit of tracking down any and all of Jesse's male and female friends, acquaintances, and people in school she had made eye contact with, and sending her friends from numerous gay S&M bars around town rape and murder them, making sure the rapist(s) of each victim was of the same gender as the victim. Jesse eventually fled the country and settled in Japan, where she was able to find some amount of relief. However, in an act of sheer, unmitigated 'fuckluck', Cassidy had managed to get across the ocean by using a nearby chump (Butch) as a human raft, being way too cheap to pay air fares, and, using the hapless, half-dead dope (Butch) as her 'male team partner', was able to get in as a Team Rocket member, and continued to torment Jessie, until James finally got fed up with the whole deal and strangled her to death with the cord of a nearby payphone. This, among many other things, is what eventually led to Jessie and James' SUPAH HAWT marriage. Cassidy loves the anime Dirty Pair (duh), has been well known to stuff cigarette butts into her vagina for fun, and collects thimbles. The other member is Brandon, or was it Lawnmower? Either way, his voice sounds like an old mentally challenged chainsmoking frog. It was true that after season 9, Brandon or Lawnmower was murdered by Jessie and James by being smothered by their well practice "hump" (see above picture).
“The name's Butch! BUTCH!”
John Jeremy Karr?
He claims he was part of Team Rocket for a time. Everyone, I mean EVERYONE who is part of Team Rocket denies this. Detectives were searching information for a while, but decided to pass it as nothing more than a bunch of crap, like the time he "was there when JonBenet was killed."
“If he WAS, he'd probably (claim to) molest all the stolen Pokemon. Besides, the ones that are sexed-up before selling depreciate the value by 9001%”
“That's OVER NINE THOUSANNND!!!!”
Their better known motto goes a little like this:
- Jessie: To protect the world from decent animation
- James: To unite all losers within our nation
- Jessie: To denounce the evils of lies and slander!
- James: To extend our penesise to reach Colonel Sanders!
- Jessie: James!
- James: Jessie!
- Jessie: Team Rocket blasts their heads off at the speed of gas
- James: Surrender now or we'll rape yo' ass!!
- Meowth: Oink oink... I mean, that's right!!! .....oink
When serving as Team Dildo Rocket:
- James: Prepare for an orgy bubble!
- Jessie: With my boobs and our assholes, make it double!
- James: To have sex with everyone across the nation
- Jessie: With my pussy who needs masturbation
- Jessie: Jessie!
- James: Jane!
- James: Team Rocket blows your dicks as if you had good luck
- Jessie: Enough chit-chat now it's time to fuck!!
And Team Marijuana's motto:
- Jessie: Prepare for drugs!
- James: Make it weed!
- Jessie: To protect the world from cops and mothers!
- James: To unite all druggies within our nation!
- Jessie: To promote the evils of smoking weed!
- James: To extend our reach to ages 10 and below!
- Jessie: Jessie!
- James: James with a phallic Symbol!
- Jessie: Team Marijuana's getting stoned at the speed of light!
- James: Smoke a joint now, or prepare to fight!
- Meowth: Meowth, I'm high!!!!!
- Wobbufet: Wobbu *cough*
And Team Red Rocket's motto:
- Jessie: Prepare for Mono
- James: Make it scoundel
- Jessie: To protect the girls from getting pregnant
- James: To unite all bastards that rub their rockets
- Jessie: To promote safe sex and condoms gallore
- James: To extend our boners to the woman in our cars
- Jessie: Messy
- James: Gaymes
- Jessie: Team Red Rocket, blasting off the speed of sex
- James: Surrender now, or be eaten by a T-Rex!
- Meowth: Bitchin'!!
Team wackos motto
My mum thinks that you are strange, Shut up you wacko,
- @£$ off
Where They are Now
Currently, James lives in Sacramento were he directs his own poke-porn. He also terrorizes jews because he's a racist. Said terrible acts are greatly urged on by Jesse, who, after whoring herself out to hefty businessmen in Atlantic City (she herself was kinda hefty, but has lost weight since), got married to James, and they often have TEH HAWT SECKS on and off the set. Meowth was rumored to have been killed through euthanasia in 2006, yet in reality he turned the injection on the vet at the last second, went on a brutal, murderous rampage throughout the clinic, killing both human and pokemon alike, and returned to his loving pee-ons, Jessie and James. Nowadays, Meowth secretly videotapes filming of James' films and Jessie and James gettin' it on, which averages at about sixteen times a day, and sells them on eBay.
James Rocket, The porn star years
In college James was low on money from wastering it all on drugs and sex. So James got in contact with a porno Producer named Professor Elm. He made $5,000 after that and had enough money to start a club called "James' house of Poke-rodic". Team Rocket was started as a Pokemon Strip Club in 1987 when Giovanni Forelli went to a burlesque house called "James' house of Poke-rodic". James partnered with him to deliver first class pokemon porn and sex at a cheap price. Later, James and Jessie would meet again, and be married by the great pastor Dale Gribble who was one of James' good friends. Best lady was Thelma Louise.
Unfortunately, the Team Rocket we know of are really crab people, see here.
Jessie, the Phat Years
After years of lonliness, Jessie got depressed and let herself go. However, in a strange epiphany, mainly through the influence of a burning tangelo, she managed to pull herself out her slump, and lose all of her excess body fat, except the fat in her butt, which, when measured, added up to about 63 tons. Later she was able to find James, who had become quite a household name in the porn business, and the two were wed, in an exceedingly erotic fashion.
Alleged Illegal Activities
In every episode, they say their motto, which they explain how they masturbate:
Prepare for trouble!
Make it double....
To protect the world from devastation!
To unite all peoples within our nation!
To denounce the evils of truth and love
To extend our reach to the stars above
A rose by any other name just as sweet!
When everything's worse our work is complete!
Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!
Surrender now or prepare to fight
Meowth! That's right!
Their Hoenn Motto:
Jessie: Prepare for trouble, you've stumbled upon the truth!
James: I like to masturbate to movies made by Don Bluth!
Jessie: With evil as oudated as your mom!
James: Creating your bootleg Pokemon ROM's!
Meowth: Meowth's Gay Gang!
Jessie: Wherever there is peace in the Universe!
James: Team Rocket will be there with a motto to rehearse!!
Wobuffett: (What a Curse!)
There is also a new motto for Sinnoh. It goes like this:
On the wind!
Past the stars!
In your ear!
Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace!
Dashing hope putting fear in its place!
Meowth! Now dat's a name!
Putting the do-gooders in their place! . We're Team Rocket
In your face!
Team Rocket NEVER wins untill
One interesting thing to note about team rocket is that they will NEVER achieve victory, in any episode. Well, mabee they have about twice, but for the Ash, Misty, Brock vs Team rocket win ratio, the team has lost OVER 9000 times per win. Therefore, this show really isn't worth watching, knowing that Team Rocket will ALWAYS get their asses kicked, no matter what. Looks like they are blasting off again Why won't they kick Ash's ass For once!!!!???????? I am disappoint. recently team rocket have been promoted to secatary general for team rocket and take orders fron the god of computers and have not blast off since.
Other Team Rockets
Team Rocket Aeronautics Manufacturing Corporation: A manufacturer known by the name of Team Rocket. Specializes in making rockets & rocket components for space travel, but also produces spacecraft such as satillites, probes, lander modules & rovers. Its most paying customer is NASA. Team Rocket is a racist company, but has to provide egual opporunities to niggers, chinks, spicks & such due to the results of the Civil Rights Movement, the abolishment of Jim Crow Laws & unions. The company's headquarters is in Plano, Texas.
Team rocket Pizza Hut: delivers in 15 mins or the blast off is free
Team Rocket TV: a TV station created to brainwash children into playing video games. Their motto is "Under 18 Will Crime Taken To Jail If You Do Sexs"
|Pokémon:||Charmander - Grue - Hyundai - Ling-Ling - Meowth - Mew - Pichu - Pikachu - Poliwag - Snorlax - Teh Cheat - Towelie - Wobbuffet - Torchic - Yoshi|
|People:||Ash - Brock - Herman Cain - Max - Pokemon Kid - Team Rocket|
|Other:||Pikachusetts - Anime series - 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins - UnNews Pokémon Indonesia Special - UnNews Pokémon Rescue Special - Christian Symbology - Pokemon card - Gotta Catch 'Em All|